by Marta Perry
“And I’m sorry I snapped at you,” Nate responded, his voice reticent. “You inadvertently touched my hot button and I overreacted.”
“I’m sorry,” she said again.
“Don’t be. My frustration is not with you. I wish there was some way to bridge the gap between my brother and me. For Gracie’s sake, if not mine. But honestly, I don’t see that happening.”
“There must be some way.” Jessica didn’t have a clue as to what that might be, though, so she clamped her mouth shut.
When would she ever learn to think first and speak later—to mind her own business?
“I’m open to suggestions,” he quipped, but he frowned as he said it.
Jessica took the unspoken hint, judging what Nate really meant, and not what he said. “And I am officially butting out and keeping my mouth shut.”
They both chuckled, but Jessica felt as if she’d broken the tenuous personal bond which had formed between them, and she wondered how to get it back.
“Too little, too late,” she muttered. She hadn’t really meant to say the thought aloud, and certainly not loud enough for Nate to overhear her.
“Not at all,” he assured her.
She felt her face reddening under his amused gaze, but he winked at her, putting her at ease. His features looked far less strained and his smile was genuine.
If he could let it go, could she do any less?
“Believe me,” he continued, “nothing you said is anything I haven’t been thinking about since before I set foot back on Morningway grounds.”
“I hope...” Jessica started, and then she stammered to a stop. “I’ll pray for you.”
“Thank you. I need all the help I can get.”
Jessica’s eyebrows rose. Nate sounded sincere—genuinely earnest. She prayed she wasn’t imagining things, that Nate’s heart was actually shifting toward an authentic faith in God.
It sure looked that way.
Trauma had that funny effect on people, and she should know. What was the old saying? There were no atheists in foxholes?
“I’m not blaming everything on Vince,” he explained, his voice low and gruff as he tenderly gazed down at the baby in his arms. “I believe you when you say Vince is a good person. Ten years can change a man. I’m living proof of that.”
He paused and scrubbed a hand down his face. “The truth is, I burned a lot of bridges when I left Morningway Lodge ten years ago.
“I was young and foolish and headstrong. And I had a chip on my shoulder the size of Colorado. The day I turned eighteen, I took off and joined up with the marines. I didn’t tell Vince—or my pop—that I was leaving. I just went. I wrote them a letter from boot camp. I suppose, given those circumstances, I can’t blame Vince for holding a grudge.”
“Oh,” Jessica breathed, then clapped a hand over her mouth.
He paused and looked up, his golden gaze warming hers. His slightly twisted smile was self-deprecating and apologetic.
“So anyway, you can imagine that my pop won’t be too happy to see me, either.”
“You haven’t seen him yet.” She hadn’t meant to form her thoughts as a statement, but she was belatedly aware it came out sounding that way.
Nate shook his head.
“I might have been wrong about Vince,” she said softly. “But I think you should visit your father. He’s not feeling well.”
Nate shifted Gracie to his shoulder and patted her softly on the back. He stared at Jessica a moment, his brow low over his eyes, and then nodded.
“I know. When I heard about his stroke, I was on my second tour of duty in Iraq, so I couldn’t come home to see him. I understand he’s gotten worse recently.” His voice was laced with regret, and his feelings showed in the way his lips turned down at the corners as he spoke.
“You should go see him,” she reiterated, thinking of the last time she’d seen the old man several weeks ago. He hadn’t looked well even then. As Nate had said, he had taken a turn for the worse recently and was confined to his room.
“I will. I guess that just goes to show you what a coward I am.”
A coward? A man who’d served his country in the war, defusing bombs so his comrades would be safe? A man who had...
“I don’t think anyone would call you a coward, Nate,” she said softly. “You stepped up and took the guardianship of your best friend’s baby. I think that shows great depth of character.”
Nate’s gold-specked eyes glowed with the compliment. “Thank you. That means a lot, coming from you.”
Jessica shuddered inwardly. Nate didn’t know what he was saying. She was the biggest coward of all.
“And you’re right,” he continued. “I do need to see my father. He’s the reason I came back to Morningway Lodge in the first place, although I admit I’ve been a little sidetracked since I’ve been here. But I will go and see him,” he vowed. “And soon.”
Chapter 6
Jessica had never been a late sleeper, not even on weekends. And today was no exception.
The past week had flown by, between work and checking on Nate and Gracie every evening. She never stayed long, not wanting to throw the baby off her newly formed routine. Gracie had, Jessica noted, recovered nicely from her fever and was busy trying to learn to crawl around Nate’s cabin.
It was Saturday morning, exactly a week after Gracie had spiked her high fever. Jessica was up with the sun, despite having had a deep, dreamless sleep the night before. Though she’d had a full eight hours, she felt as if she’d had no rest at all.
Nate’s words to her the week before had echoed through her mind, taunting her incessantly. Though their conversations over the past week hadn’t gone beyond remarking about the unusually crisp fall weather and Gracie’s happy recuperation, Jessica distinctly felt there was always something unspoken hanging in the air just over their heads.
