by Elaine Owen
The carriage had been in excellent condition just the day before. “What exactly has happened to it?”
“One of the carriage wheels has cracked down the middle, and I have ordered it removed from the vehicle. You cannot travel with only three wheels, and fashioning a new wheel will take some time.” Now there was no mistaking his pleased expression.
She raised a skeptical eyebrow. “How long will it take to fashion a new wheel?”
“It could be several days. You will have no choice, now, but to wait here and see what transpires in that time. Perhaps circumstances will change and you will not find it necessary to leave Pemberley at all.”
Elizabeth sighed. “Colonel, deceit, however kindly meant, does not become you. I recall quite clearly from my visit to the carriage house yesterday that there were several spare wheels mounted on the wall above the harnesses. If one wheel is truly damaged, which I doubt, replacing it should be easily accomplished.”
The colonel looked back at her in frustration. “I should have known you could not be fooled,” he finally said. “I apologize for my attempt at trickery, but you must understand that I do not believe that this action of yours will please my cousin. I have not been blessed enough to experience the married state for myself, and the mysteries of husband and wife are unknown to me, but I know an unnatural separation when I see one. I simply cannot allow you to leave when I am certain that Darcy is expecting you to be here when he returns.”
Once again, she wished he would not be so prescient. “You have made your opinion clear, but I must do as I think best,” she answered as she lifted her chin bravely, knowing her fears of a difficult scene were being realized. She must leave now or risk losing her courage altogether.
The colonel crossed his arms. “You cannot seriously believe that Lydia’s situation will change anything between you and Darcy!”
Elizabeth’s eyes filled with tears as she looked at him. “My decision has been made. You must not try to stop me, for it will serve no purpose.”
The colonel uncrossed his arms and stepped toward her, looking ready to argue the point, but Georgiana came into the room just then. He closed his mouth and stepped away, frustration showing in every line. He made no further objection, however, when Georgiana stated that the basket of food for her journey was being prepared and would be ready very soon. He and Georgiana walked solemnly with Elizabeth out the front door of the house, and they both stood silently by as she summoned the carriage.
It was not many minutes until the carriage stood before her―the same carriage that had first brought her to Pemberley, its dark polish gleaming in the morning sun. It took several minutes for her trunk, small though it was, to be brought and strapped to the back. While this was going on, the colonel moved to the front of the carriage and spoke privately with the driver. Elizabeth could not hear his words, but she had no doubt he was giving painstaking instructions on the safest route to take and which inns to patronize.
Just as he was finishing his directions Mrs. Reynolds hurried out the door of the house with the requested basket, apologizing that she had not had time to prepare more. The basket and Elizabeth’s small bag containing a few personal items were stowed inside the compartment. Cora in her traveling clothes went in next, and then it was time for Elizabeth to take the steps.
She turned to Georgiana.
This was the moment, and her chest ached painfully as Georgiana threw herself into her arms. “I wish you did not have to go!” she exclaimed, and Elizabeth finally let her own tears flow. After all, she reasoned, she was supposed to be upset over Lydia’s situation. Tears would not betray her secret—that this would be the last time she ever had contact with Georgiana, or Pemberley. Or Darcy, her heart silently cried.
“You will write very often, I hope,” Georgiana pleaded, and Elizabeth nodded mutely. Darcy would have to explain everything to his sister when the time was right.
When she and Georgiana finally stepped away from each other, she turned to face the colonel. Unable to meet his eyes, she embraced him instead and felt his stiff surprise as he returned the gesture. Then, with his face full of regret, he gave her his hand and assisted her into the carriage.
The door closed, the colonel spoke briefly once more to the driver, and then the wheels began to turn. Elizabeth looked straight ahead as the carriage turned in the driveway and moved away from the house. She would not turn to see the warm windows of Pemberley pass by, the gardens and walks she enjoyed so much, the colonel’s troubled gaze, nor Georgiana’s imploring look that resembled Darcy so strongly. Never would she allow herself to look back at all, for never would she allow herself to bring such misery to those she loved.
The first day of travel went by slowly and painfully, the carriage seeming to creep along the road while other, swifter vehicles passed them by. Cora fell asleep almost immediately, and there was little to do except look out the window and wonder what Darcy would think when he found out that Elizabeth had gone. Would he accept the statements she made in her letter at face value, or would he suspect that she had gone in order to protect him? When would he even receive her letter? Perhaps the colonel would send it to town right away rather than waiting for Darcy to return to Pemberley, but it would make no difference. She would be beyond Darcy’s reach by the time he received it. At first, she doubted not he would be hurt, perhaps even angry at her precipitous departure. But in time he would come to realize this was for the best and would forgive her. Perhaps he might even think well of her again some day.
The miserable thought had made her hide her face in her handkerchief, and her sobs threatened to awaken her companion.
