by M J Hardy
Nodding, he raises his eyes to mine and I see the torment in them. “I’m sorry, Eddie, I’ve kind of got you into something you may not easily get out of.”
My tiredness is instantly cured as I sit on the chair by the wall and say grimly, “Then tell me.”
He shrugs. “Listen, you know how I’ve always loved to gamble, maybe a bit too much.”
I nod. “Well. I may have gone a little far and used your identity to take out a few credit cards and loans in your absence.”
I take a deep breath. “How much do you… I… owe?”
“£50,000."
“What the…?”
He nods looking uncomfortable. “Yes, I’m sorry to say I owe it to some loan sharks who aren’t the sort of guys you want to owe anything to.”
I snarl, “You’d better have the money to pay them back even if you have to sell your house. Anyway, does your wife know about this, you and your sordid life of whores and gambling?”
He looks up angrily. “It’s none of her damned business, stupid cow. I should have divorced the bitch a long time ago, but she was useful.”
I explode. “Useful. Your own fucking wife and mother of your child is … useful!”
He shrugs. “As I said, I should have divorced her years ago. Anyway, I’m not as bad as you think and I have a plan but I need your help.”
“If you think I’m having anything to do with this, you’re mistaken.”
“You will because actually it’s not me they’re after - it’s you.”
I don’t hear anymore and just lunge at my brother. I know whatever he’s done is bad for me and I’m going to hurt him - big time. I’m not sure how long we fight for but years of resentment, anger and frustration boil over and we fight like two boxers in the ring. It’s only when we sit broken and bleeding on the ground that I say hoarsely, “Tell me your plan and don’t leave anything out.”
He spits blood on his hand and says roughly, “I need to disappear and when I say me, I mean you, Edward Mahoney.”
“You used my fucking name!”
He laughs bitterly. “Not exactly. I used Eddie Butler.”
I shake my head in disbelief. “You used our grandfather’s name, why?”
“Because I hated him and thought it would be fun to use his name in vain. I gambled, drank and slept with more women than you’ve ever seen in your miserable life and I did it as him. He had a good time, so don’t feel sorry for him.”
I feel so angry it hurts and long to punch him until his eyes close for good and then he laughs and says dully, “It was easy. These women are desperate and believe anything you tell them. I had a lot of fun being Eddie Butler but I needed Edward Mahoney to get the money. The trouble is, now Eddie Butler is a wanted man and it won’t be long before they connect him to you. You aren’t safe anymore so need to disappear, as do I.”
“You, why do you need to disappear?”
“Because I’m leaving. I have a villa in Spain I bought with my winnings and I’m not prepared to give it to them. I also want out of my marriage but can’t spare the time or trouble to battle it out in court and see that bitch Karen getting all my money.”
“But you have a son, what about him?”
He laughs bitterly, “So she says. You know, I never wanted him. I told her I didn’t want kids, and she tricked me into it. It just shows what a bitch she is and who knows he probably isn’t mine, anyway. No, I’m getting away from the whole shitstorm and you are going to take my place because it’s the safest one for you.”
I can’t believe what I’m hearing and jump to my feet and he holds up his hand and says angrily, “Think about it before you go flying off the handle. You become me as I did you. It won’t matter because Karen and I are on the rocks, anyway. Just pretend to be me for a few months and then divorce the bitch. Make sure you don’t give her more than the bare minimum though. Meanwhile, I’ll stage your – Eddie’s suicide and leave a note so the gangs stop looking for me. Then I flee to Spain and live happily ever after under a new identity.”
I snort, “You’re delusional.”
He laughs like a madman. “Oh no, brother, I have it all worked out. This way we both keep our lives, although very different ones. If you become me, it means I can escape without the problem of my marriage getting in the way. You may have a few months of being me but then you can go off to another one of those countries you like to visit and lose yourself for years on end. Karen and Jack live happily ever after without me in their lives and everyone’s happy.”
I just stare at him in total shock. “You bastard.”
Groaning, he stands and shrugs. “I never pretended otherwise. Anyway, when you think about it, you’ll know it’s the only way if you value your own life.”
I say angrily, “I’ll go to the police and tell them everything.”
He actually smiles and then says lightly, “If you like, although I’m sure when I deny everything and have the back up of my loving family against the word of a loner with no friends and family of his own, I wouldn’t place any bets on who they’ll believe.”
“But I can prove I was out of the country.”
Tom shrugs. “No, you can’t because I have been you all the time you were away. We both know you have no proof because you bummed your way around the world with only the bare essentials. You know, Edward, you made it easy for me. The fact you turned your back on society to find yourself by backpacking around the world with nothing, earning your money as you went, made this all a lot easier for me. You see, no one knew you had gone and there are no records of Edward Mahoney travelling anywhere. If you do happen to find someone to back up your story, good luck with that because you’ll be dead before they speak up. All the records show that Edward Mahoney left the army and went mad. You, of course, did so literally by going on some kind of self-imposed exile, while I did it in a much more satisfying way. So, you see one day you will thank me, bro, because I am giving you an identity and a life, it’s just up to you what you do with it.”
