by W. W. Jacobs
Produced by David Widger.
*LIGHT FREIGHTS, Complete*
_By_
W. W. JACOBS
1911
CONTENTS
ILLUSTRATIONS AN ODD FREAK A GARDEN PLOT PRIVATE CLOTHES THE BULLY OF THE "CAVENDISH" THE RESURRECTION OF MR. WIGGETT A MARKED MAN TO HAVE AND TO HOLD BREVET RANK TWIN SPIRITS SAM'S BOY JERRY BUNDLER FALSE COLOURS
ILLUSTRATIONS
Not Bad News I 'ope
To the Memory of The Faithful Black
Tattoo Me--spile My Skin
There Was Unpleasantness All Round
Studying the Sign-post
Don't Talk Nonsense
AN ODD FREAK
Speaking o' money," said the night-watchman thoughtfully, as he selectedan empty soapbox on the wharf for a seat, "the whole world would bedifferent if we all 'ad more of it. It would be a brighter and a 'appierplace for everybody."
He broke off to open a small brass tobacco-box and place a little quidof tobacco tenderly into a pouch in his left cheek, critically observingat the same time the efforts of a somewhat large steamer to getalongside the next wharf without blocking up more than three parts ofthe river. He watched it as though the entire operation depended uponhis attention, and, the steamer fast, he turned his eyes back again andresumed his theme.
"Of course it's the being short that sharpens people," he admittedthoughtfully; "the sharpest man I ever knew never 'ad a ha'penny in 'ispocket, and the ways 'e had o' getting other chaps to pay for 'is beerwould ha' made 'is fortin at the law if 'e'd only 'ad the eddication.Playful little chap 'e was. I've seen men wot didn't know 'im stand 'ima pot o' beer and then foller 'im up the road to see 'im knock down apoliceman as 'e'd promised. They'd foller 'im to the fust policeman 'emet, an' then 'e'd point them out and say they were goin' to half kill'im, an' the policeman 'ud just stroll up an' ask 'em wot they were'anging about for, but I never 'eard of a chap telling 'im. They used togo away struck all of a 'eap. He died in the accident ward of the LondonHorse-pittle, poor chap."
He shook his head thoughtfully, and ignoring the statement of a watchmanat the next wharf that it was a fine evening, shifted his quid andlaughed rumblingly.
"The funniest way o' raising the wind I ever 'eard of," he said inexplanation, "was one that 'appened about fifteen years ago. I'd justtaken my discharge as A.B. from the North Star, trading between here andthe Australian ports, and the men wot the thing 'appened to wasshipmates o' mine, although on'y firemen.
"I knows it's a true story, becos I was in it a little bit myself, andthe other part I 'ad from all of 'em, and besides, they didn't seeanything funny in it at all, or anything out of the way. It seemed tothem quite a easy way o' making money, and I dessay if it 'ad come offall right I should have thought so too.
"In about a week arter we was paid off at the Albert Docks these chapswas all cleaned out, and they was all in despair, with a thirst wotwasn't half quenched and a spree wot was on'y in a manner o' speakingjust begun, and at the end of that time they came round to a room wot I'ad, to see wot could be done. There was four of 'em in all: old SamSmall, Ginger Dick, Peter Russet, and a orphan nevy of Sam's whosefather and mother was dead. The mother 'ad been 'alf nigger an' 'alfMalay when she was living, and Sam was always pertickler careful topoint out that his nevy took arter 'er. It was enough to make the porewoman turn in 'er grave to say so, but Sam used to say that 'e owed itto 'is brother to explain.
"'Wot's to be done?' ses Peter Russet, arter they'd all said wotmiserable chaps they was, an' 'ow badly sailor-men was paid. 'We're allgoing to sign on in the Land's End, but she doesn't sail for afortnight; wot's to be done in the meantime for to live?'
"'There's your watch, Peter,' ses old Sam, dreamy-like, 'and there'sGinger's ring. It's a good job you kep' that ring, Ginger. We're all inthe same boat, mates, an' I on'y wish as I'd got something for thegeneral good. It's 'aving an orphan nevy wot's kep' me pore.'
"'Stow it,' ses the nevy, short-like.
"'Everything's agin us,' ses old Sam. There's them four green parrots Ibrought from Brazil, all dead.'
