Cullen’s mind drifted back to the Mexican restaurant she and Sara had frequented. She thought of the time Sara suggested she try coke. It had made Cullen so angry, and yet she’d stuck with her. Was she that desperate for a relationship?
What about now? Did she care about Julia? Truly care about her or was she just scared to be alone? She didn’t like the way her thoughts were going, so she brought herself back to the question at hand.
“We have a good Mexican restaurant here. Take a look at the menu and I’ll place an order.”
She handed Julia her phone, then watched Julia while she looked at the menu. Cullen thought she really liked her. She’d crushed on her for her whole sophomore year, but that had been a long time ago. Was she into the woman she had become, or was she just chasing the ghost of her high school crush? She had a lot of questions and very few answers. Damn Sara for making her doubt herself. She’d fucked Cullen in the brain in a big way. Cullen needed to put Sara out of her mind once and for all. As if on cue, her phone buzzed. Julia handed it to her.
“Here you go.”
“Gee, thanks.”
I see it’s snowing again. It’s seventy degrees and sunny here.
Lucky you.
I can’t chat but wanted to let you know I’m thinking of you.
Thanks. Take care.
“Here, hand me your phone,” Julia said.
She did a quick search in Safari.
“What are you doing?” Cullen asked.
“Shit. It’s eighty degrees in Ft. Lauderdale.”
“I don’t get it.”
“She said it was seventy degrees, so she’s not in Ft. Lauderdale.”
“She could be lying about the weather. For all we know, she’s still in Portland.”
“I doubt that.”
“Can we forget about her for a while? Can we just order dinner, please?”
“Sure, dinner sounds good. But I can’t forget about her, Cullen. I won’t be able to until I’ve seen her locked up.”
“I get that, I really do, and I’m happy to help. I just don’t like to feel like that’s why you’re with me. So I can help you lock her up.”
“Cullen, seriously, is that what you think?”
“No, maybe,” She ran her fingers through her hair. “I don’t know.”
“Okay, well, order dinner and then we’ll talk.”
Cullen placed the order then turned to face Julia on the couch.
“I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me.”
“It’s okay. You’ve been burned. You’re gun-shy. You have trust issues. It all makes sense. I hope you’ll learn to trust me, I really do, and I’m patient. I’ll wait as long as it takes for you to put your ghosts behind you and accept me and my feelings for you.”
“I appreciate that,” Cullen said. “And I do trust you. It’s just that sometimes my past rears its ugly head and I freak. I need to trust you and I need to trust my feelings for you.”
Julia’s eyebrows shot up.
“You don’t trust your own feelings?”
Cullen shrugged.
“Everything gets convoluted sometimes and I wonder if it’s this you I’m into or the you I had a crush on all those years ago.”
Julia stood. She turned and faced Cullen.
“Cullen, you need to figure that out.”
Cullen reached up, took her hand, and gently pulled her back onto the couch.
“I know in my heart that I care for you. It’s just sometimes my brain starts asking questions. Like I’m trying to self-sabotage to avoid another failed relationship. Does that make sense?”
“I suppose it does. And while I don’t like to hear it, it’s important that you always talk to me about what you’re feeling and questioning. Please?”
“I promise. And it’s important that you let me know once Sara is caught if you still want to be with me.”
“Oh, Cullen, I’m sure I will, but I get it. I have to earn your trust and I will. That’s my promise to you.”
“Good.” Cullen felt a little better. She smiled at Julia.
“Now kiss me, you fool.”
Cullen kissed her. And kissed her again and again. And kept kissing her until the doorbell interrupted them.
Chapter Twenty
Julia savored every bite of her dinner and forced her thoughts and Cullen’s doubts from her mind. When they were through eating, though, she was tempted to bring up the whole subject again. Instead, she washed their plates and got them each a beer.
“You want to watch a movie?” Cullen said.
“Sure.”
“Can we talk some more first?”
“If you want.” Julia wanted to hear more about what Cullen was thinking and feeling, regardless of how painful it might me.
“I think we should take our relationship to the next level.”
“What do you mean?”
“Julia, it’s obvious that we want each other. We’re both consenting adults. I don’t see why we can’t make love.”
Julia chose her words carefully. She knew she had to be firm even though the idea of being naked with Cullen awakened parts of her that had been dormant far too long. But she also didn’t want to be a flash in the pan. She needed to know they were both ready for a commitment before she would go any further.
“There are several reasons why I can’t agree to that,” she said. “The first is because I’m hip deep in a case that keeps me distracted. When we’re finally in a place where we know it’s right and I can give one hundred percent, then I’ll say okay.”
“There’ll always be a case. You’re a fuckin’ detective.” Cullen’s word came out short and crisp. Julia looked in her eyes and saw anger and hurt there.
“Not like this one, Cullen. This one’s different and you know it.”
“How? What makes these murders different from the other ones you’ve handled?”
“It’s personal. It shouldn’t be, but it is. I care about you, Cullen, and Sara hurt you. I want to make her pay.”
“If you truly cared about me, you’d let me prove my affection for you.”
