by JA Lafrance
Kadian Tracey
For my very own essential worker – Christine H
Surrendering Hearts
Christine
It was too bright outside.
But it couldn’t have been that late. My alarm clock would have gone off. Satisfied with that thought, I rolled over. When my eyes caught the clock on the wall across the room, I screamed and scrambled from bed.
I should have been at work half an hour ago!
Before getting to the bathroom, I tripped over my shoes, whacked my arm against the dresser and clocked my right nipple on the doorframe.
Ugh.
After stripping, I pushed some toothpaste on my brush and climbed into the tub. I multitasked—washing my body and brushing my teeth. Still covered in soap, the hot water crapped out.
Suffering through a quick, cold shower, I rinsed my mouth, dried my skin and I barged into my bedroom. I found my tattered robe behind the door and tried hauling it on while heading out the door to start my car. The cold seeped through the old fabric as I grabbed my snow brush to clean off the exterior of the vehicle.
By the time the car was pretty much clear, I was a popsicle. Still, I kept moving—back inside to dress in my scrubs—I had no time for coffee and that further plunged my day into hell. I picked up my phone and was back outside.
The car wasn’t as warm as I thought it would be in the time it took for me to get back into it. But I’d take it.
I didn’t really have a choice.
I sped through the snow cover streets to the center of town, dropped my car into a parking spot then ran inside the agency.
“Sorry, I’m late!” I called to Bailey Dickens. “I slept through my alarm.”
“There’s one job on the board.” She thumbed over her shoulder. “You’re not going to like it, but it’s all we have left for today.”
I walked to the board and pulled off the assignment. The minute I opened it, I wanted to cry. “Seriously?” I asked. “Can I exchange with someone else?”
“I would say yes, but you’re the only one left. Everyone else is gone.”
“Come on!”
“You were late.” She shrugged when I walked back to wave the file at her. “So, no matter what you did to him back in the day, you’re going to have to suck it up and do your job.”
“Aside from the fact it’s embarrassing, he hates me,” I pointed out. “He’s not going to let me anywhere near his grandmother.”
“Do your job,” Bailey told me. “That’s all I ask. Now, hurry. You don’t want to be late.”
I groaned and gathered my supplies. After checking the dossier for his address, I realized it was in the same place as before. Since arriving back in town, people had been whispering, throwing out little bits of information about Kyle Henderson. They all knew how we ended. I’d made the entire thing messier than it needed to be. On that day, I wanted people to see how much better I was than him.
Thinking back, I wanted to throw up. I was a spoiled little brat. Kyle had only stared at me in that unreadable way he usually did when his anger was too much. He’d then walked away from me and I felt superior.
Now, as I crawled back to town, my tail tucked firmly between my legs, I could only hope he’d done worse than I did.
That thought was quickly wiped from my brain when I pulled up to the sprawling ranch.
“That’s new!” I almost passed out.
It seemed someone had rebuilt the Henderson home and I could fit my house inside it about ten times.
Feeling rotten, I ensured my identity badge was clipped to my breast pocket beside my watch. I picked up my medical bag and climbed from the front seat of my second-hand car. Taking a moment to gather myself, I strung the bag over my shoulder then made my way up the pristinely cleaned path leading to the front door.
I rang the bell, half expecting a butler name Jeeves, dressed in a penguin suit, looking down on me over the rim of his spectacles.
Instead, a teenager—about fourteen—very pretty, peered quizzically at me.
“Can I help you?” she asked.
“I’m Christine Mason,” I told her. “I’m the Personal Support Worker?”
“Oh!” she cheered. “You’re here for Nan! I’m Teddy. Come on in.”
I stepped by her and removed my shoes then waited for her to close the door and lead me to where I needed to be.
“Teddy?” a sexy voice called from the top of the store. “Who’s at the door?”
“It’s the PSW, dad,” the young girl replied.
I stood behind Teddy and looked up at the man standing there and wanted the floor to open up and swallow me. He was dressed simply but even from where I stood, I knew who he was. Kyle Henderson had grown up in all the best ways.
“Do you want me to show her to Nan?” Teddy asked.
“Yes please,” Kyle replied, then disappeared back along the hall before I could speak.
“This way,” she told me.
“Your name is Teddy?” I asked.
“Theodora,” she replied. “I was named after my grandfather, Theodore. He died last winter.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. He’d been sick for a while.”
She led me into a room where an old lady sat by the window. I recognized her as Morgana Henderson. I prayed she didn’t recognize me.
“Good morning, Mrs. Henderson.” I smiled. “How are we feeling today?”
She turned in her chair, looked up at me and smiled. “Christine Mason.”
I cleared my throat. “Yes, ma’am.”
“I didn’t know you were back in town.” She arched a brow. “Kyle hasn’t said anything.”
I licked my lips. “I didn’t really announce it. But I’m your PSW,” I tried changing the subject from her sexy grandson. Feeling as if the fates just kept kicking me, I set my bag on the chest at the foot of her bed, helped her onto the bed and began by checking her blood pressure.