"'So are my two monkeys,' ses Peter Russet, shaking 'is 'ead; 'they usedto sleep with me, too.'
"They all shook their 'eads then, and Russet took Sam up very sharp forsaying that p'r'aps if he 'adn't slep' with the monkeys they wouldn'tha' died. He said if Sam knew more about monkeys than wot 'e did, whydidn't 'e put 'is money in them instead o' green parrots wot pulledtheir feathers out and died of cold.
"'Talking about monkeys,' ses Ginger Dick, interrupting old Samsuddenly, 'wot about young Beauty here?'
"'Well, wot about him?' ses the nevy, in a nasty sort o' way.
"'W'y, 'e's worth forty monkeys an' millions o' green parrots,' sesGinger, starting up; 'an' here 'e is a-wasting of 'is opportunities,going about dressed like a Christian. Open your mouth, Beauty, and stickyour tongue out and roll your eyes a bit.'
"'W'y not leave well alone, Ginger?' ses Russet; and I thought so too.Young Beauty was quite enough for me without that.
"'Ter 'blige me,' ses Ginger, anxiously, 'just make yourself as ugly aswot you can, Beauty.'
"'Leave 'im alone,' ses old Sam, as his nevy snarled at 'em. 'You ain'teverybody's money yourself, Ginger.'
"'I tell you, mates,' ses Ginger, speaking very slow and solemn,'there's a fortin in 'im. I was lookin' at 'im just now, trying to thinkwho 'e reminded me of. At fust I thought it was that big stuffed monkeywe saw at Melbourne, then I suddenly remembered it was a wild man ofBorneo I see when I was a kid up in Sunderland. When I say 'e was a'andsome, good-'arted looking gentleman alongside o' you, Beauty, do youbegin to get my meaning?'
"'Wot's the idea, Ginger?' ses Sam, getting up to lend me and Russet a'and with 'is nevy.
"'My idea is this,' ses Ginger; 'take 'is cloes off 'im and dress 'im upin that there winder-blind, or something o' the kind; tie 'im up with abit o' line, and take 'im round to Ted Reddish in the 'Ighway and sell'im for a 'undered quid as a wild man of Borneo.'
"'Wot?' screams Beauty, in an awful voice. 'Let go, Peter; let go, d'yehear?'
"''Old your noise, Beauty, while your elders is speaking,' ses 'isuncle, and I could see 'e was struck with the idea.
"'You jest try dressing me up in a winder-blind,' ses his nevy,half-crying with rage.
"Listen to reason, Beauty,' ses Ginger; 'you'll 'ave your share of thetin; it'll only be for a day or two, and then when we've cleared out youcan make your escape, and there'll be twenty-five pounds for each ofus.'
"''Ow do you make that out, Ginger?' ses Sam, in a cold voice.
"'Fours into a 'undered,' ses Ginger.
"'Ho,' ses Sam. 'Ho, indeed. I wasn't aweer that 'e was your nevy,Ginger.'
"'Share and share alike.' ses Russet. 'It's a very good plan o' yours,Ginger.'
"Ginger holds 'is 'ead up and looks at 'im 'ard.
"'I thought o' the plan,' 'e ses, speaking very slow and deliberate.'Sam's 'is uncle, and 'e's the wild man. Threes into a 'undered go--'
"'You needn't bother your fat 'ead adding up sums, Ginger,' ses Russet,very polite. 'I'm going to 'ave my share; else I'll split to TedReddish.'
"None of 'em said a word about me: two of 'em was sitting on my bed;Ginger was using a 'ankerchief o' mine wot 'e found in the fireplace,and Peter Russet 'ad 'ad a drink out o' the jug on my washstand, and yetthey never even mentioned me. That's firemen all over, and that's 'ow itis they get themselves so disliked.
"It took 'em best part of an 'our to talk round young Beauty, an' thelangwidge they see fit to use made me thankful to think that the parrotsdidn't live to larn i
t.