“You do prove it. We don’t need to fall into bed. Besides, it’s too soon.”
“Too soon my ass. When will it not be too soon?”
“It’s been a week, Cullen. A week since Sara left you. One week. I’m not going to be your rebound. I’ve told you that.”
“Maybe you should leave then. Maybe you shouldn’t bother spending the night tonight.”
The words hit Julia like a punch in the gut.
“You don’t mean that. You’re upset. You’re not thinking clearly. You don’t want me out driving in the snow in the dark. I know you don’t.”
“No, I really don’t,” Cullen said quietly. “It’s just so hard because I want you so desperately.”
“I want you, too, but I also want this to go somewhere. I don’t want to be another notch in your bedpost.”
“I don’t keep notches in my bedpost. That’s not my style.”
“You know what I mean, though,” Julia said. “I don’t want to be just another bedmate. I want to know we’re in it for the long haul.”
“I’m crazy about you, Julia.”
“And I’m crazy about you, too, but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s too soon. When I give myself to you I plan to give myself to you completely. I want it to be for forever. Please let me have that.”
“Fair enough. Well, if I can’t have you, let’s talk about something else, like what movie do you want to watch?”
“The Breakfast Club.”
“Are you serious?” Cullen laughed which eased Julia’s tension.
“I am. It’s my all-time favorite movie.”
“That surprises me. I expected you to like cop movies or something.”
“I am a cop. I live that shit. I don’t need to watch it while I’m relaxing. Anyway, so now you know my favorite movie, what’s yours?”
“Hm.”
“What?” Julia said
.
“I’m thinking. There are so many good ones out there, but my favorite is probably Rocky Horror Picture Show.”
“What?” Julia burst out laughing. “You like Rocky Horror? I never would have guessed. So, tell me, Cullen Matthews, when we finally get to bed, are you going to let your freak flag fly?”
It was Cullen’s turn to laugh.
“What? Just because I like a sweet transvestite I have to have a freak flag?”
Julia was laughing so hard her stomach hurt.
“I don’t know. You tell me.”
“Only time will tell.”
“Fair enough. So do you dress up and go to the shows? You strike me as more conservative than that.”
“I may have dressed as Brad on more than one occasion.”
“Really?”
“What’s wrong with that?”
“Nothing, babe. Not a damned thing. I like learning more about you. There’s obviously much more to you than meets the eye.”
“I’m deep. No doubt about that.”
Julia grew serious. She looked deep into Cullen’s eyes.
“Yes, you are and I love that about you.”
Cullen leaned in and kissed her, and Julia forgot all about The Breakfast Club and Rocky Horror and almost forgot about waiting. Almost. Damn, but she needed Cullen. Yes, she was involved in a case that was tearing her apart, and yes, she needed to keep cool and wait and see how she and Cullen would play out. But, damn! When Cullen kissed her, she forgot all that and started thinking with an organ besides her brain, and that organ longed to feel Cullen deep inside. It wanted to be stroked with her fingers and tongue until it couldn’t take any more.
But Julia was an adult. She was a mature adult with many moving parts and those parts above her waist knew it wasn’t time yet. If only she didn’t think she’d self-combust without Cullen’s touch whenever they kissed.
When they finally came up for air, over an hour had passed.
“We should get some sleep,” Julia said.
“Mm. I’m not tired.” She leaned into Julia again.
Julia pushed Cullen away.
“Now, now, Cullen. Come on. I’ll sleep in the guest room if I have to.”
“No, I’ll be good. I’ll keep my hands to myself.”
The next morning, Julia woke to a world of white. The snow had continued overnight and was still falling. Several inches were on the ground, and the pine trees in Cullen’s backyard were covered. Her yard looked like a Christmas card. It was beautiful.
Julia made a pot of coffee and took it outside to sit on the deck and watch the snow fall. It was cold but so quiet and peaceful out there. She finished one cup and, chilled through and through, went back inside.
She poured another cup and opened her laptop. She hadn’t checked her email since she’d left work the day before. She was sure there would be nothing important in there. If something important had come up, someone would have called.
Cullen came down the hall and saw Julia sitting at the dining room table with a smile on her face.
“What’s that smile for?” Cullen said. “You look amazing. You have the best smile. Don’t lose it, okay?”
“Nothing’s going to wipe this smile off my face,” Julia said.
“Why’s that?”
“I got a definite match.”
“What are you talking about?” Cullen walked over behind Julia to look at her laptop. Julia closed it.
“Nothing personal,” she said. “But you can’t be looking at confidential emails.”
“Got it. I’ll go get a cup of coffee, then you can tell me about the match.”
Julia followed her into the kitchen.
“I have proof that Sara was in the hospital at the time of Montague’s death.”
“You do?” Cullen smiled back at Julia. “That’s fantastic.”
“And I’m pretty sure I can put her in his room.”
“Wait, I thought you just said she was there.”
“She was at the hospital, not necessarily in his room.”
“Still, that’s a start. Congrats, baby.”
She kissed Julia briefly. She wanted more, craved more, but she knew if she kissed her any longer, she’d drag her back to bed, and neither of them was ready for that, regardless of the hormones that raged through her.
