by Xyla Turner
“Can my last name change, like mommies, when y’all jump over the broom?”
Dakota looked ready to pass out, as she tried to correct the precious little girl, but that day I fell in love. One date and Ella was my girl.
I didn’t know what she was allergic to, but I told her, I’d find out, put it on my phone and make sure my secretary knew too. This answer seemed to sit well with the businesswoman in the making.
“Yes, for the wedding. I would expect nothing different.” I told Ella. “Yes. Your name will change if you want. I would love that. I’m an excellent driver, but I do not have a car here in the city. I have a motorcycle. You can get ice cream, when I come to get you. Not all the time, but we’ll pick the times.”
She nodded her head and then turned to her mother. “That is all the questions I have for now, Mommy. Do you have any?”
This had me laughing, as Dakota just rolled her eyes and hugged her little girl.
“No, Ella. I’ve already interrogated Mr. West before he met you. This was about you and him meeting each other. He means something to me and since you’re my heart, I wanted you and him to have a chance to meet and get to know each other.”
“I understand,” she nodded as she took turns pushed air into both of her plump cheeks. “Well, Mr. West, I think that my mom is a really great woman. She is very happy and treats me pretty well. She is also taking me to Disney World this summer for the first time. That’s what I mean when I say, she’s pretty awesome. You should have seen the science project she helped me make. My mom is really smart too.”
She looked up to her mother and Dakota had a watery-eyed smile on her face.
“She cries sometimes, but Krystal Jenkins says that Moms do that all the time.”
“Ella,” Dakota whined.
“It’s true, mom,” Ella shook her head.
“I love your mom,” I told Ella, which sent both of their identical eyes looking my way.
More tears came down Dakota’s face.
“Will you love me too?” Ella asked with the sincerest of hearts.
Shit, I almost had a tear.
“I already do, sweetheart.”
The smile on her face. Man, that shit, I’d kill for. I’d hurt anyone who would try to take her away from me.
Fuck.
I looked at Dakota and gave her a simple nod. She might not have known what it meant, but as far as I was concerned, this shit was done. Finished. We were moving forward. They would be mine and that was final.
The next week, I had dinner with Dakota and Ella at their apartment. The week after that, they had dinner at my apartment, minus my nosy ass sister and mama. So, it was the week after, that she and I were in her bed as I ran my hands through her hair and asked the question.
“Dakota, will you and Ella move in with me?”
She froze, right in my arms.
We were sitting on her bed with my back on the headboard and her between my legs. There was no sex, just her reading a book and me feeling like the luckiest man alive. Earlier that night, Ella requested that I read her a story before bed. I didn’t know she was playing me, because after story number three, Dakota came in and said, “Night, Ella.”
Then she pulled me out of there.
“She got me, huh?” I laughed.
“Oh. Yeah.”
Now, we were in her bed, relaxing, but after my question the heat was turned up and not in the erotic sense. Dakota turned around and folded her legs under her, so we were facing each other on the bed.
“Um, thank you for asking, but I can’t.” She looked down at her hands, but I moved forward.
“The fuck are you talking about?” I asked her.
“Jonah,” she shook her head, but I just heard no, so that would be no reasoning.
“No, don’t Jonah me.” I snapped. “What are you saying. What the fuck does that mean?”
“I can’t, Jonah.” She shook her head. “I got Ella and I can’t.”
“What?!?!” I was upset, and not really hearing anything she was saying.
“I’m trying to explain,” her eyes went from being remorseful to simply angry. “You won’t listen.”
“You haven’t explained shit,” I countered as I hopped off the bed to stare at her.
“I think you should go,” she nodded towards the door. “You can’t really hear me, and I can’t hear you, so let’s have this conversation another time.”
I wanted to argue, yell and punch something, but Ella was sleep and though I didn’t want to admit it, Dakota was right. All I heard was her rejection and I reacted instead of responding the way I should.
Snatching my shirt off the back of her chair, I left.
