“Hey...” Logan whispers, gripping my hand tightly. She’s trying her hardest to be strong, but I see through her. She’s terrified and I can't blame her because. So. Am. I.
“What can I do?” I keep my voice low enough that only she can hear me.
“Hold me.” Her cheeks stain a light pink, she doesn’t like needing someone else.
I slide closer, resting my back against the raised back of the bed. Logan curls into my side, laying her head on my chest, threading her fingers through mine once again.
“I’ll hold you forever.”
“What do you need, Little L? I need to do something; I can’t just sit there when you’re in surgery.”
“Find someone to water my plants for me,” She deadpans.
“Who the fuck cares about your plants! I’ll buy you new ones!” Carrie chuckles from the chairs to my right, Owen’s gaze snaps to her. “What’s up with you?”
“Logan doesn’t have any plants.”
Logan shakes with silent laughter when Owen’s glare lands on her.
“Please, Logan, I want to help.” His voice softens, I don’t miss him calling her Logan either. He never calls her Logan. It’s always Little L, sweetheart, darling or any other pet name he can think of at that moment, but never Logan.
“Could you organize some meals for me? Even if it’s just getting food delivered?”
“Done! What else?”
“Uh... you can clean my apartment if you really want to.”
“I don’t do that, but I can hire someone who does. I’m more than willing to give sponge baths if needed though.” He smirks, until Lucas smacks him upside the head.
“I’ve got the baths covered,” I growl.
“Damn, ok. I was only trying to help.”
“Logan, are you ready?” A man dressed in scrubs asks as he approaches.
“No, but might as well get it over with.” She shrugs.
“I’m Dr. Rodger, I’ll be performing Logan’s mastectomy and Dr. Perkins will be doing her reconstruction.” He turns his attention back to Logan; I war with my mind to pay attention rather than over process everything I'm seeing and hearing. “Who would you like me to talk to after your surgery?”
“Parker.” She swallows hard, fighting to keep her tears at bay. “You can talk to any of them, but definitely Parker.”
“Ok, and what relation is Parker to you?”
Logan’s eyes snap to mine; we’ve never discussed anything that’s happened between us, we’ve just gone with the flow.
“I’m her boyfriend.” I keep my eyes on her when I answer. I'm rewarded with the biggest smile ever.
“Very well. They’re setting up the operating room for you now. You’re going to have the nurse and anesthesia out here shortly to talk to you. I’d suggest starting to say your ‘see ya laters’ now. Do you have any questions for me?”
Owen opens his mouth to speak but Logan holds up a hand.
“Not now, Big Man, you can ask all your questions later.” He pouts, but slams his mouth shut.
“Ok, I’ll see you back there in a few minutes.”
26
Logan
AS SOON AS THE DOCTOR leaves Lucas embraces me.
“We’re gonna be waiting for you, you’re going to be fine, darling.” He kisses my cheek then steps out of the way for Carrie to come over.
“You can do this, you’ve beat this before, you can do it again.” Carrie squeezes me tight before she takes her place next to Lucas. She’s still not comfortable around the guys but she’s trying her hardest for me.
Lucas wraps her in his embrace as a tear trickles down her cheek. He strokes her hair, whispering something in her ear.
“Little L...” Owen’s eyes fill with tears.
“Carrie and I are going to meet you both in the waiting room.” Lucas smiles over at me. He’s protecting his brother the only way he knows how. He’s giving him a chance to break down with no one else around. Taking care of him without being asked, being Lucas.
I watch them walk out, the second they’re gone, I turn my attention back to Owen. The man who wormed his way into my heart and improves my life dramatically.
“Big Man, it’s ok.” I reach for his hand and tug him closer.
“You have to be ok; you just have to. I can't handle anything else. I can't live without you by my side, helping me fuck with Parker.”
Tears slip down his cheeks, but he doesn’t try to hide them, Owen’s letting me see a vulnerable side he hides from everyone. I’ve never felt more loved than I do in this moment, watching one of the strongest men I know crumble because of his love for me.
“I love you, Owen, so much,” I whisper, brushing away a few tears.
“I love you too, Logan.”
He kisses my cheek before walking out to the waiting room, leaving Parker and I alone.
“I’ll be by your side the second you’re allowed people,” Parker whispers into my neck, placing a gentle kiss over my pulse. I nod, not able to speak or I’ll break down. I don’t want to be that person sobbing on their way to surgery. “Logan...” Parker places a finger under my chin and tilts it until I'm forced to look up at him. “I meant what I said, baby. I'm yours and you’re mine. I want to take you out on a real date after you recover... without Owen and Lucas tagging along. I want to show off my girlfriend to the world.”
“I want to show off my boyfriend.” I grin thinking about getting to spend time alone with Parker. It feels like Owen or Lucas are always around when we get to spend time together. Hell, Owen has interrupted our almost first kiss at least a dozen times.
“I love you, baby.” My brows kiss my hair line, tears fill my eyes and there’s no chance of me making my way into the operating room without crying.
“Really?”
