by K. G. Reuss
“I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you,” Kellin continued, sitting down on the edge of my bed and taking my hand.
“Everything is OK now, Kellin,” I assured him, trying to sit up. I winced as my body screamed at me.
Gregor had been working on healing me, but it would take time. I wasn’t strong enough yet to try to heal myself, and the deep lashes from Zaros’s whip had left me badly wounded, maybe even scarred.
“It’s not OK, Ana.” Kellin shook his head sadly at me. “I failed you when I promised to protect you.”
“I think you should leave,” Tarek said, stepping forward. “This is a conversation that can be had later when the princess is better rested.”
“Tarek, it’s fine. Really. I want to talk to Kellin. Will you give us some privacy?”
Tarek gave me a curt nod before leaving the room, and I looked expectedly at Kellin.
“I’m sorry.” Kellin looked so forlorn.
“Don’t be. This was bound to happen.” I waved him off, not wanting him to feel bad.
“No, it wasn’t, Ana. If I would’ve done my job instead of running back to save someone else, you’d have been safe and the Mortae wouldn’t be back. I failed you and Winterset.”
“Kellin, you need to understand this was my destiny.” I winced, a terrible pain shooting through my body. “Zaros wanted this. He was going to make it happen. You can’t go on blaming yourself for it.”
“Look at you,” Kellin breathed. “You’re swollen and bruised. Scarred.” His voice cracked. “All because of me. How can I live with myself knowing you went through that?”
“You can’t always protect me, Kellin. We both know that.”
“I wasn’t even the one to save you.” He shook his head sadly. “I couldn’t even save you.”
“It doesn’t matter. The important thing is that I’m here. I’m back. It doesn’t matter who it was.”
“How did he do it, Ana? How did he make a fifteen-day journey by horseback in just hours? How did he get you back here within those few hours? How is it that he healed you from a Shadow Blade wound? I want to understand it, Ana.”
“Kellin, please let it go. Please.”
Kellin set his mouth in a firm line, his nostrils flaring. He was silent as he stared at me, the wheels clearly spinning in his head.
“I spoke to my father about the arrangement with Cyrena’s father,” he said, his words barely above a whisper. “Father plans to meet with him to officially dissolve the agreement.”
I nodded, unsure of what to say. Tarek had mentioned that Cyrena had been found safe in the village of Carmina, having left Marriot the night before the attack.
“Say something. Please,” Kellin begged, his blue eyes sad.
I shrugged helplessly. “I-I don’t know what you want me to say.”
“Tell me you want me still. Tell me this makes you happy. Tell me you love me. Tell me you forgive me. Anything. Please. Even if it’s to tell me that you hate me, it’s something, Ana. I’ve been dying since you were taken. Going crazy. Scared. I need to hear you tell me you want me. That none of it matters. That you’re mine.”
“Kellin, I do love you, but don’t you see how it’s been? You know how you’ve been feeling? I don’t want you to go through it, and you’ll only meet it tenfold with me. You deserve to be with someone you can come home to, someone who isn’t broken, someone who won’t put you in harm’s way. Someone who can love you as much as I love Calix and he loved me. Someone you already love and are engaged to—”
“You’re who I want,” he stated defiantly. He slid closer to me and cupped my face in his hands.
I couldn’t bring myself to tell him the truth about Tarek. About who he really was—especially to me and how it effectively changed our situation. A plan was already formulating in my mind to protect those I loved. And it would work better than my last plan. Maybe this time no one would die.
He leaned in and kissed me gently. I kissed him back, tasting his need for me, wanting him to know that my feelings for him were genuine. He needed to know that I did love him. But he needed to know that our journey together was ending. He just wasn’t my destiny. Everything I did from here on out was because I loved him—because I loved them all.
Chapter 56
Over the next few weeks, wielding became easier than I’d ever imagined now that Calix was out there somewhere. With him being back in the same realm as me, I was able to draw on our connection, as dangerous as that was. I practiced daily out on the grounds. I could pull each element easily, bending it however I wanted. There were times when I’d falter. But those moments were fewer and farther between now.
