by Brian Rowe
I grabbed the bottle and sniffed. It was alcohol. I knew my dad would kill me if I took a sip.
So I took a gulp. I stuck out my tongue and wiggled my lips. “Wow,” I said. “What is that?”
“That’s rum, darling.”
He grabbed it, guzzled it like Gatorade, then handed the bottle back to me. I took one more gulp. I enjoyed the taste. We sprawled out on the dirt trail, and I gave the bottle back to Frankie, to finish. When the last drop touched his tongue, he tossed the bottle in the nearest bush.
“How are you feeling?” he asked.
I shrugged. “Fine, actually. I don’t feel a thing.”
“Really?”
“Yep! Not a… not a thing…”
I leaned my head against Frankie’s shoulder and watched Judy race over to a tiny lake just down the hill. I tried to watch her, at least. My head started spinning.
I sat up. My head seemed to weigh 100 pounds. “Can we just stay here for the night?”
“Sure,” he said. “I don’t want to get walking too fast and then have to begin.”
I couldn’t have heard him right. “What was that?” I shook my head and blinked a few times. A fuzzy full moon came into view above the lake.
“I’m sorry?” Frankie asked.
“I said, what the moon did you say?”
“What?”
My gaze shifted from the moon to the lake. It couldn’t have taken more than two seconds, but it seemed like thirty; my brain started registering everything in slow motion.
“Oh no,” I said.
“What is it?”
“I don’t feel so good.”
I stumbled up to my feet. I balanced my arm on Frankie’s head and looked out toward the lake, where I saw four of Judy.
Frankie started cackling, like a mad witch. “I don’t know about you, but I feel great!”
“You’re insane,” I said, and smashed my hands against my cheeks. “Jesus. Is this what being drunk feels like?”
“You’ve never been drunk?”
“I’ve never had alcohol.”
He started laughing even harder. “Wow, really? You might have overdone it. If you need to throw up, can you please turn the other way?”
“This isn’t funny, Frankie. This is bad!”
“I’m super buzzed, I’ve been drunk hundreds of times, and I’m two feet taller than you. I can’t imagine how you must be feeling!”
“Oh, I’m so out of it,” I said. I peered down at him, waved my finger. “You better not take advantage of me.”
“Yeah? Why not?” Frankie asked, and, to my surprise, pulled me close. He ran his hands through my hair, tried to kiss me on the cheek.
I pushed him away. “What are you doing?”
“You don’t want me to touch you?”
“Uhh, no.”
“Why not?”
“Because. You’re a…” A guy, I wanted to say. “You’re a stranger.”
My mom never had the chance to sit me down and give me the detailed sex talk, but my dad made an awkward attempt when I was thirteen. It wasn’t even planned; in a rare evening that we actually spent together, we sat in the living room and watched While You Were Sleeping (he liked that it was rated PG, I had a crush on Sandra Bullock). When the credits rolled, I asked my dad what Sandra and Bill Pullman were going to do next. He said they’d probably start a family. I asked how they would go about starting that family; he tried to dodge the issue. When I kept insisting, he finally told me how babies were made, and gave me not-so-subtle insight into how men got… excited. He didn’t want to go on and was grateful when I left the room, as an overwhelming desire to puke up my dinner came over me. Even at thirteen, boys hadn’t crossed my radar at all. I couldn’t ever picture any asking me out, and I didn’t want them to.
“I’m not a stranger, Zippy,” Frankie said. “You said to call you Zippy, right?”
I nodded.
“Please,” he said. “I want you to think of me as your friend.”
My head pounded more and more. I fell on my back, and lay out like a snow angel, even though the closest snow was on the highest peak hundreds of feet up in the sky.
“You won’t do anything to me, will you?” I asked. “You’re a lot bigger than me. I don’t think I’ll be able to defend myself.”
“No,” he said. “I’m not gonna touch you, don’t worry.”
“Why not? Because you’re a gentleman?”
“No, you idiot. Isn't it obvious?” He grinned. “I like boys.”
I pressed my palms against the grass and sat up. I just stared at him for a few seconds. “What?”