“Really. I’m so glad you became my assistant and I didn’t make you cry or quit on the first day. I thank God every day for bringing you into my life and letting me experience love for the first time. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“I love you too, Mr. Scott.” I giggle when he lets out a groan, discreetly adjusting himself in his pants.
“That’s just mean, darling.”
I snuggle up closer to him, not wanting this moment to end. When I see the nurse headed our way I want to scream, I want more time with Parker. I don’t want to leave my bubble of happiness and be thrusted back into my harsh reality that I have breast cancer for the second time in less than five years.
“Hey, baby?” Parker whispers in my ear.
“Ye-ah.”
My voice stutters when Parker leans in, his lips a hair width away from mine. I hold my breath, thinking he’s going to kiss me, but he doesn’t.
A throat clears, but we don’t care. I hold up a finger, they can fucking wait.
His arms envelope me, holding on to me like his life depends on it. He whispers words of encouragement, telling me how much he loves me and he’ll be there when I wake up.
When we finally break apart, Parker rests his forehead against mine while we collect ourselves, trying to reign in our emotions. When we turn towards the person who cleared their voice, I find a young nurse smirking and shaking her head.
“Sorry about that.” I blush.
“I'm not sorry at all, not even a teeny tiny bit.” Parker shrugs.
“I don’t blame you, if I had a guy who looks like that, I wouldn’t be able to keep my hands off of him.”
“Fuck, it’s a female version of Owen,” Parker mumbles in my ear. I snort with laughter, unable to stop.
“It’s time for you two to say your goodbyes.” The nurse smiles.
“No goodbyes, I’ll see you as soon as you wake up... I love you, baby.”
“I love you too... Mr. Scott.”
He lets out a low groan, kisses me on the forehead again, then raises from my bed. I keep my eyes locked on him until they wheel the stretcher out of view. Right before I lose sight of him, Parker blows me a kiss and winks.
&nb
sp; THEY WHEEL ME BACK into the operating room. I glance around at all the equipment they have. A table in the corner is covered in metal instruments. A woman stands in front of it with some sort of a paper gown on and rubber gloves. She’s smiling at me... Well, she’s wearing a mask so I don’t know for sure if she’s smiling, but her eyes seem to be smiling.
“Alright, Logan. Do you think you can move from the stretcher to this bed?” The anesthesiologist takes my pillow, placing it on the new bed.
“I think so,” I mumble, the anti-anxiety meds are slowly creeping in, making me tired.
“Great job, just a little bit more. Place your hands at your sides, feel the bed and try to center yourself.”
“It’s so tiny.”
“Yeah, it’s a one size fits no one.”
The anesthesiologist moves around, placing a blood pressure cuff on me, some stickers and a few other things. After several minutes she finally turns her attention back to me.
“You ready?”
“As I’ll ever be.”
“Good. Pick a happy place you want to go to. It can be anywhere you want.”
“The office.”
“Like the tv show?” She chuckles.
“No, my work.”
“Work is your happy place?” She stares down at me like I'm crazy.
“That’s where I met Parker and where I get to spend the most amount of time with him.” My words start to slur, but I don’t stop. “I love Parker. I love him.”
“If I worked with men that looked like that, work would probably be my happy place too.” The nurse snorts beside me.
I keep repeating my love for the man of my dreams, over and over again. Soon the sleepiness overtakes me and I dream of the office. Of Parker hugging and kissing me. Of Owen and Lucas harassing us the entire time. I’ve found my happy place.
27
Parker
THE SECOND I STEP THROUGH the doors Owen is on his feet, storming my way.
“How is she?”
“She’s good, happy and smiling when I left her.”
“How the hell can she be so strong? I'm a fucking mess.”
“I told her I love her.”
Owen takes a step back, his eyes wide, mouth hanging open. He blinks several times, his mouth opening and closing but no words come out.
“You told her you love her?” He whisper yells.
“I do.” I shrug.
“No shit... I'm just shocked you told her... hell, I'm shocked you even realized it. Lucas and I had bets on how long it’d take you to comprehend how you felt.”
“How much did you just lose?”
“Five grand. That motherfucker is too perceptive, it’s like he knows our moves before we make them.”
“So, you owe me five grand, I take it.” Lucas saunters up to our sides, a sly grin on his face.
“How the fuck do you know that?” Owen’s brows knit together.
“He’s happier than I’d expect considering his girlfriend’s in surgery right now. He told her he loves her, and she said the same, it’s the only explanation.”
“Told ya, perceptive as fuck.”
“Do we know how long the procedure will take?” Lucas asks, rubbing the back of his neck.
“No, she wouldn’t let me ask questions!” Owen complains.
“It should be about two to three hours before we can see her.”
“How do you know?” They both ask at the same time, then glare at each other.
“I’ve researched everything there is to know about breast cancer, mastectomies, recovery and anything else I could think of since I found out. I talked to mom and dad, asked everything I could think of.”
“Damn, you’re prepared.” Owen runs a hand over his face.
“I might have had one of those adjustable beds delivered over the weekend for the living room.” I scrunch my nose, wincing.
“Does she know?” Lucas’s wide eyes focus on me.
“I didn’t want to tell her yet, but she’s going to need help. I’m going to make her stay with me and have the three of us around.”
