by K. G. Reuss
“Go to hell,” I choked out, pushing against him.
He didn’t budge. Instead, he grasped my hands in his and wrenched me so close to him our bodies finally touched.
“Do you not see where we are?” he murmured, his breath tickling my face. “This is hell, and it’s not a very fun place. If you don’t like it, change it. You’re the only one who can.”
He dropped my hands quickly and strolled away from me without a backwards glance. I stood rooted to my spot, wishing like hell I’d succeeded in making that portal.
Chapter 15
“No. No. No,” Tarek shouted irritably at me as I failed for the hundredth time to parry his sword attack. “Come on. If this wasn’t training, you’d be dead by now.”
“Sorry,” I grumbled, picking up the heavy sword. “Maybe a sword isn’t my weapon.”
“I’ve yet to find anything that is,” Tarek snapped, waiting for me to take my stance again. I’d already failed with the bow.
“Then maybe it’s not my fault. Maybe it’s my instructor’s fault,” I shouted back at him.
Tarek charged at me again, and I dodged out of his way as he whirled around me. I grunted as I tried to attack back, my feet doing the best dance I could around his expert moves. We continued for hours after, exchanging increasingly angrier and more irritated banter until finally Tarek tossed his sword to the ground and stormed away from me in disgust.
I sighed and flopped onto the dirt, hating everything that was Tarek.
“You look parched,” Rowan’s voice cut through my bitter thoughts. He sat down next to me and thrust out a leather water flask.
“Thanks,” I breathed out, snatching it from him. I drank it down quickly and splashed the remainder on my face.
“It’s not like I wanted any,” Rowan pretended to grumble, and I shot him an apologetic look.
“Sorry. I’m just so frustrated,” I sighed, rubbing my sweating forehead. “Tarek isn’t teaching me anything. He just attacks me and acts like I should know what to do.”
“Maybe I can help you. Come here.” Rowan climbed to his feet and offered me his hand. I took it and rose, standing awkwardly before him. “Take the sword like this. Hold it firmly in both hands. What foot does Tarek lead with?”
“Um,” I said uncertainly.
“His left. Tarek always leads with his left. So, move right. Do the opposite of what he does. Show me.”
Rowan led left and came at me, and I darted away from him.
“Watch my feet,” he instructed, circling me. “It’s a dance.”
I watched as he moved his feet swiftly toward me. I dodged as he led with his right foot.
“Good. Your opponent has his own dance. It won’t change. You’ll learn it within the first few moments.”
“What if I don’t?” I inquired as we circled one another.
“Then you’ll die.” Rowan chuckled, lunging for me and knocking me to the ground, his sword at my throat. “See?”
“All too clearly,” I muttered as he helped me to my feet.
I worked with Rowan for a long time and had started to think Tarek had given up on me when I heard his voice. I hadn’t even realized he’d been watching us.
“Enough,” he said, pulling his sword out and motioning for Rowan to step aside. He took his stance in front of me, and I all but choked on my fear.
He gave me a curt nod, and I tightened my grip on the heavy sword. He lunged forward with his left foot, and I darted to the right. He twisted and turned, and I managed to parry one of his attacks, the others I darted away from. He moved faster and faster around me, while I tried to study his steps, the paths he took as he came at me again and again.
I was breathless and sweaty as we fought, my chest aching with the effort of it all. It was the longest I’d ever lasted with him, and I took comfort knowing it had to be an improvement. I somehow managed to get in a few attacks, but Tarek parried them like they were nothing.
Finally, he seemed to grow bored, or he wanted to enjoy watching me falter again because he pushed me harder. I was dizzy with the effort of keeping up with him. And then he brought his leg out and hooked it around mine, knocking me to the ground. His body lined up over mine with his sword poised at my heart.
“How many times have I killed you today?” he mused, staring down at me, the sweat heavy on his face.
“More than I care to count.” I swallowed hard, staring up at him.
He smirked down at me and shook his head. “After careful consideration, I don’t think the long sword is for you.”
“You think?” I croaked out, still on my back.
