‘I don’t care.’ I hit the disconnect button, for once cutting him off rather than waiting for him to do it.
However, almost immediately, my phone started to buzz again and this time—naturally—it was Damian.
I did not want to speak to him, but I knew if I didn’t answer he’d just keep calling, so I answered it. ‘Ulysses is trying to find you and he’s pissed off,’ I said before Damian could speak. ‘So you should be calling him rather than me.’
‘Nah, I don’t want to speak to him.’ There was something in Damian’s voice I hadn’t heard before, a note of...warmth maybe? ‘I don’t think he’d understand.’
‘Understand what?’ I wasn’t in any mood for whatever games Damian was going to play.
‘I’m going to be in Italy next week, bro. And I don’t want to be disturbed, okay? I thought I’d call and let you know you’ll both have to do without me for a while.’
‘What? Why? What are you doing in Italy?’
Damian hesitated slightly. ‘I’m getting married.’
For a second I just stared out the window, not really taking in what he was saying because it was so out of left field I didn’t understand. ‘Excuse me?’
He laughed. ‘Yeah, I know, right? Can you believe it? Biggest manwhore in the fucking world getting married. But it’s true.’
This was...surprising to say the least.
‘Who?’ Oh, but then I knew. It had to be the woman he’d brought with him to the foundation launch the previous week. ‘Your jewel thief, right?’
‘Yeah, that’s her.’ This time there was no disguising the heat in his voice. It was like a goddamn fire. ‘Don’t worry, she’s fully background-checked.’
It took me a minute to remember I’d been worried about that before. It felt like a lifetime ago. ‘You didn’t seem happy with her last week.’
‘No. Because she walked out on me. Which was fair since I was being a dick.’
‘So, what? She just walked right on back?’
‘No.’ I could hear the smile in his voice. ‘Believe it or not, I went after her.’
That was a first. Damian never chased anyone.
‘Why?’ I asked, not even sure why I was asking because I didn’t care.
‘Why?’ he echoed, sounding amused. ‘Because I realised she was more important than all the bullshit I was telling myself. That’s the beginning and end of it.’
I found myself gripping the phone way too tight for comfort, my heart pounding hard in my chest. I couldn’t see myself in the glass any more. All I could see was Freya and the tears on her cheeks.
‘You okay, man?’ Damian asked. ‘Did the shock of my impending nuptials kill you or what?’
I barely heard him. All I could hear was her voice telling me she loved me and how loud it sounded, making all my excuses and lies seem pathetic and weak. And they were pathetic and weak. They were bullshit, just like Damian had said.
So why was I holding onto them so hard? What was I so afraid of? Did I really believe my dad was right? Did I really think I was bad right at the heart of me?
Why would you believe him rather than your friend who you’ve loved and trusted since you were ten years old? She didn’t believe it so why should you?
Something crystallised then in that moment. Freya had never lied to me. Had never given me anything but honesty and trust. Yet I’d never repaid her. I’d given her pleasure and friendship, but the Dom had wanted to stay in charge by holding a piece of me back. Because staying in control was more important.
But was it more important than her?
You know the answer to that.
‘Bro,’ Damian said. ‘You are dead, aren’t you?’
‘No,’ I said hoarsely. ‘I just realised something.’ And I disconnected the call before he could speak, as the truth fell all the way down inside me and settled there, becoming part of me.
Nothing was more important than her. Not my need for control, not my desperation not to become my father, and certainly not my fear that I had nothing to give her.
She was the most important thing in the entire fucking universe and always had been, and she needed to know that. Just like she needed to know that I loved her.
I didn’t expect her to change her mind about us, not after I’d hurt her so badly. But the only apology I could make was to give her my heart, darkness and all.
And hope that when I laid it at her feet it was enough.
And maybe, just maybe, she’d want to pick it up.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Freya
I SAT DISCONSOLATELY at the table in the back of the lame nightclub Tiffany had chosen for her hen party, watching the dancing getting underway.
