Roderick’s eyes roamed over her strikingly lovely face, as she looked up at him questioningly. As he watched her, he removed his coat and shirt, then sat on the side of the bed removing his boots. When he was finished, he removed her slippers. Then once again, joined her on the bed, pulling her into his arms, holding her lovingly against his chest, stroking her long fiery hair that cascaded about her shoulders and back. Roderick drew in the very smell of her woman’s scent, and her fragrant hair, filling his lungs with the essences of her, and his body trembled with the sensation it gave him.
Emily murmured low in her throat, with contentment, like a cat absorbing the sun, as Roderick’s hands stroked her hair and shoulders. She could hear the rapid beating of his heart beneath her ear, and feel his lips on her forehead, as he brushed a kiss there. The strength of his arms held her secure and safe within his embrace. His body felt hard and solid against her soft breasts, that pushed through the thin material of her chemise, as they were flattened against his chest.
She took in her breath, and Roderick gave a groan letting his hand on her back stroke down to her waist to hold her more snuggly against him. He gently ran his fingers back and forth against her waist, hoping he could control all the emotions that were surging through him at the moment.
Emily sighed at his touch and found herself lifting her head. She pushed her lips against his chest, and irresistibly wanted to taste him, so she allowed her tongue the pleasure of feeling his skin against it. Roderick shuddered at the touch of her tongue on his skin, and his grasp on her tightened. He smoothed his hands over her hips, and then back up again, trying to maintain control as her lips danced across his skin.
“The feel of your lips on my skin is driving me to distraction,” he whispered, as he clutched her to him.
“You taste good,” she replied in a meek voice, as she continued to kiss over his chest.
Roderick felt himself losing his self-control, wanting more than the closeness he had begged for. He wondered if he could justify his need by telling himself that soon they would be married anyway, and then this would only be the lead up to something so much more intimate.
His fingers found their way beneath her petty coat, stroking over a pantaloon-clad leg. Roderick could feel Emily trembling under his touch, and she moved her mouth to his neck. He captured that mouth with his own, turning her beneath him as he sprawled over her, wondering if he could keep his promise not to compromise her? Just being in her bed like this was compromising her, and she was too inexperienced to realize it.
Roderick consumed her mouth, as the need of her consumed his thoughts. He found himself pressing himself more firmly against her, as the petty coats billowed about them. He felt her body rise against him, as though she too needed that contact. She had no idea what that movement did to him. His body had a mind of its own, as he slowly began to move against the softness of her. His hardness begging for more than he was giving it.
A contented whisper came from Emily’s throat.
“I’m not hurting you, am I?” he asked, lifting his mouth from hers.
She didn’t reply. She merely lifted her body against his, hunting for his mouth again, to keep him from asking silly questions.
It was as though she was encouraging him, which caused him to duel with his need for her and his resolve to hold back. He did not want to frighten her since he was certain she was a virgin and didn’t know how her kisses were affecting him.
“We need to stop this madness,“ he breathed while continuing to enjoy the feel of her beneath him.
“You moving against me like this, is making strange feelings flow over me,” she admitted.
“That is the point. I mean, why we should stop. I don’t think you understand…”
He took in his breath abruptly when he felt her small fingers slide down his bare chest until they had reached where he strained against her. She touched him timidly through the material of his trousers causing his manhood to strain all the more to be free of the confining material.
“There… there is something about your movements that excite me,” she admitted. “I have never been this close to a man before. I hope you don’t think me overly bold. I just wanted to know…”
She didn’t finish as she gave into her deep desire to discover the shape of him.
“God, Emily. If I let you continue I can’t promise you will remain a virgin!” he groaned.
“Am I upsetting you?” she asked, pulling her hand away.
“I didn’t’ say that. I just… however, If you feel the need… I will try to …”
He didn’t know what he wanted to try to do or not do at that point, as he placed Emily’s hand back against him.
“If you wish to discover what your touch does to me, I assure you, it doesn’t disturb me. I just don’t want you doing something you will feel ashamed of later,” he mumbled.
“Let me know if I do something that I shouldn’t,” she requested.
“I fear you are already doing something you shouldn’t,” he replied, but it did not seem to deter her. “I had only planned to hold you to me, Emily.”
“While not allowing me to discover why your nearness intrigues me? When I feel you against me, moving the way you were, I can barely contain what is growing within me. It has to do with how your body feels against mine, and I want to discover why it makes me tremble so.”
“When the time is right, and we are wed, I will allow you any knowledge about it as you desire,” he whispered breathlessly against her lips. “This, however, could be considered a compromise beyond merely kissing you if we continue,” he admitted. “I hope you will not feel the need to inform Willard of it. I promise I will not use it to force your hand. I truly want you to marry me willingly, not because you feel you have no other choice.”
“You are not forcing my hand now,” she smiled, and he gave a low chuckle.
“If I told Willard, I could never look forward to this occupation of discovery in the future,” she told him.
