by Sabrina Kade
“Calling you what?” I grow more and more confused. “My mate?”
“Ample!” she shouts. “You called me your ample mate!”
The two of us fall silent as she pants hard, while I process her words. Did I call her this? Ample? Is this a word that offends her now? Because I have called her this in the past, and it never seemed to bother her before. But now she is shouting. She is not happy.
It is my fault.
“This word never offended you in the past,” I say in a low, careful voice.
“I know,” she says, pushing a hand through her thick, dark hair. “Honestly, I’m not even sure if it bothers me now, but I’m mad at myself because maybe it should make me mad. No girl should be happy that their man is calling them fat like it’s endearing or something.”
“Fat?” I cock my head to the side. “Is this what ample translates to? Because if so—”
“No,” she grumbles. “No, it doesn’t. It just… fuck. I don’t know anymore. Pregnancy is making me crazy; I think.”
“You are losing your senses? Should we speak to Chentan?”
Finally, she smirks. Smiles, even. “No, Dolan. Not like that. I think I’m going a little crazy. Thinking about things that never really bothered me before.”
“Like ample?” I guess.
She nods. “Like ample. And even just now, when you were touching me, I wasn’t sure if I liked it.”
This catches me off-guard. “You did not welcome my touch? What am I doing wrong?”
She barks out a laugh. “Dolan, I swear to God, you’re the only guy who would ask that question. Most guys would think there’s something wrong with me. And maybe there is, I don’t know. But you? You think it’s something you’ve done.” She barks out a second laugh. “Dios mío, Dolan. You shouldn’t be real.”
I frown, trying to process everything she’s said, but I’m coming up perplexed. She thinks there is something wrong with her. Is it not me? I am not failing her as a mate? I want to smile, but this is certainly not the time. My Layla is going through something, and she did not feel comfortable sharing it with me until now. And though I do not entirely understand what is wrong, there is something I can start with. “I will never call you ample again, my Chosen.”
“Dolan,” she breathes, meeting my eyes. “That’s… that’s not it. That’s not all it is.”
“Then, what is it?” I take a few steps back toward her and rest my hands on her shoulders. The desire to kiss and comfort her is so strong that I can taste it, but I also know this is not something Layla wants right now. No trace of arousal fills the air. I will not force myself on her. So instead, I wait patiently, hoping she will invite me to kiss her. That I can do. I can kiss her, pleasure her, and make her scream to the deities until all her worries are forgotten.
But she does not move.
She does not ask me to kiss her.
And she does not grow aroused despite the heated look in my gaze and the hardening of my cock against her swollen belly.
“Dolan…” Her voice comes out breathily, and I grow so hard that I swear my cock is going to rocket right out of my shorts. “I… I have…”
“Yes?” I ask, leaning closer.
“I have to go talk to Sloane.”
My cock goes limp as she pushes away from me. This is not how I imagined things going. Part of me wants to reach out and grab her arm and demand her to tell me everything wrong and how I can fix it. But Layla is not that kind of female. If she does not want to speak to me, there is nothing I can do to convince her otherwise other than force.
But then she would not want to talk to me.
She should want to talk to me.
I have already shown her that I am willing to change and not call her ample.
What else does she need? And how can I fix it if she will not tell me what else bothers her?
CHAPTER THREE
Layla
Okay. So this whole, running away like a damsel in distress thing doesn’t work for either of us. But I couldn’t help myself. When Dolan returned to the room, I was all prepared to fuck him silly for acting like a complete idiot. Sloane was right. Dolan doesn’t see me just as his curvy baby carrier. He loves me. He also happens to love my curves.
But dammit. When he called me ample, all that went out of the metaphorical window.
For some reason, the word just bothered me.
And so I lied and ran away from him before I said something I’d regret. Or worse, I ran away before I cried in front of him.