"You never saw anything like Beauty when they 'ad finished with 'im. If'e was bad in 'is cloes, 'e was a perfeck horror without 'em. GingerDick faked 'im up beautiful, but there was no pleasing 'im. Fust hefound fault with the winder-blind, which 'e said didn't fit; then 'egrumbled about going bare-foot, then 'e wanted somethink to 'ide 'islegs, which was natural considering the shape of 'em. Ginger Dick nearlylost 'is temper with 'im, and it was all old Sam could do to stophimself from casting 'im off forever. He was finished at last, and arterPeter Russet 'ad slipped downstairs and found a bit o' brokenclothes-prop in the yard, and 'e'd been shown 'ow to lean on it and makea noise, Ginger said as 'ow if Ted Reddish got 'im for a 'undered pounds'e'd get 'im a bargain.
"'We must 'ave a cab,' ses old Sam.
"'Cab?' ses Ginger. 'What for?'
"'We should 'ave half Wapping following us,' ses Sam. 'Go out and putyour ring up, Ginger, and fetch a cab.'
"Ginger started grumbling, but he went, and presently came back with thecab and the money, and they all went downstairs leading the wild man bya bit o' line. They only met one party coming up, and 'e seemed toremember somethink 'e'd forgotten wot ought to be fetched at once.
"Ginger went out fust and opened the cab-door, and then stood therewaiting becos at the last moment the wild man said the winder-blind wasslipping down. They got 'im out at last, but before 'e could get in thecab was going up the road at ten miles an hour, with Ginger 'anging onto the door calling to it to stop.
"It came back at about a mile an' a 'alf an hour, an' the remarks of thecabman was eggstrordinary. Even when he got back 'e wouldn't start till'e'd got double fare paid in advance; but they got in at last and droveoff.
"There was a fine scene at Ted Reddish's door. Ginger said that if therewas a bit of a struggle it would be a good advertisement for TedReddish, and they might p'r'aps get more than a 'undered, and all thethree of 'em could do, they couldn't get the wild man out o' that cab,and the cabman was hopping about 'arf crazy. Every now and then they'dget the wild man 'arf out, and then he'd get in agin and snarl. 'Edidn't seem to know when to leave off, and Ginger and the others gotalmost as sick of it as the cabman. It must ha' taken two years' wearout o' that cab, but they got 'im out at last, and Reddish's door beingopen to see what the row was about, they went straight in.
"'Wot's all this?' ses Reddish, who was a tall, thin man, with a darkmoustache.
"It's a wild man o' Borneo,' ses Ginger, panting; 'we caught 'im in aforest in Brazil, an' we've come 'ere to give you the fust offer.'
"Ted Reddish was so surprised 'e couldn't speak at fust. The wild manseemed to take 'is breath away, and 'e looked in a 'elpless kind o' wayat 'is wife, who'd just come down. She was a nice-lookin' woman, fat,with a lot o' yaller hair, and she smiled at 'em as though she'd known'em all their lives.
"'Come into the parlour,' she ses, kindly, just as Ted was beginning toget 'is breath.
"They followed 'em in, and the wild man was just going to make hisselfcomfortable in a easy-chair, when Ginger give 'im a look, an' 'e curledup on the 'earthrug instead.
"''E ain't a very fine specimen,' ses Ted Reddish, at last.
"'It's the red side-whiskers I don't like,' ses his wife. 'Besides, whoever 'eard of a wild man in a collar an' necktie?'
"'You've got hold o' the wrong one,' ses Ted Reddish, afore Ginger Dickcould speak up for hisself.
"'Oh, I beg your pardin,' ses Mrs. Reddish to Ginger, very polite. 'Ithought it was funny a wild man should be wearing a collar. It's mymistake. That's the wild man, I s'pose, on the 'earthrug?'
"That's 'im, mum,' ses old Sam, very short.
"'He don't look wild enough,' ses Reddish.
"'No; 'e's much too tame,' ses 'is wife, shaking her yaller curls.
"The chaps all looked at each other then, and the wild man began tothink it was time he did somethink; and the nearest thing 'andy beingGinger's leg, 'e put 'is teeth into it. Anybody might ha' thought Gingerwas the wild man then, the way 'e went on, and Mrs. Reddish said thateven if he so far forgot hisself as to use sich langwidge afore 'er, 'eoughtn't to before a poor 'eathen animal.
"'How much do you want for 'im?' ses Ted Reddish, arter Ginger 'ad got'is leg away, and taken it to the winder to look at it.
"'One 'undered pounds,' ses old Sam.
"Ted Reddish looked at 'is wife, and they both larfed as though they'dnever leave orf.