“I do.” He raised his eyebrows at me and sheathed his sword. I was surprised when he held out his hand to me to help me up. Tentatively, I took it and allowed him to drag me to my tired, aching feet.
“Are we done?” I asked, not wanting to sound too hopeful. Rowan chuckled as he looked at me.
“Why? Are you tired?” Tarek teased, causing Rowan to laugh louder.
“Maybe,” I sniffed indignantly.
“I release you, Princess. You may proceed to picking flowers, doing your hair, or whatever it is princesses do.”
“Coming up with ways to kill you in your sleep.” I batted my long lashes at him and flashed him a syrupy sweet smile.
“Well, your grace, that would require you to enter my sleeping quarters. I’d daresay it’s no place for a lady of your title.” Tarek smirked at me. “It’s rougher than the training grounds, and I don’t think you could handle it.”
“Ugh,” I scoffed, rolling my eyes. “You wish.”
Tarek winked at me and strolled away, leaving me with Rowan.
“What’s his problem?” I demanded, watching his retreating back. “I don’t understand him. One second he’s being a complete jerk, and the next … well, he’s being a complete jerk in a different way.”
“That’s Tarek.” Rowan shrugged good-naturedly.
“Well, I don’t like it,” I muttered.
“You’ll get use to him. Like I said, he knows what he’s doing.”
“He’s arrogant,” I continued, watching as he stopped to instruct a new soldier.
“He’s also one of the best, which gives him the right to his arrogance. Give him a chance. He likes to be challenged. I honestly think he’s enjoying training you. I haven’t seen him this happy in a long time.”
“This is him being happy?” I muttered incredulously.
“Believe it or not, yes, I think so.” Rowan laughed. “So, are you hungry?”
“Famished,” I said. I caught Tarek’s gaze, and he winked at me again. My face heated, and I turned away before he could see it. I didn’t want to give him the wrong idea about my blush, even if I didn’t know why it was happening.
Chapter 16
We reached the kitchens, and Mabel greeted us nervously, her dusty blonde hair in a tight bun and her apron freshly pressed.
“Hello,” I greeted her, breathing in the scrumptious smells of her cooking.
“Ana,” she replied, visibly relaxing. “I’ve made roast beef and vegetables with a salad and some fresh honey rind.”
“Excellent,” Rowan exclaimed, sitting down and rubbing his hands together eagerly.
“There are cows here?” I blurted out stupidly.
Rowan roared with laughter and even Mabel gave a little chuckle.
“Of course there are cows here,” he said after his laughter died down.
“Well,” I defended myself, “I’ve seen quite a lot of animals here I’ve never seen in Earth Realm.”
“Like what?” Rowan pressed, biting into a mouthful of beef and forgoing his salad.
“Like those tiny, furry rabbit looking critters with the wings,” I said, remembering seeing one swoop past my balcony.
“A rinky?” Rowan asked, and I shrugged. “Those are pretty cute. They make great pets if you can stand how hyper they are. A lot like a furrel, only in the air.”
“A rinky,” I repeated, committ
ing the name of the creature to memory.
“Mabel, aren’t you going to join us?” Rowan asked as Mabel continued to bustle around the kitchen.
“I’m sorry, I can’t today,” she said, grabbing a knife and tossing large, colorful vegetables into a sink of water.
“Why not?” Rowan asked through a mouthful of beef.
“The king has ordered a celebration for the end of the week,” Mabel answered as she peeled a potato and tossed it into a large bowl. “We have a lot to do around here.”
“A celebration?” I asked, my appetite suddenly gone.
“Yes, it’s Prince Soran’s one hundred and thirtieth birthday,” Mabel said, chucking another potato into the bowl. “Word is, the king wants to celebrate the prince’s birthday along with your return, and apparently he has an announcement to make.”
“Oh, no,” I moaned, feeling sick.
“What’s wrong?” Rowan asked, concern etched on his face.
“My father said I was betrothed, and we should celebrate it,” I breathed out, my stomach doing somersaults.