“Let’s just wait and see what she has to say about this.” Lucas chuckles and shakes his head.
“I'm exhausted, I'm gonna sit for a while. I’d try to sleep but we all know I won't.”
I collapse into the chair next to Carrie. Her eyes are locked on the book she had before, but once again she isn't reading. Tears slowly fall down her face, her hair blocks most of it but I catch the sniffle she tries to hide.
“Come here, darling.” I hold my arms open, I'm shocked when she willingly falls into my embrace.
Logan said Carrie’s uncomfortable around men, I never expected her to let me hold her.
“It’s gonna be ok, she’s a fighter... Did she tell you about her first day working for me?” When she shakes her head, I continue, telling her one story after another about Logan and I butting heads with each other.
When I run out of stories, we both lean our heads back and close our eyes. I didn’t know Logan was getting any sort of reconstruction or an axillary dissection. I didn’t even think of asking her so many different questions.
“Can you tell us what’s going on with Logan Johnson? It’s been an hour.” I open my eyes, finding Owen harassing the nurse from earlier.
“Sir, I have no information about Logan. I’ll call you when I do.”
“Can't you check on her and let us know? Fuck, I can't keep pacing around this waiting room not knowing if she’s ok!”
“I’ll see what I can do, but you don’t want to rush them. The doctor and nurses are doing their best taking care of her.”
“Just call them, I can't stand not knowing,” He growls.
“I'm sorry, he’s very attached to Logan. He doesn’t know how to control his emotions right now.” Lucas tries to soothe the pissed off nurse.
“Owen, get over here,” I snap. He heads my way with a firm scowl on his face.
“How can you just sit here and relax?”
“I'm not,” I hiss. “I'm fucking terrified but harassing the nursing staff isn't going to help Logan. You need to chill the fuck out before they kick you out of the hospital and you can't see her at all. Go comfort Carrie, she’s been crying the entire time.”
“Fuck! Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”
“Because I thought you’d make it worse,” I answer honestly. “Don’t upset her more.”
“I'm not gonna upset her at all!”
“Owen, I love you like a brother, but you’re a bit much sometimes. She doesn’t know how to handle you. Be gentle with her.”
“I can handle a crying woman, Parker,” Owen growls before stomping away.
My eyes never leave him, tracking him over to Carrie, watching him drop into the chair next to her. He takes her hand in his, threading their fingers together and holding her when she begins to cry again. He might be a pain in the ass, but he does know how to handle an upset woman. He’s surprisingly soft considering his rough personality.
“Mr. Scott?” A voice comes from behind me; I spin on my heels to face the person.
“Yes, that’s me.”
Dr. Rodger comes to my side, a smile on his lips eases some of the anxiety swirling in my chest.
“Logan’s doing great. I removed her breast and did the axillary dissection. All of her lymph nodes were negative.”
“What does that mean?” Lucas asks from beside me.
“That’s great news. It means her cancer hasn’t spread to her lymph system.”
“So... she’s cancer free?” I whisper.
“She should be. We’re going to go ahead with the chemotherapy to make sure any possible cancer cells are killed, but it’s looking good. I’ll have the report back tomorrow on what type of cancer it is. My hope is it’s the same type as before and we somehow didn’t get all of it.”
“Are you saying you hope you fucked up last time?” Owen growls from behind me.
“Yes, because it’s a more promising outcome
for Logan than if she has a different type of cancer this time.”
“Thank you, Dr. Rodger. I appreciate you taking care of Logan.” I shake his hand, resisting the urge to smack Owen on the side of the head.
“It’s my pleasure, she’s a wonderful young woman...” He pauses, a small smirk playing on his lips. “She kept mumbling the same thing when they were putting her to sleep.”
“What was it?”
“She kept saying ‘I love Parker’. When the anesthesiologist told her to pick a happy place to dream about, she said the office, they asked why, and she said because that’s where she met you and where she gets to spend the most time with you. Take care of her, Parker. She’s the type you keep and cherish for the rest of your life.”
“Don’t worry, Doc. If Parker doesn’t take care of her, I will.” Owen smirks, this time I throw my elbow back, landing a solid blow to his stomach. He groans, clutching his abdomen but doesn’t step away.
“When will we be able to see her?”
“Dr. Perkins is still working, but I don’t expect him to be too much longer. I’d say within the hour, mostly likely sooner.”
“Thank you.”
We shake hands again before he walks back through the doors to the operating room.
28
Logan
I GROAN, ROLLING MY head from side to side. There’s too much noise, the lights are too bright and I'm freezing. I peel my eyes open, wincing when the light becomes even brighter. I find a nurse at my side; she smiles down at me when she notices me awake.
“Hey, Logan. How are you feeling?”
“I'm cold,” I whisper, my throat sore from having a tube down it during surgery.
“Aww, I'm sorry. I’ll get you another warm blanket right away, is there anything else you need?”
“Parker.”
She smiles, her eyes softening. She presses a few buttons on the monitor and jots down a couple things on her tablet before she walks away. She comes back with two warm blankets, placing them against my skin, removing the cold ones.
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