Once again, I look at him with so much hatred I can’t speak. He stares at me with pity in his eyes and says, “You know it’s the only way. You become me and I get out of Dodge.”
As I watch my brother get dressed, I don’t even register the state I’m in. Both of us are bruised, bleeding and broken and our lives will never be the same again. As I sit watching him, I make a vow to myself. I’ll go along with his plan for his family’s sake only. The thought of his son finding out what a scumbag his father is fills me with horror. I picture them standing over his grave mourning a life that wasn’t worth a single shed tear because if the criminals don’t get my brother, I will.
38
Tom & Karen
I’m not sure what I’m going to tell Karen, if anything. A thousand thoughts have spun through my head as I make the journey home.
The night I became Tom Mahoney my life changed – for the better. I never intended on falling in love with my brother’s wife and son but over the months it became impossible not to. I suppose I overcompensated for his lack of feeling and tried to make up for it. However, I soon stopped trying something that came naturally.
So, he was right; I did end up thanking him because he gave me my life back. When I left the army, I was broken. I had seen and done things no man should ever have in his memory and I needed to get away. I think I went a little crazy and my trip around the world was to save my sanity. I volunteered and tried to give back something to society that I feel I took when I remember the men that fell in the name of our country.
So, Edward Mahoney has now died forever and seeing my brother today has put my mind at rest. He won’t be back to blow my cover and claim what I have grown to love. We are now free to live our lives as we mean to, together, in love and as a family. What did that officer say, family is everything? That sentence resonated with me because it is. Family is everything and I will protect mine to the death.
As soon as I return home, I see Karen anxiously waiting at the door
. I don’t miss the relief in her eyes as I draw her close and kiss her with everything I’ve got. Then I take her hand and lead her to the couch and say gently, “I have something to tell you.”
When Tom finally falls asleep in my arms, I think about what he told me. I still can’t believe he had a brother, a twin brother at that. However, once he told me what his brother was like, I kind of understood why he kept him from me. My thoughts turn to Isabel and I feel sad for her. She wasn’t wrong when she thought Tom was Eddie. They looked the same and it must have been a shock to see him. However, she doesn’t know the full story.
My heart broke when Tom told me how Eddie had fallen into debt and despair. He had tried to help him without involving us, which is why the money had been tight for so long before that fateful night. He told me he wasn’t mugged, and that Eddie had approached him as he got off the train. Things grew heated and they had a huge fight. Tom told him he never wanted to see him again and offered him money to go abroad to escape the people he owed money to. He even gave him his watch to sell but Eddie didn’t listen and took his own life.
My heart broke for my husband as he spoke of his brother. How he had once loved him so hard it hurt and now, he just felt an emptiness where the bond used to be. Eddie took his own life to escape his problems and left Isabel grieving for a man who didn’t exist.
Thinking about Isabel, I hope she’s happy where she is. It’s funny how I always thought of her as a husband thief. I always thought she had her sights set on mine. How wrong I turned out to be.
Epilogue
Isabel
It’s becoming difficult to walk with the huge baby inside me but I had to come. Closure is needed, and this is the place I will get it.
Luckily, Harry is spending the weekend with Jamie at Center Parcs and so, I have joined my father and brother to pay a very special visit to an old acquaintance.
“Are you ok babe?”
I smile at my father and squeeze his hand tightly. “I’ll be fine when this is over.”
My brother snarls, “My only regret was it was over so quickly.”
My father laughs softly as we stand hand in hand as one family and look at the gravestone.
Edward Mahoney
A brave soldier
Fallen but not forgotten
We share a look and then I feel my baby kick. Harry’s baby. The man I never knew I’d find while looking for another. He is everything to me and I couldn’t love him more. My husband.
We married a few months ago in Antigua, witnessed by my family. The family Eddie never wanted to meet and the cause of his ultimate downfall.
When I told my father what had happened, he was angry. He traced Eddie Butler to Edward Mahoney and through his contacts they discovered he had fled to Spain after faking his own suicide. He had just a few short months thinking he had escaped when my brother found him and brought him home.
I was called back to identify him and I will never forget the look in his eyes as he called me a whore in front of my own family. He had no remorse, no guilt and no conscience so it was easy. I watched my father hold his head under the water as my brother held him down. His body struggled, and I enjoyed every minute of it as I remembered the things he made me do to him.
It seems that you’ll do anything for love as I discovered when I let Tina maul me that night. I always knew it would come out, and it was the final nail in her relationship with Harry. By then I’d hooked him on my line and he wasn’t going anywhere. Tina was out of the picture and I rode off into the sunset with her family. I don’t feel guilty though because everyone knows family is everything, as the little boy growing inside me is about to find out. We look after our family – the Rawlins and now Harry and Jamie are part of that family and if anything threatens our future happiness – well, that will be their last mistake.
