by Alice Walker
I stroked his dear head and face and I called him darling and dear. And I'm afraid, dear, dear Celie, that concern and passion soon ran away with us.
I hope when you receive this news of your sister's forward behavior you will not be shocked or inclined to judge me harshly. Especially when I tell you what a total joy it was. I was transported by ecstasy in Samuel's arms.
You may have guessed that I loved him all along; but I did not know it. Oh, I loved him as a brother and respected him as a friend, but Celie, I love him bodily, as a man! Ilove his walk, his size, his shape, his smell, the kinkiness of his hah-. I love the very texture of his palms. The pink of his inner lip. I love his big nose. I love his brows. I love his feet. And I love his dear eyes in which the vulnerability and beauty of his soul can be plainly read.
The children saw the change hi us immediately. I'm afraid, my dear, we were radiant.
We love each other dearly, Samuel told them, with his arm around me. We intend to marry.
But before we do, I said, I must tell you something about my life and about Corrine and about someone else. And it was then I told them about you, Celie. And about their mother Corrine's love of them. And about being their aunt.
But where is this other woman, your sister? asked Olivia.
I explained your marriage to Mr!??? as best I could.
Adam was instantly alarmed. He is a very sensitive soul who hears what isn't said as clearly as what is.
We will go back to America soon, said Samuel to reassure him, and see about her.
The children stood up with us in a simple church ceremony in London. And it was that night, after the wedding dinner, when we were all getting ready for bed, that Olivia told me what has been troubling her brother. He is missing Tashi.
But he's also very angry with her, she said, because when we left, she was planning to scar her face.
I didn't know this. One of the things we thought we'd helped stop was the scarring or cutting of tribal marks on the faces of young women.
It is a way the Olinka can show they still have their own ways, said Olivia, even though the white man has taken everything else. lashi didn't want to do it, but to make her people feel better, she's resigned. She's going to have the female initiation ceremony too, she said.
Oh, no, I said. That's so dangerous. Suppose she becomes infected?
I know, said Olivia. I told her nobody in America or Europe cuts off pieces of themselves. And anyway, she would have had it when she was eleven, if she was going to have it. She's too old for it now.
Well, some men are circumcised, I said, but that's just the removal of a bit of skin. lashi was happy that the initiation ceremony isn't done in Europe or America, said Olivia. That makes it even more valuable to her.
I see, I said.
She and Adam had an awful fight. Not like any they've had before. He wasn't teasing her or chasing her around the village or trying to tie roofleaf twigs in her hair. He was mad enough to strike her.
Well, it's a good thing he didn't, I said. Tashi would have jammed his head through her rug loom.
I'll be glad when we get back home, said Olivia. Adam isn't the only one who misses Tashi.
She kissed me and her father good night. Adam soon came in to do the same.
Mama Nettie, he said, sitting on the bed next to me, how do you know when you really love someone?
Sometimes you don't know, I said.
He is a beautiful young man, Celie. Tall and broad-shouldered, with a deep, thoughtful voice. Did I tell you he writes verses?
And loves to sing? He's a son to make you proud.
Your loving sister,
Nettie
P.S. Your brother Samuel sends his love as well.
When we returned home everyone seemed happy to see us. When we told them our appeal to the church and the Missionary Society felled, they were disappointed. They literally wiped the smiles off their races along with the sweat, and returned, dejected, to then* barracks. We went on to our building, a combination, church, house and school, and began to unpack our things.
The children... I realize I shouldn't call them children, they're grown, went in search of Tashi; an hour later they returned dumbfounded. They discovered no sign of her. Catherine, her mother, is planting rubber trees some distance from the compound, they were told. But no one had seen Tashi all day.
Olivia was very disappointed. Adam was trying to appear unconcerned, but I noticed he was absentmindedly biting the skin around his nails.
After two days it became clear that Tashi was deliberately biding. Her friends said while we were away she'd undergone both the facial scarification ceremony and the rite of female initiation. Adam went quite gray at this news. Olivia merely stricken and more concerned than ever to find her.
