by Val Crowe
I laughed weakly. “I need you, Mads. What can I say?”
She shook her head, not making eye contact with me. “Let’s get out of here.”
“Right,” I said, sighing. I clutched at the railing and hauled myself to my feet.
Everything swam.
I reeled, feeling as though I was tumbling off into space.
“Deacon!” Mads screeched.
I pitched forward but managed to catch myself, clutching the railing.
Immediately, I sat back down again. “Okay, that was too fast,” I wheezed.
“You almost fell down the stairs,” said Mads. “You could have broken your neck.”
“Yeah,” I said, trying to smile. “Better take it slow, huh?”
She didn’t answer me.
I rubbed my forehead. “Uh, Mads?”
“What?” She sounded pissed off.
“Would you still be attracted to me if I slid down the steps on my butt?”
“Who says I’m attracted to you?” she snapped.
“Well, you are, right?” I grinned at her. “That’s why you take so much care to keep me alive? Don’t want to let this fine ass of mine get damaged?”
“Get the hell out of this house,” she said. “I don’t care how you do it.”
“You don’t want to admit you’re attracted to me?” I slid down the first step, still clutching the railing. I was pretty sure that I looked ridiculous, but I didn’t care. Also, Philip was still somewhere in this house, even though I hadn’t run into him last night, and he was probably listening to everything I said. I didn’t know if he’d be able to hear Mads’s responses or not, so I probably sounded positively insane. “I don’t have any problem admitting I’m attracted to you. I’m hurt.”
“Deacon, damn it, stop talking and get down here,” she said from the bottom of the steps.
“Yeah, yeah, sure,” I said. “Listen, I had an idea while you were gone. I was thinking that maybe, if we wanted to try out this possession thing, you could, like, try to possess me.”
“Why would I want to do that?”
“To see if you could,” I said, continuing to scoot down the steps. “To taste things. Touch things. And for us to be close. You can’t get closer than being in the same body, after all.”
She opened her mouth like she was going to say something, but then she shut it.
“I really think we should try it,” I said. I was kind of excited by the idea, actually. “Maybe wait until I recover from these ghosts all sticking straws in me and sucking out my gooey center, though.”
“Let’s talk about it later,” she said quietly.
That was not a no. I grinned even wider.
Something flickered into existence behind Mads.
“Oh, whoa,” I said. “Cheyenne, it’s about freaking time.”
Cheyenne stepped out from behind Mads.
The two women sized each other up.
Cheyenne turned to me. She beckoned with one hand.
“Hey, where were you last night?” I asked Cheyenne. “If you’d have just shown your face, we could have gotten this all taken care of then.”
Cheyenne beckoned again.
“Yeah, I’m not in great shape at the moment,” I said. “So, if you want me to follow you, you’re going to have to wait until I can stand up. Or, you know, I’ll have to crawl.”
“You can’t follow her, Deacon,” said Mads. “You need to get out of this house. The haunting has gone malicious, and you can’t trust Cheyenne.”
Cheyenne flickered through the air and she was suddenly directly in front of me.
She put her forehead against mine and opened her mouth.
Something rushed out of it and into me.
It was my essence. What had been taken from me the night before. Cheyenne was giving it back, at least some of it.
I felt strength and wellness enter my body and limbs.
Cheyenne retreated, her form looking less solid and more translucent.
I stood up. “Thank you,” I said. “I didn’t know ghosts could give it back. How did you…?”
“When you went unconscious,” said Mad, “the others didn’t have your emotions to feed on and manifest from. She was able to take control again. She is the dominant spirit here. The haunting revolves around her. But when you’re here, your energy is so strong that it robs her of her control.”
“Oh,” I said. “Okay. That makes sense.”
“You still can’t follow her,” said Mads.
“I have to,” I said. I climbed down the steps.
Cheyenne walked into the den, beckoning for me to follow.
“Deacon, no,” said Mads.
“I have to,” I said again, and I rounded the corner after Cheyenne.
But it was Kennely waiting for me there.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
“Hi again, Deacon,” said Kennely. “We knew you’d never leave. We’ll keep you here and feed on you forever. Feed on all your guilt and—”
“No,” I said. I wasn’t sure what was giving me this strength now. Maybe it was the essence I’d received back from Cheyenne. Maybe it was the fact that Mads had come back. Maybe it was just that I was done with it.
Kennely flickered out. Several moments later, she reformed, but now she was topless and her breasts were small and round and she was kneading them. “No?” she said in a throaty voice. “You think I can’t get inside your head and push all your—”
“I don’t care that you’re dead,” I said, my nostrils flaring. “I couldn’t give a flying fuck.”
Kennely furrowed her brow.
“And I don’t want to fuck you, because I’m already in a thing with another dead chick. It’s complicated.” I pushed through her, cutting her form in half with my swinging arm.
