Then she sighed deeply and got a dreamy look on her face. “He reminds me of my Joe a bit, with that dark hair and foreboding expression. And he certainly is good for my Mitch, isn’t he?”
My eyes widened, but I wisely stayed silent.
“I don’t know what shocked me more,” she continued with a soft chuckle. “The fact that there is clearly something between them or the fact that Mitch has kept it a secret all this time. Hell, I suppose he still is, isn’t he?”
I shrugged. “I just met them,” I responded lamely, hoping she would change the subject.
She didn’t.
“Brody doesn’t seem the type to care what anyone thinks,” she mused. “But, it has always been Mitchell’s downfall. I suppose it makes sense, knowing what he went through before he came here. I pored over every file for every child that ever came to my door. I probably have every single one memorized. I always thought that, if I loved these kids hard enough, I could erase some of their past hurts, but some things never really go away, I guess. They mold who we are to our core.”
I wondered what she had seen in Mitch’s file that explained who he was and his decision to deny his own truth and happiness for so long. It was pointless to wonder, because I knew that Nan’s lips were sealed. She wouldn’t have told me about my own mother’s file. That’s just who she was.
“I raised all my kids to be open minded and accepting, and I tried to create an atmosphere of openness and communication. Of course, it was a different time back then, but still. All my kids know well enough that I was a wild one in my own right, at least, until I met my Joe, and even then for a while.”
I could see the change in her the moment the memories took her away from her disgruntled ranting.
“Have I ever told you about my Joe?”
She had, of course, but I poured a glass of water and sat down to listen, anyway. Anything to distract her from the subject of Mitch’s sexuality and his relationship status. Especially since that status currently seemed to include me. A fact I wasn’t ready to share. Especially after tonight.
“My Joe kept me grounded. And I, in turn, tried to do the same for all my kids. Some of them were only here for a year or two, but I think I did okay by them, don’t you?”
“You did wonderful by all of them, Nan. I know my mom wouldn’t have had the life she did without you.” I grabbed her hand across the table and squeezed gently.
Her eyes lit up at the mention of my mother, her very first foster child and dear friend.
“Your mother was a special case. Most of the kids were sent here because they were out of places to send them. I was the last stop in a long line. A desperate Hail Mary for them, if you will. Your mother was different. They sent her here, first, because we were both grieving. We saved each other.”
I nodded, having heard the story recounted at least once a year for my entire life. My mom’s parents died suddenly in a car crash right before Christmas, when she was only eleven. Miraculously, and thoroughly traumatized, my mother had survived the crash.
Not wanting to shuffle her into the system, trying to find a good fit, the social worker said a little prayer and sent her to a grieving Nan on Christmas Eve. And the rest, as they say, is history.
Nan smiled warmly at me across the table. “I’m glad you’re here, dear. I sensed, a while ago, that you needed a change. You need to be here just as much as we need you here. Maybe even more so, since Merry and I aren’t actually as incapable as Slade and Blake seem to believe.”
Without dropping her hand, I stood and walked to her, leaning down to kiss her weathered cheek.
“Those boys just love you, Nan. And I’m glad to be here. I think you’re right about me needing a change.”
She smiled up at me. “I usually am right about these things, my dear. And who knows, maybe you’ll get hit by some of that ranch magic?”
I dropped her hand and picked up our empty mugs, my eyebrow quirked as I frowned at her. “Ranch magic?”
“Yup!” Nan waggled her penciled in eyebrows up and down. “The same magic that brought me my Joe and every one of my children. And the same magic that got Merry both of her cowboys back. That magic. This place grabs you by the heart, my dear, and it has a way of bringing people together, even when it seems impossible.”
I turned quickly, walking my glass to the sink, so she wouldn’t catch my shell shocked expression and red cheeks.
Ranch magic? I shook my head. These were just the ramblings of a sentimental old lady with a romantic’s heart. Weren’t they?