Kyle
Of all the personal support workers, in all the damn world, it had to be her. She was the one woman who wrecked me in all the ways that mattered, and I hadn’t forgiven her. I supposed the greener grass she’d been looking for in the big city with her popular friends turned out to be a mirage.
As I finished up the last set of designs for my newest building set to go up in Paris, I thought back to the moment we’d first met. We were both children—I was ten and she was nine. Our parents had forced us to go to the funeral for the late bishop of the town. Her parents had just moved there, and she hadn’t met any friends yet.
Christine found me hiding away from the chaos under the stairs leading up to my parents’ bedroom. I supposed she wanted to get away from the crazy maze of black outfits and birdcage fascinators. Ever since then, I knew I wanted her.
We grew up and everything was fine until high school happened. That place was like the unwanted gift that kept right on giving. She became a cheerleader and somewhere along the way, I merely drifted into the background.
Soon, she didn’t even remember my name.
At graduation, I asked her out. I was ready to be with her then, to build something with her. It was only supposed to start with lunch at the local diner.
She smashed my heart—broke me in ways I thought were irreparable and ensured the entire town knew just how disgusting I was to her.
“Dad?”
“Mmmm?” I didn’t look up from the sketches I’d been inspecting before submission.
“Christine would like you to sign some papers,” Teddy said.
I arched a brow, saved what I’d been working on and turned to look at my daughter. She’d grown into the spitting image of her mother—except she inherited my nose.
Poor child.
I smiled, kissed her forehead. “Have her come in.”
Teddy nodded and left me alone in the room again. I adjusted my clothes, shoved my hair back—I needed a haircut—and rolled the specs I had sitting out. I was dropping each in their tubes when a k
nock sounded at the door.
“Come in,” I called.
She stepped in and I turned and extended a hand. When she handed me the papers, I took a quick read to see what they were. It was what she did for my grandmother, sign in and out forms and the like. I signed them and handed them back, all without looking at her for any amount of time.
Once I did, I turned my back to her.
She tarried, almost as if she wanted to say something. But I didn’t want to hear any of it—I wasn’t ready and didn’t think I would ever be.
Her presence filled the space and when she exited, closing the door softly behind her, I felt the air lightened.
Exhausted, I fell into the leather chair and dragged a hand down my face.
With Teddy’s mother, I was more than happy. She’d loved me and our child beyond reason and I loved her fiercely. The only times I thought of Christine over the years was in that strained, whatever happened to, kind of way. Esme and I usually talked about Christine over wine or lazy nights after Teddy was asleep.
Esme would cuddle into my chest on one of the comfortable cushions she’d been so fond of. Sometimes I would wonder what would have happened had I noticed Esme sooner. She went to the same school and had loved me longer than I’d loved Christine.
“You’ve always been my destiny,” she’d said at our wedding. “All I had to do was be patient.”
When the cancer took her, I wondered what kind of cosmic punishment that had been.
“Dad?”
I knew what that meant. It was Teddy’s way of reminding me I had promised not to work all day. I smiled at her, sent off my designs and waited the few seconds it took to receive and saved the confirmation. I closed the laptop and followed her down the stairs.
Teddy had put together an in-house picnic for us.
I smiled.
“What’s this?” I asked, walking in and sitting at the foot of the bed facing Nan and her. She had a spread of cheese, fruits, carrots cut into bite-sized pieces. On a roll-a-way stand on the floor was a jug of grape cola for us and tea for Nan.
“You two should be going out,” Nan said. “Not staying in with an old woman.”
“Nan, we’ve discussed this,” I told her. “At least once per week, we’re spending lunch with you. We love having you around.”
She smiled. “Christine is still as beautiful as before.”
I shoved a piece of cheese atop a cracker into my mouth and crunched down on it.
“I still remember her,” Nan continued as though she hadn’t seen the look of distress I couldn’t keep off my face.
“You knew Christine before?” Teddy asked.
“Yes,” Nan replied for me. “Your father asked her out.”
“Oh!” Teddy cheered up. “What happened?”
Teddy had taken to reading those extremely annoying teenage love stories I hated so desperately. I blamed her mother.
“Nothing happened,” I replied while pouring myself a drink. “Can we not talk about it?”
“Nan?”
I rose and left the room. Whether or not I was telling the story or hearing it, suddenly it cut like a knife. I needed to find a way to get over her again.
Pulling on my coat, I pulled my gloves on and went for a walk, through the snow and the wooded area behind the ranch. The path let me out just behind the church and the cemetery where Esme was laid to rest.
“Sorry I didn’t bring you flowers, my love,” I told her, using my gloved hand to box the snow from her angel. “I know you told me never to walk out on Teddy. You also told me not to live the rest of my life alone—I seem to be breaking all my promises to you. But I needed some silence to clear my head.”
Christine
Cheap wine, cheese and enough jerk chicken to feed a small town—I sat around with Primrose Poy. Since arriving back in town, she was the only friend I had. Bailey didn’t count. Though we were friends in high school, she was now my boss.
I met Primrose my final year in high school when her parents moved into town. We hadn’t been friends long enough for Primrose to realize what a vane person I had been.
