by J. L. Stiles
When You Love Someone
J.L. Stiles
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To my readers.
Thank you will never suffice.
Chapter 1
Five years ago.
“Babe! Do you want soup in your lunch?”
Nora Davis was standing at her kitchen counter, packing a lunch for her husband, Robbie, as she often did on Sunday nights. Even though Robbie’s schedule as a firefighter meant he worked only five days out of the month, Nora never wanted him to go off to work without proper food to get him through his shift.
Suddenly, Nora’s feet left the linoleum kitchen floor, and she was being spun around, Robbie’s lips pressing into her neck, his arms wrapped snug around her waist. Nora giggled as he put her down again, turning her body so she was flush to him.
“I’ll have the soup after work,” Robbie said, tilting her chin up so her eyes could meet his. “It’ll get cold if you send it with me. But it’ll be great to eat once I get home - before I eat you, I mean.”
Nora rolled her eyes and giggled as the fire behind Robbie’s eyes blazed. For a couple who’d been married for two years and together for seven, she often wondered if all couples were like them. Even since they’d started dating, there’d been this incessant attraction to one another, a physical desire that could never be completely satisfied. Sure, they weren’t the most talkative couple or had the most in common. But they loved each other, and the sex was great. What more could a woman want, right?
“Babe,” Nora mumbled against his mouth before it moved down from her lips to her jawline. She sighed. “Babe - you’re gonna be late, and I’m not done packing your lunch.”
“Pretty sure I don’t care,” Robbie said, continuing to kiss and lick his way further down Nora’s neck until he reached the top of her ample cleavage.
“Well, your captain cares,” Nora said, trying her best to sound firm but doing a poor job at it. “Robbie - you cannot be late to work again. Cap will murder you. And I don’t want him having to come to my door to tell me you’re dead because he strangled you.”
“Fiiiine.”
Nora giggled again, pushing him away toward the front door as Robbie dragged his tongue back up her neck. She would never tire of that mischievous grin of his. It was the first thing she’d seen the night they’d met seven years ago, and it had been what had led her to cross the crowded bar to talk to him. Several women had surrounded him, which hadn’t surprised Nora, given how gorgeous he was. Robbie’s most stunning feature, besides his smile, were his eyes, a blue so pale they were almost silver. Offset by his brown-almost-black hair and a body so fit he could put any dedicated Crossfitter to shame, it was difficult for anyone - especially women - to look away from him, even after they married. But women looking at Robbie didn’t intimidate Nora now, nor had it that night at the bar. Standing at just five-foot-four, Nora was cute and bubbly and sexy, and had put her curves to work, flipping her long, curly blonde hair just right so Robbie didn’t look at anyone else for the rest of the night.
And he hadn’t.
Sure, she’d gotten all the dirty looks from the other women who’d been vying for his attention, but it didn’t matter. As soon as he’d met her green eyes with his silver ones and had taken a sweeping look at her voluptuous chest, narrow waist and round hips, the other women hadn’t stood a chance.
Smiling at the memory, Nora finished packing Robbie’s cooler full of food for his shift, walking into the front hallway of their small wartime home.
“No soup - but there’s a thermos of hot apple cider in there,” she said, smiling at him at he sat to lace his boots.
“Did Kai text you to say he’s working, too?” Robbie glanced up at her, smirking.
“Maybe.” She matched his smirk with one of her own. Kai Montgomery was Robbie’s best friend and fellow firefighter. The two were hardly ever apart, spending most of their off days working on getting their construction business up and running. Kai and Robbie had grown up together, and Nora had met Kai shortly after she’d met Robbie that fateful night at the bar. It was like she’d gotten two birds with one stone - a lover in Robbie and a best friend in Kai. The three of them were very close, and Nora felt lucky to have two such incredible men in her life. Her hot apple cider was Kai’s favourite, and she always sent some with Robbie when she knew the boys would be on shift together.
“I’ll dump it out the window on the way to the station,” Robbie said, grinning at her as he stood to put his coat on.
“Robert Malcom Davis, don’t you dare!” Nora replied, mock pouting at her husband as she stepped into his body, wrapping her arms under his coat and around his waist to rest her head underneath his chin. Robbie was almost a foot taller than she was but she loved how his size and strength made her feel: always safe, always loved, like nothing could touch them as long as they were together.
Bringing his hand under her chin once again, Robbie tilted her face up to kiss her deeply. The two had recently decided they were both ready to grow their family and had been having a lot of fun trying. Nora groaned at the suggestiveness of the kiss, feeling Robbie’s body instantly respond to the sound.
Finally, they broke away from each other, breathless and smiling like fools. “You’ve gotta go,” Nora said, smiling so wide, her face felt like it might split. “But I promise we can continue that when you get home. Deal?” She cocked at eyebrow at him, biting her lip, a move she knew he loved.
Robbie groaned, reaching for her once again, but she danced out of the way, laughing. “You promise, gorgeous?” He said, grinning impishly as he picked up his bag.
“Pinky swear,” she replied, holding out a hand, littlest finger extended. Robbie hooked it with his and jerked her toward him for one last kiss.