Storming away from our room, once it becomes evident that Dolan isn’t going to follow me, I feel a little calmer and more in control of my emotions. That word shouldn’t bother me. It shouldn’t. It’s like Dolan’s said, he’s called me that a million times in the past, and I never cared. But now, with this massive protrusion hanging off my stomach, it’s hard not to feel a little sour about hearing it. Dolan doesn’t mean any harm. When he saw the look of hurt on my face, I worried he was going to have a heart attack. Maybe he still did, but I ran away like a coward before I could see.
I’m annoyed to find that Sloane’s room is empty. Of course, it is. Exer’s still in the woods, and Sloane has other friends than me. For all I know she’s gone to the second lair. And as much as I want to see her, I don’t feel like trekking across the field and dealing with Celeste’s and/or Glykoran’s questions. The Gathering Room isn’t an option either now. The only girls who hang out there are the workout twins, Lacey, Aoi, Krista, and Rhyan. Seeing the workout twins probably isn’t the best idea right now.
And so I keep walking. I keep going until I reach a room I was just at only a few hours ago, but I don’t know where else to turn.
Ellis already turned Sloane and me away. Maybe she’ll be more open to talking when I’m alone.
Hujun is standing outside the lair with his arms crossed, looking imposing as ever for an alien taller and thicker than 99% of the players in the NBA. When he sees me coming, he uncrosses his arms and fixes me with a grumpy expression.
“Didn’t my mate already say to leave her alone?” His voice is deep and rumbling, but I’m not afraid of Hujun. He’s one of the more helpful guys here, and I know all this pomp and chest puffing is only to protect his mate. But he knows she’s struggling. I can hear the baby wailing behind the curtain, and Hujun frowns, glances over his shoulder, and then turns back to me.
“She told Sloane and me,” I try to say with a smile. “She didn’t say I couldn’t come back alone.”
He narrows his eyes, glances over his shoulder and then back at me. The baby continues to wail loudly, and though I hear other voices around the halls, like Kyeth, Blythe and Korben, nothing or no one sounds as unhappy as Junis does. Even now, I can see dark circles under Hujun’s eyes, which is odd considering he’s a scaled alien with pale blue skin. He’s tired. He’s worn out. I can’t even imagine how Ellis looks/feels right now. But I have to keep trying. We’re supposed to be in this all together. Twenty human females sticking it out on a planet filled with exiled aliens. Ellis may be a grump right now, but she has a right to be. She gave birth to a baby that was entirely too big for her vag to handle and now she’s getting clubbed in the face by said baby.
I don’t want her fate to be mine. I don’t want to feel as though I’m stranded on an island.
And so, even though I should be working on my relationship with my man and throwing all the angst into the garbage, I decide to shelve my weight worries and focus on something more concrete.
“She needs help, Hujun,” I say softly. “You know that. She needs friends.”
“You think that I do not realize that?” he rumbles. “You think I do not tell her this? That I do not see her struggling with Junis knowing that there is little I can do? She will not let me help with night feedings. She will not let me put Junis to bed. She wants to do everything herself, even though it is hurting her. She is tired, but she will not let me help her.” He shakes his head. “Believe me, Lay-lah, I tried speaking to
her. I think you and the bloody-haired one would be good company for her. But she does not want help.”
I frown, seeing how much this isn’t just hurting Ellis, but Hujun too. I cannot imagine what it must be like to have a newborn only to barely touch or do anything with him. I feel bad for both of them… and then… I have an idea. “But, what about… don’t you ever get a break?”
He hisses. “There are no breaks when it comes to sprogs.”
“No, there’s not,” I agree quickly, “but right now, don’t you ever… need water? Or need to go to the bathroom?” He cocks his head to the side, processing my words, and I lower my voice as Junis’ crying settles a bit. “I mean, if you had to take a piss, and I just happened to stop by while you were gone, you couldn’t actually get in trouble, right?”
His expression shifts, but only slightly. “I would not mind taking a trip to the Preparation Room,” he admits in a low voice.
“So, there you go!” I say, beaming brightly and only just remembering to keep my voice low enough that Ellis doesn’t suspect anything. I advance on Hujun, and gently shove him down the halls. “Get yourself some food, big guy.”