I smile happily as I look at the gravestone and whisper, “Thank you, daddy, thank you, Sean.”
They each squeeze my hand and we turn away, as I savour the moment. Justice was done, and it’s time to move on leaving the dirt in the ground where it belongs.
As we walk away, I wonder if Karen ever found out her husband swapped identities. In a way, I hope she didn’t because the brother she ended up with was the better one. If I hadn’t followed him home, I would never have made the connection.
Maybe I’ll tell her one day, maybe I won’t. Either way, she’ll be happier with Tom number 2 because Tom number one, deserved all he got.
Once again, my baby kicks and my father laughs softly. “A true Rawlins that one. He’ll come out fighting, you mark my words.”
Yes, my baby’s going to discover what family means because above everything, he’s a Rawlins and if you upset one of us, you pay with your life.
The End
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Read on for a preview of The Girl on Gander Green Lane.
A Chilling Psychological Thriller with a Twist.
When a perfect marriage, the perfect husband and perfect life is nothing but an illusion.
Then one night, the nightmare reveals itself.
Sarah Standon is living the dream, at least that’s what everyone tells her.
She is the wife of a successful solicitor who looks like a movie star.
They live a Stepford existence and appear to have it all.
But then one fateful night, everything changes.
A terrible accident leaves Sarah alone to deal with a situation so frightening that she starts to question her grip on reality.
Her perfect life has been exposed as the lie it always was and she loses everything.
She thought that was the worst that could happen.
She was wrong.
⸎
Prologue
“You only get one life and it’s up to you how you shape it. Like an empty patch of ground, you can take it and mould it into something magnificent, breath-taking and beautiful. It takes courage and determination but if you believe enough it will be the greatest reward.
There is no room for complacency. No allowances and no second chances. Your dream will become your reality if you know how to make it happen.
Crush your opponents and stand tall among men. Never waiver for a second because that will be your downfall. Nurture, protect and don’t be afraid to fight for what you believe in. Take no prisoners and show no mercy because once you show weakness, you will fail.
Never lose control of your own life because that’s where the problems begin. Like an unwanted virus they seep into the cracks of an otherwise perfect life and taint and destroy the beauty you have created. Do not let the control slip from your fingers because once it’s gone, it will never return. You are the only one who can make your life count for something beautiful and meaningful and it’s up to you to make that happen.
Do you understand me, son?”
“Yes mummy.”
“Will you live by my words and become the man I know you can be?”
“Yes mummy.”
“Have you learned your lesson?”
“Yes mummy.”
“Then what do you have to say to me?”
“I’m sorry mummy.”
“And?”
“I love you mummy.”
CHAPTER ONE
‘Today I choose life. Every morning when I wake up, I can choose joy, happiness, negativity, pain... To feel the freedom that comes from being able to continue to make mistakes and choices - today I choose to feel life, not to deny my humanity but embrace it.’ - Kevyn Aucoin
There is that moment of the day where the world stills as if waiting for something to happen that will put me out of my misery. Maybe today will be that day. In a way, I wish it was. I need it to happen because living with the inevitability is worse
than the certainty it will happen.
I go about my daily routine wondering if this will be my last. As I straighten the towel in the family bathroom, I do so on autopilot. Everything is carried out with military precision and an attention to detail I have learned the hard way.
Only when I’m sure everything is in place; do I leave for work.
On the dot of eight every morning, I lock the door and make my way to my car parked in the drive. I could probably do this in my sleep because it’s a routine I’ve perfected for the last five years.
As I join the traffic, nothing changes. I swear the same cars accompany me on my journey to the office and yet I couldn’t tell you the make or model. The same radio station provides the only life in the car because mine ended five years ago.
As I turn into Gander Green lane, my heart starts racing. I start to feel anxious because what if she’s not there?
I’ve come to rely on the stranger who provides the only light in my life.
8.15 and I feel my heart thump as the latest single to top the charts plays loudly from the radio.
I feel the anxiety that always follows me as I count the houses. Three doors down from the pub and the little white gate will open.
It starts to rain and the wipers squeak across the windscreen as I strain to see.
I start to slow down to prolong the encounter.
As I reach the second house, the flash of red I catch in the corner of my eye settles my heart.
There she is. The woman who has come to mean so much to me. The only one who settles my nerves and makes me feel almost human.
As I hold my breath, she starts the gentle jog towards me. The rain makes no difference to her. She dresses accordingly and even the little black dog who trots by her side is dressed for the elements.
She is laughing at something and grins as the little dog starts to bark at a cat across the road. I feel my world right itself as she pulls the dog along and smiles happily.