by Piper Lawson
I thought once I experienced those feelings, my desire would fade.
Instead, it gets stronger.
I want to be wanted.
I need to be needed.
Not some perfect version of myself, but this real, raw one.
But I’d be leaving my friends.
My school.
The Stars competition…
I lock the thoughts away and kiss him back.
27
Sawyer
“We’re gonna miss you around here,” says Daniel as I finish packing up my father’s things in boxes for Goodwill.
A few items are tagged in separate piles to be sent to his academic colleagues.
“You’ll get over it. People leave.”
“Doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck.” Daniel claps me on the back. “Stay in touch, yeah? Or I’ll come to the city and hunt your ass down.”
There’s a knock on the door, and he pushes it wide to reveal Betty.
“I thought you might like something of him to remember.” I step back and gesture to a pile of items on the hall table next to the bowl of apples. “These were from his office. Favorite books. Cufflinks. I don’t know what would make you think of him.”
She beams. “That’s sweet of you. I don’t need things to remember. He’s in my heart.”
I turn that over as I cross to the fish tank.
The team borrowed it for their demo, and it’s not centered back on the table. I kneel down and adjust it, finding a piece of tape on the bottom.
For Olivia Barclay.
“He wanted her to have them,” I murmur.
“What’s that?”
I shake my head.
Captain Jack lurks near the back in his favorite patch of seaweed. Bright clownfish dot the clear water.
It’s going to be a pain in the ass to ship to New York, but we’ll figure it out. I’m sure as hell bringing it because it makes Olivia smile.
And she makes me smile.
I still can’t believe she’s coming with me. Russell U might be cutting me loose, but I don’t need them.
A shape on top of the water, a few inches length, grabs my attention.
A single blue fish.
Belly up.
My stomach turns. It must have happened after the students took the tank to campus for their presentation.
“Your father made mistakes,” Betty ventures, not noticing. “Especially where you were concerned.”
I force my focus back to her. “I don’t know why he took me in. We clashed at every turn.”
“Surely it wasn’t that bad.”
“The night I left, he accused me of ruining the dean’s career. Said I’d never make anything of myself. I was afraid he might be right.”
Betty sighs. “He made a mistake, Sawyer. Every time you set a toe out of line, he swore it was his fault. He watched you go out in the world and make your own way, and he realized he was wrong. You weren’t breaking the rules, you were creating something beautiful,” she goes on. “But in order for them to be their best, we have to go through the hard times.”
Maybe there’s something to it.
Darkness begets light.
Ugliness reveals beauty.
Cruelty shows us the gift of kindness.
“There’s a file drawer upstairs I haven’t been able to get into. Do you have any idea what the combination might be? I’ve tried his birthday, the date he got tenure, the address, everything I can think of.”
She screws up her face. “Try this.” She writes down a series of six numbers on a slip of paper. “I’ll see you at the disciplinary committee meeting in a few hours.”
My abs tighten as I see her out.
I memorize the number—it’s meaningless to me—as I scoop the fish out of the tank and flush it.
Then I take the stairs up to my father’s office and go to the file cabinet, trying the password Betty suggested.
It works.
Unlike the rest of his office that was bursting with papers and electronics, this contains only a few slim files.
The first is from the adoption agency.
The letter on top is from him, addressed to them.
…hasty decision…
…entirely unsuitable…
…no possible successful outcome…
I set the letter down, numb.
He tried to send me back. After he took me in, he didn’t only berate me and ignore me. The man who put a roof over my head wanted me gone.
Just like everyone else in my life.
Cherry: Can we meet up?
Sawyer: I have a few minutes before I’m due to see the disciplinary committee.
I step off the elevator to see her already waiting in the hallway in dark jeans and black boots, her hair spilling over the shoulders of her jacket.
My heart kicks at her presence. She’s not a student. She’s a woman, and a dream, and every chance of a life I never let myself believe I could have.
And she’s mine.
“Hey.”
“Hi.”
She lets me drag her against me, her lips soft welcoming under mine.
The letter messed with my head, but she can fix it. I believe in the power she has.