The party was as dire as I’d been expecting. I liked Tiff, but her friends seemed like competitive types, all of them comparing boyfriends and jobs and shopping habits.
The conversation—as I’d feared a couple of weeks ago—inevitably turned to sex, especially when Tiffany started opening up her presents. There was the usual array of sexy lingerie and very tame sex toys and various other things, but I couldn’t help grinning a little as she pulled the wrapping off the present I’d got her and stared at it, wide-eyed.
Stupid Everett had tried to give me a whole lot of things from our date at the sex shop, but I’d refused them. I hadn’t wanted things. I’d wanted him. But just before I’d left London, I’d remembered I’d had to get Tiff a gift and so I’d stuck a couple of things in my bag for the journey home.
Now Tiffany was staring at them, her blonde hair falling over her shoulders, clearly not knowing what they were. My two other cousins were peering at them, fascinated, as were her other friends.
‘They’re nipple clamps,’ I said helpfully. ‘And these little things here—’ I touched the chains hanging from them ‘—are for added weight.’
‘Added weight?’ Tiff echoed, looking at me astonished.
So I explained. Several of the other women were staring at me as I spoke, clearly aghast, but more than a few others were interested.
‘That sounds like an experience,’ Tiff said, a speculative look in her eyes.
I grinned in what I hoped was a mysterious way, even though smiling was the last thing I felt like doing. I really hoped they didn’t want me to go into it, because I couldn’t bear thinking of Everett and everything we’d done together.
Everything that was now lost.
I probably shouldn’t have told him I was in love with him before I walked out of the hotel that day in London. That I couldn’t be friends with him either. But I’d known I couldn’t go on pretending I was okay. Pretending I didn’t need him. Pretending he didn’t matter to me.
I’d spent my life doing that with my aunt and I couldn’t do it with him. What I felt for him was too important. He was too important. And even though I knew telling him wouldn’t change anything, I had to say it, even if it was just to admit it to myself. Also, if I was going to break off our friendship, I needed to tell him why.
I hadn’t expected any dramatic change of heart from him and he hadn’t disappointed. He’d told me his reasons for not wanting more and even though I thought they were bullshit reasons I wasn’t going to argue.
I wasn’t going to beg either, or settle for anything less than what I wanted, because if there was one thing Everett had shown me, it was that I deserved more than that. There’d be someone out there who’d be able to give me more than just sex, more than just friendship. Who would choose me and give me their heart. Who would love me the way I loved them.
Except you’re never going to love anyone but him.
I reached for my margarita, shoving that thought away hard, because I really didn’t need that negativity in my life right now.
And then, suddenly, everyone in the booth we were sitting in fell silent, the way women often do when they spot
a good-looking man heading their way. So I turned my head to see what was happening.
A man was moving through the nightclub, the crowd parting for him like he owned the place. Tall and broad-shouldered. Powerful. So goddamn hot in jeans and a tee my heart just about stopped beating.
My stern Viking.
Everett.
‘Wow,’ someone murmured. ‘Who is that?’
‘Freya’s friend,’ Tiff said and then she grinned at me. ‘You didn’t tell me he was coming back.’
I opened my mouth to tell her that I hadn’t known, but my voice seemed to have disappeared because nothing came out. I could only sit there and watch as Everett strode up to the booth, his sharp blue gaze on mine, as if all the other women sitting there with me didn’t exist.
He didn’t bother with a greeting. He only said, ‘Little, I need to talk to you.’
I wanted to shake my head and tell him to leave, because if he thought he could just waltz back into my life after I’d told him we were done he had another think coming.
