by Emma Couette
Her eyes grow round at my words before they shut down in anger. “I said it’s nothing,” she snaps, standing up and stalking off.
I smile ruefully. For once, I hate being right, but I’m going to find out what Roseanne has on Blake and then I’m going to put a stop to it.
Bast and I are getting ready to leave the cafeteria when Ajax walks in. He looks a bit down, but his face brightens into a smile when he sees us.
“Afternoon,” he says, sliding onto the bench beside me.
“Hey,” I reply.
“What’s going on?”
“We were about to leave actually,” I say.
“So soon?” Ajax says. “You sure Sebastian’s had enough to eat?”
Bast scowls. “Watch it, man,” he says.
“Sorry,” Ajax replies.
“How come you hate your full name so much?” I ask Bast.
“How come you won’t tell us yours?” he counters.
“Oh...” Ajax says lowly with a smirk tugging at the edge of his lips.
I give Bast a look. “Well played, Bast,” I say, “well played.”
He smiles but it fades quickly. “I’m serious though, Night,” he replies. “What are you afraid of?”
I don’t say anything for a moment.
Nothing. Everything.
The fears are impossible to explain, but they’re there, chaining me to the darkness.
“You wouldn’t understand,” I reply.
“That’s because you won’t give us the chance, Night.”
“Look,” I tell him, “I don’t want to argue. Can we drop it?”
He sighs. “Fine.” He looks at Ajax. “Any news then?”
Ajax nods. “Everything is finalized. All units are to be inside the base by midnight tonight and the bombs will be dropped promptly at eight tomorrow morning. Jenson wants our team with him in the control room at seven.”
“Why do we need to be there?” I ask.
“Maybe because it was your plan?” Bast suggests.
“Yeah, but you and Blake don’t need to be there. Not that I don’t want you there, I’m just saying.”
“I know what you mean,” Bast replies, “but we’re your team and we have your back for everything.”
“Thanks.”
“Where did Blake go?” Ajax asks, just now noticing her absence.
“She stormed off after I confronted her about her Natalie problem,” I reply. “You know anything about that?”
“No, I don’t. What happened?”
“Her highness paid another visit and Blake just wasn’t... Well, I’ve noticed she’s never herself when Natalie’s around. I asked her about it and she got all angry. I have a feeling Blake did something she isn’t proud of and Natalie knows about it.”
“What makes you say that?”
“Just a girl instinct I guess. I also came this close to strangling her highness today.” I hold my thumb and pointer finger a millimetre apart.
Ajax tenses. “What did she do this time?”
I take a deep breath. “She basically called my father a drunkard and my mother a whore.”
“That little witch...” Ajax mutters, his fingers curling into fists. “If she wasn’t a girl, I’d beat her up myself. What stopped you?”
I pause for a moment and in the silence, I see the butterfly. I blink and it fades from sight. I decide to give him half of the truth.
“The look on Blake’s face,” I tell him, “the look that said she wasn’t worth it.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Later, Ajax bids me goodnight at my bedroom door.
“Are you sure you don’t want to go do something?” I ask him. I don’t want him to go; I don’t want to be left alone with my thoughts.
He shakes his head. “It’s late, Silent, we should both get some rest.”
“I just... Guild, I’m scared, Ajax.” There, I finally said it.
He raises an eyebrow. “I thought Silent Night was only afraid of feathers?”
“And pillows,” I add, “but this too. I’m terrified something will go wrong and I’ll lose everything I’ve gained here and grown to love or that I’ll go back to the person I was. I don’t want to go back. I want to stay the way I am.”
“Don’t be afraid,” he replies, “we’re all here for you and I’m not going to let you do a one-eighty. We’ve worked too hard for that.”
I look up at him, crossing my arms. “That’s not what I mean. I’m afraid I won’t let you guys be here for me, that I’ll push you away. I’m afraid of myself, Jax. How can you protect me from me? How can anyone?” I hold myself tighter and set my gaze on the floor.
“We just have to try.” He sighs. “We’ll work something out, Silent, don’t worry.”
I meet his eyes. “Will we?” I challenge.
“We will,” he replies, determination in his gaze. “I can’t promise you there won’t be more bumps in the road, but I can promise you we’ll all navigate them together, and I will not stand back and watch if you decide to reject us. You’ve come so far, Silent. You’re stronger than anything holding you back. You’re stronger than the voice in your head.”
“You think so?”
He smiles. “I know so. I’ve seen it. Now get some sleep. We have a big day tomorrow.”
“I’ll try,” I reply, placing my hand on the doorknob to my room.
“Night, Silent,” he says.
I smile; it’s so weird to hear him say that. “Night, Jax,” I reply.
He heads down the hall and I disappear into my room, hoping sleep will come tonight.
I wake up tense and tired the next morning, sleep having evaded me for the most part. I’m groggy and sore as I peel myself out of bed and dress in the blackest clothes I can find. I feel dark this morning. I don’t know if that should scare me.
The only weapons I grab are my guns as I leave my room.
I sweep into the control room at seven o’clock on the dot. Over three dozen people look up from what they are discussing to stare at me.