She didn’t come to work the next day, which pissed me off. So much so, that I didn’t call. It was stupid, but if she wanted that much space, I’d give it to her. Cano’s words came back to me and I tried to remember not to rush, but I fucking wasn’t. I wanted her and Ella with me. Not across town and not sneaking around at night, but in my own bed. I wanted them both with me.
After work, I called Vega who was surprisingly free, and he met up with me at the coffee shop. There was where I shared my dilemma.
“Give her time,” Noah shrugged, then asked, “This is why you dragged me down here?”
“Fuck man,” I snapped on my friend. “This shit is not funny. I really need your help. What did I do wrong? Am I rushing her, like, you did when you told me that your wife needed time, because she was younger? That’s not the case with Dakota. She’s younger, but she has a child and not trying to sow her wild oats.”
“Well, you just said it. She has a child.” Vega shrugged again. “That ain’t no light thing. She can’t just get up and do what she wants. She has to think of her child first. What did she say?”
I looked at the menu but didn’t really see anything I wanted to eat.
“Did you even give her a chance to speak?” Vega asked with a smirk on his fucking face.
“She told me to leave,” I informed the man as I took a large gulp from my water bottle.
“Bro, I get it, but you need to get it right. She has a kid. That comes first. Believe me. If Casey hadn’t loved Faith even before I could, our story would have been different. I swear, it was Casey that willed us together. Shit.” Vega smiled and shook his head.
“She called out today,” I told him, then I sighed and put my head in my hands before growling, “Fuck.”
“What do you want?” he asked. “You want her, then you fight for her. Man, that’s all I can tell you. I didn’t give a fuck what Faith was saying. I mean, I listen to her, fuck, I had to, but my goal and plan were to make sure her words needed to align with my plan. That meant, I was navigating her uncertainty, therefore I had to be certain. She knew what I wanted, where I wanted us to go, and I made fucking sure that my actions lined up with all of that. It’s simple, but it’s not.”
Looking at my friend, I nodded, because that made sense. It absolutely made sense.
“Yo, I got to go,” I threw some cash on the table. “Thanks for meeting me, but I got to take care of some shit.”
Noah nodded and said as I left, “Yeah, you do. May the force be with you.”
I laughed but hailed down a cab that would take me to Brooklyn. By the time I reached Dakota’s place, I knew exactly what I wanted to say. But, after knocking on her door, Ella pushed past her mother, yelling, “Mr. West,” and threw her arms around my leg.
Picking her up, I saw Dakota standing in the door with a goofy smile on her face.
“Hey, Ella,” I pulled her bushy ponytail. “Missed you.”
“How much?” she asked.
“You’re going to be a fierce businesswoman.” I shook my head and went into my pocket to pull out the lollypop I bought at the store.
“Thanks!”
“Hey, Angel,” I was still standing outside the door with Ella in my arms.
“Hey, Jonah.” She was smiling.
“Marry me,” I told her.
“I swear, I’ll make you happy. Make Ella happy. I want us to be a family, baby. That’s what I want. That’s why I asked you to move in. I want to be with you…with Ella. I want us.”
“Do you have a ring?” asked Ella, as she was looking at me with one of her little eyebrows raised.
“Ella!” Dakota gasped.
That little girl would be a contender. Kneeling down, I put her on the floor and went into my other pocket and pulled out the ring that I purchased the day after I met Ella Bowers.
On one knee, I presented the ring to Dakota and said it again, “Marry me.”
“Mom?” Ella asked her, as if she was the one asking.
“Ella?” She turned her eyes to her daughter.
“Say yes,” the little girl instructed in a whisper.
Dakota looked at me with tears streaming down her face. Her head nodded, and then she murmured, “Yes, Jonah. I’ll marry you.”
Fuck me.
My lungs seemed to stop working as my chest tightened with her words.
“Mr. West,” Ella shook my shoulder, then she whispered in my ear. “Put the ring on her finger.”