"'Why, the market price o' the best wild men is only thirty shillings,'ses Reddish, wiping 'is eyes. 'I'll give you a pound for 'im.'
"Old Sam looked at Russet, and Russet looked at Ginger, and then theyall larfed.
"'Well, there's no getting over you, I can see that,' ses Reddish, atlast. 'Is he strong?'
"'Strong? Strong ain't the word for it,' ses Sam.
"'Bring 'im to the back and let 'im 'ave a wrestle with one o' the brownbears, Ted,' ses 'is wife.
"''E'd kill it,' ses old Sam, hastily.
"'Never mind,' ses Reddish, getting up; 'brown bears is cheap enough.'
"They all got up then, none of 'em knowing wot to do, except the wildman, that is, and he got 'is arms tight round the leg o' the table.
"'Well,' ses Ginger, 'we'll be pleased for 'im to wrestle with the bear,but we must 'ave the 'un-dered quid fust, in case 'e injures 'isself alittle.'
"Ted Reddish looked 'ard at 'im, and then he looked at 'is wife agin.
"I'll just go outside and talk it over with the missus,' he ses, atlast, and they both got up and went out.
"'It's all right,' ses old Sam, winking at Ginger.
"'Fair cop,' ses Ginger, who was still rubbing his leg. 'I told you itwould be, but there's no need for Beauty to overdo it. He nearly 'ad abit out o' my leg.'
"'A'right,' ses the wild man, shifting along the 'earthrug to wherePeter was sitting; 'but it don't do for me to be too tame. You 'eard wotshe said.'
"'How are you feeling, old man?' ses Peter, in a kind voice, as 'etucked 'is legs away under 'is chair.
"'Gurr,' ses the wild man, going on all fours to the back of the chair,'gur--wug--wug----'
"'Don't play the fool, Beauty,' ses Peter, with a uneasy smile, as hetwisted 'is 'ead round. 'Call 'im off, Sam.'
"'Gurr,' ses the wild man, sniffing at 'is legs; 'gurr.'
"'Easy on, Beauty, it's no good biting 'im till they come back,' ses oldSam.
"'I won't be bit at all,' ses Russet, very sharp, 'mind that, Sam. It'smy belief Beauty's gone mad.'
"'Hush,' ses Ginger, and they 'eard Ted Reddish and 'is wife comingback. They came in, sat down agin, and after Ted 'ad 'ad another goodlook at the wild man and prodded 'im all over an' looked at 'is teeth,he spoke up and said they'd decided to give a 'undered pun for 'im atthe end o' three days if 'e suited.
"'I s'pose,' ses Sam, looking at the others, 'that we could 'ave a bitof it now to go on with?'
"'It's agin our way of doing business,' ses Ted Reddish. 'If it 'ud beena lion or a tiger we could, but wild men we never do.'
"'The thing is,' ses Mrs. Reddish, as the wild man started on Russet'sleg and was pulled off by Sam and Ginger, 'where to put 'im.'
"'Why not put 'im in with the black leopard?' ses her 'usband.
"'There's plenty o' room in his cage,' says 'is wife thoughtfully, 'andit 'ud be company for 'im too.'
"'I don't think the wild man 'ud like that,' ses Ginger.
"'I'm sartain sure 'e wouldn't,' says old Sam, shaking 'is 'ead.
"'Well, we must put 'im in a cage by hisself, I s'pose,' ses Reddish,'but we can't be put to much expense. I'm sure the money we spent incat's meat for the last wild man we 'ad was awful.'
"'Don't you spend too much money on cat's meat for 'im,' ses Sam, ''e'dvery likely leave it. Bringing 'im 'ome, we used to give 'im the same aswe 'ad ourselves, and he got on all right.'
"'It's a wonder you didn't kill 'im,' ses Reddish, severely. 'He'll befed very different 'ere, I can tell you. You won't know 'im at the endo' three days.'
"'Don't change 'im too s
udden,' ses Ginger, keeping 'is 'ead turned awayfrom the wild man, wot wos trying to catch 'is eye. 'Cook 'is food atfust, 'cos 'e's been used to it.'
"'I know wot to give 'im,' ses Reddish, offhandedly. 'I ain't been inthe line twenty-seven years for nothink. Bring 'im out to the back, an'I'll put 'im in 'is new 'ome.'