As darkness spilled over us, and as the stars came out like twinkling disco lights, I keeled over and started full-on belly laughing.
“What's so funny?” he asked.
He pushed me onto my back and started tickling me all over, starting with my armpits.
“Stop!” I shouted, giggling like a hyena. “Stop it right now!”
“Not until you stop laughing! You’re making fun of me, aren’t you?”
“No! No, of course not!”
He brought his hands to the ground and stared into my eyes. My laughter became a lighter chuckle.
He shot me a disappointed look. “What’s so funny about me being gay? Are you as homophobic as my aunt Ursula, or are you worse?”
My laughter ceased. I scooted closer to him and shook my head. “No, dummy. I’m laughing because of the irony. I’m left on Earth with one other person, and he turns out to be gay, too!”
“Too? You mean—”
“I’m gay.”
“What? Really?”
“Yeah. What are the odds we’d both play for different teams?”
He shook his head. “Let’s hope we’re not forced to procreate.”
“Oh God, don’t even say it.”
“Uhh, I think I just did.”
I slapped him on the shoulder, playfully, and stumbled to my feet again. I hurt all over, but I didn’t care.
I descended the hill and planted my feet against the edge of the lake. I looked up at the stars, and lifted my arms in the air, like I was waiting for someone to swoop down and take me away. “You hear that, world?” I screamed. “I’m gay!” My voice echoed across the entire lake.
Frankie followed after me and sat down Indian-style. He started clapping. “Woo hoo! You tell the world, honey!”
“Is anyone listening? I want you to hear this, all right? I don’t care if that plane went down! I am finding my Mira!” I turned around, smiled. “You know I’m kind of liking this rum drink. Do you think there’s any more in that backpack?”
He didn’t answer me. He just pointed. “Whoa! Zippy! Look out!”
“What?”
Judy crashed against the back of my legs, tripping me. I caught a glimpse of the dog charging to the other side of the lake, as I fell face first—again, in ridiculous slow motion—into the lukewarm water.
“Zippy! Are you okay?” Frankie crawled to the edge of the water. “Are you—”
I leaped up and grabbed his arms. I watched in delight as he tumbled to the left of me, into the lake.
“Hey, I’ll get you for that!” he shouted, after he came back up. I steadied my hands, waited for him to pounce on me. But he didn’t budge; he averted his eyes to the other side of the lake, toward Judy. “Wait a second.” He pointed, then started wading across the water.
“What now?” I asked.
“Follow me.”
Frankie made it to the other side of the lake in about ten seconds, but I took my time; I turned over on my back and floated, admiring all the blinking lights in the sky.
“Zippy, what are you doing?” Even though he was whispering, like he didn’t want someone overhearing him, there was a striking intensity to his voice. “Over here! Hurry!”
“I’m coming. Hold on.” I moved a little faster, my ears submerged in the water; I let the outside world disappear.
Frankie's hand tugged on my bra strap. I swatted it
away.
“Zippy, you’re not gonna believe this,” he said.
“What's all the excitement about?”
I crawled out of the lake. I glanced at Judy, who was wagging her tail in front of a web-footed creature that didn’t seem bothered by the curious canine.
“Is that…” I blinked about a dozen times. “Is that a duck?”
Frankie kneeled down next to me, pushed his palms against the ground. “I don’t think so.”
I moved Judy aside and tried to make sense of what I was seeing. It had webbed yellow feet, and a round, gray feathered body, with a periscope-like neck. It looked like a cross between an obese duck and a pigeon with scoliosis. It turned and looked at me with its cartoon-like face.
“It looks so familiar,” I said.
“What do you think it is?” Frankie tried to touch its stiff, yellow beak but the creature scampered away.
“Wait. I know what it reminds me of! That bird from Alice in Wonderland.”
“Alice in Wonderland?”
“Yeah. The Disney version. Remember when Alice gets stuck in that bottle in the ocean? She talks to that bird… what was it called…”
The bird finally opened its mouth, and out came, “Doh-doh. Doh-doh.”