She had been absolutely sincere when she’d complimented Nate’s character. He was the bravest and strongest man she knew.
But it bothered her that her good opinion was obviously so important to him. His warm, golden gaze had said as much as his words, and his words had been shocking enough.
He had somehow erroneously set her on a pedestal, though she couldn’t conceive of why.
And he was wrong.
So utterly wrong about her.
Sweeping her hair back into a ponytail, she threw on sweatpants and a hoodie and her favorite pair of running shoes and, after stretching, took off jogging down a well-worn path by her cabin.
Her daily morning jog was her quiet time, the time she lifted her burdens to God and found peace and sustenance for the day ahead.
But this morning she found it hard to pray. Her mind was so jumbled she couldn’t even put coherent thoughts together, much less lift them to the Lord.
When—and more to the point, how—had her life become so complicated?
She had come to Morningway Lodge to retire from the mainstream world, and she had worked hard for the peace and stability she had attained in her life. She held it to her heart and guarded it close.
And then one day a rough-edged marine and his baby girl had arrived at the lodge and had changed everything. That was the when, and probably, she thought wryly, the how, as well.
She had felt compelled to visit Nate and Gracie every evening after work this week, just to see how the baby was doing, or at least that was what she told herself. Avoiding them wasn’t even an option. She had come too far to turn back now.
Truthfully, she didn’t even want to try.
Jessica recognized the trust Nate had placed in her by admitting the mistakes he made in his youth. She sensed he wasn’t the type of man to give much away, and she felt honored and humbled that he’d chosen to share about his life with her.
She had a lot to learn from Nate—a man who had acknowledged his past a
nd vowed to move forward. Jessica knew herself not to be nearly that strong. She had buried her past rather than acknowledging it.
She winced at the sudden stitch in her side. She’d been running full-force without realizing it. She would have laughed at herself if she could have caught her breath enough to do so. Shaking her head at her own lack of sense, she slowed her pace to a jog and then turned back toward her cabin.
She was hiding the truth. From everyone. She’d buried the past, as much as anyone could who’d been through the type of trauma she’d faced.
Certainly no one at Morningway Lodge knew of her struggles, and that was the way she liked it.
And how she would keep it.
At least for now.
In the meantime, she decided, she would be a friend to Nate. If she was cautious with her heart, there would be no harm done.
She would be careful. Nate had told her he was leaving soon, and all that would be left in his wake would be a few happy memories of the time she had shared with him and Gracie.
* * *
It was a little early to call on Jess, but Nate had decided to move forward with his plan to see his father; and to do that, he needed Jess’s help.
Gracie was doing fine. Her fever was long gone, and she was back to happily waking at dawn. In the amazing resilient way of small children, the baby had bounced back to good health. Her color was excellent and she was merrily complaining about the pureed squash Nate tried to feed her. It was almost if the previous week’s crisis had never happened.
After his own quick breakfast of toast and strong coffee, he bundled Gracie up in a one-piece pink snowsuit with a furry hood that Nate thought made her look like a little Inuit baby. He chuckled as he strapped her into her baby backpack and set off for Jess’s cabin.
When he arrived at her cabin, he knocked quietly at first, and then a little louder. Jess didn’t answer the door, and he assumed she was still sleeping. It was Saturday, after all.
He turned to go, thinking he would return later, at a more acceptable hour of the morning.
Just as he stepped away from the door, he spotted Jess approaching at a jog, her short blond ponytail swinging behind her. Her cheeks were pink from the cold and exertion, and she was out of breath.
“Nate,” she called, coming to a halt before him and leaning her palms against her knees to catch her breath. “What’s up? Is Gracie okay?”
Nate grinned and turned to the side, dipping his shoulder so Jess could see the baby bundled on his back. “She’s fine. Her fever is gone and she’s back to disliking the vegetables I attempted to feed her this morning. Emphasis on attempted.”
Jess laughed, her light tone echoing in the crisp air. “Babies are amazing, aren’t they? They bounce back from sickness so...”
Her sentence came to an abrupt halt just as her face fell. She pinched her lips together tightly and squeezed her eyes shut, but not before Nate had glimpsed the sheer pain and agony in her gaze.
She was hurting.
She didn’t say so out loud, but Nate knew it as sure as he knew the beat of his own heart.
Without a second thought, he wrapped his arms around her and pressed her to his chest. She didn’t protest, but curled into him as if seeking shelter in his arms.
Emotion welled in his throat. More than anything, he wanted to protect this woman, to defend her against whatever grief was chasing her, to erase the pain in her gaze.
She had been there for him when he needed her. How could he do any less for her?
“Quickly,” Jess finished, her voice muffled in the fabric of his brown leather bomber jacket. “Babies heal so quickly.”
Jess took a step backward. Nate took the hint and released her, though he kept his hands on her shoulders as he gazed down at her, trying to read her expression.
Her eyes were bright, but her features were calm. There was hardly a trace of distress left over for Nate to see.
What had just happened?