"They all got up and, taking no notice of the wild man's whispers,follered Ted Reddish and 'is wife out to the back, where all the wildbeasts in the world seemed to 'ave collected to roar out to each otherwhat a beastly place it was.
"'I'm going to put 'im in "'Appy Cottage" for a time,' says Reddish;'lend a hand 'ere, William,' he says, beckoning to one of 'is men.
"'Is that "'Appy Cottage"?' ses old Sam, sniffing, as they got up to anasty, empty cage with a chain and staple in the wall.
"Ted Reddish said it was.
"'Wot makes you call it that?' ses Sam.
"Reddish didn't seem to 'ear 'im, and it took all Ginger's coaxing toget Beauty to go in.
"'It's on'y for a day or two,' he whispers.
"'But 'ow am I to escape when you've got the brass?' ses the wild man.
"'We'll look arter that,' ses Ginger, who 'adn't got the least idea.
"The wild man 'ad a little show for the last time, jist to impress TedReddish, an' it was pretty to see the way William 'andled 'im. The lookon the wild man's face showed as 'ow it was a revelashun to 'im. Then'is three mates took a last look at 'im and went off.
"For the fust day Sam felt uneasy about 'im, and used to tell us talesabout 'is dead brother which made us think Beauty was lucky to takearter 'is mother; but it wore off, and the next night, in the AdmiralCochrane, 'e put 'is 'ead on Ginger's shoulder, and wep' for 'appinessas 'e spoke of 'is nevy's home at ''Appy Cottage.'
"On the third day Sam was for going round in the morning for the money,but Ginger said it wasn't advisable to show any 'aste; so they left itto the evening, and Peter Russet wrote Sam a letter signed 'Barnum,'offering 'im two 'undered for the wild man, in case Ted Reddish shouldwant to beat 'em down. They all 'ad a drink before they went in, and wassmiling with good temper to sich an extent that they 'ad to wait aminute to get their faces straight afore going in.
"'Come in,' ses Reddish, and they follered 'im into the parler, whereMrs. Reddish was sitting in a armchair shaking 'er' ead and looking atthe carpet very sorrowful.
"'I was afraid you'd come,' she ses, in a low voice.
"'So was I,' ses Reddish.
"'What for?' ses old Sam. It didn't look much like money, and 'e feltcross.
"'We've 'ad a loss,' ses Mrs. Reddish. She touched 'erself, and thenthey see she was all in black, and that Ted Reddish was wearing a blacktie and a bit o' crape round 'is arm.
"'Sorry to 'ear it, mum,' ses old Sam.
"'It was very sudden, too,' ses Mrs. Reddish, wiping 'er eyes.
"'That's better than laying long,' ses Peter Russet, comforting like.
"Ginger Dick gives a cough. 'Twenty-five pounds was wot 'e'd come for;not to 'ear this sort o' talk.'
"'We've been in the wild-beast line seven-an'-twenty years,' ses Mrs.Reddish, 'and it's the fust time anythink of this sort 'as 'appened.'
"''Ealthy family, I s'pose,' ses Sam, staring.
"Tell 'im, Ted,' ses Mrs. Reddish, in a 'usky whisper.
"'No, you,' ses Ted.
"'It's your place,' ses Mrs. Reddish.
"'A woman can break it better,' ses 'er 'usband.
"'Tell us wot?' ses Ginger, very snappish.
"Ted Reddish cleared 'is throat.
"'It wasn't our fault,' he ses, slowly, while Mrs. Reddish began to cryagin; 'gin'rally speak-in', animals is afraid o' wild men, and nightbefore last, as the wild man wot you left on approval didn't seem tolike "'Appy Cottage,'' we took 'im out an' put 'im in with the tiger.'
'"Put him in with the WOT?' ses the unfort'nit man's uncle, jumping off'is chair.
"'The tiger,' ses Reddish. 'We 'eard something in the night, but wethought they was only 'aving a little bit of a tiff, like. In themorning I went down with a bit o' cold meat for the wild man, and Ithought at first he'd escaped; but looking a little bit closer--'
"'Don't, Ted,' ses 'is wife. 'I can't bear it.'
"'Do you mean to tell me that the tiger 'as eat 'im?' screams old Sam.
