by R. Cooper
Taji jumped, and glared at Tsomyal for it. But the ambassador was as composed as any of the Sha, and just as welcome in his life right now.
He tore himself away from them and lowered his head as he walked so he wouldn’t have to look at anyone. He had to warn Trenne and the others about the hunt and the dangers, and he had to leave, to go someplace where Larin wasn’t smirking at him as if he enjoyed the thought of Taji mindless and begging and denied any relief. Because Taji had been to other worlds, and said so? Because he didn’t see the Sha as the beginning and the end of everything?
Because a little, limping human translator should be grateful to have his life, and praise Larin for it, not find happiness with someone considered no better than the beasts they would be hunting in the morning?
Taji didn’t know if conversation resumed as he left, or if shock over what Larin had done was still reverberating through the crowd. He stumbled back the way he had come, with the two Imperial Guards close behind him.
When enough distance was between him and Larin, he scrubbed his face with the back of his hand and took long, gasping breaths until he thought he could speak almost normally. Then he reached for his comm and scratched out a stream of Deshtani, which he seriously doubted the Shavian Imperial Guard would know, even if they could decipher Taji’s terrible accent.
One person on the other end who might be listening, however, could.
“I’m sorry,” Taji said, throat raw and eyes stinging. “They want you all to participate in their hunt. I need…I need him. Where is he?”
He was halfway back to their room when the answer came, in Deshtani, from a curt, serious Nadir. “On his way, Mouth. Get to your room and stay there. Markita and Nev also on their way. Hang tight.”
Taji was too relieved to do anything but click the comm off and walk as fast he could.
The Guards stayed with him, silent.
Chapter Eight
TAJI WAS in the middle of the room when Trenne arrived. He stopped to sweep a look over Taji and then the room itself before studying Taji again. Behind him, Taji saw Nev and Markita taking up positions and two imperial watchdogs trying to see in.
Trenne shut the door.
Taji very slowly unclenched his hand and released the comm unit he’d been holding since Nadir had told him to come here. He hadn’t moved since he’d arrived, not even to touch the tray of food Mos had sent.
He’d probably interrupted Trenne’s dinner or time to relax, but Trenne was fully dressed. His black shirt had a stiffness to it that meant his armor was beneath it, intended to be hidden. The others probably had theirs on as well.
Taji took a shaking breath, then another. Trenne was prepared. Of course he was. He was trained and smart and strong, and he knew what cruelties Shavians were capable of, even before he’d had to deal with nobles and their politics.
Safety was an illusion, but Trenne made it feel real, as if Taji could run to him and everything would be okay. But Taji remembered Elii shehzha who had once been Shyril Elii.
Trenne took a cautious step toward him. Taji had a brief moment to wonder what he must look like, then Trenne spoke. “Did he hurt you?”
He didn’t give a name, but Taji shook his head once. “Not like that.”
Trenne flattened his ears. “Did he touch you?”
The idea that shehzha couldn’t be touched by anyone other than their chosen partner was ridiculous, but Taji only shook his head again.
The narrow-eyed, considering look from Trenne was rare. Trenne tended to try to seem blank-faced, either to exude Shavian self-control or to project the image of a simple soldier, or both. But Taji was getting a full, calculating study now.
He crossed his arms and looked away, not up to challenging that. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“You mentioned a hunt to Nadir,” Trenne said, almost carefully. “You were alarmed.”
“I was…” Taji didn’t know what he was trying to say. “Larin, he wants—he invited—all of you to his hunt. The Emperor’s Hunt, where people die or are injured and he wants you to go because he…because I—” Taji took a breath. “He said you and the team should go to prove you aren’t scared, and Tsomyal accepted. Tsomyal shouldn’t have done that. Maybe it was to appease him. Maybe Tsomyal is scared too, even if it doesn’t show. But they shouldn’t have done that. But I haven’t…I haven’t had a chance to tell them how dangerous it is. They’re keeping us separated, and I can’t tell if it’s on purpose or not. I could send messages, but Tsomyal never responds to those, if they read them. I—” Taji exhaled slowly, seeking calm. “Larin didn’t mean it as a kindness.”