I wasn’t quite sure how Zaros was no longer able to control me. I could feel the pull, his influence, every now and then, but it was always weaker, even more so when Tarek was near me. If I had to guess, I’d say it was the power of altera at play.
As the days passed, I did spend some time with Kellin. I’d tried distancing myself from him, but he wouldn’t allow it. He kept taking me out to play with the wolvens, especially Four Paws, and to chase furrels in the gardens. I knew it was his way of trying to distract me from the bigger picture, and I loved him for it. But the truth was lurking in the back of mind. And it was in the eyes of Tarek as he watched our exchanges. It was only a matter of time. And that time was coming. I didn’t kiss Kellin anymore. I didn’t hug him. I saw his hurt whenever I looked at him, but it had to be done. This was what saving the world was like. And it sucked.
“I still don’t believe the sword is for you,” Tarek said as he knocked me to the ground again.
A lot had changed between us. We had a bond, and I wasn’t sure if it was a from him rescuing me, from what Gregor called our blood bond, or from our feelings simply shifting. Or a combination. He’d saved me. I knew his secrets. We owed each other a lot.
“I think we established that weeks ago,” I replied, taking his hand as he pulled me to my feet, the familiar warmth washing over me.
“Then why do we continue on as if it will work?” He laughed, his eyes flashing from blue to brown quickly. He let his guard down around me a lot. His eyes changed, but never the rest of him. I knew this handsome blond haired, blue eyed man wasn’t what he really looked like. He was a shifter, like his mother, able to change his appearance at will. But I’d never had a chance to talk to him about any of it.
“You’re right. I actually have something for you that I think you’ll like more,” he answered. “Meet me in the gardens at dusk?”
“OK.” I nodded at the sudden change in the air around us.
“We’ll finally talk,” he murmured, his eyes shifting back to blue. “We have a lot to discuss.”
“We do,” I agreed.
He tensed, and I turned to see Kellin striding across the grounds toward us.
“It’s all going to come out in the open soon,” he murmured, his eyes fixed on Kellin. “You should tell him.”
“I can’t,” I whispered. “Not-not yet.”
“You must. You don’t belong to him, even if his father dissolves the arrangement with Cyrena’s father. Ana, I didn’t want to tell you before because I believe in making our own decisions… but he’s not good for you.”
I didn’t say anything because Kellin was within earshot, an unhappy look on his face at finding Tarek and me together.
“Tarek, Soran wishes to see you. He’s in the War Room with King Lauris. They’ve both requested your presence immediately.”
I looked from Kellin to Tarek fearfully, wondering if now would be the time they interrogated him about how he’d gotten to me and who he really was.
Tarek didn’t seem upset by the information. He simply sheathed his sword and leaned down to whisper in my ear, “Do not worry for me. Your eyes give too much away.”
He moved away before I could reply, walking quickly to the castle.
“How are you feeling?” Kellin asked, trying to push the irritated expression from his face.
; “Why do my father and Soran wish to speak with Tarek?” I asked.
“For the reasons you think. We need to know what really happened that day. We need to know who Tarek is.”
“Why does it matter? He saved me. Everyone should just leave it at that.”
“We want to make sure you’re safe, Ana.”
“I’m most safe with Tarek,” I snapped.
“You’re most safe with me, Ana,” Kellin said softly.
I sighed.
“I hate how he’s always around you.”
“Kellin…” I swallowed thickly. “We should talk.”
“No.” He shook his head, stepping away from me. “There’s nothing to talk about.”
“There is, and you know it.”
“Unless it’s you telling me his secrets, then we don’t need to talk about it.”
“Kellin, would you please just listen to me?”
“Fine. Talk to me. I’ll listen.”
“I think we should break our engagement off,” I said, biting my lip, my heart aching as the words tumbled out of my mouth.
“What?” he asked, his eyes opening wide. “I know you’re still upset with me, Ana, but please, don’t do this.”