“Oh, of course,” I said. “It’s a dodo bird!”
Frankie laughed. “What? That’s impossible.”
“Why?”
“Aren’t dodo birds extinct?”
I played with my bottom lip. “Oh. Duh. You’re right. So what could it be, then?”
When the bird scurried back over to us, I kneeled down and examined it closer. Even though I’d only studied a few extinct creatures outside the dinosaur realm, in a lengthy report I did in the eighth grade, I knew this bird was unique, and not like any webbed creature I’d ever seen before.
“Am I dreaming?” I asked, with a loud yawn. “This bird… it can’t be real. Right?” I waited for a response. Nothing. “Frankie?”
I turned to my right. Frankie was on his back, eyes closed. He started snoring.
“Oh, well that’s just great!” I said, scooting over to him. “Falling asleep on me? Frankie, that’s just… it’s just…”
I rested my head against his shoulder. It only took five seconds for the outside world to fade away.
#
I ran through a dark forest, with trees that stretched a mile high. I veered in different directions, but every trail looked the same, like I was stuck between a pair of mirrors. Frankie was gone, Judy had vanished, and I was alone, dropped into the center of a giant jungle maze, with no escape in sight.
But as I ran, swallowing cold air and trying to make sense of where I was, a noise stopped me in my tracks. A little white rabbit, dressed in a black tuxedo and holding a pocket watch, leaped out from behind a tree and ran down a zigzagging dirt trail.
“White rabbit! Oh, white rabbit!” I shouted. Then I stopped, and narrowed my eyes. “Wait. Why does this feel so familiar?”
I kept a sharp eye on his cottontail, like the key to finding Mira was hidden inside of it.
The trail ended in a wall of large bushes, and I came to a halt. I’d lost sight of the bunny. Thorns started sprouting, a pair of wide, flattened heads appeared, and two boys emerged; they wore matching beanies with rainbow flags and little red leotards. I should have been scared, but these strange creatures resembled people I knew.
“Abram? Asher?”
My twin brothers had shrunk to half my size, but it was them. They smiled at me, then bumped their butts together.
“You’re late,” Abram said.
“You’re overdue,” Asher said.
“I’m late? For what?”
“The Queen expects you!” they said in unison.
Abram bounced on Asher, and Asher bounced on Abram, and they sprung high up into a tree and disappeared from my sight.
I wanted to say, “What the hell,” but what came out of my mouth instead was, “Curiouser and curiouser.”
I considered climbing the magical tree but decided to press forward. I pushed my way through the force field of bushes and stomped up the side of a hill. At the top was thick, orange smoke ascending to the sky.
“Hello? Is anyone up there?” My ears engaged with high-pitched circus music.
The hill went up and up. It should have taken half a day to reach the top. But in a blink, there I was, at the edge of a cliff, looking out on a wide-open valley that stretched on forever. I saw cows marching down below, followed by horses and unicorns. A brontosaurus led the way.
“Curiouser,” I repeated, and turned around to see tea kettles dancing up and down atop a wooden table.
A tall, familiar boy sat at the end, wearing a large purple hat that must have pushed his height to eight feet. He clanked an overflowing mug against a canine’s wine glass.
“Frankie? Judy?” I said.
“Zippy!” Frankie shouted. He bopped his head up and down to the irritating music. Judy followed suit, and slapped her little paws against the table.
“A very, merry unbirthday,” Judy sang, “to… you!”
“Judy!” I said, passing by the tea kettles. “You can talk!”
“Of course I can. What do you take me for? A Shih Tzu?”
“Don’t sass the poor girl,” Frankie said to Judy. “I’m sure she’s just nervous for her first session.”
I took a seat. “My first what?”
Frankie jumped to his stubby feet and scooted my chair back. “No time for chit-chat, my dear. You’re expected by the Queen!”
“The Queen?”
“Bye-bye!” Frankie said.
“Bye? But I’ve just arrived!”
Walking away from Frankie and Judy was the last thing I wanted to do, but a large gust of wind blew me off the hill, over a small airplane and a three-story house. I tried flapping my arms like a bird’s wings, but that only caused me to bounce up off the ground and zoom toward the stars.