“I see you shaking your head, dear,” Nan admonished from behind me. “That’s okay, though. The magic likes to find you when you aren’t looking.”
I sighed. “Well, I’m definitely not looking,” I told her.
“Whatever you say, dear.” Then she yawned. “I suppose I should try to get a few more hours of sleep while I can. It was that damned nap I took in front of the TV that did me in,” she muttered. “And I missed my soaps!”
“DVR?”
“Psh. I don’t need all that newfangled nonsense.”
“But you could watch your soaps whenever you wanted, and it wouldn’t be a big deal if you fell asleep when they were on.”
She shook her head, but I could tell her interest was piqued, and I made a mental note to talk to Blake or Slade about getting a cable guy out here ASAP.
“Get some sleep, Nan.” Offering my hand, I helped her stand, handing her the cane and holding onto her until she was steady on her feet.”
“Thank you, dear. You try to get some sleep, too.”
“Yes, Nan. I’ll try.”
I watched her hobble out of the kitchen and waited until she was back in her room before I booked it up the stairs.
That woman. I loved her dearly. But she was scary, with the way she seemed to know things. Sometimes, it felt like she could see straight into your soul.
I’d have to be careful around her. We all would. Not much escaped Nan’s notice, apparently.
Brody was back in my bed when I got up to the room. Mitch wasn’t. Curious. Whatever. I was tired, and I needed to be up in a few hours to make breakfast.
I gently peeled back the covers and eased into the bed, careful to stay on my own side and not brush up against him or sleep on him, like I had been before.
No sooner did I lay my head on the pillow, than his arms closed around me, and I realized he was still awake.
“Where were you?” he murmured, nuzzling his face into my hair.
“Where were you?” I countered.
“Mitch was having a bad dream. I had to get him calmed, and I didn’t want to wake you.”
“Oh.” That was not the answer I had been expecting, and I was instantly filled with shame, remembering my earlier assumptions. “Where’s Mitch now?”
“In our room. He’s fine now. I don’t want to talk about it.”
Brody’s voice set off all the warning bells in my head. It sounded indifferent, with a hint of sadness and a dash of agitation.
Turning in his arms, I flipped to look at him and studied his face, seeing the same emotions I heard in his voice. What had happened in there?
I touched his face softly. “Can you sleep? Do you need to talk?”
“Sure. Talk.” He croaked the words out. “But not about Mitch.”
“Okay.” Of course, Mitch was all I wanted to talk about, but Brody was closed up tightly on the subject, it seemed. “What do you think about the ranch? Is this the first time you’ve been out here?”
“It’s okay, I guess. Good people. Fresh air. All that jazz. I could do without the horses, personally, but I think it’s good for Mitch. He should stay.”
He had lasted a whole two seconds without bringing up Mitch’s name. More suspiciously, he stated that Mitch should stay, not that they would.
I frowned in the darkness. A lot more had happened in that room than just dealing with a bad dream and the sounds of sex that I had heard.
“Brody?” I reached over and caresse
d his jaw with my hand, tracing the hard, lean line of his cheekbone.
“Hmmm?” His eyes were closed, and he sounded close to sleep, but I was wide awake.
“What happened with Mitch tonight?”
“I told you. Bad dream. It happens sometimes. Go to sleep.”
Sleep sounded heavenly. So, of course, I sat straight up in bed, instead. “That is not all that happened. If that was all that happened, then he would be in here with us, or you would be in there with him, still.”
“April,” he growled sleepily. “ Let it go.”
I couldn’t, and I didn’t want to.
“Oh, come on. How much trouble would get heaped on me if I sat there and boldly lied to your faces?” I was annoyed, now, and plowing forward with reckless abandon. “Okay, so he had a bad dream, and you took him to the other room to calm him so you wouldn’t wake me up, and then the two of you had sex, and then what happened?”