Right.
Fuck.
Taking my Angel’s hand, I slid the ring on and stood to plant a long kiss on her lips. Ella huffed, “Ugh,” and took off into the house.
“I’m sorry about yesterday,” I said as I cupped Dakota’s face to apologize. “I overreacted and didn’t give you a chance to speak.”
“It’s fine.” My Angel nodded. “It’s fine.”
“No, baby. Tell me. I’m listening.”
She pulled me inside and led me to the couch. “Ella, you got an hour. Use it wisely.”
“Okay, mommy,” the little thing yelled back. Dakota joined me on the couch and said, “I said that I couldn’t, because I’ve worked so hard for Ella and me to be stable and moving in with my boyfriend, is not really stable to me. I have to think about my daughter. You know.”
“I know.” I nodded. “I get it. Your boyfriend is conditional, but your husband, Ella’s father. That’s different.”
“Yes,” she nodded. “It is. Not because of money or anything like that, but the commitment is different. It’s not so easily attained, nor is it easily thrown away.”
Shaking my head, I told her, “Angel, a lot of things may happen, but we’re in this, woman. All in. You’re mine. Ella is mine. I’d like to adopt her, Dakota. I want her to be mine in name too.”
She smiled and nodded, “She’d loved that too. Jonah, I love you, but if you break her heart, I’ll kill you.”
Fuck.
“Angel, I’d do it for you,” I told her and meaning every gotdamn word. “I’m in this, Dakota. For life.”
She nodded and repeated, “For life.”
16
Dakota Bowers
As if the universe was in cahoots to get me, one thing after another began to happen. Almost seven days after Jonah asked me to marry him, Sammy was outside of my job waiting for me.
“Did you get my call?” he asked without greeting me and standing in a three-piece suit with an expensive watch on his wrist. “I’ve been calling you and nothing. I want to see my daughter and you send lawyers my way? I never thought you’d be the one to keep my child from me. I want to be in my child’s life. Plain and simple.”
His voice was calm, but there was something in his eyes. It was that same look he gave when I realized that he was looking to get something from me. The same look before I told him that I was pregnant, and he delivered the blow of blows, the one I will never forget.
“How do you know I work here?” I asked the assured man, only to see him falter.
After regaining his composure, he cleared his throat and said, “There are a lot of things I know. Little birdies on the street said you got that deal. The same deal that you should have gotten five years ago.”
Now, this was a turn of events, but his appearance began to make sense. A part of me didn’t want him to know that I knew his real motives. Then there was a part of me that wanted to remind him that I wasn’t as dumb as he thought.
So, I looked him dead in his eye and said, “For the record, she isn’t yours. She could have been, and we could have raised her together, where she would feel the love of a mother and father, but you opted out of that duty, forfeiting your rights. I was hurt then, but six years later, I am grateful. My daughter needs a man that is going to pledge forever. Come hell or high water, he’ll be there for her. That’s the type of man she needs.” I looked at him, squarely in the eye and continued. “There is no coincidence that you want back in now. It’s fine, but know that nothing will ever come to you, Sammy.”
A look passed over his face, but it didn’t stay long. Instead of him responding, he walked away. Well, stomped away. However, I knew that it wasn’t the last of him and I was right.
A few weeks later, I received an email that someone was trying to copyright my product, claiming that Skin for Her was his idea and that he hired me. I had proof, but he was trying to say that those times I asked him questions, that the brand and the spirit of the idea came from him.
At first, I was hurt, because I couldn’t believe I was with that motherfucker. The two of us had been intimate on so many levels and he had the fucking nerve to be this guy. The bitch had said nothing about his daughter because I guess he couldn’t use her, once I told him that I caught on to what he was doing. No, not this bitch. He was destined to be just that, a blood-sucking, coattail riding, little bitch.