“It turns out I too am discovering a lot about you I hadn’t expected,” he responded, as his lips covered hers again, encouraging her to continue with what she had been doing.
“I don’t want to move,” he replied, as he lifted his lips from hers. “In fact, I am afraid to move. I just want to stay like this with you in my arms all night, allowing you whatever freedom you desire.”
“You don’t mind my curiosity?”
“I crave it,” he smiled.
“This is the last night we can spend together thus since my friend and her brother comes tomorrow.”
“Blast your friend and her brother. I had forgotten about that.”
“I suppose my new education will have to be discontinued while they are here,” Emily said with a pout.
“They are not here right now,” Roderick chuckled, burying his face between her breasts. “So I am at your disposal.”
“Yes, you are,” Emily mused. “I think I am enjoying this too much. All these new wonders, that keep rising to the surface, at you touching me, or me touching you, begs to be explored.”
“Don’t worry, as long as you are near me, I cannot refuse you,” Roderick promised. “I must admit I am amused by your curiosity.”
“Perhaps I will be the one that will end up compromising you,” Emily said, thoughtfully. “What would it mean if that happened?”
“It would mean that I would never allow you to stop compromising me,” he threatened.
“I just wish you would be more open with me, Roderick. This part of being with you is magical, but I am afraid you do not trust me enough to be completely open with me.”
“I have been as open as I dare!” he almost growled. “Why must you be so caught up in my past? My past is my past, the same as your past is your own. I do not pepper you with questions about what you did before you met me.”
“It is not the same. There no a shadow hanging over my head,” she retorted.
“You believe the worst about me, don’t
you?” Roderick accused, as he pushed himself up from their close embrace.
“I didn’t say that. I am just curious to learn everything about you.”
“You are too curious, Emily. You are too curious about my past, and you are too curious about my body. Your boldness is going to get you into trouble!”
As he said the words, he placed himself over Emily, lifting her petty coats aside and crushing her beneath him. He deliberately pushed his hand down between them wanting to shock her, while satisfying his own need to feel her against his hand. The opening of her pantaloons gave him the access he desired. He would not desecrate her by taking away her virginity, he told himself firmly, but he found himself pushed to his limit. He wanted to punish her subtly while showing her what being a woman was all about. Her nearness would not stop taunting him, and her words made him fear she did not trust him. If she did not trust him, why should he restrain himself? Besides, she had ruined the tender moment with her insistence of discovering his past.
His movements were precise and more forceful than gentle, yet he felt her yielding to his touch, making him want her all the more.
Emily realized she had said the wrong thing. At first, his actions frightened her, but strangely, she found herself pressing back against him, wanting something she wasn’t sure of. As he continued educating her in this strange way, her breathing sped out of control, and she realized he was crossing some forbidden line, but on a crazy, unexplainable level, she wanted it. She wanted him there, causing her to catch her breath as he boldly exhibited his experience in touching a woman. She became lost in the sensations that were taking over her senses and found herself rising to his touch.
Emily gasped, as she felt an unexpected splendor spread over her, and she gave a small cry of surprise. Roderick, covered her mouth, almost apologetically, for having taken advantage of her. She lay motionless beneath his body, her heart thudding in her ears, as she tried to understand what had just happened at his touch. She lie listening to him catching his breath, as she struggled with her own confused thoughts.
“I hope some of your curiosity has been satisfied,” he mumbled in her ear, almost snidely. “The next time, it gets the better of you, I may not take your virginity into consideration,” he warned. “Then the consummation of our future union will demand the menial task of saying our wedding vows. Until then, you need to control your curiosity all the way round, as I shall try to curtail my handling of you.
Roderick let a kiss gently touch her lips and then he excused himself from the room. Only to return later, dressed in his nightshirt.
“Since we only have one night left to us, I will take it with you in my arms,” he told her, as he climbed into bed beside her.
He noticed she had changed into her nightgown as well. A guilty feeling was crawling over him, as he realized he had been totally out of place. Only she had egged him on, and he had complied, he justified himself. She had not acted squeamish or timid, so it wasn’t like he had forced her, he attempted to soothe his sense of guilt. She had seemed eager for his touch.
Neither of them spoke. What was there to say, Emily thought? Something between them had subtly changed, and she could feel it. He had wanted to shock her because he was angry at her, and instead, she had acted wantonly and responded to his assault. He was probably disgusted with her, and no longer thought of her as a lady. Only there was nothing she could do about it now, she sighed to herself.
CHAPTER NINE
Emily was woken out of a wonderful dream. She was in a beautiful white wedding dress, walking down the aisle with Roderick. He was looking down at her with adoring eyes.
“I love you,” he was saying, only there were tears in his voice. “I am so sorry. Why did you have to die? I love you! I should have told you! No, no this can’t be!”
Emily’s eyes shot open. Roderick was shaking and crying out the words. She knew instinctively that he was dreaming of his wife’s death. He couldn’t have killed her if that was the way he felt about her, she thought.
“It’s all right, Roderick, I’m here. You’re having a bad dream,” she soothed putting her arms around him.
