by M J Hardy
“Can you confirm that you know an Eddie Butler?”
I swallow hard. “Yes.”
“May I ask what relation you are to him.”
I say shakily. “I’m his fiancée.”
There’s a brief pause and then his tone changes and he says kindly, “I’m sorry to ask but when was the last time you saw him?”
I don’t falter. “Last Friday.”
Again, there’s a brief pause, and he says softly. “Please accept my apologies for this but may I ask, when was the last time you had contact with him?”
I say breathlessly, “Wednesday, around 5 pm. I’m sorry officer but why are you asking me all these questions, has something happened?”
There’s another brief pause and then he says, “I’m sorry to do this over the phone but we have reason to believe that Eddie Butler has gone missing, presumed drowned.”
I sit back in shock, the phone pressed to my ear, as the officer says, “Please can you tell me your address and I’ll be right over. Maybe you can help us get to the bottom of this.”
As I tell him what he needs to know, I feel my heart breaking inside. Presumed drowned. He can’t be. There must be an explanation for this.
As I wait for the police officer to pay me a visit, I reign in my grief. Eddie isn’t dead, I feel it in my heart. What the hell is going on?
26
As I watch the officer leave a few hours later my head spins with what he told me.
Eddie apparently left a suicide note among his clothes by a lake near Wimbledon. The officer told me that on further investigation they found he lived in a flat nearby. When they searched the property, they found hardly any personal possessions and just my phone number written on a pad next to the bed. The flat had been rented for six months which finished in one months’ time. The letting company told them he said he needed it for work purposes and yet his neighbours said they only used to see him once a week. It all contradicts what I know about him and I wonder again, who is Eddie Butler?
I asked the officer if they knew of any family and he shook his head and said he’d been hoping I could provide them with more information. I was embarrassed to admit that I knew nothing about my fiancé and I could tell he pitied me and probably thought I was a gullible fool for dating a man off the Internet.
However, I didn’t tell them about the house in Surbiton because if there’s one thing I do know about this, it’s that I’m going to carry out my own investigations on Eddie Butler and I think I know just where to find him.
It only took a few weeks to find the position at Highwood Primary school. My own school were sad I was leaving but understood when I told them I had to move for personal reasons. They never asked what they were which I was glad about. Revenge doesn’t sit well on a Curriculum Vitae under ‘other interests.’
I rented a flat close to the school and set about packing up what few possessions I had. As I went through the motions, I wrapped my broken heart in a ring of steel and prepared myself for a tough time ahead.
As I packed the watch, I resisted the urge to throw it against the wall. How dare he. How dare he play with me like this? To give me everything and then take it away with a lie. I feel so stupid but not anymore. From now on I’ll be the one in control. I will call the shots and I will make him pay for what he did.
On the first day of school, I steeled myself to meet them. His family. I always knew his son would be in my class because I studied the register before I even took the job. As luck would have it, his teacher retired the term before and they were making do with a supply teacher.
I think my heart rate increased tenfold in the minutes before the playground opened. Maybe he would bring his child to school, Jack Mahoney. Yes, even then I knew his real name because I checked the addresses against the register and the address that I saw Eddie go to that day was the one that a Jack Mahoney lived at. He obviously lied about his name as well as everything else because Karen and Tom Mahoney are Jacks’ parents. Maybe Jack is Eddie’s son and Tom is someone else who his mother married. Maybe Eddie was telling the truth and I’ve got this all wrong. Well, I’m soon about to find out because if Eddie is Tom Mahoney, I’m going to find out and I can’t wait to see his face when he sees me standing in front of him with his wife by his side.
However, Eddie doesn’t accompany Jack to school. Instead, I see a pretty woman with kind eyes bringing two boys into school a little late. She smiles as I greet her and apologises for their lateness. I strike up a conversation and find nothing out of the ordinary, then again why would I? However, little Jack is the spitting image of Eddie, so I know I’m on the right track.
When I arranged the meetings with the parents, I had it all worked out. I would confront Eddie when he arrived with his wife and he would be forced to confess everything. However, she showed up alone and I was angry. The frustration consumed me and I didn’t know what to do next. Then I was thrown a lifeline - the invitation to the barbeque was just what I needed because I was about to make him pay in front of all his friends and family.
I still remember the nerves when I walked up that familiar path, this time as an invited guest. Finally, I was going to find out once and for all.
However, nothing prepared me for what happened next. As I caught sight of Eddie across the garden, the world stood still. It was him - Eddie. He was laughing at something someone said to him as Tina pointed him out to me.
My heart raced as we walked towards him and I felt sick. Then our eyes met and I would have my moment of revenge. However, the eyes that met mine were like a strangers. They were polite and curious but it was obvious he didn’t remember me.
I was shocked and didn’t know what to do next. He was polite and courteous and when his wife appeared by his side, I felt the jealousy consume me as I saw the love he had for her reflected in his eyes. They all looked at me with concern because quite frankly, I was speechless.