“I love you, Nora.” His eyes danced, and Nora’s heart melted, knowing it was all for her.
“I love you, Robbie. Come home to me.” It was what she told him every time he left for work.
“I will.” With that, Robbie kissed her forehead and turned, moving out into the dark evening. Nora stood at the door, waving to him through the screen, her heart feeling more full than it ever had as she watched her love drive away.
From a distance came an unrelenting thumping, fast and urgent, like someone banging on a timpani drum far away from where Nora was sleeping, deep and settled in the bed she shared with Robbie.
What the hell is that?
Confused, she slowly surfaced from sleep. Turning over, she blindly palmed her bedside table for her phone, almost knocking it off before grabbing and lifting it to her eyes, which were still cloudy with sleep.
It was 3:30 AM.
And someone was pounding on her front door.
Nora bolted upright, immediately awake.
No.
Grabbing Robbie’s black hoodie from the end of the bed, Nora pulled it over her head as she rushed through their small, cozy house, silent but for the incessant thumping.
No.
Reaching the door and taking a shaky breath, Nora rested her head against the door, closing her eyes. “Who’s there?” She called, her voice soft.
“Nora, it’s me. Open the door, please.”
It was Kai.
Kai was supposed to be working with Robbie right now.
Why wasn’t Kai at work?
It was then that everything ground to a halt, Nora moving in slow motion like qu
icksand suddenly surrounded her. Her head felt like it weighed 100 pounds on her neck as she lifted it away from the door, her arms just as heavy as she moved back the chain link and turned the deadbolt before turning the knob even slower.
Standing on the other side of her front door was her best friend, Robbie’s best friend - but his face was almost unrecognizable and Nora felt her own face crumple into a deep frown. Kai’s face was wet - no, drenched in either sweat or rain or tears. His ginger red hair was plastered to his head; he was still wearing his firefighting uniform, his big boots making his feet look almost comically large. His chest was heaving, but she couldn’t quite hear his breath. Looking past him, Nora realized two other men standing at the bottom of their stoop behind Kai. One looked like it could be their Captain - a man she’d met several times but, at that moment, wasn’t certain it was him.
Kai was already holding the screen door open and Nora looked up into his face, her vision finally coming into laser like focus.
It wasn’t rain or sweat covering Kai’s cheeks and reddening his eyes.
Kai was crying.
“No,” Nora whispered, her head moving from side to side as if of its own accord. “No, Kai.”
“Nora…” Kai’s deep voice hitched in his throat as his face constricted into a look of suffering and pain and anguish, a low moan eventually escaping from deep inside of him. She just stared at him, unable to speak, unable to move. She wanted to comfort him, to reach out to him and hold him so he knew he wasn’t alone in whatever was causing him so much pain.
Except Nora knew exactly what the source of his pain was.
Somewhere in her mind, she knew she was in shock. The only reason Kai would stand at her door at 3:30 in the morning when he should be at work with her husband, with his best friend was… because…
Robbie was dead.
Robbie died.
Robbie is dead.
Nora’s hand dropped from the door and she stood there, staring into Kai’s sad blue eyes, eyes so entirely full of tears, she wondered if they would ever be clear again.
“Kai…?” Her voice was barely a whisper.
And then everything around her went black.
Chapter 2
Five years later.
Nora gathered her red wool coat around her as she hurried down the sidewalk toward the coffee shop, thinking how the fall weather had turned solidly toward winter in the blink of an eye. Lifting her gaze to the large shop window, she noticed a woman with two full trays of coffee approaching from inside. Jogging the last few steps, Nora smiled at the woman as she opened the door for her.
“Thank you!” The woman said, beaming at Nora.
“I just couldn’t let you struggle and risk a single one of those coffees!” Nora laughed. “Do you need help to your car?”
“No, I’m just walking. But thanks!” The woman called over her shoulder. Nora smiled back, looking just past her to see the two people she was meeting walking down the sidewalk toward her.
“You’re a fucking saint, you know that?” Scarlett Callahan said, grinning and winking at Nora.
“She takes coffee safety very seriously. Nothing wrong with that,” said Jake Lawrence, smiling at Nora. Scarlett and Jake were partners in business and in life, owning a thriving record store just up the street from the coffee shop and about a 10-minute walk from Nora’s interior design office.
Nora smiled, rolling her eyes at Scarlett as they shuffled through the door and into the busy shop. Nora took a deep breath, her nose filling with whips of roasted coffee and sugar and baking bread, and couldn’t help but smile. God, she loved coffee. No matter what time of day it was, she would never say no to a hot, steaming cup of coffee. It had pretty much been her saviour since she’d stopped sleeping five years ago after…
Nora’s smile faltered, as it often did when she thought of Robbie - but not enough for Scarlett or Jake to notice. She had worked hard on being able to manage her grief, to let it walk in step with her every day instead of completely taking over like it had at the beginning. Sometimes, her grief still made decisions for her; those were the tough days. Even five years later, Nora still had those days sometimes, assuming she probably would for the rest of her life.