“I don’t know why you work for her anyway.” Primrose flipped some black hair over a shoulder to exposed, her beautiful face. She curled a leg under her and sipped some wine. “You have the brain to start your own business! I mean, you were a fantastic writer back in the day.”
“Yeah. Back in the day.” I shoved a piece of jerk chicken into my mouth while grabbing a jug of milk from the fridge. I had work the next day, but these nights with Primrose were the only thing I had to look forward to. “I need something to pay the bills right now. And I love what I do.”
“Yeah. All I’m saying is, you can’t work every second of every day. You need a break—especially now when you have to face your karma every day.”
“He barely looked at me, Rose.” I sighed as I set the milk on the center table and sat across from her on the floor. “It was almost like—like I was this horrible person and he couldn’t stand to look at me.”
“You were that horrible person.”
“Thanks,” I said dryly. “Thanks for that.”
Primrose exhaled loudly while setting her glass on the floor beside her butt. “Listen, from what I heard, you tore his heart out. But over the years, he moved on. He married Esme Fletcher.”
I moaned. “He married Esme? How did that happen?”
“You made it happen.”
“Huh?” I asked.
“After you embarrassed him, everyone kind of turned their backs on him,” Primrose explained. “Esme looked out for him. You know, I think she’s been in love with him since forever. But he was so wrapped up in you, he never really noticed to give her a chance. Then you got out of the way and she was able to snag her man.”
I winced.
“I know it hurts to hear. But you didn’t want him.” Primrose poured some milk in one of the plastic cups I’d brought back from LA with me. She didn’t speak again until she’d swallowed a few sips. “And they were in love. Until the cancer came.”
“Damn,” I muttered. “I was jealous of the woman, but I didn’t want her to get cancer.”
“Yeah.” Primrose used her fingers to pull apart a drumstick and shoved a piece of the meat into her mouth. “Right after she had little Teddy, the doctors found it. She fought and they thought they had it beat. When Teddy was five, Esme fainted. They found out the cancer was back, worse than before. She was gone in four months.”
“That’s heartbreaking.”
Primrose nodded. “Kyle has been through a lot. He honestly loved Esme. When she died, well, I think the only thing that kept him going was Teddy.”
“She’s beautiful.”
Primrose laughed. “Yeah, she is. Kyle often jokes that he’s thankful Teddy has her mother’s looks otherwise she would have been screwed.”
I laughed. “I don’t think so.”
We went silent for a spell, eating with our fingers.
“How are you going to handle tomorrow?” Primrose asked.
“I was trying not to think about it.” I used my fork to cut off a piece of cheesecake and pushed it into my mouth. “It’s my first full day. Hopefully, he’ll be gone to work.”
Primrose laughed. “Good luck with that. Kyle works from home. He owns a very successful architecture firm—sole practitioner. He went out on his own after Esme died. He works from home so he can raise his daughter.”
“I really screwed up, didn’t I?” my voice cracked. I poured some wine and downed the entire thing. “That little girl could have been mine. I could have had that kind of love.”
“It’s not too late. Maybe Kyle wasn’t meant to be your Esme kind of love.”
“Then who else was it supposed to be? The dating pool in this town is—small.”
“Who are we kidding—its stagnant.” Primrose sighed. “Hell, someone poisoned it.”
I sighed and poured more wine. “A toast.”
Primrose poured what was le
ft of the final bottle of wine and lifted her glass.
“To stagnant man-pools and the Esme kind of love,” I managed.
“I can certainly drink to that.”
Primrose spent the night in my old room. I hadn’t had time to redecorate it, so the ungodly pink walls were still covered in Backstreet Boys posters and pictures from high school. By the time the house went silent for the night, it was just after one in the morning.
I was tipsy and sad—a bad combination.
Before going to bed, I filled a bowl with cold water then stopped to grab a clean facecloth from the bathroom. Once I had brushed my teeth, used the facilities and climbed under the blankets, I dunked the facecloth into the cold water and wrung it dry.
I checked to ensure my alarm was set for half an hour before I should actually wake up and laid the cold cloth over my eyes. The last thing I needed was to show up at Kyle Henderson with bags under my eyes.
Kyle
Teddy stood beside me as I watched Christine outside the window. It was freezing cold, but she’d found Esme’s favorite place—a bench I’d created for her that overlooked the pond at the back of the house.
“She’s really nice,” Teddy said. “And she smells like mom.”
I smiled and kissed her head. “You still have a book to finish reading for school.”
She groaned.
“Go.”
I watched as she wandered from the room. Teddy loved reading—except when it was for school.
Strange.
With her gone, I looked out the window again, inhaled deeply and walked from the room. By the time I was wearing my jacket, I had two mugs of coffee in my hands. I sat beside her and handed her one of the mugs.
Christine looked up at me, smiled and accepted it. “Thank you.”
“You do realize it’s winter, right?”
She nodded.
We sat together, staring over at the frozen pond. Though I didn’t know what she was thinking, I was wondering if Teddy could handle me even contemplating dating again. I sighed and sipped from my mug.
“Were you happy with your life, Kyle?” Christine asked.