She played it cool, but I knew she was disappointed. And it was all because of me. God, I was being such an ass. “What about community college? You could always go there for a semester or two and then transfer to wherever you want to go.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, kid. I think it’s about time your old man grows the fuck up.”
She hugged me again, but this time, she was squeezing me so tight that I couldn’t help but feel a little choked up. I had really fucked things up with her. How could I have let shit get so out of control? I was hanging on too tight, but the danger was over and I needed to let her live her life.
“Thanks, Dad.”
I patted her back awkwardly and cleared my throat. “Um…I’m going out for a little bit. I won’t be too long.”
She gave me a knowing look and another kiss on the cheek before going back to her homework. I got in my truck and headed over to Becky’s, just like I had been doing for a week. Chance had told me to go all in, but I just wasn’t ready for that. So, I sat outside her house and watched her. I needed to be near her, and since she knew I was there, it made me feel closer to her. When I finally talked to her last night, it felt like I was making progress. And it was easier to tell her shit over the phone from a distance. I could say what I needed to, but I didn’t have to worry about her touching me or hugging me. And part of me felt hidden, despite telling her shit that I never thought I would tell her.
I stopped outside her house, just a few minutes past when I got there every other night. Delaney was already inside, but both she and Becky were standing by the window waiting for me. I waited for Delaney to walk away and then I dialed Becky’s number.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Sunshine.”
“What?”
I skirted around that one, not wanting to explain just yet. I wasn’t sure why I had said it. It just popped out. When I was out with Chance the other day and he ordered that Shirley Temple, it hit me that there was this old movie she did where her name was Rebecca. My grandma had always put on those kinds of movies when I would visit, not that I would ever tell anyone that. And I actually liked those movies. Especially Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm. If the guys ever found out, I would be harassed until the day I died. But Rebecca was all sunshine and always happy. She looked on the positive side of things. Maybe Becky wasn’t quite that chipper, but for me, she was my sunshine, always choosing to see the bright side of things and drag me out of the darkness.
“How was your day?”
“It was okay.”
I knew she wasn’t up for small talk. Normally, she would tell me all about her day, but now she was waiting for me. I had already told her as much as I could about the accident. I didn’t really want to talk about my time in the hospital after the crash. That was just a painful experience that I didn’t want to relive for anything.
“When I met Kayla’s mother, I thought she was the one. I hoped she was the one. I knew that she had some issues with addictions, but when she was clean, she was amazing. She lit up the entire room when she walked in and she was funny. Everyone loved her. I didn’t even wait a month before asking her to marry me. I just thought there wasn’t any point in waiting. But then I got called up for deployment and it didn’t happen. I found out when I was overseas that she was pregnant with Kayla. So, I wanted to marry her even more when I got home, but when I talked to her, she didn’t seem happy about being pregnant. And every time I talked to her, she seemed…messed up. The accident happened and…she wasn’t there. I laid in the hospital for weeks, thinking any day she would show up and be there. Finally, one day she came, but she wouldn’t look at me. It wasn’t pretty. I knew that, but I thought…”
I cleared my throat, sure that she got what I was saying. “Anyway, I didn’t see her again after that. I stayed in the hospital for months, getting skin grafts and…and then I was discharged and I had nowhere to go. I was in pain all the time, still trying to heal from the accident. I could have gone to my parents’ house, but Kayla had been born. I missed it and she was already so big. I asked Kayla’s mother if I could stay with her and she let me, but she wasn’t happy about it. I thought having Kayla would fix things, that if she saw us as a family, then she would see what we could have. But after a week of staying there, I found out that she was doing drugs, and I took Kayla and left. Her mom would get clean and want to see Kayla, but she was always addicted to something. And after Kayla turned one and her mom had someone new, I realized that everything I thought I had with her was nothing more than a temporary addiction. I was her addiction until I was no longer something she wanted, and then it was over.”
Becky was silent on the other end, but I could still see her standing at the window and staring out at me. She placed her hand on the window and that was it for the night. I couldn’t do any more sharing right now.
“Goodnight, Sunshine.”
I hung up and drove away, hoping that I was getting closer to getting her back.
✯✯✯✯✯
Every night for another week, I drove to Becky’s house and sat outside, telling her little things about myself to make her feel closer. But tonight, I didn’t know what more I could tell her. She’d heard everything I could think of that she would want to know. So, this time when I pulled up to her house, I made a decision that it was time. I had to put it all on the line and do this shit or I had to walk away. And I was not walking away.
I got out of the SUV and walked up to her house. My heart was pounding and I was sweating profusely, but I gathered up the courage to knock on her door. She was shocked when she opened the door, but she didn’t say anything as she stepped aside and let me in. I nodded to Delaney, who looked equally shocked, and then I grabbed Becky’s hand, pulling her into her bedroom.
“I don’t think this is a good idea,” she said, trying to pull her hand from mine.
I turned on the lights and took a deep breath. I pulled my shirt off, ignoring the way my skin still pulled from the burns on my back. Then I undid my belt buckle and Becky stood.
“What are you doing?”
“I need you to see the man I am.”