“Ah, Assassin,” Jenson drawls, “nice of you to join us.”
“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
“Have a seat.”
I walk around the table and take the empty chair on Ajax’s right. Bast sits on Ajax’s left with Blake on his other side. I give the two of them a little wave. Bast waves back and Blake gives me a small smile. They join back into the conversation as I turn to Ajax.
“Hey,” I say.
“Morning,” he replies, “you were cutting it a bit close there, don’t you think?”
“What are you, my mother?”
“No, I’m just trying to save you from Jenson’s wrath.”
“I can handle him.”
“I know; I’m just saying.”
“Assassin, Ajax, listen up,” Jenson barks.
I jump.
Ajax shoots me a look, I told you so written across his face.
I roll my eyes.
“Yes, Jenson?” I ask with a yawn.
“I was just wondering, Assassin, what our next move is?”
“Maybe if you hadn’t kicked me out of our last meeting, you would know,” I reply.
“Enough with the games,” he says, his bravado dying, if only for a second.
I sigh. “Fine. We see what they do and then, when appropriate, we attack.”
“And when will that be?”
“When I see fit. Am I in charge of this assault or not?”
“As far as Avery is concerned, yes, but I don’t agree with his choices and therefore I am inclined to bend the rules. I do not deal well with surprises. So I ask again, when do we attack?”
“I don’t know,” I retort, “and I won’t know until well after that bomb is dropped, tomorrow at the earliest. You need to exercise patience I’m not sure you possess.”
“You watch your tongue. I can easily throw your carcass out of this base.”
“And I can easily walk away and never come back. Face it, Jenson
, you need me.”
I pause and it gives me enough time to notice the stares we’re being given. There’s more here than our usual crowd and the newcomers can’t believe the way we’re talking to each other. I suppose I could’ve toned it down for appearances sake, but I often forget we have an audience. Once we start our arguments, it’s just me and him; nothing else matters but who is going to be the victor.
I turn my gaze back to Jenson and say, “Now, are we going to drop the bomb or what?”
“It’s not yet eight o’clock,” he replies. “We have many preparations to go through and last-minute checks to make. The four of you can sit there and be quiet. Think you can do that?”
“I suppose, but why were we called here if we’re not going to do anything?”
“I wanted you in my sight and your teammates will keep you here. Sit tight, Assassin.”
I shrug. I didn’t plan on going anywhere.
We watch as the men bustle around the room, hooking up all the systems, including the viewing screen that will show us the bomb when it drops and the communications to the planes.
Finally, at five to eight, Jenson gives the order for the planes to take off.
The remaining minutes drag on. I resort to biting my nails to deal with the nerves.
Then, the planes appear on the screen, showing the food warehouse beneath them.
This is it. No turning back. Ever.
The number ten shows up on the screen in green digital letters. I hold my breath as the clock counts down to zero and the warehouse goes up in a column of black smoke and rings of bright red fire. A few moments later, a tremor shakes my seat and I shudder to think how far the energy went, how far the repercussions will spread.
The warehouse is nothing but a pile of debris and ashes ten minutes later. I regard it with a mixture of excitement, fear, and guilt. A part of me still feels like I’ve hurt my allies, but then I chide myself. They are nothing but the enemy now. I feel no sympathy for them. I mustn’t feel sympathy for them. They lied to me and they deserve nothing less than a slow death by starvation, especially the man behind it all.
I am coming for you, Charger. Make no mistake.
“Well, that’s that then,” Jenson says. “I’ll have our crew survey the damage and we’ll get back to you. How soon before they make a counter strike do you think, Assassin?”
“As soon as they feel like it,” I reply, “and there will be no way to prepare. We will not see it coming. I’d suggest no one leave the base, but I have a feeling you won’t listen.”
“I will not cower in my own base,” Jenson replies. “We cannot afford to halt our other operations. Now, if the four of you would run along... We have work to do.”
“Very well,” I say, standing. “Don’t come crying to me when countless Resistance agents lay dead at your feet.”
He says nothing, just watches me go with an expression of complete contempt. The feeling is mutual.
The others join me in the hall a few moments later.
“You okay?” Ajax asks.
“Peachy,” I mutter.
“You don’t sound it.”
I sigh. “It’s just... Jenson is so... Ugh. I want to strangle him sometimes for his utter stupidity.” I pause. “Don’t tell him that.”
Ajax laughs. “I won’t.”
Bast smiles. “Don’t worry, Night, you’re not the only one. He drives us all crazy, including the big man.”
“Good to know I’m not alone.”
“Nah, sometimes I want to put a crossbow bolt through his head just to put us all out of our misery.”
I laugh and the others join me.
“Bast,” Blake gasps after a second. “That’s awful.”
He shrugs. “I won’t apologize for it.”
I laugh again. “And that’s why I like you people. Sometimes, I feel like I’m not the only soulless one.”
Bast and Blake start down the hall, but Ajax and I linger behind. Guild, he’s like a magnet that won’t let me stray too far. I’m not sure how much longer I can ignore the pull.
“You’re not soulless, Silent,” he says after a moment.