Jess was smiling up at him, and as far as he could tell, it was genuine. Nate admittedly had little experience where women were concerned. Were they all in possession of such quick-changing moods, or was it only Jess who acted that way?
Clueless. He was absolutely at a loss.
“What just happened?” he asked aloud.
“I’m sure I don’t know what you mean,” she replied with a dismissive wave of her hand; but she couldn’t hold his gaze. Her eyes flickered to a spot just over his left shoulder.
Mind your own business.
She didn’t have to say the words aloud for the message to come through loud and clear. Nate felt a little rejected by her emotional retreat, as well as experiencing a sharp sense of discouragement that she didn’t trust him enough to confide in him.
He’d poured out his heart to her last week, and yet was receiving nothing in return. He knew he hadn’t been wrong to trust her, but he wished with all his heart that she could trust him.
Then again, he reminded himself, the bond of friendship they had formed was unusual—and swift—forged on the heels of crisis.
“Okay,” he murmured. He tried to shrug, but the backpack weighed his shoulders down.
“Okay,” she agreed, taking another step backward and completely out of Nate’s reach. “And why are you here, again?”
“Oh, that,” Nate said, bemused for a moment as his mind grappled to catch up with her.
Being with Jess really did a number on him. He was so turned around he had almost forgotten why he’d come in the first place.
Anticipation pulsed through him, followed quickly by a strong case of nerves. “I’ve been thinking about what you said.”
She raised her brow. “What did I say?”
“About visiting my pop,” he concluded eagerly. “Gracie is doing so much better this morning that I thought now would be a good time.”
“I agree,” she said, smiling her encouragement and making Nate’s head spin even more.
“I know the day care isn’t open today, but I hoped you could watch Gracie for me.”
She nodded. “I could do that. But don’t you think your father will want to meet his precious new little granddaughter?”
Nate winced, recalling the cool reception Vince had given him on his homecoming. Nate had no reason to believe Pop would be any more responsive.
Then again, Vince had been kind to the baby. Maybe Gracie would help break the ice.
No. He couldn’t risk it, and he wouldn’t use an innocent baby as a shield.
“I don’t know how this is going to go down,” he explained, his voice gruff. “I’ve given Pop a lot of reasons to be angry with me. I don’t want Gracie caught in the cross fire of my mistakes. I’ve noticed how she picks up on everyone’s emotions, and I don’t want to take the risk of upsetting her.”
Jess laid a hand on his forearm. “I appreciate how you put Gracie’s needs before your own.”
Her warm gaze reinforced her words. Nate squared his shoulders, feeling a good inch taller just because of her radiant smile.
Jess believed in him.
It was a novelty.
Outside of the marines, where he had naturally excelled and had won the respect of all his men, Nate hadn’t much experience in being built up. His own family had done nothing over the years but tear him down.
“I’ll tell you what,” she continued. “How about I run in and change my clothes, and then Gracie and I can accompany you up to the main lodge.”
His heart lit up and he knew it must show on his face. “You’d do that for me?”
“Of course.” She waved a hand as if brushing the thought away.
He wondered if she had any idea just what a special woman she was.
He wanted to tell her right there on the spot, but he’d never been particularly good with words, and at the moment, he felt more t
ongue-tied than ever. In the end, he simply nodded.
“I can stay in the dayroom with Gracie while you are visiting with your father,” she said, cementing her new plan. “Then, if everything goes well—and I really think it will—Gracie will be right there in the building, making it much more convenient for you to introduce her to her grandfather.”
Nate didn’t have Jess’s faith that his meeting with Pop would go well, and he laid the blame for that squarely on his own shoulders; but he smiled anyway.
How could he not, when Jess had caught him up in the excitement of the moment?
“Thanks,” he choked out.
Jess waved him off again. “It’s nothing. I’m glad to help.”
It wasn’t nothing.
It was everything. And so, Nate was beginning to realize, was this woman.
* * *
With Nate and Gracie waiting just outside her cabin door, Jessica hurried to change from sweatpants into jeans and to quickly run a brush through her hair, which was rather tangled from having been in a ponytail. As she worked, she prayed fervently.
She would have liked to think her motivation was pure and blameless, and not the self-serving petition she knew it to be.
If Nate reconciled with his father—and she had been speaking from her heart when she told Nate she believed that would happen—then maybe Nate would have a reason to stick around Morningway Lodge a little longer. And even though she knew such an occurrence would put her heart at risk much more so than it already was, she couldn’t help but wish it to be so.
The day was cool but clear, so she and Nate decided to walk the short distance to the main lodge. Jessica chattered on about inconsequential things as they went, holding up the entire conversation all on her own. Nate made polite one-word responses and little else.
She was a little self-conscious about being the one doing all the talking, but she sensed Nate’s mood shifting inward. Every time a period of silence overtook them—meaning Jessica stopped talking for any length of time—the mood between them felt uncomfortable to her and, she thought, to Nate as well.
While he didn’t contribute much to the conversation, he clearly appreciated the distraction.