‘Hell, no,’ I snapped, finding my voice. ‘You can damn well—’
‘Fine. I’ll say it here then.’ His gaze was blazing, the expression on his face intense, and he didn’t look anywhere but at me. ‘I shouldn’t have let you walk away from me in London. I shouldn’t have let you walk away, period. But I did, because I’m a fucking coward. Because I didn’t want to admit that you’re more important to me than anything else in my entire goddamn life. Because I didn’t want to acknowledge the truth.’ Utter silence had settled over the table, but Everett didn’t seem to notice. ‘Because the truth is I love you, Freya Johnson.’
I stared at him, blindsided, my heart feeling like it had been given an electric shock. ‘W-what?’
He reached for me then, taking hold of my hand where it sat on the tabletop and pulling me up and out of the booth. And I went, unresisting, still in a state of shock as he walked fast through the nightclub, tugging me along behind him until we were in a quieter, darker part of the club. Then he pushed me up against the wall and caged me against it, all heat and ferocity, the intensity he always kept locked up inside himself flooding out.
‘I told myself I was only going to say those things to you and then walk away,’ he said fiercely. ‘Let you choose for yourself what you wanted. But...fuck, Freya. I don’t think I can walk away from you. I know I should but I can’t.’
‘I don’t understand.’ My voice sounded thick and hoarse, and I didn’t know what to do with my hands. I wanted to touch him so badly, but I knew if I did I wouldn’t be able to stop. ‘You said you couldn’t—’
‘I know what I said,’ he interrupted. ‘But I was wrong. I was so fucking wrong.’ He shifted one hand, cupping my cheek in one large palm. ‘I told myself that letting you go was about staying in control. But you were right that day in London. It was an excuse. It was bullshit to make myself feel better about the fact that I was in love with you and I was fucking terrified.’ His thumb stroked my cheek gently, even though the look in his eyes was anything but gentle. ‘I don’t know anything about love, Freya. Dad sure as hell never told me he loved me, never showed it either, so I have no goddamn idea how to love you. But...’ He stopped as his voice got rougher, the look in his eyes becoming even more intense. ‘You’re the most important thing in the entire fucking universe to me and so I want to try.’
I swallowed, my mouth dry, my heartbeat hammering in my head, my eyes prickling with stupid tears. ‘You know I can’t do friends, E. I thought I made that clear.’
The blue glow in his eyes deepened. ‘Why would you think I’d want friends? Especially when I can have this.’ His fingers firmed on my jaw and then his mouth was on mine, and he was kissing me. Not hard and desperate this time, but deep and sweet and slow, a gentle exploration, a taste. And a question.
A question I already knew the answer to.
When he finally drew back and looked at me, his heart was in his eyes. ‘I’ll beg if you want me to,’ he said. ‘On my knees if you need it.’
I could have made him wait. I could have been angry and yelled at him for hurting me. For making me cry the way he had. And part of me wanted to, wanted to see him on his knees too.
But my heart had no patience for anger and it was tired of suffering, so I lifted my hands and put them on his chest and pressed hard, soaking up his heat and his strength. ‘You’re a bastard, Everett Calhoun. And you deserve a punishment for hurting me the way you did.’
‘Anything,’ he said hoarsely. ‘Anything. Just name it.’
‘Okay.’ I swallowed, looking up into his eyes. ‘Your punishment is that you have to bring me coffee in bed every morning for the rest of our lives.’
His expression became even more fierce. ‘Only if the bed you’re in is mine.’
‘Yes.’ My heart was tender and sore, and it was the most beautiful feeling in the entire world. But not quite as beautiful as the feel of his hand on my skin. ‘I don’t want to be in anyone else’s.’
‘Little...’ Both his hands cupped my face as he moved closer to me, pinning me in place. ‘You know I’m not just talking about sex, right? I want more than that. I want to keep you. I want you to be mine. And not for five days. I want you for ever.’
I couldn’t swallow this time, emotion choking me. ‘What made you change your mind?’ I forced out, because I had to know. ‘You were so adamant before.’