“Okay.” Trenne used the human phrase, possibly for Taji’s benefit. “How did Larin mean it?”
Taji held tighter to himself. “An insult. You’re supposed to fail. Not because you’ve never done it before and don’t know the rules, but because you’re hurat and the rest are human. And…”
“And?” Trenne came farther into the room.
Taji looked up. “A lot is implied in Shavian history, but this hunt…I got the impression it was about proving yourself and your bravery or honor. I also got the impression that enemies of the emperor tend to wind up casualties.” Trenne did not seem surprised. It didn’t make Taji any less worried. “Look, I don’t know if he would, but he wanted me to know he could. He was mad at me, so he did this.”
He expected a question about why Larin was angry with him. Not for Trenne to stop in front of him and gentle his voice. “He meant this as a threat and a way to hurt you.”
Maybe because Trenne hadn’t asked, Taji kept talking. “All I did was say that there was more than the Sha in the universe! I didn’t say they were better or worse, I just said there was more than this one place! The Sha have had almost a century to deal with the presence of worlds outside their own, they should be over their existential crisis by now! Not walling themselves up with ignorance and misplaced arrogance! Does he really think threatening or harming IPTC ambassadors is going to stop the I.P.T.C.? If anything, it’s going to send them here with their armies. Does he not get that? He should get that!”
Trenne cupped Taji’s cheek. “He insulted your protection. He threatened them.”
“He threatened my eshe. He—” Taji swallowed, then glared. “Larin doesn’t get to do that. I don’t care if he’s emperor. And anyway that’s—that’s threatening harm to me indirectly, which shouldn’t be allowed. They keep insisting it’s painful, that the shehzha physically need them. So taking the eshe away—taking you away, they don’t get to do that. I don’t care if he’s emperor and Olea and his ancestors built rockets to the moon and conquered an entire planet. Those are his rules, their rules, and they aren’t allowed to break them.”
“Taji.” Trenne saying his name made Taji stop talking to try to breathe again. The considering look returned. “Tell me what you know about the hunt.”
Surprise kept Taji still. He blinked as he processed. “The hunt. Yeah. Yeah, okay. It’s some sort of tradition. Very elite. Only current favorites or enemies are invited. No shehzha, no hurat, no Inri, for some reason. Out here around Laviias, the animals they hunt are different from what they do elsewhere, but I think you must…win points, or honor, or glory, based on the amount or maybe the difficulty in getting certain animals? I don’t know. But the emperor promised me prizes I didn’t ask for, so I assume you have to bring me some, too. Then I think we eat them. It seems like a waste to kill more than is necessary, but the rich are like that, as far as I can tell. And you use your knives to hunt…uh, kill. Nothing complicated, no modern weaponry. I think…I think you’re barefoot and maybe dressed differently, or not at all? ‘Sha as they are,’ they said.”
“Good. That’s good.” Trenne dropped his hand to Taji’s neck, his touch light. “I will bring you prizes if you want them.”
“If you’re asking.” Taji leaned into Trenne’s hand. “Asking is important. Koel Talfa isn’t getting a choice. I think the Koel want Talfa to be shehzha
to aid them, or assume Talfa is shehzha because they talk too much or speak out of turn. Is that why you thought it about me? Because I can’t shut up?”
“You are more quiet than you believe you are.” Trenne gave him a funny look, almost squinty-eyed. “You have many thoughts you don’t share. You are shehzha to me, and to others, because of the feelings you do not try to hide. That is not a human trait, not entirely. That is you.”
Taji supposed the humans Trenne was usually around were military and disciplined in a way Taji wasn’t. “I work alone,” Taji explained at last, in a near mumble. “Or, I did. I was alone. No one cared what my face did. But now here, it’s as if I’m…”
“Shehzha,” Trenne said, with such warmth Taji’s tongue stuck to the roof of his mouth.