He hisses lowly in his throat but doesn’t protest otherwise. But he does say one more thing. “If my mate throws something at you, I do not want to be held accountable for the injuries you suffer, nor do I want to listen to Dolan’s grumping.”
My eyes widen, but I don’t respond, watching him head toward the Preparation Room. Poor guy. Despite being over seven-feet-tall, he’s still slumped. Man, for a tiny thing, Ellis sure has worn him down. I try not to think about his threat before I pat on the wall next to the curtain. “Housekeeping!” I try calling playfully since it’s evident that Junis isn’t asleep.
But his wailing does grow louder.
“Go away,” Ellis hisses from behind the curtain. “Hujun!”
I push the curtain aside and peek into the room, and it’s dark and incredibly humid. It stinks like dirty diapers, old milk, sweat, and musk. I resist scrunching up my nose, but honest to God, it makes me want to throw up. My attention goes from the floor, which is covered in clothing, to the bed, which is wrinkled and rumpled, to the head, where Ellis is perched, breasts out and a child lays wailing in her arms while swinging around fists so gigantic they seem comical.
Ellis doesn’t look amused.
I thought Hujun looked terrible. Ellis is quite another story altogether.
“Hey, chica,” I say, taking a slow, cautious step inside. I’m not sure how mobile Ellis is right now, the baby is only a few weeks old, but Hujun did warn me that she will throw things. There’s nothing in her arms right now other than Junis, but I can’t be too cautious. “I just wanted to see—”
“Where’s Hujun?”
“I… I don’t know,” I say carefully.
“He wasn’t in front of the door?”
I shake my head. “I figured that meant you were okay for visitors.”
“Well, I’m not. So go away. I’m trying to get Junis to feed without getting myself killed, okay?” She shifts the baby higher in her arms, and for the first time, I see just what all the commotion is about. Junis is huge. It doesn’t seem possible that something so impossibly large came out of her, but there’s the proof in her arms. His fists are flying around, and though Ellis is maneuvering around most of them, her face proves that she’s no Muhammed Ali.
Her brown cheeks are both swollen and purple, and it looks like she must have had a black eye pretty early on because it’s already healing.
“You want to stare a little longer?” Ellis sneers. “Get Hujun. I told him I don’t want visitors. I’m … I’m trying to get him to feed, and it’s not working and—” she cuts herself off, eyes widening at her omission as though realizing she’s already said too much. “Go away.”
I stare down at Junis and his protesting arms, and though I’ve never really spent much time around infants (not even the ones here) something calls inside of me, and I step up next to her in the bed. “You want me to hold him for a little while? Give you a break?”
Her eyes narrow. God, she looks as though I’ve asked to throw her baby in the river instead of giving her arms a break. Her near-black eyes dart down to the baby in question and then flicker back up at me. “No.”
“All right.” I hold up my hands, trying to show her that I don’t mean any harm, but God. This isn’t exactly what I expected. I knew Ellis had some problems. And I knew she changed after a terrible birthing experience, but this is barely the girl I know. Even right toward the end of her pregnancy, she helped Phoebe out during flenhein. During the most massive migration of the three seasons, bedridden, blimpy and tired, Ellis was there to help. But now? She looks ruined.
I guess pregnancy doesn’t look good on everyone – or the ever after.
“So you don’t want me to hold your baby. I get it,” I continue, trying to get on her good side. She looks so damn suspicious of me, it’s odd. Like we haven’t been living on this planet with the Sidyths for almost a year now. “I probably wouldn’t know what I’m doing—”
“Who can?” Ellis interrupts. “None of us know what we’re doing.”
“Right? I mean, it’s not like we can read the books and do the research. There’s not exactly a place to look up cross-species babies, right?”
“It doesn’t matter if they’re cross-species or not. Books wouldn’t have meant shit. Google doesn’t know shit. The only way to understand this is to go through it yourself.” She presses her lips together, lowering her gaze and sure enough, Junis is sucking at her right tit. “Well,” she admits, “at least there’s that.”