He let out a breath, easing his body closer to mine so we were pressed up against each other. ‘I just kept thinking about what you told me, about how all of that control stuff was excuses. And in the end it was really just a simple choice. What was more important—my excuses or you?’ He leaned down, his mouth brushing over mine. ‘That’s when I realised it was you. It will always be you.’ He pulled back, giving me one of his rare, beautiful smiles. ‘I don’t know if I’ll ever be a good man, Little. I’m possessive and controlling, and no doubt I’m going to be jealous as hell. Plus I’ve got a temper. But you make me want to be better. You make me want to be the man you see when you look at me.’
My stupid eyes prickled harder. ‘You idiot,’ I managed to force out. ‘How many times do I have to tell you? You already are that man. And shit, you think I don’t have any flaws? I’m prone to being a martyr and pretending everything’s fine when it isn’t. I’m too damn stubborn for my own good. And you know I’ve got a temper too. Oh, and I—’
But he didn’t let me finish, his mouth covering mine and silencing me. And then, when he finally pulled away and we were both panting, he said, ‘Don’t be my friend, Little. Be more. Be mine. Be my wife.’
I blinked, my heart filling up and overflowing. ‘Is that a proposal?’
He gave me a feral kind of grin. ‘No, that was an order.’
‘Oh, no,’ I breathed, happiness stealing all my air. ‘Forced to marry the hot billionaire who loves me, who’ll give me all the orgasms I might ever want, and who’ll keep me in the manner to which I shall certainly become accustomed. Will no one save me?’
No one saved me.
I was cursed to live out the rest of my days with a stern, hot, dominant Viking who loved me beyond all reason.
Too bad I loved every second of it.
EPILOGUE
Everett
‘YOU’VE GOT TO be kidding me,’ Ulysses barked down the end of the phone. ‘You’re spending the next week on some island?’
‘It’s not just some island,’ I said patiently. ‘It’s Capri. And it’s for my honeymoon.’
‘I can’t get hold of Damian and now you think you can just go off to Capri?’
I lay back on the sun lounger and slid my arm around the very beautiful and very naked goddess who was lying on it with me, and who had her hand around a very sensitive, not to mention hard, piece of my anatomy. ‘Yes,’ I said. ‘Sorry.’ Even though I wasn’t sorry.
‘Don’t
give me sorry.’ Ulysses sounded as furious as I’d ever heard him. ‘You know I need you two here to handle the trustees. That’s the one thing I can’t do myself.’
‘Too bad.’ I didn’t care about Ulysses and his issues. They could look after themselves for a week or two. ‘You’ve got Morgan to help you.’
‘But I—’
I disconnected the call then threw my phone in the pool.
‘Are you sure that’s a good idea?’ Freya murmured.
‘Hanging up on Ulysses or throwing that in the pool?’
‘Uh, both?’
‘He can deal.’ I lifted a brow. ‘Or do you need to get back to the garage?’
Her fingers moved on me, making me hiss. ‘No, Casey can keep handling it. Though I guess we need to figure out what happens next?’
We did. In fact, there were a whole lot of things we needed to figure out, such as where we were going to live, given how I travelled a lot, and what that would mean—if anything—for her garage. She wouldn’t want to give that up, and hell, I wouldn’t make her. But there was a whole wide world out there for Freya, and I wanted to show her all of it.
Still, that could wait. There were other more important things to do first.
‘Sure.’ I gave her a stern look. ‘But that’s not where your attention should be now, wife.’
Her green eyes glowed and she gave me a smirk. ‘Make me, husband.’
If that wasn’t a challenge I didn’t know what was.
But then that was totally Freya. She challenged me, excited me, aroused me. Loved me. She wasn’t only my friend and my lover.
She was my for ever.
She was the good in my heart.
* * *
If you loved Sexy Beast,
look out for the other books in Jackie Ashenden’s Billion $ Bastards miniseries
Dirty Devil
Bad Boss
Coming soon from Harlequin DARE.
Dare to read more sexy stories!
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