He grabbed her neck and clung to her.
“Abigail! You’re not dead! Oh my God, your’ not dead! I didn’t mean to kill him! Honestly, you have to believe me! The shot went wrong!”
“Shhhh. I know you did not mean to kill him,” Emily soothed.
“You forgive me?”
“Of course I do. You said yourself, you didn’t mean to kill him,” she responded.
Emily could not believe that through a dream, she was learning the answers she needed to know.
Suddenly Roderick shook awake. He almost leaped out of her arms, staring at her in disbelief.
“You were having a bad dream, Roderick,” she informed him.
He just stared at her, wondering how much he had revealed to her in his dreaming state.
“I know you killed someone, Roderick, but you said you didn’t mean to. Please tell me about it.”
“Killed who?” he gasped.
“I don’t know. You just said you didn’t mean to kill him. You though I was Abigail who was dead, but when I spoke to you, you thought she was alive. You told her you did not mean to kill him. You said the shot went wrong and asked her to forgive you. You have to tell me about it, Roderick!”
“It was only a dream!”
“I don’t think so. You were reliving what happened to you, in that dream. If you didn’t mean to kill James, you need to tell me and put my mind at ease!”
Roderick’s eyes widened. How did she know his name? She just said she didn’t know who he killed. Then he thought of Willard.
“He told you!” he growled. “That son of a bitch told you about me shooting James!”
Emily suddenly realized her mistake of accidentally mentioning James’ name. Her hand went to her mouth.
“I made him tell me, Roderick. You wouldn’t and I had to know!”
“Some faith you have in me! You couldn’t wait until I was willing to trust you enough to tell you myself?”
“Why don’t you trust me now, Roderick? Haven’t I shown you that I trust you? I let you kiss me and practically compromise me, and was willing to believe that you didn’t kill your wife, but since I know you killed James, I need to know the truth about it!”
“The hell with the truth! Willard will just poison your mind against me. He just couldn’t wait to tell you all the sorted detail of my past! He helped her meet her lover, Emily. He wanted to destroy what Abigail and I could have had! Now he wants to destroy what we could have as well!”
“That is not true, Roderick! I asked him! I wanted to know the truth because you would not tell me anything about it!”
“No one wants to hear the truth, least of all not you. Willard can have the estate for all I care! And you along with it! I will not go through this again! I should have known better than to think I could satisfy the will without everything turning against me.”
With that statement he rose from the bed, scooped up his clothes from the floor, and stormed from the room, leaving Emily wide-eyed, and shaking in terror at what he might do. She hoped he would not call Willard out. She could not endure this! She threw her hands over face and started to sob. Eventually, she realized that crying was not going to change anything. She had to talk this out with Roderick and make him see reason. She jumped up and put her wrinkled dress on.
By the time Emily got dressed and went downstairs, she could not find Roderick anywhere. He was not in his room or his study. She even went to Della’s room, but Della claimed she did not know where he was. She went out to the stables and saw Tanner.
“Have you seen Roderick?” she asked worriedly.
“Yes,”
She breathed more easily. “Where is he?” she demanded anxiously.
“He left. Said he had business in London or some such nonsense. He brings his intended bride home and then runs off to London, and you don’t know about it? Som
ething else is going on, but it is none of my affairs. I’m just the groom! He had me ready the carriage and took off like a bat out of hell. Said to tell you he would see you in a week or so, if you were still here by the time he came back. You planning on going somewhere, miss?”
“Oh!” Emily cried. “The sniveling coward! He can’t even face his own life! He doesn’t deserve to be happily married!”
“What was that, miss?”
“Nothing! Don’t worry. I will be here when Roderick returns, and he is going to have a lot of answering to do when he gets back! How rude for him to run off and leave me like this without even discussing it civilly with me!”
“You had a falling-out?”
“No! He just can’t face the ghosts of his past, is all!”
She turned and went back to the house. How could he just leave like that, she continued to fume?
Lilith and Alfred were coming, and she didn’t know what to tell them, or what she should do? Maybe she should send a message and tell them not to come. Only how could she remain there all by herself, waiting for Roderick to return? She thought of how Willard had told her of Roderick riding off on his horse and disappearing for a week when his father informed him of his pending marriage. He was running away again, but maybe he needed that time alone to sort out his own head? At least she was relieved that he had not meant to kill James, and that was all that mattered to her, she decided. However, she felt she had to talk to someone and Willard was the only person that would be able to advise her in this matter.
She turned to Tanner, who was still staring at her, scratching his partially bald head.
“Tanner, will you be so good as to send a message to Roderick’s cousin, Willard, and ask him to come here at his soonest opportunity?”
“Yes, Ma’am,”
Fifteen minutes later, Willard arrived at Windridge Hall. Emily was just sitting down to eat, even though she did not think she could swallow a bite. She was so agitated at Roderick’s sudden departure, that she was still shaking. Willard took one look at her and rushed to her side.
A Bride For Windridge Hall Page 11