I knew what she was saying was logical, but that didn’t mean I had to stand here and listen to it. “You’re not her mother. You don’t have any say in this.”
She flinched back and scoffed. “Yeah, I know I’m not her mother. I know that I don’t have any say in her life, but doesn’t me being your girlfriend mean anything? Won’t you listen to me as a person that’s concerned about her?”
I ran a hand through my hair and turned away from her. She was asking me to relinquish control over my daughter, the one person that I had to protect with my dying breath. I wasn’t sure that I could do that. That was like asking me to stop caring.
“Coop, you have to give her some freedom, or she’s going to walk out of here when she turns eighteen and she’s never going to look back.”
“What do you suggest I do?”
“Well, for starters, consider letting her go to college. Seriously, you want her to learn from Sebastian? She can’t just say that she trained under Sebastian when she goes to find a job. They’re not going to accept that.”
“Fine, I guess that’s a logical explanation,” I grumbled, not liking that she was right.
“And second, let her go get a job. It’ll teach her responsibility and she might make some friends. Isn’t that what you want for her?”
“Who needs friends?” She stared me down and I sighed. “Fine, I’ll let her get a job.”
“And get her a car.”
I rolled my eyes.
“What, do you want her grabbing rides with strangers?”
“Fine, I’ll get her a car. But I get to choose it.”
She grinned and bit her lip. “And give her one night a week that she can hang out with friends.”
“No,” I said firmly.
“You can vet them first and tell her where she’s allowed to go. I’m sure Rob would even help you with setting up safe locations for her to choose from.”
What she was saying made sense, and I could give her certain locations I felt were safe that she could hang out. Yes, it was still overbearing, but at least I would know she was safe, and she would get her way.
“Fine. I’ll talk to her.”
“And Coop, when she talks to you about what she wants, try to really hear her. She’s not a child anymore, and she needs you on her side.”
I nodded. “Did you want to come in for a little bit?”
“You know, I don’t think I’m really up for another round with you tonight.”
“Becky, I know that I fucked up last night. I’m just not used to…”
She cocked her head questioningly. “Not used to what?”
“To sharing my life with someone. I’m not used to relying on someone else to help me through shit.”
“I get that, but I won’t be your punching bag. Every time that you get uncomfortable, you lash out at me and say things to hurt me.”
“I know.”
“Try harder. I can only take so much.”
“I will. I promise.”
She looked like she wanted to say something else, but nodded instead and slipped her hand into mine. I squeezed it tight, pulling her closer to me. Despite what she thought, I really did need her. I just wasn’t used to working on someone else’s terms. I wanted to do this my way, but I was beginning to see that with women, there really was only one way, and it definitely wasn’t mine.
When Becky and I walked into my suite, Kayla stood and gathered her books, piling them up on the side table. “I think I’ll go watch a movie.” She slipped past us and headed for the door. I still needed to talk with her, but it could wait. I needed to repair things with Becky right now or I might not get her to stick around.
Pulling her back to my bedroom, I kicked the door shut just in case and pulled Becky’s shirt up over her head. I didn’t bother with the lights. My hands skimmed down her waist, taking in the smooth, unmarred skin. God, she was so fucking perfect. I brushed her hair off her shoulder and slid my tongue over her neck, loving when she shuddered in my arms.
I kissed lazily down her neck, running my tongue across her collarbone and down between her breasts. Her fingers slid into my hair and gripped me tight as she pulled my mouth closer to her body. My hands slid to her ass and then I was hoisting her up against me and walking her over to the bed. Crawling over her body, I found her lips and kissed her hard, drawing out every gasp and moan I could. She gripped my shoulders, but when they started trailing down my back, I snatched her hands and held them above her head.
“Coop…”
“No. Not yet.”
I kissed her harder and ground my erection into her.
“Coop, please,” she begged, but I knew she wasn’t begging for more. She was begging for me to let her touch me. It pissed me off that she wanted more than I could give her right now. I yanked myself away from her, breathing heavily as I stared down at her half naked body. I needed her, but I didn’t want to be pushed. Anger washed over me and I flicked the button on her pants and yanked them off her legs. I could see the confusion on her face, but I ignored it and tore her panties off, diving between her legs. I took a lick of her sweet pussy and spread her lips wide so I could taste more of her.
I knew she was uncomfortable with a man going down on her, but I didn’t give a shit right now. I wanted to make her feel good. I couldn’t give her a lot, but I could give her pleasure. Her cream filled my mouth as she writhed beneath me, begging for more and pushing me away all at the same time. I could feel her pussy tightening as I shoved my fingers inside her and pumped them in and out, dragging her orgasm out of her.
I didn’t wait for her to come down from the pleasure before I was shoving my own pants down and ramming my cock inside her. I closed my eyes, not wanting to see even the outline of her perfect body right now. I just wanted to lose myself inside her and forget about the rest. I could feel her hands trying to draw me back to her, trying to make some kind of connection, but I just couldn’t give it to her. Not yet. Every time we fucked, she tried to pull me in and let her have more, but it had the opposite effect. I withdrew more and more, not wanting to actually have to take the next step.