“I have something to show you.” She pulls up her phone and holds it out. “Our justification feedback.”
Dear Russell U team, we were impressed with your commitment to design and ecology. We are awarding you a twenty-thousand-dollar stipend and inviting you to continue to the next round.
Her laugh is incredulous. “Can you believe it?“
Olivia presses up on her toes to throw her arms around my neck.
She’s thrilled the same way I am to see her, but it’s not my presence that’s got her on a high.
It’s the email.
A ribbon of ice snakes through me—a warning I want to ignore but can’t.
I pull back a second before she can.
“You’re not coming to New York.”
Her face falls, and my answer is plain on her face before she forms the words. “I can’t.”
It’s a spear in my gut. The end of the dreams I let myself dream these past weeks, ones I never should have allowed in the first place.
“Because of Adam? Madison? Royce? This school? What do you owe it? They turned on you the moment they found out about us.”
Her dark brows pull together.
“I want to stick this out. You taught me not to lean on anyone, to stand on my own. Are you saying I shouldn’t?”
Fuck.
She’s not wrong, but the letter from my father rises to the front of my mind.
…hasty decision…
…entirely unsuitable…
…no possible successful outcome…
She has her whole future ahead of her, and I’m not that.
“Sawyer, don’t look at me like that. Please,” she whispers. “This doesn’t have to be the end—”
“It’s not the end.” Her brows lift but I press on. “Because there was no beginning. I wanted you because I couldn’t have you. It wouldn’t have worked beyond these walls.”
She recoils in shock. “You don’t mean that.”
“I do. You helped me realize it. I got caught up in the same thing I was selling you. Freedom, at another’s hands. Anarchy. At some point, I forgot those things aren’t stable.”
“Don’t say it,” she whispers, emotion choking her voice. She reaches for me and I wave her hand away.
If she touches me, I’ll implode.
I wanted her to be free to express herself, and that’s what she’s doing—but not to her family, her piece of shit ex, she’s doing it to me. Telling me what she wants, I can’t give her.
It hurts so fucking badly.
Worse than my mom leaving.
Worse than my dad watching me walk out the door.
Worse than my own partner believe a lying girl over me.
Because I can see in her eyes that she cares. She wants me.
&
nbsp; But it’s not enough.
She wants this more.
My gaze drags over her from her toes to her lips. “You’re beautiful. Ripe. Addictive. Once I had a taste, I wanted more. I’m not a man who denies himself. But even the most ravenous animal is eventually sated.”
Her eyes cool on mine, as if she’s looking into me, through me. “You’re not an animal. You’re a man. But not even an animal can get enough of what it doesn’t truly need.”
“Meaning?”
“You crave love, but you can’t name it and you can’t ask for it, and when it knocks on your door you turn it away because you’re terrified once you let it in, it could slip out in the night.”
Her words sink into my skin, my soul.
I’m losing her.
No.
No, I won’t.
This time, I’ll—
“Professor Redmond.” The door opens and Betty looks out. “They’re ready for you.”
I turn my back on Olivia and enter the room, shutting the door at my back.
“Dr. Redmond,” the vice provost begins. “Thank you for accepting our invitation to attend this meeting.”
“I figured it was more of a demand than an invitation.”
Betty shoots me a look that says not to joke.
“We’ve come to a decision regarding your case, and…”
There’s a noise outside.
One of the members goes to the door to tell whoever’s outside to cut it out, but Royce steps inside, followed by Adam and Madison. Olivia trails them.
Royce turns to the faculty, holding up his phone. “We got through to the final round of the competition. That’s never happened in Russell U history.”
“You deserve it. But the celebration needs to move elsewhere.” I nod to the table of startled academics.
Royce is the next one to look up at me. “You’ve helped us. Who are they going to stick us with if you’re not here?”
“I’ve already spoken with another faculty member to cover the commitment. Dr. Greene.”
“Dr. Greene is eighty,” Adam blurts.
Madison nods. “We want you to stay. We won’t let you leave.”
“We were about to render our verdict,” the woman says pointedly. “You all need to leave.”