I swooped back down and landed on my feet. I started to walk again, toward a cluster of tulips, violets, and dandelions. The flowers were all growing, and the multi-colored faces only stopped when they reached my eye-level. I passed through them, as I did a flutter of butterflies, until I reached a woman sitting on a high chair smoking a double filtered cigarette.
My jaw dropped. “Oh my God,” I said. “Mommy?”
She blew the smoke into the air and the swarm of butterflies brushed it away. “Yes, Zippy, it’s me.” She took another puff and smiled. She didn’t look me in the face.
“Mommy. I’ve missed you so much.”
I ran toward her high chair, but the closer I approached, the taller it became. I collided against the four legs, then looked up to see that she was ten feet off the ground.
“Come down! I want to talk to you!”
“It’s too late, Zippy,” she said, as clouds started to crowd the blackening sky. “Nothing lasts forever.”
“But I need you!”
I tried to climb the legs of the chair, but gravity pulled me back. Just seconds ago, I could fly; now I couldn’t even shimmy up that stupid chair leg. I lay back on the ground, as tears streamed down my cheeks. As soon as I gave up, heavy restraint devices clinked over my wrists. I looked down to see silver handcuffs.
I collapsed back into darkness, my mother waving to me from the meadow beyond.
“Enjoy your first session!” she shouted. “Remember, Zippy, I love you!”
“Mommy! Mommy, wait!”
I stuck my feet out, but I couldn’t stop moving; I was on an invisible rollercoaster track with no end in sight. I tumbled into the sides of trees, smashed my face against bushes, struck thorns and logs and irritated honeybees. A small purple cat with a grin on its face gazed at me from the clouds but didn’t say a word. The trees disappeared, the forest shriveled away from me, and I landed head first in the middle of a hedge maze.
I stood up, with difficulty, and looked around. All was silent. My hands were still cuffed.
“
Hello?” I said. “Is anyone here?”
“Bring her to me!” the loud voice beckoned. A flame shot toward the sky.
Four hands grabbed me and ushered me to the center of the maze, where my father, wearing a red dress, sat on a large throne, a gold crown on top of his head. He crossed his legs, and faced me with an evil grin.
“There you are, my dear,” he said. “I’ve been waiting for you.”
“Dad! Please! You have to stop this—”
“Silence, you insolent dyke!” he shouted. “Bow before me!”
“I will not!”
“Bow before me or die!”
I turned to the soldiers. They carried spears and rifles, and were dressed like poker cards. Two of them pushed me to my knees, to the scratchy red carpet.
“Daddy, please,” I said.
“It is time you change your devilish ways.”
“I’m not the Devil,” I said, and jumped back to my feet. “I’m your daughter.”
His eyes opened wide. “How dare you defy me!”
My dad rose from his royal chair and tossed back his hair, which was darker than usual and at rock star length. He strolled up to me, his lips pursed, his dress blowing behind him in the increasing wind. He brought a cane up to my face. I surveyed the scepter; it had the head of a Tyrannosaurus rex.
“Bad things are coming for you, Zipporah,” he said, and pressed the metallic staff against my skull. “If you don’t see the error of your ways soon, you’re going to die out there, afraid, disgraced, and alone.”
“Dad, with all due respect, you’re the one wearing a dress here.”
He struck the dinosaur head against my shoulder. “Send her away! I want her out of my sight!”
Four of the soldiers grabbed my shoulders and whisked me up into the air and back toward the hedge maze. His right-hand man—a smarmy politician—laughed next to him.
“Shall I give the order?” the henchman asked. “Off with her head, right?”
“No. Worse,” my father said. He tossed his cane aside and brought his hands to the sides of his throne. “Off to Moral Inventories!”
“What? No!” I shouted. “You can’t!”
“And not just for the summer!” my dad screamed as I disappeared around the corner. “For eternity!”
I tried to free myself from the soldiers’ grasp but they had me in a death grip. They marched in unison, their feet slamming against the ground with echoing thuds, their faces emotionless.