I closed my eyes and finished pulling off my clothes. I stood there naked, waiting for her to walk around and look. I waited for the inevitable gasp, but it never came. When I opened my eyes, Becky was still standing in front of me, her eyes on mine. Did she not want to see? Had I read this all wrong? Maybe she couldn’t look because it would disgust her.
“Why aren’t you looking?”
“Because I don’t need to.”
“Yes, you do,” I insisted. “I need you to see what you’re dealing with.”
She tilted her head to the side and looked at me curiously. “You want me to see the man you are. I’m looking at him.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“No, you want me to see what your body looks like, because you’re scared I’m going to run away when I see the scars. I wanted to see the man you are. I’m looking at him. He’s the man that’s called me every night and told me about himself. He’s the one that’s been letting me in, and the man that’s standing in front of me right now, terrified that I’m going to see his scars as all he is.”
I swallowed past the lump in my throat, but I couldn’t move or say anything. She had totally called me on my bullshit, and she had it right. She always got it right, because she understood me, even when I couldn’t understand myself.
“I would like to see your scars, but not because I think it’ll give me some insight into who you are. I want to see because…well, for no reason other than they’re on you and I’m curious. They’re part of your body and for once, I’d like to check you out and appreciate your body without you thinking I’m judging you.”
“They’re ugly,” I warned her.
She shrugged. “Did you get them robbing a train? Maybe jumped from the track in a fiery explosion?”
I looked at her strangely.
“Maybe you ran into a burning house t
o save kittens and a goldfish.”
“You know-”
“Or maybe you were playing with your chemistry set and misjudged how much sodium to put in water?”
“What are you talking about?” I asked in confusion. “You know how I got them.”
“Fighting for your country. Which, by the way, is way sexier than imagining you playing with a chemistry set. Although, I wouldn’t mind seeing you save kittens and a goldfish. That’s kind of sexy.”
I stared at her for a moment in confusion and then barked out a laugh. This woman…I wasn’t sure how she did it, but she made everything easier. Well, when I let her in and gave her a chance. She stepped forward and ran her hands over my chest, gripping onto my biceps when her hands moved over my muscles. She squeezed them and continued moving, trailing her fingers over my body. I watched with a hunger I’d never felt when she sank to her knees and trailed kisses down my torso, kissing and licking at all my muscles. Her tongue slid through the hair that trailed from my belly button, down. My cock smacked against her throat and I swallowed hard, hoping and praying to God that she would take me in her mouth, but she skipped over it completely. Her hands roamed down my thighs, just barely grazing over the burns on my hip. I thought I would hate the feel of her hands on me, but instead, I barely noticed when she touched my scars. I was too wound up in her being so close to me.
When she moved behind me, I heard her moan and then felt her tight grip on my ass. “God, you have a nice ass. Seriously, I need a calendar to feature all of my favorite parts.”
I felt her tongue leaving wet trails down my ass and then she was spreading my cheeks. I almost moved away, thinking she was fucking crazy and there was no way she was doing any of that shit. But then I felt her fingers brushing against my sack and felt a gentle tug. I lost it, spinning around and grabbing her, throwing her onto the bed. I wasn’t gentle as I tore the clothes from her body. Becky had pulled this animalistic instinct out of me, making me need to have her and claim her right fucking now.
When I had her naked, I slowly took in every little detail of her body and prowled over her, nudging my cock at her entrance. I ground my erection against her as I kissed her. Her tongue glided smoothly against mine and her hands slid around my back, pulling at my shoulders and sliding up through my hair. It was so fucking hot and I realized that all this time I had been missing out on having this sweet woman’s hands on me. But I wouldn’t have appreciated it, not like this, if we hadn’t gone through all that shit over the past few weeks. She tore me wide open and forced me to feel again.
I tore my lips from hers and kissed down her neck, sucking at her soft skin. When I found her breasts, I cupped them and sucked her nipples into my mouth. She started bucking against me, needing more, but I wasn’t done driving her crazy. I’d suck every inch of her body until she knew how much I wanted and needed her. When my lips brushed her pussy, her wetness tickled my lips and had me thirsting for a taste. Just a little one, that was all I needed. But when I flicked my tongue against her clit and she jerked in my arms, I dove in and sucked at her, driving her insane until she came hard. Her juices spilled from her and I shoved my tongue in her pussy, licking up every last drop of her cream.
When her body stopped jerking, I climbed back up and kissed her as sweetly as I could in the moment. Her legs widened and I slipped inside, gentle at first. But once I was inside, I lost control and rammed back inside her. She gasped and clutched me hard to her, wrapping her legs around my waist and pulling me right against her. I fucked her hard, shoving her further up the bed with every thrust until we were at her headboard. I grabbed onto it and fucked her hard and fast. Her breasts bounced and teased, making me shoot off faster than I expected as she came again, squeezing me until every drop was gone. Panting heavily, I dropped down on top of her and kissed her lips, then her neck and her ear. Her fingers trailed lazily over me and I smiled when I realized how much I liked it.