Wrapping my arms under her knees, I yanked her up so her ass was hanging in the air, and I pounded into her. I blocked out everything else as I felt my body growing closer to tipping over the edge. In just two more harsh thrusts, I was spilling myself inside her and flopping down on the bed next to her. My harsh breathing filled the air, but she was oddly quiet. I cursed myself for being such an asshole and pulled her over to me. She came reluctantly and when I felt her hot tears soaking through my shirt, I knew that I had once again fucked up.
“I’m sorry.”
She didn’t say anything, but I knew that I was running out of chances with this woman. I pushed away any kind of connection with her. The physical attraction would only hold us together for so long. Becky wasn’t the type of woman to fuck around with. She was a good person that genuinely cared, and if I didn’t get my act together soon, it would be too late for us. I thought back to Christmas, when I finally accepted that there was something between us. I thought then that I was finally letting go, but all it took was reality setting in and a few nights alone with Becky for me to realize that I wasn’t quite as ready to move on as I thought. If I wasn’t careful, I was going to fuck this all up.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Becky
I woke up in the darkness, my body pressed against Coop’s. He was still fully dressed, where-as I was naked and vulnerable. I never really cared, but there was something about giving all of yourself when the other person gave nothing that made you feel completely lost. I didn’t know how to break through to Coop. At Christmas, everything seemed so right. It was like he just made up his mind that we were going to do this, that we would be together, but as the season passed, it was like he had buyer’s remorse. I knew that he wanted me, but that just wasn’t enough. At some point, I needed more than a physical connection. I needed all of him.
And I was getting tired of
always having it completely dark in the room. Normally, that’s what I would want. I liked the intimacy of having it dark, but with Coop, it felt more like he was trying to hide both of us. Logically, I knew that he was hiding himself, but in my mind, I wondered if he couldn’t stand to look at me. The few times that we’d had sex when it was light out, he kept his eyes shut the whole time. It wasn’t that I needed him staring intently into my eyes like in some cliché romance novel, but it cut off the connection between us. I felt like I was just a random body under him and he was using me to get off.
Again, I knew none of that was true, but after several months of this happening, I could no longer talk my heart out of feeling that way. He always felt bad afterwards, but enough was enough, right? How long was I supposed to feel like I was just a warm hole to be used with no emotional attachment? That wasn’t what I wanted out of a relationship. Not that we really had one of those. It felt more like we were friends that screwed. There was no dating and no move toward any kind of future. It was just us getting together to hang out and fuck. Was I that girl? Was I the girl that couldn’t see that she was being used by the guy? I mean, I really didn’t feel that Coop was that way, but wasn’t that what all those stupid girls said?
He really wants me, but he has issues.
He’s damaged and just needs some time.
He loves me, but can’t admit it yet.
It’ll get better. Just give it some time.
Yeah, that was pretty much all the shit I had been telling myself over the past few months. But would time really help us? I wasn’t making any progress with him, and he had made it very clear that I really didn’t have any kind of place in his daughter’s life. I was the woman that he listened to occasionally, but never took seriously. It was like I had been friend-zoned. Friends-with-benefits zoned.
I slipped out from under the covers and made my way to the bathroom to clean up. I wasn’t sure what time it was, but I needed to get out of here and do something for myself. I couldn’t keep being the girl that pretended things would get better. I needed to be the girl that went out and got what she wanted. And I couldn’t have Coop, so why keep trying? No, this was the day that I was going to take back who I was and stop pretending that we had something we never would have.
I nodded to myself in the mirror and grabbed a quick shower. I grabbed my travel makeup bag that I kept here and put on my face. Then I dried my hair and styled it. I never did that. I was the girl that always wore my hair up in a messy bun and never cared about her looks, but for this, I needed to look amazing. I was not some doormat to be stepped on and used to wipe the dirt from his boots. If he wanted me, he was going to have to work for me. And if he didn’t do that, he wasn’t worth my time. No matter what my head was telling me at the moment.
When I was dressed and ready to go, I grinned at myself in the mirror and nodded. I had this. But when I opened the bathroom door, he was still asleep. Here I had worked myself up into this powerful feeling and there was no one to witness it. I yanked the covers off the bed, satisfied when he jolted upright and rubbed at his eyes, feeling in the bed for me.
“Becks?”
“Coop, I’m done.”
“Done with what?”
“Done with being your doormat. I am a good catch, a very good catch. I’m smart and funny. I like to do things that guys like to do. And I don’t fucking nag you about every little thing. But I do demand some fucking respect. I don’t deserve to be walked all over and used when you need a good lay. I don’t deserve a man that won’t look at me during sex and won’t let me touch him.”