It was not until Sunday that we saw Tashi. She'd lost a considerable amount of weight, and seemed listless, dull-eyed and tired.
Her face was still swollen from half a dozen small, neat incisions high on each cheek. When she put out her hand to Adam he refused to take it. He just looked at her scars, turned on his heel and left.
She and Olivia hugged. But it was a quiet, heavy embrace. Nothing like the boisterous, giggling behavior I expect from them.
Tashi is, unfortunately, ashamed of these scars on her face, and now hardly ever raises her head. They must be painful too because they look irritated and red.
But this is what the villagers are doing to the young women and even the men. Carving their identification as a people into their children's faces. But the children think of scarification as backward, something from their grandparents' generation, and often resist. So the carving is done by force, under the most appalling conditions. We provide antiseptics and cotton and a place for the children to cry and nurse their wounds.
Each day Adam presses us to leave for home. He can no longer bear living as we do. There aren't even any trees near us, just giant boulders and smaller rocks. And more and more of his companions are running away. The real reason, of course, is he can no longer bear his conflicting feelings about Tashi, who is beginning, I think, to appreciate the magnitude of her mistake.
Samuel and I are truly happy, Celie. And so grateful to God that we are! We still keep a school for the littlest children; those eight and over are already workers in the fields. In order to pay rent for the barracks, taxes on the land, and to buy water and wood and food, everyone must work. So, we teach the young ones, babysit the babies, look after the old and sick, and attend birthing mothers.
Our days are fuller than ever, our sojourn in England already a dream. But all things look brighter because I have a loving soul to share them with.
Your sister,
Nettie
The man us knowed as Pa is dead.
How come you still call him Pa? Shug ast me the other day.
But, too late to call him Alphonso. I never even remember Ma calling him by his name. She always said, Your Pa. I reckon to make us believe it better. Anyhow, his little wife, Daisy, call me up on the telephone in the middle of the night.
Miss Celie, she say, I got bad news. Alphonso dead.
Who? I ast.
Alphonso, she say. Your stepdaddy.
How he die? I ast. I think of killing, being hit by a truck, struck by lightening, lingering disease. But she say, Naw, he died in his sleep. Well, not quite in his sleep, she say. Us was spending a little time in bed together, you know, before us drop off.
Well, I say, you have my sympathy.
Yes ma'am, she say, and I thought I had this house 250 too, but look like it belong to your sister Nettie and you.
Say what? I ast.
Your stepdaddy been dead over a week, she say. When us went to town to hear the will read yesterday, you could have knock me over with a feather. Your real daddy owned the land and the house and the store. He left it to your mama. When your mama died, it passed on to you and your sister Nettie. I don't know why Alphonso never told you that.
Well, I say, anythi
ng coming from him, I don't want it.
I hear Daisy suck in her breath. How about your sister Nettie, she say. You think she feel the same way?
I wake up a little bit then. By the time Shug roll over and ast me who it is, I'm beginning to see the light.
Don't be a fool, Shug say, nudging me with her foot. You got your own house now. Your daddy and mama left it for you. That dog of a stepdaddy just a bad odor passing through.
But I never had no house, I say. Just to think about having my own house enough to scare me. Plus, this house I'm gitting is bigger than Shug's, got more land around it. And, it come with a store.
My God, I say to Shug. Me and Nettie own a drygood store. What us gon sell?
How bout pants? she say.
So us bung up the phone and rush down home again to look at the property.
About a mile before us got to town us come up on the entrance to the colored cemetery. Shug was sound asleep, but something told me I ought to drive in. Pretty soon I see something look like a short skyscraper and I stop the car and go up to it. Sure enough it's got Alphonso's name on it. Got a lot of other stuff on it too. Member of this and that. Leading businessman and fanner. Upright husband and father. Kind to the poor and helpless. He been dead two weeks but fresh flowers still blooming on his grave.
Shug git out the car and come stand by me.
Finally she yawn loud and stretch herself. The son of a bitch still dead, she say.
