Chapter II
CUTTER THE SECOND
Reader, have you ever been at Portsmouth? If you have, you must havebeen delighted with the view from the saluting battery; and, if you havenot, you had better go there as soon as you can. From the salutingbattery you may look up the harbour, and see much of what I havedescribed at Plymouth; the scenery is different; but similar arsenalsand dockyards, and an equal portion of our stupendous navy, are to befound there.--And you will see Gosport on the other side of the harbour,and Sally Port close to you; besides a great many other places, which,from the saluting battery, you cannot see. And then there is SouthseaBeach to your left. Before you, Spithead, with the men-of-war, and theMotherbank, crowded with merchant vessels;--and there is the buoy wherethe _Royal George_ was wrecked, and where she still lies, the fishswimming in and out of her cabin windows; but that is not all; you canalso see the Isle of Wight,--Ryde, with its long wooden pier, and Cowes,where the yachts lie. In fact, there is a great deal to be seen atPortsmouth as well as at Plymouth; but what I wish you particularly tosee, just now, is a vessel holding fast to the buoy, just off thesaluting battery. She is a cutter; and you may know that she belongs tothe Preventive Service by the number of gigs and galleys which she hashoisted up all round her. She looks like a vessel that was about to sailwith a cargo of boats. Two on deck, one astern, one on each side of her.You observe that she is painted black, and all her boats are white. Sheis not such an elegant vessel as the yacht, and she is much morelumbered up. She has no haunches of venison over the stern; but I thinkthere is a leg of mutton, and some cabbages hanging by their stalks. Butrevenue-cutters are not yachts.--You will find no turtle or champagne;but, nevertheless, you will, perhaps, find a joint to carve at, a goodglass of grog, and a hearty welcome.
Let us go on board.--You observe the guns are iron, and painted black,and her bulwarks are painted red; it is not a very becoming colour; butthen it lasts a long while, and the dock-yard is not very generous onthe score of paint--or lieutenants of the navy troubled with much sparecash. She has plenty of men, and fine men they are; all dressed in redflannel shirts, and blue trousers; some of them have not taken off theircanvas or tarpaulin petticoats, which are very useful to them, as theyare in the boats night and day, and in all weathers. But we will at oncego down into the cabin, where we shall find the lieutenant who commandsher, a master's mate, and a midshipman. They have each their tumblerbefore them, and are drinking gin-toddy, hot, with sugar--capital gin,too, 'bove proof; it is from that small anker, standing under the table.It was one that they forgot to return to the custom-house when they madetheir last seizure. We must introduce them.
The elderly personage, with grizzly hair and whiskers, a round paleface, and a somewhat red nose (being too much in the wind will make thenose red, and this old officer is very often "in the wind," of course,from the very nature of his profession), is a Lieutenant Appleboy. Hehas served in every class of vessel in the service, and done the duty offirst lieutenant for twenty years; he is now on promotion--that is tosay, after he has taken a certain number of tubs of gin, he will berewarded with his rank as commander. It is a pity that what he takesinside of him does not count, for he takes it morning, noon, and night.--He is just filling his fourteenth glass: he always keeps a regularaccount, as he never exceeds his limited number, which is seventeen;then he is exactly down to his bearings.
The master's mate's name is Tomkins; he has served his six years threetimes over, and has now outgrown his ambition; which is fortunate forhim, as his chances of promotion are small. He prefers a small vessel toa large one, because he is not obliged to be so particular in his dress--and looks for his lieutenancy whenever there shall be another charitypromotion. He is fond of soft bread, for his teeth are all absentwithout leave; he prefers porter to any other liquor, but he can drinkhis glass of grog, whether it be based upon rum, brandy, or the liquornow before him.
Mr Smith is the name of that young gentleman, whose jacket is so out atthe elbows; he has been intending to mend it these last two months, butis too lazy to go to his chest for another. He has been turned out ofhalf the ships in the service for laziness; but he was born so--andtherefore it is not his fault.--A revenue-cutter suits him, she is halfher time hove to; and he has no objection to boat-service, as he sitsdown always in the stern-sheets, which is not fatiguing. Creeping fortubs is his delight, as he gets over so little ground. He is fond ofgrog, but there is some trouble in carrying the tumbler so often to hismouth; so he looks at it, and lets it stand. He says little, because heis too lazy to speak. He has served more than _eight years; _but as forpassing--it has never come into his head. Such are the three persons whoare now sitting in the cabin of the revenue-cutter, drinking hotgin-toddy.