Eddie is Tom and Tom is Eddie. It’s obvious. Tom has a beard where Eddie did not but I could see it clearly. It was no coincidence that Eddie walked up that path and the little boy called him daddy. It was no coincidence that Eddie lived in a rented temporary apartment because he had a home here and it was no coincidence that Eddie fabricated his own death to get him off the hook when I started getting suspicious. However, what I don’t understand is how he can pretend so well that he has never seen me before.
It took a few more days before I found about his attack. He was mugged on his way home from work and that must have caused some kind of trauma to his head. It can be the only explanation because even I know he’s not that good an actor.
I even tried to force the issue by telling Karen about the watch. Apparently, all it did was make him agitated and bring back bad memories of that night. Either that or he’s using it as an excuse and is pretending this whole time.
So, as the weeks turned to months, I was resigned to waiting it out until Tom’s memory returned because what we had, the future I was promised, was too good to give up on.
The trouble is, now things are complicated because something happened and then Tina became a problem I never saw coming.
27
Karen
I think I’m in shock. Harry’s left. I can’t quite take it all in and as soon as they leave for school, I ring Tom.
“Hey, baby. Is everything ok?”
“Not really. Did you know that Harry’s left?”
“What do you mean, left?”
“Packed his bags and left. Jamie’s devastated and Tina, well, I don’t know, really.”
Tom sounds shocked. “What do you mean you don’t know?”
“She seemed almost normal and was dressed up smartly looking as if she was going on a night out, rather than devastated that her partner’s just left her.”
“That’s terrible. I’ll give Harry a call to see if he’s ok.”
“Ok, let me know if I can help in any way.”
“Sure, see you later - love you.”
“Lov
e you too.”
Throughout the day, Tina and Harry are all I can think about. I leave work a little early in the hope of grabbing a bit of time with her. She will need me to be a good friend during the coming weeks, not to mention Jamie.
I suppose I should have seen this coming because all the warning signs were there. By their own admission, their sex life wasn’t great. I saw the irritable glances and heard the snide remarks but just put it down to them going through a rough patch because of the baby issue. I’m pretty sure that Isabel’s offer can’t have helped the situation and I worry for my friend.
I feel a little nervous as I knock on the door and am surprised when Tina opens it looking absolutely terrible. Her eyes are red-rimmed from crying and her face pale and tight. She nods as I follow her in and calls to the boys, “It’s ok, Jack, you can stay for a bit longer. I’ll have a cup of tea with your mum first.”
We hear, “Ok” and as I reach the kitchen, she closes the door and collapses into a sobbing heap at the table.
Rushing over, I put my arm around her shoulders. “It’s ok, let it all out. It’s ok to cry.”
She shakes her head and mumbles. “You don’t understand.”
I sit beside her and say gently. “It’s ok. You don’t have to tell me but I’m a good listener.”
Wiping her eyes, she blows her nose into a tissue and stares at me with a blank look. “I’ve been such a fool.”
I say nothing and she shakes her head. “I’ve ruined everything.”
“I’m sure it will be ok. Maybe you just need to talk it through, find some common ground and take things slowly.”
Her eyes are filled with pain as she sniffs, “I’m not sure that’s possible.”
I smile reassuringly. “Anything’s possible if you want it badly enough.”
She nods, “I do, I want it more than anything but I’ve ruined everything.”
Standing up, I reach for the kettle and say firmly, “Come on, I’ll make you some tea and you can calm down for a minute. I’ll take Jamie home with us for tea and maybe you can call Harry and talk this all out.”
I’m not sure I hear her right because the water is filling the kettle when she says, “It’s not Harry I’m worried about.”
Plugging in the kettle, I turn and say, “Sorry, what did you say?”
She stares at me as if she’s seeing a ghost and whispers, “It’s Isabel.”
“Isabel?”
I feel the anger rushing through me. Of course, Isabel. I say tightly, “Are you telling me that Isabel’s the reason why you and Harry have split up. I knew she was trouble.”
Tina sniffs. “You don’t understand. It’s not Harry.”
Feeling a little impatient, I say carefully. “Tell me so I can understand.”
She looks a little embarrassed. “I think I love Isabel; in fact, I know I do.”
I stare at her in complete shock. “What do you mean?”
“I think I’ve developed feelings for Isabel and thought she felt the same.”
“Why do you think that?”
“Because we became good friends and when you were away, she stayed the night.”
I’m not sure I want to hear the answer but I have to ask, “What do you mean, stayed the night? Like in a sleepover type of way?”
Tina blushes and I stare at her in shock. “You mean, you and Isabel…”
She nods and I sit down heavily. “Oh”
She starts to cry again and then says with pain in her voice. “It was amazing, Karen. I have never felt like that with anyone before. It’s as if everything made sense all of a sudden. I was so happy and when Harry came back, I couldn’t bear the thought of him touching me.”
Feeling a little faint, I say softly, “Does Harry know, is that why he left?”
She shakes her head and sobs. “No, he just thinks we should split because things haven’t been right for a long time. I was so cold with him when he got back and couldn’t wait to see the back of him.”
The shock must show on my face because she nods. “I know, I’m a bitch but I couldn’t see past my need for Isabel.”
I have to know and say tightly, “What about Isabel, what’s the situation there?”