Daisy try to act like she glad to see us, but she not: She got two children and look pregnant with one more. But she got nice clothes, a - car, and Alphonso left her all his money. Plus, I think she manage to set her folks up while she live with him.
She say, Celie, the old house you remember was torn down so Alphonso could build this one. He got an Atlanta architect to design it, and these tiles come all the way from New York. We was standing in the kitchen at the time. But he put tiles everywhere. Kitchen, toilet, back porch. All around the fireplaces in back and front parlour. But this the house go with the place, right on, she say.
Of course I did take the furniture, because Alphonso bought it special for me.
Fine with me, I say. I can't get over having a house. Soon as Daisy leave me with the keys I run from one room to another like I'm crazy. Look at this, I say to Shug. Look at that! She look, she grin. She hug me whenever she git the chance and I stand still.
You doin' all right, Miss Celie, she say. God know where you live.
Then she took some cedar sticks out of her bag and lit them and gave one of them to me. Us started at the very top of the house in the attic, and us smoked it all 253 the way down to the basement, chasing out all the evil and making a place for good.
Oh, Nettie, us have a house! A house big enough for us and our children, for your husband and Shug. Now you can come home cause you have a home to come to!
Your loving sister,
Celie
My heart broke.
Shug love somebody else.
Maybe if I had stayed in Memphis last summer it never would have happen. But I spent the summer fixing up the house. I thought if you come anytime soon, I want it to be ready. And it is real pretty, now, and comfortable. And I found me a nice lady to live in it and look after it. Then I come home to Shug.
Miss Celie, she say, how would you like some Chinese food to celebrate your coming home?
I loves Chinese food. So off us go to the restaurant. I'm so excited about being home again I dont even notice how nervous Shug is. She a big graceful woman most of the time, even when she mad. But I notice she can't git her chopsticks to work right. She knock over her glass of water. Somehow or nother her eggroll come unravel.
But I think she just so glad to see me. So I preen and pose for her and stuff myself with wonton soup and fried rice.
Finally the fortune cookies come. I love fortune cookies. They so cute. And I read my fortune right away. It say, because you are who you are, the future look happy and bright.
I laugh. Pass it on to Shug. She look at it and smile. I feel at peace with the world.
Shug pull her slip of paper out real slow, like she scared of what might be on it.
Well? I say, watching her read it. What it say?
She look down at it, look up at me. Say, It say I got the hots for a boy of nineteen.
Let me see, I say, laughing. And I read it out loud. A burnt finger remember the fire, it say.
I'm trying to tell you, Shug say.
Trying to tell me what? I'm so dense it still don't penetrate, For one thing, it been a long time since I thought about boys and I ain't never thought about men.
Last year, say Shug, I hired a new man to work in the band. I almost didn't because he cant play nothing but flute. And who ever heard of blues flute? I hadn't. The very notion sound crazy. But it was just my luck that blues flute is the one thing blues music been lacking and the minute I heard Germaine play I knew this for a fact.
Germaine? I ast.
Yeah, she say, Germaine. I don't know who gave him that flittish name, but it suit him.
Then she start right in to rave about this boy. Like all his good points have to be stuff I'm dying to hear.
Oh, she say. He little. He cute. Got nice buns. You know, real bantu. She so used to telling me everything she rattle on and on, gitting more excited and in-love looking by the minute. By the time she finish talking about his neat little dancing feet and git back up to his honey brown curly hair, I feel like shit.
Hold it, I say. Shug, you killing me. She halt in mid-praise. Her eyes fill with tears and her face crumple. Oh God, Celie, she say. I'm sorry. I just been dying to tell somebody, and you the somebody I usually tell.
Well, I say, if words could kill, I'd be in the ambulance.
She put her face in her hands and start to cry. Celie, she say, through her fingers, I still love you.
But I just sit there and watch her. Seem like all my wonton soup turn to ice.
Why you so upset? she ast, when us got back home. You never seem to git upset bout Grady. And he was my husband.
Grady never bring no sparkle to your eye, I think. But I don't say nothing, I'm too far away.
Course, she say, Grady so dull, Jesus. And when you finish talking bout women and reefer you finish Grady. But still, she say.