“Let it go. He’s fine. I’m fine. You’re fine. We’re all…” He cut off suddenly and sat up in bed like a shot. “How do you know we had sex?”
He was glaring at me now, beady little eyes shining in perfect slits in the dark. His jaw was doing that hard twitching thing it did, and I couldn’t see for sure, but I’d have bet money that at least one eyebrow was halfway up his forehead.
Oh, shit. My ass cheeks clenched. At least, the bruises had finally faded.
“How do you know that we had sex?” Brody repeated the question, speaking through clenched teeth.
Brody
I sat in the dark, waiting for her answer, wondering if it really mattered. I wanted sleep. I needed sleep. If I didn’t close my eyes and drift off to oblivion, I was going to sit here and think about how screwed I was. Staying here in a place a million miles from everything I knew, tempting myself with the lie that I could make a life here with the two of them. Facing the fact that I had loved Mitch for as long as I could remember and I was falling in love with April, too. Fast and hard.
I’d have to think about the fact that I was so out of my element, it was humorous, and that a city boy like me did not belong on the back of a horse or anywhere within a hundred miles of one, for that matter. I just wanted to sleep.
Instead, I glared into the darkness. “How do you know we had sex?”
“Um…” I could hear her nails scraping against the bedcovers as she hesitated. “It’s not important. Why did you say that Mitch should stay here and not you?”
“Because I’m tired and crabby, and everything seems worse than it is at the moment. So answer the question or let me sleep.”
She ignored me. “I always wanted to grow up here. Silly, isn’t it? A child in a happy two parent home wishing she could grow up on a dilapidated ranch for foster kids?”
I shrugged, allowing myself to be swayed by her change of subject. “I hadn’t realized you didn’t grow up here. And I don’t know if it’s silly or not. I don’t really know much about this place. Mitch doesn’t talk about life before college much. I know he says that Nan and the ranch saved his life, but that’s all he says.”
April nodded sagely. “Most of the kids who came here had it pretty rough. Wounded birds, Nan calls them. But I don’t know any of their stories. Nan won’t talk about that stuff. She always says that what happened before they got here isn’t her story to tell.” She eyed me shrewdly. “Mitch hasn’t ever told you about his childhood? Haven’t you guys been, um, roommates forever?”
“Yeah, but we’re guys. We talk about sports, the weather, work, and chicks. We don’t tell each other our life stories or, you know, talk about our feelings or whatever. That’s chick stuff.” It was also a half truth. Which was about what I knew about Mitch’s past. A bunch of hammered out half-truths. But I had read between the lines. I had an idea or two.
“Ah. That sounds pretty surface level. How well do you guys really know each other, I wonder?”
I stopped and looked up at her, staring blankly. I know how well my cock fits between his ass cheeks and how to smack his ass with the perfect amount of strength and angle to leave a perfect handprint that will stay for days. Of course, I didn’t say that. I shrugged. “I know he likes his coffee with a tiny bit of creamer and no sugar. His favorite color is green, and for some reason, he likes the Broncos, even though he’s not that big on sports. I think it might just be the only team he knows. He’s a freaking math genius, and he is a computer expert. He’s insanely motivated, and sometimes a little too focused. When he’s working on something important, the outside world ceases to exist. Sometimes, for months or even years. He cares way too much what people think of him, and he doesn’t trust easily. He loves the city, and he knows it like the back of his hand, but I’ve never seen him as relaxed as he is here. Supposedly, he’s really good with horses, and he was going to teach a city boy like me a few things, but…” I trailed off realizing I had almost slipped.
April was staring at me, as if transfixed. “But, what?”
“Nothing.”
“That was beautiful.”
I scrunched my brow and frowned.
“You love him.”
“That’s what you keep saying. I love him like a brother.” I lied and frowned, reminded of the subject she had led me off of. “How do you know we had sex tonight?”