My decision to keep it from Jonah was to protect him. The man was extremely protective of Ella and me. One day, Ella came home crying and I just happened to be on the phone with him. Well, his outrage outmatched mine, because he was looking online for the name of the bus company, so he could find the driver, who could find the kid that made Ella cry. Therefore, I had to hang up on him, calm Ella down, and then call him back, so he wasn’t ready to jump off the ledge and go to jail for yelling at someone’s kid.
Jonah had a temper, but it was manageable. He was, as Faith so aptly put it, a force to be reckoned with as these men were classic alphas. Jonah was that. Still, he could be extremely sweet, which sometimes could get his alpha card removed. What I had begun to realize was that he was usually insanely sweet with Ella and me. Not so much with everyone else.
I told Jonah that kids do that, get into arguments with other kids and make up the next day. We as parents cannot be that invested in these arguments, because those kids will probably be over at our house the next day. He grew silent.
“I’m serious,” I told him. “I was so hurt when one boy told Ella that she was not pretty, I took him off the Christmas card list. Ella insisted that I put him back on, because he shared his lunch one day, when she didn’t like hers. So, there you go. Problem solved.”
He was still silent.
“Hello,” I called.
“We as parents?” he asked in a faraway tone.
It took me a minute to get what he was saying. Then it hit me, he was repeating what I had said.
“Yes,” I confirmed. “We as parents.”
“You’re including me,” he asked.
His voice still sounded distant, but he was hearing me.
“Yes, baby,” I told him. “You too. We discussed this. You asked to adopt Ella, remember.”
“Yeah, I know, but I know I can be a bit aggressive and didn’t want to push you to do something you weren’t comfortable with just yet. It would be my absolute honor to be Ella’s father. I…,” he paused. “I would love that.”
This brought tears to my eyes, because who would have thought, the same man I cussed out almost six years ago, after he denied me my dream, would turn around and nearly force me to dig it up again and then make room for himself too. Sammy’s rejection of me had me in a bad place with men. It was affecting Ella too.
I was raising her to think that we could do it on our own. I mean, she kicked the man, because she sensed danger. What had I been showing or telling h
er, that her thought was to fight and not take flight? I was proud, but also aware now that I was causing her to not trust people.
Jonah was challenging everything I knew about men, everything I knew about relationships. Some days, I didn’t think it was real, because why would a man be so great. My examples were my father, Sammy and all the realities I saw on television. They were prominent men who were woke but treated their spouses like shit. They were publicly cheating on them, getting mad, making up and then treating them like shit again. My father treated my mom like a queen, but after she died, so did he. Sissy was a bitch, but my dad hadn’t treated her like he treated my mom. Maybe that was why she was such a bitch. Sammy, well, he was a fucking user and after he did that, I knew my mindset was…fuck these men. Well, more like they were devils or Satan’s spawns.
I was no fool to think that life with Jonah would be easy, but damn, he made it impossible not to love him. Through the good and the bad. This was what I had hoped for with Sammy. When I told him that I was pregnant, in my fairytale, he would have proposed, been in Ella’s and my life, found a way for us to make it work, and we’d live happily ever after.
Little did I know, I had to be denied, twice and figure out how Ella and I would make it and I did make it happen for me and my girl. Then a worthy enough man finally came along. And the truth be told, if I didn’t check myself, on a consistent basis, the hurt that I felt about past men could easily damage the relationship with the right man.
What a mind fuck.
“I love you, Jonah West. Ella adores you.” I cleared my throat. “Nothing would make me happier than adding someone that loves her as much as I do to her life. Someone that will protect her, care for her, and be the father that I always wished she would have. It may be an honor for you, but we’re the lucky ones.”
Silence met me again on the phone, but not for long.
“In any of these scenarios, Angel,” his voice seemed deeper, “I’m the lucky one. Lucky as fuck, woman. Honored beyond measure. I’m coming over tonight. I got something for Ella. You need anything?”
“Just you.” I smiled.
“You already got that, Angel,” he was smiling, I could tell. “See you in a couple of hours.”