“Do you think that’s what this is?” Rowan asked, wide-eyed.
“I’d stake my life on it.” I pushed my food away.
“I’m sorry, dear,” Mabel said sympathetically, stopping her torture on the potatoes and casting me a sad look.
“Do you know who it is? Who he’s chosen?” Rowan asked, frowning.
“I don’t have any idea,” I groaned. “I can’t do this. I can’t. I-I love Calix. I can’t marry someone else.”
“Ana, no offense, but you and Calix wouldn’t have worked out anyway, since he was killing people and all,” Rowan stated evenly. “I know it hurts to hear, but it’s the truth. This isn’t like Earth Realm where you get to pick and choose. You’re royalty. You have to marry who the king chooses. Sorry, sweetheart.”
“This isn’t fair,” I breathed out painfully. “How? How could I? I-I can’t. I have to get out of here.”
“Hey, hey. Calm down.” Rowan got to his feet and knelt in front of me. “Deep breaths, Ana. Deep breaths. I know this isn’t ideal, and it seems bad. What if—I don’t know—what if who your father chose isn’t so bad? Could you do it then?”
“No.” I practically shouted. “I can’t. I-I won’t.”
“Ana,” Mabel said, coming to my side and laying a warm hand on my shoulder. “What would Calix tell you to do? Not the Mortae, but Calix? Do you think he’d want you to sit around and cry for him? The way you spoke of him, I’d think he’d want you to move on and find love again.”
She choked on the words, and I knew they were hard for her to say, knowing Calix was the Mortae and had been responsible for many sleepless nights and heartache.
“I don’t know what he’d want,” I whispered, tears springing to my eyes. I quickly closed my eyes and pulled in a deep breath. Tarek’s words rang in my ears about how I hadn’t earned my tears. “I-I don’t even know if I knew him.”
“Ana—” Rowan started, but I stood up and pushed past him.
“I-I need to go.” I rushed from the kitchen and went straight to my chambers. There I threw myself onto the large bed, my chest burning from the pain within it.
“Calix,” I wept. “Calix.”
I repeated his name over and over until the calmness of sleep took over.
Chapter 17
The sun was shining brightly when I woke to the pounding on my chamber doors. I didn’t bother to answer it and was surprised when it was flung open and Tarek waltzed in.
“You’re late. You were supposed to meet me on the grounds thirty minutes ago. I cannot be forced to chaperone you every morning,” he snarled, coming to the side of my bed and staring down at me.
“Go away, Tarek,” I mumbled, my face pressed into my pillow.
“No. We’re both obligated to complete the tasks set before us. If I were to just lie in bed instead of training an army, what do you think would happen? You need to learn to put yourself aside for a moment and concentrate on others.”
“Others?” I shouted, climbing to my feet and glaring at him. “Do not lecture me on others, Tarek. You don’t know me. You only know whatever rumor you’ve heard and what that tiny little brain of yours has conjured. I put others before me, and you know what it got me? Me, dying on a cliff in the middle of nowhere and the love of my life sacrificing himself to bring me back. If I didn’t have others on my mind, then I’d be happy right now. Instead, I’m stuck in this place, forced to spend my days with you.”
A muscle worked in Tarek’s jaw as we faced off angrily.
“Believe me,” he hissed through gritted teeth. “This is no picnic for me either, Princess.”
“Then go away,” I snapped, folding my arms across my chest. “I’m not coming out today. I might not come out tomorrow either.”
“You’re as selfish as I knew you’d be.” Tarek got in my face, his cheeks flaming red with his anger. “And to think, the fate of us all lies in your weak hands. We may as well line up for Zaros and let him pick us off one by one. You’re all but handing him the keys to the kingdom, to the entire realm. You should be ashamed of yourself. Even Calixto Shadowmoore had more courage than you. Even he fought until you killed him.”
I choked on my sob at his words. Tarek’s face instantly fell as he watched the tears overwhelm my eyes.
“Princess,” he said, sounding pained. “I’m sor—”
“Go away,” I whispered.
“Princess,” he pleaded weakly.