That’s what happens when your husband gets trapped under a beam inside a burning building and dies.
In the five years since he’d been gone, Nora had done okay. Her support system - friends, family, Robbie’s family, co-workers - had lifted her up and helped her rebuild her life. She felt lucky - but she didn’t feel whole. Not without Robbie.
Some might think that Nora would feel awkward around other people who were in love, like Scarlett and Jake. But that was the furthest thing from the truth. Nora loved love, and she loved seeing her friends in love. Since their workplaces were in the same part of the city, she would often meet Scarlett - and sometimes Jake - for lunch or an afternoon coffee. Nora enjoyed getting to know Jake, whom had been Scarlett’s boss for years before both of them admitted to their feelings and became so much more than that. In fact, Nora wasn’t sure they weren’t headed down some angsty, rebellious version of the marriage aisle. But even if they weren’t, Nora felt overjoyed for them both, especially since they were perfect for one another.
In fact, all of her close girlfriends were now in serious relationships, something the five of them often joked about. Sade Thompson, Jules Jones, Amelia Rogers and Scarlett had all recently found the loves of their lives - which was funny because, before Robbie died, Nora had had hers and everyone else had been single.
But Nora didn’t mind being the odd woman out. Even though everyone was partnered up, they were still as committed as ever to maintaining their friendship with each other. Plus, Nora didn’t have any idea how or when or why she might want to date. She’d had a few onetime dates here and there, and the girls would gently nudge her about it from time to time. But they always knew when to push and when to let it go. Nora was in a good place in her life without Robbie; she didn’t need someone to replace him.
Besides, no one ever could.
“Nora - you’re up,” Scarlett said from behind her.
“Oh! Sorry,” Nora giggled, stepping up to the counter to place her order. The tall man behind the register gave her the once-over, and Nora felt her cheeks get hot. She knew she was pretty: she wore her curly blonde hair to her shoulders now and was maybe a little more curvy than she had been when Robbie was alive. Nora took care of herself for her own benefit, going on walks every day and to yoga and pilates a few times a week. But it was never not totally weird to have men look at her the way Robbie used to.
Like this barista was looking at her now.
Smiling at him, she ordered her latte and stepped aside so Scarlett and Jake could order theirs. They knew the guy behind the counter - Tad, she thought she heard them say - and smiled along with them as they chatted about the newest roast of coffee the shop had brewed. Jake made a lame joke about hot beans, and Nora laughed out loud, moving further down the counter.
“Nora? Holy shit, is that you?”
She’d know that soft, deep voice anywhere.
Nora spun around, eyes wide. There, standing behind her with snow in his hair, a lopsided, tentative smile on his face, was Kai Montgomery.
Oh. My. God.
Kai.
“Wow.” It was all Nora could say at the moment. She laughed once as Kai’s smile turned into a grin.
“Hey,” he said. His blue eyes glittered, his wide smile a beautiful frame for his straight, white teeth. “Long time.”
“Yeah,” Nora said emphatically, still shocked that Kai was standing in front of her now. “Hi.”
He laughed then, taking a step toward her. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you speak so few words.”
Nora pushed out another laugh. “I just… wow. It’s you!”
She couldn’t help but stare into his eyes, never having quite noticed how beautiful they were until this very moment. Kai’s red, curly hair was cut short now;
he used to wear it long, like a true Scottish man would, or so he’d said every time Nora and Robbie teased him about it. With it short, it was more of an auburn colour instead of the fiery red that so many women lusted after.
Whoa. Why are we thinking about women lusting after Kai?
“So - what’s up?” Kai asked, his smiled fading awkwardly at her silence. By then, Scarlett and Jake had made their way over to Nora and were staring at her. Normally a talkative, bubbly woman, it was like she’d transformed into a different person now that Kai was there. Oddly, she felt like she had.
But maybe not in a bad way.
Finally, Nora’s wits returned to her. “I’m sorry,” she said, smiling and shaking her head. “I’m just obviously shocked to see you. But - I’m happy too, Kai. I mean - are you back?”
Kai bit his lip and something inside Nora, something she’d thought had long been asleep, stirred. “Yeah, actually,” he said. “I just got back about a week ago.”
“Got back from where, exactly?” Scarlett stepped up beside Nora, jostling her shoulder a little before handing her the latte she’d completely forgotten about. “I dunno if you remember, but I’m Scarlett. And this is Jake.”
Jake and Kai shook hands while Scarlett caught Nora’s eye, widening her gaze for a moment before they both turned back to Kai.
“Uh, I was on a forest fire crew out West for a while,” Kai said, his eyes casting down to the floor for a moment before coming back up to rest on Nora.
“Well, it’s cool you’re back,” Scarlett replied, turning to Nora. “We’ve gotta get going. Are you cool?” She narrowed her eyes at Nora, silently asking if she was going to make it out of the coffee shop alive, knowing full well how much Kai’s return was affecting her.
Nora swallowed and blinked before smiling brightly - too brightly, maybe - back at Scarlett. “I’m fine! Yup. Thanks, though.”