How are you? he asked eventually.
Anna called you, I assume, I replied wearily. I should have known she would have done something like that. Even though she’d understood why I’d broken up with Max, and even told me she thought I was doing the right thing, she assumed I’d want him there to lean on when things went wrong. What the last twenty-four hours had shown me, however, was that he wasn’t the one I wanted to comfort me in my hour of need.
She thought you might need some support, Max explained. He still looked awkward, almost perching on the chair as if he thought I’d throw him out at any moment. Your face looks pretty painful.
My hand automatically went to my cheek. Of course, Max hadn’t seen me since Sunday night. Was it worth explaining to him that that injury had been sustained at a different time? I thought not. I didn’t want to activate his ‘knight in shining armour’ mode by telling him I’d been injured by unknown people twice in the space of a few days.
I’m fine, I told him. I knew I was being cold but I couldn’t help it. I was tired and in pain, I was trying to make sense of everything Singh had told me, both about the case and about our kiss. The last thing I needed right now was Max trying to offer a shoulder to cry on when I just wanted to be on my own.
You don’t look it.
I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and counted to ten. I wanted to shout at him, to tell him to stop patronising me and treating me like I couldn’t cope without him, but I knew those feelings stemmed from how Mike used to treat me. Still, if he wanted to use this as a chance to reconnect with me, or however he might put it, that wasn’t going to happen. I didn’t want to see or talk to anyone; I felt like Anna had let me down by calling Max when I’d asked her not to, and Sasha, well … I didn’t want to think about Sasha just yet.
Max, what do you want? I asked.
I wanted to make sure you were okay, and see if you needed anything. There was a little crease between his eyebrows from the frown of concern he was wearing, and something about the sight of it made me burst into tears. He came over immediately and knelt in front of me, putting his arms around me, but I pushed him away.
Don’t. Please, just don’t.
Paige, you’ve been through a lot, he signed, still on his knees. You don’t have to do everything on your own, you know. I still love you.
Max, please, don’t, I signed. This hasn’t changed anything.
I know, but I’m worried about you being here on your own. Anna said she didn’t think it was a random mugging, that someone must have been following you.
I frowned. I hadn’t told her the full truth about what had happened, so I didn’t know where she’d got that information from, unless she was just making assumptions yet again.
Shaking my head, I brushed off Max’s concerns. I’m fine, there’s nobody out to get me.
But I couldn’t sit at home and do nothing when I knew what had happened to you. If it had been something worse, I don’t know what I would have done. He paused, clearly choosing his words. Why don’t we give things another go? he asked me, out of the blue. I won’t push you to commit to anything until you’re absolutely ready. I’ll be guided by you.
I wanted to tell him that what happened to me wasn’t any of his business any more, but I stopped myself. It was hard to say what I wanted to say without being rude, because I was too tired to word it in a way that didn’t sound bitchy.
I’m not your responsibility any more, I signed eventually.
I’m not going to stop caring about you, Paige. I can’t just switch off my feelings. After I saw you in the Deaf club the other night I thought I needed to move on and forget about you, but I’ve realised I don’t want to do that. I want to fight for you. I want to fight for our relationship. I’m not willing to sit back and give up on what has been the best relationship of my life, simply because you’ve got cold feet.
Do I get a say in this? I asked him. He looked confused, and I didn’t think he’d even realised what he was doing. You’re talking about not giving up, as if it’s a one-sided choice, not a decision that both of us have to agree to. Or did you just assume I’d agree to it because I’ve been mugged and I’m feeling vulnerable?
That’s not what I said. He sat back on his heels, looking slightly offended. What I mean is that I’m willing to put the effort in to try and convince you to give us another go.
I stood up and walked away from him, shaking my head. I’m not trying to be some sort of martyr, I told him. I’m not saying that I want to be on my own because I think I have to battle through, or something like that. I don’t understand why you’re here, why you’re saying all of this.
Well, I came round because I wanted to make sure you’re okay, he began, but I cut him off.
But why, Max? We split up. I know it’s horrible, and I know I hurt you. Please believe me when I say I never wanted to. But I’m not going to change my mind about that. If you came here hoping that I’d fall into your arms because I’m tired and emotional then I’m sorry, you’re here under false pretences.
There was a horrible pause as I watched several different emotions cross Max’s face. I wished I could take my words back; I hadn’t meant to be so harsh, but even if I blamed the head injury I couldn’t change what I’d just said.
Fine, he signed, getting up off the floor. Fine. I had hoped we could talk about this, but maybe now isn’t the right time.
There won’t be a right time! We’ve already talked about it. I’m sorry that you’re not happy with my decision, I really am, but I can’t do anything to change that. And you saying you’re not going to give up just fills me with dread, because I can’t keep having the same conversation over and over, just because you hope my side of it is going to change.
There was a pause in which I wasn’t sure if he was going to yell at me or burst into tears, but in the end he did neither. He shook his head, then turned away from me and moved towards the door.