My question brings with it a fresh bout of tears as Tina sniffs, “She doesn’t want me and told me it was a mistake and that what we did… um… disgusts her. She was so cold, Karen and told me to leave her alone.”
Despite everything I’ve heard, I feel so much compassion for Tina. I can see she is devastated and my heart aches for her.
Moving across, I take her in my arms and hug her tightly. “There, there, it’s ok. Things aren’t that bad. I’m sure we can work it out.”
Pulling back, she cries, “I just want her. I just want her to admit she wants me and to come and live with me and Jamie. I want us to be a family and have one of our own. I just want that; does that make me a bad person, Karen?”
I think that last statement shocks me more than anything else I’ve heard. As I look at my friend, I don’t see the woman I’ve known for close on ten years. This woman is a stranger to me and I stare at her in horror. Not knowing what to do, or say, I take the cowards way out and just say firmly, “You need to think about this. Let me take Jamie for a sleepover tonight and you can think it all through. Maybe give Harry a call, I don’t know, watch a film, anything to get some kind of normal back into your life. Maybe Tom will look after the boys and we could sit here and talk about it, maybe grab a pizza and go through it all. What do you say?”
Tina looks as if she has the world on her shoulders as she nods gratefully. “Thanks, Karen. It’s a kind offer and you’re right, maybe Jamie would be better off at yours. I’ll take a rain check on the talk though. I think I’m just going to get an early night instead.”
She stands and heads to the kitchen door and shouts, “Jamie, do you want to stay at Jack’s tonight?”
“Yes, please mum. Can I take my game?”
Tina looks at me and I nod. She shouts, “Ok but only play on it for an hour.”
She closes the door and smiles gratefully. “Thanks, Karen. You know, I think I just need to sleep and try to process what’s happened and I really appreciate this.”
As she heads across and makes the tea, I worry about her. She looks lost and broken and by the sounds of it, she’s not going to like the ending of this particular saga. All I can do is to be there for her and be the friend she needs right now. Maybe this will all blow over and be the best thing that ever happened to them. I hope so for all their sakes.
As I think about Isabel, my heart hardens. I always knew that woman was trouble and I’m betting she had a hidden agenda in all of this. Maybe I should be the one to pay her a visit and find out just what she’s up to.
28
As soon as the boys are in bed, I fill Tom in on what I know. He looks as shocked as I was and shakes his head. “I can’t believe it. Do you think Harry knows?”
“I don’t know, did you speak to him today?”
He nods. “Briefly. Work was mad and Harry took ages to return my call. He’s staying at a friend’s place until he decides what’s happening. I feel sorry for him, especially after what you’ve just told me.”
I nod. “I know, to be honest, my sympathies are with him in all this and Jamie, of course. Tina is acting so out of character, it’s just not like her. I don’t know what’s happened to make her, so – well, crazy actually.”
Tom looks at me thoughtfully. “Do you think it’s the result of being told she can’t have any more children?”
I shrug. “Possibly. Grief affects people in different ways. I can’t believe Isabel though. I never saw this one coming.”
Tom nods and I look at him sharply. I’m not sure why but I can’t shake off the feeling that he knows Isabel more than he’s letting on. Maybe it’s the watch, or maybe it the story she told but I think back to how we were before the accident and it wouldn’t surprise me.
Our life was very different then
to what it is now. Tom stayed out a lot always saying it was work, and he was using the flat in town. He was withdrawn, irritable and moody. He always seemed as if he was carrying a huge burden and had the weight of the world on his shoulders. He never had time for us and I always put it down to the fact he had never wanted children. I trapped him and I’ll freely admit it because my need for Jack overshadowed his needs.
I’m not proud of the fact I deceived him into thinking I was still on the pill but I’d do it again if it meant I had Jack. I can sort of understand Tina’s need for a baby because after all, I’ve been down that particular road myself. However, Tom wasn’t Harry who always seemed to love Tina a little too much. She was quite rude to him in public and used to treat him terribly at home. She was always dismissive of him and used to joke about his stamina on nights out. I would never treat anyone the way Tina used to treat him and I’m not surprised their relationship has suffered.
Thinking about my own relationship, I remember how different it is now. Tom was always a confident lover and sometimes he was a little too adventurous for my liking. I suppose it used to anger him that I wouldn’t try out his little fantasies and subsequently sex became less often. After Jack, it was virtually never and so when Isabel pitched up with his watch, it just reinforced what I knew all along.
The one thing that concerns me ironically is that he doesn’t appear to recognise her at all. Maybe the knock on his head has had serious repercussions and we should get him checked out. It’s true he’s been different since that night but I can’t put my finger on it. Less aggressive, kinder and more attentive. I wonder what really happened that night because Tom came home very different from how we went out.
As I look over at him, I smile. He’s watching a documentary on climate change and is biting his bottom lip like he always used to. Occasionally, he looks up and smiles and then resumes his concentration. My love knows no limits for Tom Mahoney and I thank god he wasn’t seriously hurt that night. I just hope that Tina will be half as lucky as me because everyone deserves a man like Tom in their life – don’t they?