“I told you before I didn’t want you to worry for me or hurt for me or die for me, and I fear all of those things will come to pass if we stay together. Your father has your wedding arranged. I-I think you should stick with that and let me go. We should formally announce the dissolution of our arrangement, which isn’t really an arrangement since you’re still under an agreement with Cyrena.”
“No.” Kellin shook his head vehemently. “Absolutely not, Ana. I made a commitment to you, and I plan on seeing it out, regardless of whether I live or die. I love you. Let me. Why won’t you let me?”
“Because.” My bottom lip quivered. “Because I love you too, and sometimes loving someone means letting them go. For their own good.”
“Let me take care of us. Let me decide my fate, Ana.”
“I’ll only hurt you,” I whispered, wiping at my eyes. “We both know it.”
“Then I’ll prepare my heart for that day, but until then, you’re mine. My girl. My fiancée. My queen. Ana, you’re the woman my heart beats for. Only you! I’m so deeply in love with you that you’re all my mind can focus on. All of this made me realize just how far I’ve fallen.”
He kissed me then, his lips finding mine and working them passionately. His hands traveled down my back, pulling me close to him. I did love him. So much. But I wasn’t in love with him. And that mattered. It mattered a lot. He was a good man and deserved more. More than what I could give him.
Tarek’s words swept through my mind, and I knew I’d have to be harsh if I was to keep Kellin safe. If I was to keep any of them safe.
I pushed Kellin away and shook my head.
“I’m sorry, Kellin. Prince Niall. I can’t do this. Not to you. Not to me. I-I’m calling it quits. Forgive me.”
I rushed away from him. My name fell from his lips in harsh shouts, his panic and pain very real. I was sorry. But I was the Oracle, and with it came my own set of obligations. Ones that weren’t quite so bad since I’d decided to accept them and everything that came with them—Tarek included.
Chapter 57
The army marched forward, a long procession of black armor and creatures of the shadows with Calix at the head.
They marched to the edge of the Dar’ish border before stopping. Calix flicked his hand easily, and a portal opened, the palace of the Kingdom of Dar’ish, lying within.
“Analia, my Ash Queen,” Calix said softly, gazing into the portal. “My Oracle. I know you can hear me. I ride for you. We didn’t get to finish what we started.”
A grin widened on his face, and he rode through the portal, his army behind him.
Chapter 58
“Tarek has been banished from Dar’ish.” Rowan rushed into my room right before dusk, his hair disheveled, his eyes wide and panicked.
“What?” I shouted, stumbling to my feet, trying to rub the vision from my eyes.
“The king has banished him. He’s collecting his things now. He sent me to retrieve you, Ana. He said he needs to speak with you.”
I nodded and went straight to Tarek’s quarters at the edge of the palace grounds. I banged on his door. He pulled it open and snatched me by my arm, hauling me quickly inside.
“Is it true?” I demanded.
“It’s true,” he replied, locking the door to his modest quarters. “I wouldn’t give up my secrets, so I was banished. I must leave before nightfall.”
“I’m coming with you,” I stated firmly.
Tarek stopped shoving stuff into his bag and turned slowly toward me, a smile on his face.
“I know you are. Do you think I’d really leave behind my fiancée?”
We’d never officially acknowledged who I was to him, and it sent goosebumps through my body, his words hitting me in the pit of my stomach.
“It’s hard to hear, isn’t it?” he murmured, brushing the hair away from my face. “Believe me, it’s hard for me too. I’d planned on killing you just months ago, and now here I am, trying to take you with me. Funny how things work, isn’t it? Did you tell Kellin?”
“I told him enough,” I whispered painfully, a tear leaking out of the corner of my eye. “He loves me.”
“And you feel for him. I know. I’ve found myself in a similar situation,” he mused, his now brown eyes sweeping my face, reminding me of Calix. It was almost like staring into his eyes again. “Don’t fret, my princess. I’ll remedy the situation for you. Come here.” He opened his arms for me, and I stepped wordlessly into them, warmth filling me entirely.