There were several unscheduled stops along the way, the driver pulling aside, he said, due to concerns with the road. Looking out the small window Elizabeth could not agree with him. The road appeared to be free of debris and the weather was clear, though the sky was somewhat overcast. To speed their lingering journey she instructed the driver not to stop for a noon meal, instead distributing the contents of Mrs. Reynolds’s basket between Cora and him. Nevertheless, after hours of tedious travel it was nearly six o’clock in the evening before they reached the first inn. The driver secured a room for Elizabeth and Cora, and then carried their things in while they followed closely behind. They walked into the building, up the stairs, and into the last room along the narrow hallway, and then the innkeeper stood anxiously by while Cora inspected the room carefully and finally pronounced it acceptable for her mistress.
“Although it’s a good thing we’ll only be here the one night,” Cora added, after the door had closed behind the innkeeper, glancing at the single bed and small cot that had been arranged for them. “This will do well enough for temporary lodgings, but it’s hard not to be at Pemberley, when all is said and done. Will you be wanting a bath, ma’am? I imagine I could get someone to bring up water for you.”
“No bath, please,” Elizabeth answered. “In a little while, perhaps, I might want to see what is available for supper. I am too weary to think of eating just now.”
“’Tis early yet for supper,” Cora responded, “but I can see what they’re planning for a meal downstairs. If you will excuse me, ma’am, I’ll be back when I can.” She looked at her mistress carefully in the dim light of the curtained room. “Perhaps you’d like to lie down and rest, ma’am, while you wait.”
If she looked half as weary as she felt, she must be a sight. “My head is aching,” she said, grateful that Cora had slept most of the way to the inn. Hopefully she did not realize that her mistress’s aching head was caused by an aching heart. “Perhaps I will stretch out on the bed while you see what can be arranged for a meal to be served here.” Lying down in her clothes would surely cause wrinkles, but she did not plan on going below stairs before the next morning. “I will latch the door behind you when you leave; when you come back, knock, and I will open it for you.”
Cora left the room eagerly, and Elizabeth suspected that she was ready to stretch her legs after be
ing jostled in the carriage all day. She herself was eager to be still and rest after the emotional leave-taking of the morning, to lay her throbbing head on the pillow and let the peace and stillness of the remote room wash over her.
It felt like only a few minutes had passed when she heard a firm knock at the door.
Startled, Elizabeth sat up quickly and looked about her in surprise. Her first thought was that, judging by the shadows in the room, an hour or so had passed since Cora left. Her second thought was that her headache had diminished, though she still felt fatigued. She should not have given up all thought of eating during the day. Perhaps a good meal would restore her energy, and after that she might ask the driver to accompany her and Cora into town for a short walk. First she must let Cora with her burden of food into the room.
The rap came again, and Elizabeth called impatiently, “I am coming!” as she stood. It was not like Cora to be so imperious. She ran her hands over her hair and then tried to smooth her skirts into some kind of order before taking the short steps to the door. “Have patience,” she said, as she began to lift the latch. “I am as eager to eat as you must be.”
But when she pulled the latch up and the door swung open, it revealed not Cora, but the last person she had expected to see in this remote location.
“Mr. Darcy!”
CHAPTER THIRTY
Darcy’s eyes, enormous and dark, bored into hers as she gazed back at him, drinking in the sight of his face. He was thin, she noted instantly, thinner than when he had gone to town, and he looked haggard, as if he had spent a long day traveling.
“Elizabeth,” he said formally, his voice hoarse. “May I come in?”
Instinctively she stepped aside and allowed him to step past her. Almost at once she regretted her mistake. How could she convince him that she must leave him when her heart melted just to hear his voice? She should have refused to speak to him, turned him away. Instead she turned toward him slowly, keeping her eyes on his cravat, and they faced each other from a distance of several feet.
“Elizabeth,” Darcy said, breathing out her name like a prayer, not taking his eyes from her face. He moved forward to take both her hands in his. “My own sweetest, dearest Elizabeth.”
Elizabeth flinched against the unexpected endearment. At all costs, she must endeavor to keep her distance from this man, lest she lose her resolve. She pulled her hands away and took a step back, crossing her arms.
“You have caught me by surprise, Mr. Darcy! I had no idea of running into you on the road. How did you know where I was?”
“I received a message from Colonel Fitzwilliam that you were on your way to Hertfordshire. He gave me your route and urged me to find you before it was too late.”
“But you could not have heard from the colonel and made it here from town all in one day.”
“I was not in town. I was barely half a day’s journey from Pemberley, on my way to see you.” He took a step closer to her. “I am thankful beyond words that the colonel’s messenger was able to find me so swiftly.”
“I see.” She turned away from him, barricading herself against the feelings that had built up in her for weeks. “What a shame that the colonel chose to substitute his own message to you for the one I asked him to deliver. If you had read my message, you could have saved yourself an unnecessary journey.”
“Elizabeth, look at me.” Darcy’s voice, quiet but intense, made her turn around slowly to face him, meeting his eyes warily. The desire she saw there sent a shock through her. “After the letter I received from you four days ago, do you think anything could have kept me from coming to you?”
She bit her lip as she looked at him. Leaving him would be much harder than she had feared.
“I will admit,” Darcy went on, “that this most recent action has left me somewhat confused. But nothing,” he said forcefully, “nothing could keep me from your side, not after you said your feelings toward me had changed. Not a bitter argument, nor angry words spoken in haste, not a separation of weeks—not even your letter this morning could keep me from you, once I knew that I had hope.”