I shifted so that I could lay down beside her, and pulled her so she was laying on top of me. Her fingers played with my smattering of chest hair and then down my stomach. I grinned because the lights were still on and she could see all of me, but I didn’t care. It didn’t bother me anymore, and for the first time in almost twenty years, I felt at peace.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Becky
I stretched when I woke up the next morning. My whole body was sore from the workout Coop gave me last night. I grinned as I thought about how he had really opened up and let me in. It was the most amazing feeling in the world. And he laid with me with the lights on. He didn’t seem to care anymore that I could see his scars and he didn’t flinch at my touch.
I rolled over, shocked that he was still in bed with me. I thought for sure that he would have left earlier. He always did. Now that he was sleeping, I really took the time to look at him and his scars. They weren’t nearly as bad as he thought. Last night, I could feel the rough patches of skin, but I could tell that time had healed him more than he thought. I had seen pictures of men that came back from war burned so badly that they didn’t look anything like how they used to. Coop was lucky in that he could hide his scars if they made him uncomfortable. And the ones on his face weren’t as disfiguring as he thought. He was one of the lucky ones. It could have been a lot worse. He could have died like his copilot, and then he never would have seen his daughter grow up. I would have never met him, and I hated to think about where I would be if I didn’t have this wonderful man in my life.
I slipped quietly from the bed and went to the kitchen to make coffee. Delaney wasn’t up yet, so I could enjoy the peaceful morning for just a few minutes. I poured myself some coffee and went to the front window to look outside at the quiet neighborhood. It was funny because it wasn’t even seven in the morning, but kids were already out playing in the streets, and the man that lived next to old man Marley was already out doing yard work, even though it was only late April and there was really nothing to do in the gardens yet.
Strong arms slipped around me and warm breath trickled across my neck. I bent my head, allowing more room for those kisses that I loved so much. Coop’s hands slipped under my shirt and groped at my breasts gently. His hands moved slowly up and down my stomach, caressing every inch of my torso, but never actually slipping beneath my panties. I set my coffee on the window sill so I didn’t spill.
“Don’t tease,” I said playfully.
“I loved sleeping in your bed last night,” he whispered in my ear as he nipped at it playfully. “I liked waking you up in the middle of the night and sliding my cock inside your pussy. You’re always ready for me.”
I flushed as he spoke. I wasn’t a prude by any means, but it had been so long since a man spoke to me that way. And up until last night, Coop had been hiding from me, so all I really got out of him was a quick fuck. This was so much different. His fingers slipped below my panties and ran slowly up and down my slit, spreading my juices all over as my body tingled in anticipation.
“You know, I didn’t know what I was missing,” he said quietly. “I didn’t know I was missing out on your hands being all over me, or your ass pressed up against my cock.”
His fingers moved faster, rubbing at my clit as my heart pounded out of control. My legs felt weak and I couldn’t seem to focus on anything, but the orgasm he was dragging out of me.
“I didn’t know I was missing out on seeing your face in the morning. What the fuck was I thinking?” he asked quietly. “I missed out on so much.”
He pinched my clit and I came hard, squeezing my legs together as I tried to control the ecstasy. Coop chuckled in my ear and held me up as I almost collapsed in front of him.
“Holy fucking hell,” Delaney shouted from behind us. “Put a damn shirt on.” I felt Coop stiffen behind me, but before I could reassure him, Delaney muttered, “You know, some of us haven’t had sex in a while and it’s not fair to show all that man candy when you know I’m horny and in need.”
Coop relaxed and chuckled in my e
ar. I picked up my coffee and took a huge drink. It was too early in the morning for Delaney. She was ruining my moment with Coop. I heard the bathroom door shut and leaned back against Coop. Everything was perfect this morning and I didn’t want it to end. He continued to run his hands over my body, never suggesting that we go back to the bedroom. It was like he was content just to have me in his arms.
Was this the moment? I wanted to tell him. God, I had been half in love with this man since I first met him, but last night had pushed me over the edge. I knew without a doubt when he stepped in front of me and took off his clothes, trusting me with all his fears that I loved him hard. I just didn’t know if this was the right time to tell him. Maybe it was too many feelings for one night and morning. Maybe he would freak out and say he had to leave. I didn’t know if I could handle that after the morning we had.
His lips brushed against my cheek and he nipped at my ear again. “I love you too.”
Shocked, I turned to look up at him. He was sporting a cocky grin, something that just was so unlike him. He was just this totally different man, and I briefly thought of asking him if he was dying, but then my brain kicked back online and I remembered what he said.
“How did you know?”
“Your body tensed up and you were squeezing me to you like I would run away. Your thoughts were so loud, I thought I’d have to put in ear plugs.”
I slapped him lightly and chuckled. “Shut up.”
He chuckled and brushed his hand across my cheek, his face growing serious. “I do love you. You’ve completely changed my world. I didn’t think that I would ever have this, but you made me really look hard at my life, and I didn’t want to miss out on you. I’d be fucking wrecked if I didn’t have you.”
A huge grin split my lips because…well, when a man says shit like that to you, that’s the only reaction to have; to know that you had that kind of impact on someone else’s life is a very precious thing. “I love you too,” I finally said.
Cooper Page 10