She got a funny look on her face, and the corner of her mouth turned up mischievously. “Funny. It didn’t sound like a brotherly love when I was listening at your bedroom door, this morning. And it sure didn’t look like a brotherly love when you had your dick in his mouth, earlier.”
“You listened outside our door? Why?”
“I was curious. I woke up in bed alone. After the perfect day we had—and everything I had said—I panicked and thought I had screwed everything up. I thought you were mad at me and that I pushed too hard. But I couldn’t help myself. There is obviously something more than friendship between you two, and I couldn’t get a straight answer from either of you, no matter how many times I asked or how I phrased the question.”
He narrowed his eyes, and the lines of his cheekbones tightened. I hid a grin. He looked a little more like himself now.
“That’s because it’s none of your business, little girl.”
“I think it is. Maybe yesterday or the day before, I could have accepted that answer, but not now.”
What, exactly, did you hear?”
“That’s none of your business,” she parroted back at me.
“The hell it isn’t. Eavesdropping is very naughty.”
“What are you going to do about it?”
If I wasn’t so exhausted, if my mental state wasn’t one of desperate confusion, the answer would have been an easy one.
Sighing deeply, I lay back down, all but pushing her against the pillows. “I’m going to go to sleep and finish this discussion tomorrow, with a clear head and a better outlook.”
“You have to work tomorrow,” she argued. She stayed down but propped herself up on one elbow.
I rolled over in bed, turning on my side so that my back was to her. “Good night, April.”
Chapter 14
April
Brody was already gone when I woke up and dragged my ass down to the kitchen to make breakfast for Merry and Nan. Most days, the men got their own breakfast, as they usually started work long before the rest of us were awake.
He didn’t come back for lunch, and neither did Mitch. When I asked, Slade just shrugged. “They rode off to fix some fences that blew down in the storm. I hope Brody knows how to swing a hammer.”
“You know, Brody already feels out of place here. Your constant ragging on him isn’t helping.”
Slade had a big heart, and I could see the wheels turning in his brain as he processed my admonition. His face fell. “You’re right. We’ll ease up a bit. He’s just really fun to mess with.”
“I’m fine. And, yes, I can swing a hammer.” Brody’s voice boomed from behind me, and I twirled around to face him.
“Where is Mitch?�
�� He was alone. I was hoping whatever happened last night between them had blown over, but Brody coming late to lunch, and showing up alone, twisted my gut with worry.
“He had to run to town for supplies. He’ll be back in an hour or so.”
“Oh. Okay. Did you want some soup? Clam chowder. Homemade.”
“A little later. Do you have a few minutes? I’d like to continue our conversation from last night.”
He stepped close, towering over me, and I wished I had kept my damn mouth shut and let him sleep.
“Well, if you want to talk, we should at least go where we can have some privacy.”
He made a sweeping gesture towards the stairs. “Lead the way.”
I felt like I was walking to my execution as I climbed the stairs with Brody at my heels.
I went to my room, because it was the easiest, and entered with my stomach in my toes. It wasn’t so much the eavesdropping or his reaction to it that had me so nervous. It was whatever had transpired between him and Mitch. I just didn’t feel good about it.
He closed the door behind him and looked at me expectantly.
I shook my head. No way, buddy. I’m not about to make this easy for you.
“You want to talk to me about this eavesdropping?”
“Nothing to talk about. You asked why I did it. I answered. You said it was naughty. I asked what you were going to do about it; you went to sleep. Discussion closed.”
“It was after four in the morning.”
“Not my problem.”
“All right. I’ll tell Mitch about your little shenanigans then, since I lost my chance to deal with it.”
I instinctively knew that it would be a much bigger deal to Mitch than it had been to Brody.
“No, no, no.” The denial fell fast from my lips almost frantically. It wasn’t fear. No, it was shame. I knew I had overheard a moment that was meant to be private, whether it had been my intention to do so or not.
My stomach twisted and turned. I just wanted to go back in time and take back everything I said last night. I knew that whatever had happened, it had started there.
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