"'Most of 'im,' ses Ted Reddish; 'but 'e couldn't ha' been much of awild man to let a tiger get the better of 'im. I must say I wassurprised.'
"'We both was,' ses Mrs. Reddish, wiping 'er eyes.
"You might ha' 'eard a pin drop; old Sam's eyes was large and staring,Peter Russet was sucking 'is teeth, an' Ginger was wondering wot the lawwould say to it--if it 'eard of it.
"'It's an unfortunit thing for all parties,' ses Ted Reddish at last,getting up and standing on the 'earthrug.
"''Orrible,' ses Sam, 'uskily. 'You ought to ha' known better than toput 'im in with a tiger. Wot could you expect? W'y, it was a mad thingto do.'
"'Crool thing,' ses Peter Russet.
"'You don't know the bisness properly,' ses Ginger, 'that's about wot itis. 'You should ha' known better than that.'
"'Well, it's no good making a fuss about it,' ses Reddish. It was only awild man arter all, and he'd ha' died anyway, cos 'e wouldn't eat theraw meat we gave 'im, and 'is pan o' water was scarcely touched. He'dha' starved himself anyhow. I'm sorry, as I said before, but I must beoff; I've got an appointment down at the docks.'
"He moved towards the door; Ginger Dick gave Russet a nudge andwhispered something and Russet passed it on to Sam.
"What about the 'undered quid?' ses pore Beauty's uncle, catching 'oldo' Reddish as 'e passed 'im.
"'Eh?' ses Reddish, surprised--'Oh, that's off.'
"'Ho!' says Sam. 'Ho! is it? We want a 'undered quid off of you; an'wot's more, we mean to 'ave it.'
"'But the tiger's ate 'im,' says Mrs. Reddish, explaining.
"'I know that,' ses Sam, sharply. 'But 'e was our wild man, and we wantto be paid for 'im. You should ha' been more careful. We'll give youfive minutes; and if the money ain't paid by that time we'll go straightoff to the police-station.'
"'Well, go,' ses Ted Reddish.
"Sam got up, very stern, and looked at Ginger.
"'You'll be ruined if we do,' ses Ginger.
"'All right,' ses Ted Reddish, comfortably.
"I'm not sure they can't 'ang you,' ses Russet.
"'I ain't sure either,' says Reddish; 'and I'd like to know 'ow the lawstands, in case it 'appens agin.'
"'Come on, Sam,' ses Ginger; 'come straight to the police-station.'
"He got up, and moved towards the door. Ted Reddish didn't move amuscle, but Mrs. Reddish flopped on her knees and caught old Sam roundthe legs, and 'eld him so's 'e couldn't move.
"'Spare 'im,' she ses, crying.
"'Lea' go o' my legs, mum,' ses Sam.
"'Come on, Sam,' ses Ginger; 'come to the police.'
"Old Sam made a desperit effort, and Mrs. Reddish called 'im a croolmonster, and let go and 'id 'er face on 'er husband's shoulder as theyall moved out of the parlour, larfing like a mad thing with hysterics.
"They moved off slowly, not knowing wot to do, as, of course, they knewthey daren't go to the police about it. Ginger Dick's temper was awful;but Peter Russet said they mustn't give up all 'ope--he'd write to TedReddish and tell 'im as a friend wot a danger 'e was in. Old Sam didn'tsay anything, the loss of his nevy and twenty-five pounds at the sametime being almost more than 'is 'art could bear, and in a slow,melancholy fashion they walked back to old Sam's lodgings.
"'Well, what the blazes is up now?' ses Ginger Dick, as they turned thecorner.
"There was three or four 'undered people standing in front of the 'ouse,and women's 'eads out of all the winders screaming their 'ardest for thepolice, and as they got closer they 'eard a incessant knocking. It took'em nearly five minutes to force their way through the crowd, and thenthey nearly went crazy as they saw the wild man with 'alf thewinder-blind missing, but otherwise well and 'arty, standing on
the stepand giving rat-a-tat-tats at the door for all 'e was worth.
"They never got to know the rights of it, Beauty getting so excitedevery time they asked 'im 'ow he got on that they 'ad to give it up. Butthey began to 'ave a sort of idea at last that Ted Reddish 'ad been'aving a game with 'em, and that Mrs. Reddish was worse than wot 'ewas."
A GARDEN PLOT