“Becky-”
“Shush! I’m not done speaking.” He stared at me in disbelief, so I continued. “I didn’t ask for much when we got together, just a little effort. But you’ve only pulled farther away from me, and left me feeling like I mean nothing to you. If you still want me, you’re going to have to prove to me that you want me and that you’re willing to put in the work. Because I’m worth it, goddamnit. I deserve more than you’re willing to give, and if you don’t wake up soon and see that, you’re going to lose out on me. I’ll be gone so fast that you won’t even know I’m missing. Do you get that?”
“Uh…”
“Yeah, that’s what I thought.”
I turned and walked out of the suite, my head held high and Aretha Franklin singing loud about respect in my head. Hell fucking yes. I was taking back my life and I was kicking ass. I was the Becky that went out and grabbed what I wanted. I would not be shoved in a box ever again.
I nodded to Storm and Tony Tacos as I walked down the hall, a wide grin on my face.
“Damn, Becky. You look hot this morning,” Tacos said.
“Don’t I know it,” I said, feeling hot as hell this morning.
“Becky!” Coop shouted from behind me. I turned around and quirked an eyebrow at him.
“What?”
“I know I fucked up, but-”
“You’re just talking out of your ass right now, and I don’t have time for that bullshit. I have a life to live, and if you can’t be the man I need, then I’ll go find someone that can give me everything. Because frankly, Coop, I’d rather live my life alone than spend one more minute in your sad, fucked up head.” I spun around, but then turned back, narrowing my eyes at him. “Big changes, Coop. Big. Got it?”
He nodded slightly, turning a little red when he realized we had an audience. I hid my grin until I turned around and saw the guys again. Then I strutted my ass out of there and headed home to take control of my life once again.
✯✯✯✯✯
I walked into the house, still working my high from earlier, and grinned like a fool as I picked up my laptop and got to work. I contacted a tax attorney and a lawyer and got to work setting up my new company. I was one of the best hackers out there and I was going to put that to use. I didn’t need Reed Security to do what I loved. And why had I never seen that before now?
I got to work designing a website for myself, listing my services and my pricing. As much as I would love to do the darknet shit, I also didn’t need to worry about ending up in jail. I worked for a good portion of the morning, my fingers flying over the keyboard the way they used to when I was lost in a job for the bossman. Only now, it was all for me.
“What the fuck are you doing?” Delaney asked, her hair disheveled and sticking up all over the place. She looked like she hadn’t slept more than a few hours, which meant she was out partying last night.
“I’m working.”
“From home?”
“I’m setting up a new business for myself. I’ve already contacted the tax accountant and my lawyer. With any luck, I should be up and running in no time. I’ve got most of the website built, but I still need a name for my company. And business cards. Any ideas?”
I looked back over at her when I finished the line of code I had been writing.
“How long was I asleep? What day is it?”
“It’s ten o’clock.”
She looked outside and then back at me in confusion. “At night?”
“Of course not.”
“Did I miss a whole day?” She sniffed at herself and grimaced. “It smells like it’s been that long.”
I went back to work. I still had a lot to do. “Nope, I just left Coop’s and came here.”
“And started a business.”
“Yep.”
“All in a few hours,” she said slowly.
“Uh-huh.”
“You know, normal people take days or even weeks to do stuff like that.”
“Well, I’m turning over a new leaf. I’m taking control of my life and making the world my bitch.”
She didn’t say anything for a minute and I turned back to look at her. She shook her head and moved toward the kitchen. “I need coffee.”
I shook my head in laughter and got back to work. She set a cup next to me, knowing when I was working on something, I always had to have coffee. She sat down on the couch cross-legged and stared me
down. I could feel her eye boring into me, so I stopped what I was doing and turned to her, drinking my coffee.
“So, what inspired this change?”
“Well, I went to Coop’s last night to take Kayla back there. She needed to talk, so I snuck her back here. Anyway, when I got back to Reed Security, Coop was obviously pissed that I had snuck Kayla out. We talked and I thought we were getting back on track.”
“But,” she said, knowing that was coming.
“But when we went to his room, it was more of the same shit. He kept the lights off, he wouldn’t let me touch him, and he wouldn’t even fucking look at me when he fucked me.”
“Ouch.”
“I know he has issues, but I’m tired of being the one that deals with the pile of crap that he doesn’t want to work through. I had to deal with it when he first came here, and I never thought we would have any kind of relationship, but then he told me he wanted more.”
“Maybe he does and he just isn’t there yet.”
I rolled my eyes. “You know what? I deserve better than a man that won’t deal with his issues and won’t let me in. I mean, he sees himself as damaged, and I get it, but those scars are almost twenty years old. That’s a long fucking time to be that screwed up.”
“Becky, don’t you think you’re being a little harsh?”
“If I was just telling him to get over his shit, that would be harsh. But I’ve been willing to work through things with him and take things at his pace, but he’s not actually trying to work through things. And in the meantime, he’s treating me like shit whenever things get rough. So, I was laying in bed with him this morning, and it finally hit me.”
“His dick?”
I smirked at her. “I was thinking that I’m that woman that keeps thinking things will change. And if I stay with him, I’ll continue to take his shit and let him walk all over me. And I can’t live my life like that. I deserve more.”
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