I don't say nothing.
She try to laugh. I was so glad he lit out after Mary Agnes I didn't know what to do, she say. I don't know who tried to teach him what to do in the bedroom, but it must have been a furniture salesman.
I don't say nothing. Stillness, coolness. Nothingness. Coming fast.
You notice when they left here together going to Panama I didn't shed a tear? But now really, she say, what they gon look like in Panama?
Poor Mary Agnes, I think. How could anybody guess old dull Grady would end up running a reefer plantation in Panama?
Course they making boocoos of money, say Shug. And Mary Agnes outdress everybody down there, the way she tell it in her letters.
And at least Grady let her sing. What little snatches of her songs she can still remember. But really, she say, Panama? Where is it at, anyhow? Is it down there round Cuba? Us ought to go to Cuba, Miss Celie, you know? Lots of gambling there and good times. A lots of colored folks look like Mary Agnes. Some real black, like us. All in the same family though. Try to pass for white, somebody mention your I don't say nothing. I pray to die, just so I don't never have to speak.
All right, say Shug. It started when you was down home. I missed you, Celie. And you know I'm a high natured woman.
I went and got a piece of paper that I was using for cutting patterns. I wrote her a note. It said, Shut up.
But Celie, she say. I have to make you understand. Look, she say. I'm gitting old. I'm fat. Nobody think I'm good looking no more, but you. Or so I thought. He's nineteen. A baby. How long can it last?
He's a man. I write on the paper.
Yeah, she say. He is. And I know how you feel about men. But I don't fe
el that way. I would never be fool enough to take any of them seriously, she say, but some mens can be a lots of fun.
Spare me, I write.
Celie, she say. All I ast is six months. Just six months to have my last fling. I got to have it Celie. I'm too weak a woman not to. But if you just give me six months, Celie, I will try to make our hie together like it Not hardly. I write.
Celie, she say, Do you love me? She down on her knees by now, tears falling all over the place. My heart hurt so much I can't believe it. How can it keep beating, feeling like this? But I'm a woman. I love you, I say. Whatever happen, whatever you do, I love you. She whimper a little, lean her head against my chair. Thank you, she say.
But I can't stay here, I say.
But Celie, she say, how can you leave me? You're my friend. I love this child and I'm scared to death. He's a third of my age.
A third of my size. Even a third of my color. She try to laugh again. You know he gon hurt me worse than I'm hurting you. Don't leave me, please.
Just then the door bell ring. Shug wiped her face and went to answer it, saw who it was and kept on out the door. Soon I heard a car drive off. I went on up to bed. But sleep remain a stranger to this night. Pray for me, Your sister, Celie The only thing keep me alive is watching Henrietta fight for her life. And boy can she fight. Every time she have an attack she scream enough to wake the dead. Us do what you say the peoples do in Africa. Us feed her yams every single day. Just our luck she hate yams and she not too polite to let us know. Everybody for miles around try to come up with yam dishes that don't taste like yams. Us git plates of yam eggs, yam chitlins, yam goat. And soup. My God, folks be making soup out of everything but shoe leather trying to kill off the yam taste. But Henrietta claim she still taste it, and is likely to throw whatever it is out the window. Us tell her in a little while she'll have three months not to eat yams, but she say that day don't seem like it ever want to come. Meanwhile, her joints all swole, she hot enough to burn, she say her head feel like its full of little white men with hammers.
Sometime I meet up with Mr.??? visiting Henrietta. He dream up his own little sneaky recipes. For instance, one time he hid the yams in peanut butter. Us sit by the fire with Harpo and Sofia and play a hand or two of bid whist, while Suzie Q and Henrietta listen to the radio. Sometime he drive me home in his car. He still live in the same little house. He been there so long, it look just like him. Two straight chairs always on the porch, turned against the wall. Porch railings with flower cans on them. He keep it painted now though. Fresh and white. And guess what he collect just cause he like them? He collect shells. All kinds of shells. Tarrapin, snail and all kinds of shells from the sea.