As he pushed past me, the door buzzer went again. I followed Max out into the hallway and down the stairs, hoping to apologise before he stormed out, but when he flung open the front door of the building he came face to face with Singh, who was passing my car keys from hand to hand.
‘Er, hi,’ Singh said, looking between me and Max, his expression puzzled. ‘Paige, I brought your car back.’
Max looked Singh up and down, noticing my keys in his hand, then turned to me.
What the hell is this?
Rav picked me up from the hospital, then went to get my car for me, I hastily explained, not wanting Max to get the wrong idea. Even though we weren’t together any longer, I didn’t want him thinking I’d replaced him quite so quickly. There was a keyring in the shape of a little yellow duck attached to my car keys – it was the first gift Max had bought me when we started dating, and I could see him looking at it.
Singh watched us signing, clearly wondering if he’d interrupted something. ‘I’ll just leave you your keys. I’ve got to get back to the station.’ He looked between me and Max again, gave me a quick smile, then jogged up the road to where a police car was obviously waiting for him. I watched him climb into the passenger seat, then turned back to Max, whose expression had turned sour.
Whatever I thought, Paige, I didn’t think you’d found someone else. I believed you when you said that. Maybe I shouldn’t have bothered.
I sighed. Max, I was telling the truth. Rav is a friend, he took me to the hospital after I was mugged and he brought me home today. I threw my hands up. Why am I even explaining myself to you?
You’re right, you don’t owe me anything, he replied, turning and walking out of the door. I watched him go, and for a moment considered going after him, but I didn’t have the energy. He didn’t glance back, and when he was out of sight I shut the door and dragged myself back up to the flat.
My phone beeped. It was a text from Singh.
Is everything okay?
I started typing out a reply, deleted it, then repeated this another three times b
efore throwing my phone down on the sofa in frustration. I couldn’t answer him because I didn’t know.
Fifteen minutes before the fire
Mariusz pedalled furiously in his desperation to get away from there, away from that house. He’d been so fucking stupid, to think that these guys were his friends. They were just using him; he could see that now. And he’d let them into his dad’s house! Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid. They’d told him some story about needing somewhere to leave some stock for a few days; he’d assumed the guy had a shop. He’d given Mariusz some absolutely sick trainers and said there was plenty more where they came from. What a fucking idiot he’d been.
Once he was far enough away from that house, he stopped and got his breath back, leaning his bike up against a wall. He burned with anger and embarrassment when he thought of all their faces as they laughed at him, making fun of him for not realising what they’d been doing. Drugs! His dad was going to kill him. He’d never touched the stuff himself, but even being around them was bad enough.
He started walking, pushing his bike. He was too full of adrenaline to stay still for long. Was there a way to fix it? All those people, whose houses they’d been in … He felt sick just thinking about it.
I’m not a bad person, he told himself. I didn’t know what they were doing. They’d told him they knew these people, that they were mates or relatives. He thought it was a bit strange hanging round someone’s grandad’s house last week, but he never asked any questions. He should have done.
But that didn’t make him feel any better about it. He knew he had got involved with these people willingly, when the lads had approached him in the park three weeks ago. Why had they picked him? Did he look that pissed off with the world that they thought he’d be a good prospect to groom for a life of crime?
His feet took him back to his dad’s house, and he found himself standing on the other side of the street, looking at the front door. He’d been fighting with his mum so much recently, he’d considered moving in with his dad and Nadia full time, but he didn’t want to leave his mum on her own. She’d be devastated if he did that, and even though he knew he was a shit to her a lot of the time, he still didn’t want to hurt her. Maybe he could spend a bit more time with his dad, though. If he told him about what had happened, would he be able to help him? Nadia had seemed uncomfortable being around the lads when they were in the house, but Mariusz had made sure they only usually went there when she was at work. She’d been so nice to him recently, as well, trying to spend more time with him, and he felt like he’d thrown it all back in her face.
Mariusz thought about it for a moment, but then realised it wouldn’t work. His dad would tell him to go to the police, and he couldn’t do that. He’d watched enough TV to know that drug dealers didn’t take kindly to people who ratted them out, and he felt like he’d put his family at risk enough already.
He watched the house for a few minutes. He could see someone moving around in the kitchen – he couldn’t see who it was, but it must be Nadia, because he knew his dad would be at the pub at this time of night. He didn’t let his mum know just how much his dad was drinking again; she’d throw a fit, and she’d probably stop him going round there. Putting his hand in his pocket, he suddenly came up with an idea. It was a crazy one, even he knew that, but it might be a way of stopping these people he’d thought were his friends.
Hanging around, he heard the front door of the house open and close, so he ducked down behind a car. He didn’t want Nadia to see him. If she’d gone out, that meant the house would be empty. Well, no time like the present.
Pulling out his key, he let himself into the house. Looking around him, he spotted a couple of sentimental items, including some photos of his dad and Nadia, so took them and shoved them into his bag. He didn’t bother going into the kitchen, because there wouldn’t be anything in there that he wanted, so he went upstairs to his room and took a few of his belongings.