“Maybe he likes the sound of my voice,” I offer. “Maybe when he hears a fat girl talking, all he can think about is food.”
Her frown deepens. “Huh? What the fuck are you talking about? Who said you’re a fat girl?” Her eyes widen. “If Dolan hurt your feelings, I swear to fucking fuck I’m going to fuck—”
“Easy, tiger!” I yelp, surprised at how worked up she’s getting. “Dolan didn’t say anything like that.” I see her posture relax once more, and Junis continues his work, while Ellis winces slightly.
“Oh. Sorry. I guess I’m still in hyper-protective-mama-mode. But seriously. Don’t call yourself fat. Once I can get out of this bed comfortably, I’ll chase you down.” A flicker of a smile flashes across her tired features, and it’s so welcoming that I inch closer to the bed and dare to brush my fingers across Junis’ soft newborn head.
“He’s cute,” I can’t help muttering.
“Isn’t he?” She beams like a proud mama bear, gazing down at her child. And I’m not exaggerating, despite the size, Junis is the prettiest of the infants here. His skin barely has a hint of blue in it, but the eyes are golden like Hujun’s. There’s a thick thatch of dark curls on top of his head, and scales on the cheekbones, chest, and tops of his thighs. “I told Blythe my baby would be cuter than hers, but she wouldn’t hear anything of it.”
“What about York’s?”
She smiles. “I was never worried about that. Even in the galaxies, the sayings don’t change. Once you go black, you’ll never go back.” She settles more deeply into the bed, and I’m shocked when her eyes grow hooded. It’s like she’s feeding her baby and herself to sleep. Despite everything I’ve heard about Ellis’ struggling, it doesn’t look like that right now. She’s just a proud mama feeding her beautiful fifteen-pound newborn. I think about leaving for a moment, but Ellis shifts and turns her attention to me. “What about you? Are you ready for this?” She keeps her voice low, and I do the same.
“I don’t know,” I admit. “I want to be. I see how happy you girls are with your babies, and I think I’ll be able to do it.”
“You never get to sleep,” Ellis adds. “If you’re anything like me, your vagina is ruined, and you can barely walk for weeks. Chentan says it’s because I’m so small down there, and I’m like No shit, Sherlock. But whatever. It is what it is.”
“And�
� you don’t have any regrets?” I dare, still trying to remember all the stories. The crying. The punching. The screaming. The refusal for help.
Ellis looks surprised. “Regrets? About Junis?”
“About any of it. I mean, people said you were struggling—”
“People talk, it don’t mean nothing,” she says as though quoting a movie I’m not aware of. “And no. I don’t have any regrets.” I start to relax. “Wait, no. I do have one regret.” My hand stiffens over Junis’ head. “I wish could be more open about this. I wish I could rely on Hujun more, but I don’t know. There’s something in me that says, don’t let anyone do anything but you. And though Junis is so big, you don’t understand Layla; he looks small in Hujun’s hands. So fucking small. It makes me so nervous. I know he looks big now, but what if… what if he ends up being small like me because I didn’t feed him enough as a baby? I can’t risk it. I see how he looks in Hujun’s hands, and I can’t risk it, you know?”
I dare to smile, flicking my attention to the enormous baby. “Ellis, I don’t think you have to worry about that.”
“But I do,” she says earnestly, holding the baby closer. “I seriously worry about it. I don’t want anything to be wrong with him because of me. I mean, I’m sure you have worries. We all have worries about having babies. I’m worried mine’s going to be small. Blythe’s worried that hers will have huge tits. York’s worried about vision. Don’t you have worries, Layla?”
Do I have worries? Oh, fuck, if only she knew. Of course, I have concerns.
None of these aliens are built like me. Is it possible that my baby will be the heaviest Sidyth (albeit mixed) on the planet? I don’t want that for him. But Dolan’s already thick in some areas, and I’m thick everywhere, so it doesn’t look promising.
But Ellis doesn’t need to hear that right now. And so I lie. “I just want to have a happy, healthy baby.” I guess it’s not a complete and total lie. This is something I want, after all.