He struggled to speak. “The Koel expect Talfa to lead whoever Talfa ends up shehzha to. Even if that is an emperor.”
Trenne didn’t show surprise, not even in his ears. “Yes.”
Taji met his eyes again. Trenne believed in that the way the others did, as if it were not only possible, but natural. Maybe even inevitable.
“But Larin…” Taji put his head down. He couldn’t look at Trenne for this. “Larin’s shehzha. I saw him—one of them. We all…we all saw him.” Taji could feel Trenne’s shock but he still couldn’t raise his head. “He said that was me. He wanted that to be me, to make me feel like that. Shyril Elii,” Taji whispered, “is going to feel nothing but shame. He’s going to remember and know what Larin did to him. He wasn’t protected, Trenne. He wasn’t honored.”
Taji was shaking and didn’t know why. None of this was his custom. He shouldn’t care like this. “He was humiliated. Larin made him beg in front of everyone, Trenne. He begged and he needed when he shouldn’t have. Shyril Elii will remember. Just so…just so Larin could show me I was wrong. Because Larin is a weak emperor who needs the adoration of three—three—shehzha to know he is strong. You told me they were revered. You talked about them as if…as if they were precious. But Larin used him, is using him, and he…and he wanted me to know. The others I don’t think he cared about. Or he enjoyed their horror, I don’t know. But he called Elii to him.” Taji could see it as if he was there again, Elii hiding his face, Larin turning him so Taji had a view of everything. His voice got even lower. “Larin exposed him.”
Trenne wasn’t speaking. Taji kept going, his thoughts spinning. “He wouldn’t look up. Elii. The need was so strong that it overrode his shame—most of his shame. It’s an honor culture, so shame is a part of that, but I thought it would be for cowardice or something similar. Not taking the most vulnerable and laughing at them, using them…scaring them. I didn’t understand before, Trenne, but now I…all he has until that fades is Larin, and Larin doesn’t care about him. And they all hinted Elii loved Larin in some way, so the bond must be strong. There was that much feeling.” Taji was breathing too fast. “And I’m…what chance would I have?”
“Enough.” The gravel in Trenne’s voice was as startling as the anger. Taji’s brain took too long to identify the emotion, and then he was gaping up at Trenne who had his jaw clenched and his ears flat to his skull. “Taji, that is not honor.”
“He was cruel,” Taji stammered. “This is a culture that brutally conquered and shut down uprisings, where murder and violent coups were the norm for centuries, and yet Eriat couldn’t look. As though it was a perversion, a crime.” Crime wasn’t harsh enough. “A sacrilege.”
“He scared you.” Trenne spoke with low, fierce emotion. “He dishonored his shehzha to make you feel shame.”
Taji nearly fell back a step, ready to deny it, but then the cold in the pit of his stomach and the hot sting at his cheeks made him stop.
He drifted forward until he felt the rough fabric of Trenne’s uniform against his forehead. “Earlier, when you touched me…” Taji began, halting, and Trenne instantly spread his hand over the back of his neck. Taji sighed for the warmth and pressure. “Thank you.”
Trenne wasn’t really holding him, but it felt as if he was. The illusion of safety was painfully close to real.
He was small and human again, fragile bone and thin skin, no weapons to speak of except for teeth that had been blunted by evolution. Trenne’s thumb swept along the curve behind his ear. Taji thought of Elii and Larin, and closed his eyes. “I don’t pretend to be hurt so you’ll do these things. Lin was trying to be funny. I’m not…like that.”
“You are not.” Trenne seemed calm again, his voice even. Taji tried to breathe with him, slowly and steadily in and out. “I think you do not tell me enough of what’s bothering you, or what you want.”
That was a dangerous thought. Taji shoved it away with everything else and just kept breathing until his thoughts felt distant.