Once his bag was full, he went back into the living room for a moment and took a last look at it before pulling up his hood and slipping out of the door again. With the deed done, he grabbed his bike and raced home, refusing to look back at the house.
Chapter 34
Thursday 25th April
Despite what Singh had said about not driving for a few more days, I knew I had to get out of the flat. There were things I needed to do, and say, and I couldn’t do them by sitting alone at home, brooding. Anna fussed around me before she went to work, asking if I needed anything or if I wanted her to finish work early, but I managed to get her out of the door on time.
When I arrived at the social work offices, I sat outside for a few minutes, working out exactly what I wanted to say. I enjoyed interpreting for Sasha, and it had given me some much-needed stability in my working life over the last six months, but my trust in her had been destroyed. I had to talk to her and hear her side of things.
Her car was in the car park, so I knew she was in. At first, she didn’t notice me when I walked into the office, because she was absorbed in something on her computer. I didn’t know how she’d react to seeing me, after she’d walked out of my hospital room yesterday, so I waited for a moment rather than interrupt her.
She looked up, and the first emotion on her face was surprise, with a brief flicker of something else – was it guilt? Eventually she gave me a quick smile.
Paige, I wasn’t expecting to see you today. How are you feeling?
I’m okay, I told her, my hand automatically finding the tender spot on the side of my head. Can we talk?
Sasha looked around at the busy desks surrounding hers, then nodded towards the door. Let’s see if there’s a meeting room free.
There was, which was a relief, because I didn’t want to have this conversation in front of any of her colleagues, even if none of them could understand what we were signing. She settled herself in a chair opposite me, keeping an eye on the door, then looked at me. I couldn’t quite read her expression – was she still angry with me for suggesting Lukas was keeping secrets? I knew now that that anger had only been covering up what she herself was hiding.
What do you want to talk about? she asked, her smile bright, making it look more than a little fake.
I know, I told her.
She paused. What do you know?
I know about you and Lukas.
She blinked rapidly, then swallowed. What are you talking about?
Don’t try that, Sasha. Just don’t. I can’t believe you’ve been lying to me this entire time.
I don’t know what you’re talking about, she signed again. I could see the tightness of the muscles in her jaw.
You have been having an affair with Lukas Nowak, I signed, slowly and clearly to emphasise the fact that I was happy to spell it out for her, and I wouldn’t be fobbed off with her lies or protestations of innocence.
I thought she was going to try and deny it, but she didn’t.
How did you find out?
That doesn’t matter, I replied. I wasn’t going to drop Singh in it, because I had no doubt Sasha would put in a complaint against him if she could. What matters is that I know exactly why you’ve been so desperate to get him out of jail. It wasn’t for his sake, it was so you could be with him, and so nobody would find out what you’ve been doing.
She sat and stared at a poster on the wall for a moment before turning back to me. I knew if he was held for long enough, the police would get access to his phone records. I’d thought we’d been discreet, but if someone could read our text messages then … She shrugged. Obviously I was right. I assume that’s how you know? Your DS friend told you?
I kept my face neutral, refusing to rise to it, and she scowled at me.
Of course it was him, it must have been. I can report him for giving you information, you know. She waved a hand dismissively. Anyway, I’m sorry I lied to you, but you wouldn’t have understood.
I shook my head. You’re right, I don’t understand. One of the reasons I like workin
g with you is that you’re so good at what you do. You always seem to strike just the right balance between professionalism and caring for your clients. But then it turns out you’ve crossed this line, and I feel like I don’t know you at all now.
Who are you to judge me? she snapped. You have no idea what my relationship is like with Lukas. And you don’t know what it’s like to do my job, either. You’re my interpreter; you’re not a social worker.
You’re right, I don’t, and I’m not. But a big part of your defence of Lukas has been that he loved Nadia so deeply he could never have hurt her. How can I believe that now, when I know he was cheating on her with you?
Sasha’s expression changed, and I could now see the sadness in her eyes. I wasn’t lying about that, Paige. Lukas did love Nadia, far more than he ever could have loved me. She sighed, and I was reminded of a love-struck teenager. He’s the sort of man who will always struggle to commit himself to one woman. He likes the attention, and he likes having people to spoil, to romance. With me, I think he enjoyed the clandestine nature of our relationship.
The rueful smile on her face made me feel sorry for her at first. It was clear she’d been hoping for more from Lukas, but had settled for what she could get. Maybe since he’d been released from prison he’d decided he couldn’t be with her any more, or maybe he was just grieving too deeply for Nadia, but I got the feeling she hadn’t received the reaction she’d hoped for when they’d seen each other again. Then, however, my mind jumped to another possibility: had Sasha been so besotted with Lukas that she would do anything to be with him, including getting rid of anyone who stood in her way? I looked at her with fresh eyes, then, and wondered if I could have missed the prime suspect staring me in the face all along. She’d hidden crucial information from the police, and I couldn’t overlook that.
The Silent Suspect Page 25