“Leave!” I shouted, causing the windows to bang open with the strong wind that whipped around outside. “Don’t ever show your face in my room again.”
Tarek bowed his head, walked to my door, and pulled it open. He left without a word. I flopped back onto my bed, a fresh set of tears cascading from my eyes.
Even Tarek believed Calix’s death was my fault.
Chapter 18
I didn’t leave my room the remainder of the week. I even ignored Rowan when he knocked on my door and called my name. I wasn’t fortunate enough to avoid the palace dress designer and her group of cackling minions though.
I stood listlessly as they measured and wrapped various shades and lengths of silks and satins around my body, each oohing and clapping as they stood back and examined how I looked. They asked my opinion on the fullness of the dress, and I shrugged my shoulders, telling them they could decide. Excitedly, they worked on my gown for hours. It was near night when they finally left me.
I lay in bed, my mind a million miles away. I missed running. I hadn’t been able to do it since I’d left Earth Realm, and I definitely couldn’t do it wearing the dresses I had to wear here. The stress was almost unbearable with no way to give it an outlet. I wondered how Soran was, and I worried about Kellin out there fighting. I couldn’t help but wonder if he resented me too somehow. If it weren’t for me, he’d probably be hanging out in his own place without a worry in the world. Instead, he was out there somewhere, fighting a war that wasn’t his to fight.
I shuddered as I thought about how our next reunion would go. I hadn’t seen him since the night in my room when I’d finally woke up. It had been a fiasco and didn’t count as a reunion. When I thought about it, even the time before that hadn’t been a reunion. He’d picked up my lifeless body off a cliff and whisked me to Winterset. Before that, we’d fought in the halls at school. We hadn’t parted on good terms.
He had to hate me. Calix’s death was on my hands, and Kellin’s situation was my fault. How could he not? I’d put him in this situation. If I were him, I’d hate me too. Even my own brother was forced to tolerate me.
I was jolted from my depressing thoughts by a soft knock on my door. I eyed it wearily, hoping it wasn’t the designers wanting more measurements.
“Come in,” I mumbled. The door creaked open, and I was surprised to see my mother step into the room, her beautiful blue gown making a soft whooshing noise as she entered.
“Mother,” I said, sitting up and wiping hasti
ly at my eyes. “I-I wasn’t expecting you.”
“That’s fine, dear. I was worried about you. You missed breakfast with me every day this week,” she said with a kind smile.
“I-I didn’t realize that was going to be a thing,” I apologized, wiping at my face again.
“Yes, I understand. That’s my fault. I suppose I assumed you’d want to make it a tradition,” she answered wistfully.
“I’m sorry,” I sighed.
“Oh, darling. There’s no need to be sorry. It really was my fault. I should’ve said something to you,” she replied, waving it off. “I heard you were working hard on the training grounds with Tarek and Rowan but had stopped. Do you want to talk about it?”
“There’s nothing to say,” I whispered, not meeting her prying gaze. “I-I’m not ready to do what needs to be done.”
“Sweetheart, no one ever is,” she sympathized, patting my hand gently.
“Mother, I can’t do this,” I burst out. “Everyone is hurting or dying because of me, and here I am, unable to help. Rowan visited me two nights ago. I didn’t let him in, but he said something about the Xanatharians being attacked. I don’t even know where their land is, but I can’t help but feel responsible for it. I’m only creating more chaos. I-I can’t be the one to do this.”
“My child,” she sighed, pulling me into a tight embrace. “You’re the one, whether you want to be or not. How I wish I could take it from you and bear it on my own, but I cannot. It breaks my heart and soul.”
“Then what do I do? How do I do this?” I begged, looking up into her kind eyes.
“You simply do it by stepping outside your chamber doors. You do it in the same manner as you do when you rise to meet the day. You put a smile on your pretty face, and you put one foot in front of the other. Eventually, you’ll get where you need to be. One step at a time. Every adventure in life begins with a small step forward.”
I was silent as I contemplated her words. They made sense to me, and I knew she was right.