“If you want me to go, you can say it in front of my students.”
She frowns. “Fine. Professor Redmond, the relationship you had with a student was ill-advised and unethical. But because the student is of age, there is nothing illegal. Further…we found no evidence that it unfairly affected your other students. In fact, the students in question wrote letters of support on your behalf.”
My head snaps around to my students, then back to the administrators.
This isn’t how I expect it to sound.
“We would like you to remain at Russell next semester.”
I swear I’ve misheard.
There’s no way they want me here.
“Thank fuck,” Royce blurts. Madison gasps and even Adam looks relieved.
Olivia’s eyes widen with hope and emotions that threaten to gut me.
There’s a chance.
We can make this work.
I’m here and so is she. The woman who sees me at my best and my worst.
The second we’re out of here, we’ll set things right.
The vice provost rises from her seat. “Could everyone but Professor Redmond and Miss Barclay please leave the room?”
Madison, Royce, and Adam head for the hall. Once the door closes behind them, the room is quiet.
The dean of engineering clears his throat. But it’s not me he’s looking at—it’s Olivia.
“I spoke to your parents this morning. I wanted to keep them apprised of your situation, as a concerned parent and particularly given his support of the department. The thing is, he had no idea what I was talking about.”
Olivia tenses at my side.
Hidden from view by our bodies, my fingers itch to thread through hers behind her back, but she’s too far away.
“Olivia Barclay,” the dean begins, “for your conduct, including possessing a copy of a faculty keycard and lying about an alumni donation, Russell University has decided you are no longer fit to attend this institution. You are hereby expelled.”
Thank you for reading Collide!
When Olivia’s future is torn from her fingertips, can she and Sawyer defy the odds and fight for their future?
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Books by Piper Lawson
OFF-LIMITS SERIES
Crave
Collide
Claim
ENEMIES SERIES
Beautiful Enemy
Beautiful Sins
Beautiful Ruin
Beautiful Salvation
RIVALS SERIES
Love Notes
A Love Song for Liars
A Love Song for Rebels
A Love Song for Dreamers
A Love Song for Always
WICKED SERIES
Good Girl
Bad Girl
Wicked Girl
Forever Wicked
MODERN ROMANCE SERIES
Easy Love
Bad Love
Twisted Love
PLAY SERIES
PLAY
NSFW
RISE
TRAVESTY SERIES
Schooled
Stripped
Sealed
Styled
Satisfaction
Acknowledgments
Sawyer and Liv’s story has taken me on a ride I never expected. I have loved every second of going deeper into their world.
How is it possible their highs and lows feel as if they transcend college firsts, but are also the perfect example of that time? No idea. But they’re so real and visceral to me, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Collide wouldn’t have happened without the support of my awesome readers, including my ARC team. You ladies provide endless enthusiasm, cheerleading, and help spreading the word. I could NOT do it without you.
Thank you Tal, Suzanne, and Tina for your honest (and timely!) feedback. Becca, thank you for knowing the characters in my head better than I do. Erica, thank you for polishing, cheerleading and catching all the little things.
Thank you Regina for the perfect image. And Dani for your sage advice and for helping my stories find their way to readers who’ll cherish them like I do.
And Annette Brignac and Michelle Clay… I don’t know how I published a sentence before you. Don’t ever leave me.
Thank you all from the bottom of my heart. The best part of author life is having YOU in it.
Love always,
Piper
About the Author
Piper Lawson is a Wall Street Journal and USA Today bestselling author of smart, steamy romance.
She writes about women who follow their dreams (even the scary ones), best friends who know your dirty secrets (and love you anyway), and complex heroes you’ll fall hard for (especially after talking with them). Brains or brawn? She’ll never make you choose.
Piper lives in Canada with her tall, dark and brilliant husband. She believes peanut butter is a protein, rose gold is a neutral, and love is ALWAYS the answer.
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Copyright 2021 by Piper Lawson Books
Content editing by Becca Mysoor
Line and copy editing by Erica Russikoff
Cover photography by Regina Wamba
This book is a work of fiction. References to real people, events, establishments, organizations, or locations are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
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