Arm’s length was not far enough. She walked to the other side of the small room before turning to speak to him from a safe distance. “You are mistaken, Mr. Darcy.” She let the words lash out at him. “As I said, I have changed my mind. It is best for us to separate.”
“Why?” he demanded. “Is it because you have no feelings for me?”
Elizabeth could not answer. She blinked hard and looked away from him.
“Or is it because of your sister? Do you think her situation is enough to make us part forever?”
“It is more than enough! If Lydia is so unfortunate as to remain unmarried, the disgrace will pass on to you through me. If she is even more unfortunate and marries Wickham, the shame will be even greater. You do not want to be Wickham’s brother.”
Darcy’s face softened, and he took a step toward her. “I would accept far more than that to be with you.”
“And there is Georgiana to consider,” she continued. “The last thing she needs is to be reminded every day of her foolish mistake with that man. Surely she would be relieved to have our connection severed.”
“There you are mistaken,” he corrected her. “She will be heartbroken to think that her situation may have caused even more grief and misery for me than it did last year. And she would miss you for your own sake. You are the sister she has never had.” He took another step.
Elizabeth clasped her hands before her, looking down at the floor. Darcy was taking her carefully constructed arguments and destroying them one by one. But she still had her one insurmountable weapon.
“Lady Catherine is desperate. There is nothing she will not do, no lengths to which she will not go, in order to see you bend to her will. I know she is already urging your family to have you put me away, and that she is threatening to take Georgiana from you. If you persist in this path, she will make you choose between Georgiana and me. I will not be the one to bring that upon you.”
“What is Lady Catherine to me?” he exclaimed passionately. “What have I to do with her? She is my aunt, nothing more. She is neither parent nor guardian. I owe her nothing but the familial affection and loyalty due to her as my mother’s sister, and even that she has forfeited by her recent conduct. She will not dictate my choices in life, nor will I allow her to control my destiny.”
“But she can take away that which you hold most dear!” Elizabeth cried, and suddenly tears stood in her eyes. With a muffled exclamation Darcy crossed the remaining divide and took her hands in his again.
“She can only succeed if you allow her to, for what I hold most dear is here with me, in this room. We can speak of the rest of this later. Right now I need to know—I must know, Elizabeth—what are your feelings toward me?”
“I told you in my letter this morning.”
“You did not. You said nothing of your feelings, just that you wanted to separate.”
“Let me go!” She struggled for a moment, trying to free her hands, but Darcy would not yield. “I must return to Longbourn.”
“I will give you your freedom, if that is your true desire,” he said, looking grim. “But if we are to part, we must do so honestly. I want—no, I need to hear you say what you want for yourself.”
Elizabeth was silent, trying to gather the courage to speak over the growing lump in her throat. Darcy put one hand under her chin, forcing her to look up. “Elizabeth, do you want to go?”
Elizabeth slowly lifted her eyes to his. What she saw there destroyed her resolve to be brave. “I do not want to go,” she whispered.
Darcy did not answer. Instead he framed her face with his hands, his eyes fairly burning through her. Elizabeth closed her eyes as he brought his lips to hers. As he pulled her close to him, she forgot everything except the strength of his arms, the tenderness of his touch, and the way her heart beat faster, threatening to leap out of her chest. To her surprise she found that her own arms were a
round him, drawing him close, and Darcy made a sound deep in his throat as she returned his kiss. At length he pulled away.
“Elizabeth, I beg of you, forgive me for the many ways I have hurt you since we married. I cannot think of my conduct as a husband thus far in our marriage without acknowledging that my actions deserve the severest reproof.”
“Your failings?” She looked at him with a feeling of mortification. “I cannot recall any failings of yours which compare to the great disservice I did to you. I should never have spoken to you the way I did on the night we quarreled.”
“What did you say that I did not deserve? My motives were good—I wanted to make you happy. But in my arrogance I assumed what you needed and wanted, rather than asking. I took for granted that I had won your heart when you gave me your hand. I should never have been so presumptive.”
“And I,” said Elizabeth, “never gave you the chance to show me your affection after we were married. I held you off, convinced you had married me for only the basest of motives. If I had opened myself to you sooner, I might have fallen in love with you much more quickly.”
Darcy’s face softened. “Do you truly love me, Elizabeth? Is it possible that you have the same feelings for me that I have had for you all along?”
“My feelings—” Elizabeth looked down in embarrassment. “My feelings confound my tongue sometimes—I find it difficult to say what is in my heart. But I believe that my feelings may, indeed, have come to mirror yours.” As she said these words, she managed to look up at him, and the heartfelt expression on his face rewarded her small effort on his behalf.
“I have so many questions, but there is only one that matters now.” Darcy released her slowly, gathering both her hands into his while he looked at her with the tender look she had missed for so long—ever since that night on the balcony, she remembered. “Will you return to Pemberley with me, Elizabeth? Will you consent to be my wife, my best and truest companion, the mother of my children?”