"Let me see, it was, I think, in ninety-three or ninety-four. Before youwere in the service, Tomkins.--"
"Maybe, sir; it's so long ago since I entered, that I can't recollectdates,--but this I know, that my aunt died three days before."
"Then the question is, when did your aunt die?"
"Oh! she died about a year after my uncle."
"And when did your uncle die?"
"I'll be hanged if I know!"
"Then, d'ye see, you've no departure to work from. However, I think youcannot have been in the service at that time. We were not quite soparticular about uniform as we are now."
"Then I think the service was all the better for it. Now-a-days, in yourcrack ships, a mate has to go down in the hold or spirit-room, and afterwhipping up fifty empty casks, and breaking out twenty full ones, he isexpected to come on quarter-deck as clean as if he was just come out ofa band-box."
"Well, there's plenty of water alongside, as far as the outward mangoes, and iron dust is soon brushed off. However, as you say, perhaps alittle too much is expected; at least, in five of the ships in which Iwas first-lieutenant, the captain was always hauling me over the coalsabout the midshipmen not dressing properly, as if I was their dry-nurse.I wonder what Captain Prigg would have said, if he had seen such aturn-out as you, Mr Smith, on his quarter-deck."
"I should have had one turn-out more," drawled Smith.
"With your out-at-elbows jacket, there, heh!" continued Mr Appleboy.
Smith turned up his elbows, looked at one and then at the other: afterso fatiguing an operation, he was silent.
"Well, where was I? Oh! it was about ninety-three or ninety-four, as Isaid, that it happened--Tomkins, fill your glass, and hand me the sugar--how do I get on? This is No. 15," said Appleboy, counting some whitelines on the table by him; and taking up a piece of chalk, he marked onemore line on his tally. "I don't think this is so good a tub as thelast, Tomkins, there's a twang about it--a want of juniper--however, Ihope we shall have better luck this time. Of course, you know we sailto-morrow?"
"I presume so, by the leg of mutton coming on board."
"True--true--I'm regular--as clock-work.--After being twenty years afirst-lieutenant, one gets a little method--I like regularity. Now theadmiral has never omitted asking me to dinner once, every time I havecome into harbour, except this time--I was so certain of it, that Inever expected to sail; and I have but two shirts clean in consequence."
"That's odd, isn't it? and the more so, because he has had such greatpeople down here, and has been giving large parties every day."
"And yet I made three seizures, besides sweeping up those thirty-seventubs."
"I swept them up," observed Smith.
"That's all the same thing, _younker_.--When you've been a little longerin the service, you'll find out that the commanding officer has themerit of all that is done--but you're _green_ yet. Let me see, where wasI? Oh!--It was about ninety-three or ninety-four, as I said. At thattime I was in the Channel fleet--Tomkins, I'll trouble you for the hotwater; this water's cold.--Mr Smith, do me the favour to ring the bell.--Jem, some more hot water."
"Please, sir," said Jem, who was barefooted as well as bare-headed,touching the lock of hair on his forehead, "the cook has capsized th
ekettle--but he has put more on."
"Capsized the kettle! Ha!--very well--we'll talk about that to-morrow.Mr Tomkins, do me the favour to put him in the report, I may forget it.And pray, sir, how long is it since he has put more on?"
"Just this moment, sir, as I came aft."
"Very well, we'll see to that to-morrow:--You bring the kettle aft assoon as it is ready. I say, Mr Jem, is that fellow sober?"
"Yees, sir, he be sober as you be."
"It's quite astonishing what a propensity the common sailors have toliquor. Forty odd years have I been in the service, and I've never foundany difference: I only wish I had a guinea for every time that I havegiven a fellow seven-water grog during my servitude as first-lieutenant,I wouldn't call the king my cousin. Well, if there's no hot water, wemust take lukewarm--it won't do to heave to. By the Lord Harry! whowould have thought it?--I'm at number sixteen! Let me count--yes!--surely I must have made a mistake. A fact, by Heaven!" continued MrAppleboy, throwing the chalk down on the table. "Only one more glass,after this--that is, if I have counted right--I may have seen double."
"Yes," drawled Smith.
"Well, never mind--let's go on with my story.--It was either in the yearninety-three or ninety-four, that I was in the Channel fleet--we werethen abreast of Torbay--"
"Here be the hot water, sir," cried Jem, putting the kettle down on thedeck.