“Do you feel that, Ana?” he breathed out, his voice soft. “That’s our power together. What’s meant to be. What must be to end this. Are you ready to end this at any cost?”
“Yes,” I whispered as he tilted my face up to look at him, his brown eyes searching mine.
“Once we commit to this, there’s no turning back,” he murmured, his body now flush against mine. “Are you sure you want this? Are you sure you are ready for all that it entails? The running, the hiding while we figure things out, saying goodbye to your family, potentially giving up something you might find it hard to give?”
“Yes,” I said again, my heart hammering in my chest at what it meant. “Tarek, Calix rides for Dar’ish now. They’ll be at the edge of the kingdom tonight before midnight. We cannot let them enter the kingdom. If they take our cities, it’ll only be a matter of time before they make it to the palace and take my home. I-I must warn everyone.”
“Yes.” He nodded. “You must. I must advise you to make as much peace with anyone as you need to because I’ll be taking you from Dar’ish tonight.”
“But I have to figh—”
“No, you don’t, Ana,” Tarek said passionately, his dark eyes sweeping my face quickly. “Sometimes it’s OK to just walk away.”
“You know I can’t do that. If there’s a chance to save my family then I have to take it, Tarek.”
“And you will, but you won’t be saving them tonight. You’ll be hurting yourself, possibly worse. You have to come with me. You know this, Ana.” His hands gripped my waist tightly.
“I’ll come with you after I’ve tried this last time.” I nodded sadly, thinking about what I’d be leaving behind. It had to be done though. There was a way out of this, and I had to find it. I wasn’t safe in Dar’ish any longer and neither were my people. If I was gone, it would pull the focus off them to finding me. And I’d give them a hell of a hunt. While mine and Calix’s bond felt weakened by the blood exchange with Tarek, I knew I had to complete the other steps to finish breaking away from him, including letting Calix set me free. “I’m ready to break away from the Mortae,” I said softly.
“Then let us begin,” he murmured, his head dipping down, his lips close to mine. “I know I won’t be able to persuade you to walk away from this, even if it’s dange
rous. Here’s a piece of me to keep with you while you fight to remind you that you aren’t alone.”
My breath hitched in my chest as Tarek’s soft mouth brushed against my own gently. When he lifted his face from mine, he pulled me close to him. His heart pounded beneath my ear where it rested against his chest.
“Be brave.” He gave me one last squeeze before he turned and strode away.
I would be brave. For Tarek, my family, myself, and Calix. It was time to seek Incaendium. Wildfire. The thunder. It was the only way I could save Calix from his own hell.
Chapter 59
Tarek gave me an even stare, and I nodded slightly, understanding he wasn’t truly leaving me as he rode through the gates on his horse. After he finally disappeared from view, my father turned sadly to all of us at the gate and shook his head.
“We lost a good man today. Dar’ish won’t hold with secrets, especially not now, not even for those who rescue the princess.”
“Father…” I stepped forward. “I request a meeting in the War Room.”
Everyone looked at me, confused.
“Zaros is coming. He brings the Mortae. They’ll be at the edge of the city of Wells before midnight. They plan on taking the city and marching forth to our capital. They intend on taking it. Tonight is the blood moon. Tonight is the night they will come for me.”
My father wasted no time in calling an emergency meeting in his War Room. Kellin, Rowan, who was now captain, Soran, and his other higher military leaders were present. I told them about my vision and the vision of the blood moon I’d had weeks ago. Then I informed them about everything that had happened to me while I was with Zaros, even baring my scars. After I repositioned my clothing, I looked at some of the men who mattered most to me and confessed the thing that worried me. “I’m not sure I can save Calix. Even though, I know he’s still in there and he tried to save me before the Mortae overpowered him, I fear if I get close enough again I’d be captured. And I’m pretty certain I won’t be able to fight the compulsion. Mostly because I don’t really know how it works. How this new connection works.”