“Did you eat?” he asked at last, after minutes of warm, thick silence. “I should.” He wasn’t hungry anymore, but if he stuffed his mouth with food, it might keep him from embarrassing himself. He raised his head and Trenne lowered his hand. “Mos, who is Inri, apparently…I asked and she sent us food.”
“You eat. I need to speak with the others.” Trenne paused. “Inri?” One ear twitched, but then Trenne went on. “One noble family is the same as another.”
Which told Taji nothing about the Inri. Taji opened his mouth and received a pointed look that he did not deserve. “Eat,” Trenne told him again. “I’ll eat when I’m done.”
“Not hungry,” Taji insisted, although his stomach would disagree once he’d calmed down more. He hesitated before picking up his comm unit. Then he went over to the tray of food to pick at it.
“Lin,” Trenne spoke into his comm. Taji had a sudden suspicion that none of them would be considered off-duty while they were in Laviias, not even when sleeping. “Who is best with a knife and has hunting experience, aside from Rodian?”
“Me,” Lin answered swiftly. “You know that. I have honor enough for the Emperor’s Hunt.”
“Where did you hear that?” Taji demanded, mouth full of a sticky grain. He left his comm in his hand instead of putting it in his ear.
Lin understood him clearly anyway. “Servants and staff chatter, Mouth. Trenne, I will go with you. Nadir as well, if you like, sir. Nev, if you want to risk her. Rodian would do.”
“It has to be with a knife.” Trenne didn’t outright reject the suggestions. “And it needs to be volunteer. It is a matter of honor.”
“Shit.” Taji turned around when Trenne looked at him in question. Honor meant something worth dying over. Taji shouldn’t have told him about the rest of what Larin did.
“Anyone not in the hunting party will be here with Taji and Tsomyal.” Trenne came over to scoop up more of the sticky grain and wrap it in what looked like a leaf. He handed it to Taji with an expression so patient that a spark of annoyance replaced Taji’s churning embarrassment and fear.
“Understood,” Lin continued, evidently hearing something else in Trenne’s order. “I will finalize assignments and get back to you.”
“Thank you,” Taji told Trenne sourly, although the grain was easier to eat and tasted better with the leaf wrapped around it. He made a duplicate roll and shoved it at Trenne, then went on to tasting slices of some kind of meat while Trenne ate and talked with Lin. “You might be able to ask Talfa about the protocol, if you see Talfa tomorrow,” Taji suggested. He didn’t like the meat but ate it anyway. He gave some of that to Trenne, too.
Trenne grunted and ate the meat readily enough. Maybe to Shavian tongues it tasted good. Taji gave him the rest of it along with a fruity paste and something crumbly that might have been cheese. Trenne made a face for that one.
Personally, Taji liked the fruity paste best on the leaf, with a bit of the grain, although most of it stuck in his throat. But he was being smart, and right now that meant eating. Trenne needed to be smart, too. “Trenne, eat more.”
“Yeah, sir, eat more,” Nadir piped up, once again the Nadir Taji was used to. “Gotta keep that strength up to keep Mouth happy.
”
Taji snapped at him in Deshtani, too loud and too angry. “What do you know about it? Whose shehzha are you?”
Nadir shut up. Lin went quiet, although Taji doubted she or Trenne had understood any part of that but the word shehzha. “I will contact you in a few hours,” she said at last. “After you…rest.”
Her pause was deliberate. Taji put down the mess of food in his hand. He’d heard enough jokes and snide remarks about the relationship he wasn’t really in. “I’m going to clean up,” he murmured, abandoning his comm on the bed.
He tangled in his soria as he stripped it off and barely caught his data device before it fell to the floor.
He handed it to Trenne, then slipped into the other room and closed the door.
TAJI SAT on the bed, distracted and unable to sleep, while Trenne methodically worked his way through the platter of food, sharpened his knife, and stripped off his clothes to stretch and center himself on the floor.