"Very well, boy--by-the-bye, has the jar of butter come on board?"
"Yes, but it broke all down the middle; I tied him up with a ropeyarn."
"Who broke it, sir?"
"Coxswain says as how he didn't."
"But who did, sir?"
"Coxswain handed it up to Bill Jones, and he says as how he didn't."
"But who did, sir?"
"Bill Jones gave it to me, and I'm sure as how I didn't."
"Then who did, sir, I ask you?"
"I think it be Bill Jones, sir, 'cause he's fond of butter, I know, andthere be very little left in the jar."
"Very _well_, we'll see to that to-morrow morning. Mr Tomkins, you'lloblige me by putting the butter-jar down in the report, in case itshould slip my memory. Bill Jones, indeed, looks as if butter wouldn'tmelt in his mouth--never mind. Well, it was, as I said before--it was inthe year ninety-three or ninety-four, when I was in the Channel fleet;we were then off Torbay, and had just: taken two reefs in the top-sails.Stop, before I go on with my story, I'll take my last glass--I thinkit's the last: let me count--yes, by heavens I make out sixteen, welltold. Never mind, it shall be a stiff one. Boy, bring the kettle, andmind you don't pour the hot water into my shoes, as you did the othernight. There, that will do. Now, Tomkins, fill up yours; and you, MrSmith: let us all start fair, and then you shall have my story--and avery curious one it is, I can tell you; I wouldn't have believed itmyself if I hadn't seen it. Hilloa! what's this? confound it! what's thematter with the toddy? Heh, Mr Tomkins?"
Mr Tomkins tasted, but, like the lieutenant, he had made it very stiff;and, as he had also taken largely before, he was, like him, not quite soclear in his discrimination: "It has a queer _twang_, sir: Smith, whatis it?"
Smith took up his glass, tasted the contents.
"_Salt water" _drawled the midshipman.
"Salt water! so it is, by heavens!" cried Mr Appleboy.
"Salt as Lot's wife!--by all that's infamous!" cried the master's mate.
"Salt water, sir!" cried Jem in a fright, expecting a _salt_ eel forsupper.
"Yes, sir," replied Mr Appleboy, tossing the contents of the tumbler inthe boy's face, "salt water. Very well, sir,--very well!"
"It warn't me, sir," replied the boy, making up a piteous look.
"No, sir, but you said the cook was sober."
"He was not so _very_ much disguised, sir," replied Jem.
"Oh! very well--never mind. Mr Tomkins, in case I should forget it, dome the favour to put the kettle of salt water down in the report. Thescoundrel! I'm very sorry, gentlemen, but there's no means of having anymore gin-toddy,--but never mind, we'll see to this to-morrow. Two canplay at this; and if I don't salt-water their grog, and make them drinkit, too, I have been twenty years a first-lieutenant for nothing--that'sall. Good night, gentlemen; and," continued the lieutenant, in a severetone, "you'll keep a sharp look-out, Mr Smith--do you hear, sir?"
"Yes," drawled Smith, "but it's not my watch; it was my first watch,and, just now, it struck one bell."
"You'll keep the middle watch, then, Mr Smith," said Mr Appleboy, whowas not a little put out; "and, Mr Tomkins, let me know as soon as it'sdaylight. Boy, get my bed made. Salt water, by all that's blue! However,we'll see to that to-morrow morning."
Mr Appleboy then turned in; so did Mr Tomkins; and so did Mr Smith, whohad no idea of keeping the middle watch because the cook was drunk andhad filled up the kettle with salt water. As for what happened inninety-three or ninety-four, I really would inform the reader if I knew,but I am afraid that that most curious story is never to be handed downto posterity.
The next morning, Mr Tomkins, as usual, forgot to report the cook, thejar of butter, and the kettle of salt water; and Mr Appleboy's wrath hadlong been appeased before he remembered them. At daylight the lieutenantcame on deck, having only slept away half of the sixteen, and a taste ofthe seventeenth salt-water glass of gin-toddy. He rubbed his grey eyes,that he might peer through the grey of the morning; the fresh breezeblew about his grizzly locks, and cooled his rubicund nose. Therevenue-cutter, whose name was the _Active_, cast off from the buoy;and, with a fresh breeze, steered her course for the Needles' passage.
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