I look away from Bast and Blake’s retreating figures to him. “And how do you figure that?” I ask.
“I can see it. It’s in your eyes, the spark in them when you smile or laugh. It radiates from your core, from your entire being. Make no mistake, Silent; you have a soul and it’s breathtaking.”
I wince. “Jax...”
“I know, I know. I’m not trying to— Bast or Blake would say the same. Well, not exactly the same but...” He looks at his feet.
I sigh. “It’s okay. I know what you mean. I appreciate it.”
And I do, truly. It can’t be easy to find light and hope in a black heart like mine. It’s not easy to let his light in either, which is why I’ve been holding back. I’m afraid my heart won’t be able to take it.
“Hey!” Bast calls out. “Are you guys coming or not? I’m starving.”
“You can’t wait for more than two seconds?” I call back as Ajax and I start walking towards him and Blake.
“Not really,” Bast replies. “Look at me. I’m wasting away.”
We catch up to them and I nail Bast’s shoulders with mine as I pass him. “More like wasting my time with your whining,” I say.
“Ow!”
“Oh, go on, that didn’t hurt.”
“Yeah, but... It wasn’t necessary,” he points out.
I grin at him. “No, but it felt good.
He shakes his head. “You’re crazy.”
“I know. Isn’t it wonderful?”
“Children, please,” Blake says, “let’s not argue.”
Bast and I roll our eyes at her.
“Blake’s right,” Ajax says, “why don’t you two drop it so we can all go get some food?”
“Sounds good to me,” I say. “Shall we call it a draw?”
Bast grins. “For now.”
“Great,” Ajax says, “because, as Bast said, I’m starving. Let’s go.”
“Right behind you,” Bast says.
…
After breakfast, Bast and Ajax tag along for my latest axe training session. I beg them to go do something else, but they won’t hear of it. In the words of Bast, they want to see how much I suck.
I stop by my room first to drop off my guns and grab my axe.
Bast studies me for a second and says, “I don’t think an axe becomes you.”
“Thank you for your wise words, Sebastian,” I reply, “but I don’t give a damn.”
He holds his hands up in surrender. “I was just saying.”
“Well, maybe you should keep your mouth shut then.”
Bast gives me an indignant look, but says nothing more.
Point: Silent Night.
The four of us head to the training room and Blake and I take our places in the centre of the mat. We crouch down and circle each other slowly.
“Beat her, Silent,” Jax calls from the sidelines.
“Carve her into minuscule pieces, Night,” Bast adds.
Blake whirls to look at him and slices him with a death glare.
Bast swallows and says, “I mean, go Blake go.”
I laugh. “All right, Blake, let’s give them a good show.”
“Agreed,” she says and we lunge for each other, axe blades flashing.
We move almost too quickly to see as we strike and counter strike, dodge and duck. I work with the weight of the weapon, instead of letting it work against me. I swing it around me, deflecting her blows as if I’ve been doing it all my life.
Yet, she does the same.
Our feet are like lightning, our weapons like thunder when they clash against each other. Our battle storm echoes in the open space of the training room.
I’ve definitely improved. Never have I lasted so long. I smile and push harder. Blake matches me and we go on like that for another few minutes before I make a mistake.
She lunges at me,
axe swinging for my head and I duck, but it was only a feint. Her axe comes at my legs and it’s too late to jump.
The weapon hits me square in the thighs, denting my armour, and I collapse onto the floor, head banging against the cement. For a moment, I see stars.
I hear Jax’s voice. “Silent, are you okay?” This is the second time I’ve been in this situation in front of him and Bast. “Talk to me, Silent.” His voice is close and worried; he must be kneeling beside me.
I lift my head up and moan at the wave of nausea that crashes into me.
“Thank God,” I hear him breathe.
I try to get into a sitting position at least, but I am much too dizzy. “Assassins below,” I mutter.
“Take it easy, Night,” Bast says.
“I am so sorry,” Blake gasps.
“It’s okay,” I tell her, squeezing my eyes shut against the pain, praying the room will stop spinning. “I’m just a little disoriented from slamming my head against the floor. It’s not your fault.”
I give sitting another attempt and this time I manage it, but I bring my knees to my chest and put my head down. I open my eyes again to see Jax kneeling in front of me, spinning slowly.
A few moments later, he comes into focus and I know the worst of it has passed.
“Well, that was fun,” I say, looking up at Blake. “Let’s do it again.”
Blake shakes her head. “I think that’s enough for today.”
“If you insist,” I sigh, “but I’m fine now. I can handle it.”
“I know you can,” she replies, “but Jax looks like he’ll take my head off with my own axe if I let you continue.”
I turn and glare at him.
He scratches the back of his head. “I just thought… You did well. Maybe that’s enough for one day.”
“Ajax, I suck at this, still. She disarms me in five minutes flat. I’ve improved, sure, but not enough. I need more practice.”
“You need to rest after what just happened.”
“You need to back off,” I snap.
“What?”
“You don’t get to tell me what to do.”
“I wasn’t…” he tries. “Look, I’m trying to help.”