“Yes, it is,” Julia said. “Now, come on. Let’s take our coffee outside. It’s gorgeous out back.”
“Have you had coffee already?”
“I have.”
“With Baileys?”
“Oh, no. I forgot about the Baileys.”
Cullen poured Julia another cup then made a second pot. She figured they’d need it. She joined Julia in the backyard and held her hand while they watched the snow fall. Everything felt right in her world. All Cullen’s worries and doubts vanished, and she was left thinking how happy she was. And how lucky she was to have Julia in her life.
“Okay,” Cullen finally said. “I can’t feel my extremities. Let’s go inside. I’ll get a fire going.”
“That would be wonderful.”
Cullen got a roaring fire started while Julia poured them each more coffee with Baileys.
“When should we put the turkey in?” she asked when Julia handed her the coffee.
“Not for a while yet. It’s not that big. There’s only two of us.”
“True. Do you mind if I turn on some football?”
Julia laughed, which was music to Cullen’s ears.
“Football is fine. I’ll watch with you until I get too hungry. Then I’ll make breakfast and we can switch to mimosas.”
“Yum. At this rate, I’ll be passed out for dinner.”
“Nonsense.”
They cuddled together on the couch and Cullen wrapped her arm around Julia and pulled her close. She loved the feel of Julia against her and reveled in the feeling of her firm breasts pressed into her side.
Fortunately, there was a pass interference that wasn’t called at that moment, causing her to scream at the TV and channel her thoughts in a safer direction.
Julia laughed again.
“Oh, my. I guess I know who you’re rooting for.”
“Anyone but the Cowboys, always.”
“I’ll remember that. Who’s your pro team?”
“The Seahawks, though I much prefer college to the pros.”
“Got it.”
They sat somewhat quietly watching the game. Cullen screamed at the television on occasion, eliciting laughter from Julia. Cullen also got up several times to keep the fire going. She was enjoying her morning very much. She wanted more days like that.
“I’m hungry. I’m going to make breakfast,” Julia said.
“What’s for breakfast?”
“You’ll see. You just relax.”
Cullen watched the game, missing Julia’s presence. She didn’t have to miss her long, though, as Julia was soon back in the room.
“Breakfast is on the table. Can you tear yourself away from the game long enough to eat?”
“No problem.”
They finished breakfast and two mimosas each. Cullen did the dishes and then she was feeling no pain.
“We should lie down.” She took Julia in her arms.
“We should, should we?”
“Yep. I think it’s time for a booze snooze.”
“Oh, that sounds nice actually. Let’s do that.”
They lay down and Julia backed up against Cullen, which was the norm. Cullen was keenly aware of Julia’s ass pressed into her and she almost pulled away. It was so tempting to grind into her.
She kissed Julia’s neck and moved her sweatshirt out of the way so she could kiss her shoulders. Julia moaned and squealed in delight as Cullen nibbled and sucked on her, and Julia finally pulled away.
“Cullen Matthews. You’re going to leave a mark.”
“Who’s going to see it?”
“No one, but I’ll know. We’re not teenagers anymore.”
“Fine. Roll
over then and let me kiss you properly.”
“Negative, we’re taking a nap, remember?”
Cullen felt like a little kid who’d just been told she couldn’t have dessert. She almost pouted but kept herself together. She closed her eyes and was soon lost in dreamland.
She woke an hour later. Julia was still snoring softly, so she got out of bed and went to the living room to stoke the fire and add some logs. Once it was going strong, she checked the score of the game. Dallas was losing. Yes, indeed. It was a good day.
She helped herself to another mimosa and had just settled back on the couch when Julia came in. She stretched, lifting her hands high over her head and pulling her hoodie up with them. Cullen caught sight of her belly button and wanted to run her tongue all over it.
“What?” Julia said.
“What what?”
“You looked like you wanted to devour me.”
“Guilty as charged.”
“Well, save your appetite. I’m going to get started on dinner.”
“Can I help?”
“Not yet. Let me get things going, then you can work on the green bean casserole and your pie.”
Cullen followed Julia into the kitchen.
“I won’t get in your way. I just want to be near you.”
Julia rewarded that comment with a kiss that grew and expanded and soon took over Cullen’s being. She placed her hands on Julia’s ass and ground into her pelvis. Julia let her do this for a few moments before ending the kiss.
“Now, now, don’t you get carried away,” she said.
“Sorry.”
“No, you’re not.”
“You’re right.”
They worked in shifts to get dinner ready, and soon it was time to eat. Cullen thoroughly enjoyed their little feast as she sat looking at the leftovers that were strewn about the table.
“That was the best Thanksgiving dinner ever,” she said.
“It did turn out pretty good, didn’t it?”
“Yes, it did, and the company was outstanding.”
“Aw, thank you. I concur one hundred percent.”
When Cullen felt she could move without bursting a seam, she suggested they get the dishes done and the leftovers put away. Once again, they worked together in the kitchen, and Cullen marveled at how easy everything was with Julia.
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