Cheyenne was on the other side.
She was bent down over a floorboard in the corner, and she was prying it up with a screwdriver.
Setting the floorboard aside, she pulled out a fat manila envelope. She opened it up, and I could see the money inside.
I grinned. “Thank you, Cheyenne.”
She looked up at me.
I hurried over to the spot where she had loosened the floorboard. I tried it, and I found that it was still loose. Loose enough that I could get it up with my fingers.
I pulled the floorboard up and looked inside.
There was the envelope. I pulled it out.
Cheyenne was at the wall. Safe, she wrote. Kadan.
“Yes,” I said. “I’m going to make sure Kadan gets this money. I swear to you. This is for your son. And he is safe.”
Cheyenne underlined the word safe.
“I promise you, he’s safe,” I said. “You go ahead. Release it all. You don’t have to stay here anymore. Find your peace.”
She shut her eyes for a minute.
And then she seemed to burst out into a thousand tiny strands of black ribbons. They floated down to the ground and disappeared.
I sucked in a deep breath.
Everything seemed still.
* * *
“So, you feel anything?” I asked Mads.
She was looking around the living room. “I’m not sure.”
“Is Cheyenne still around? Did that release her?”
“Well, I don’t feel anything,” said Mads. “Before, I could feel her, and now I don’t.”
“So, it did work, then,” I said, grinning. I wished I could hug Mads, but I settled for winking at her. “Couldn’t have done it without you, you know?”
She smiled back, looking a little shy. “Listen, Deacon, about this idea of possessing you—”
“Who are you talking to?”
I stood up and turned to see that Philip was coming out of the kitchen.
“Philip,” I said. “Where have you been? I was here all night and didn’t run into you.”
“I don’t know,” said Philip, rubbing his forehead. “I can’t remember much of anything after seeing you in the bedroom up there. I t
hink I’m been in the basement.”
“Oh,” I said. “All night?”
Philip nodded. “Yeah, not a comfortable place to sleep, let me tell you.”
I laughed. “How are you feeling now?”
“Stiff and sore.”
“No, I mean… you feel like whatever was influencing you is gone?”
“Well, I’m back in control of myself, so I guess so.”
I grinned. “Pretty sure it’s done, then. The spirits here have been released.”
“Seriously?”
“Seriously,” I said. “Call Wren and tell her to come home. You guys should be okay now.”
“Oh, hell, that’s awesome news,” said Philip. He offered me his hand.
I shook with him.
“You should let us pay you.”
“Uh, no,” I said. “That’s not how this works.” I was trying to pay a debt to karma or to balance the universe or something. I needed to do good to make up for all the pain I’d caused. I didn’t need money. “I got my own reasons for doing this, and it’s not about money.”
“Well, I don’t take charity,” said Philip. “I don’t want to be in your debt. You let me pay you.”
“How about this?” I said. “You just agree that whatever is in this envelope can leave the house?”
“What’s in the envelope?” he said.
“Money,” I said.
“Geez,” he said. “How much is in there?”
“Cheyenne, the woman who died here, she wanted it to go to her son. So, I’m going to make that happen. You give that up, that’s your payment.”
He furrowed his brow, as if he wanted to argue, but then he nodded. “Yeah, okay. That’s worth it. Knowing I’m not going to hurt Wren or the baby, that’s worth it.”
“Exactly,” I said.
* * *
“So, I think we need to put into a trust for Kadan,” Wade was saying. He and I were at Virginia’s house. We’d brought over the money and told her that Cheyenne had led me to it in the house.
“Oh, absolutely,” said Virginia. “Of course.”
“Well,” I said, “if you have any expenses you’ve incurred with Kadan, you know, big stuff, maybe you should skim a little off—”
“No.” Virginia shook her head. “Taking care of my grandson is not incurring an expense.”
I smiled. “No, I guess it’s not.”
“We’ve just got to figure out how to set it up,” said Wade. “I’m comfortable with you taking it and setting it up. I don’t even need access to it. I know you’re still trying to decide how much you trust me with Kadan. And I wouldn’t want you to think that there’s anything fishy about this. I didn’t make Kadan dig into this stuff because I thought there was money.”
“Oh, I never thought that,” said Virginia. “In fact, Wade, I think that we should talk about that schedule you proposed.”
“Oh, yeah?” said Wade. “You mean, letting him stay with me?”
“I think we should work up to it,” said Virginia. “But we should get to the point where he’s spending half his time with you. You are his father, after all. And I can tell that you care about him.”
“You kidding?” said Wade. “I love that kid more than… you know, anything.” He laughed a little, looking embarrassed.
“I do know,” said Virginia.
They both smiled at each other.
CHAPTER TWENTY
I went out to dinner that night with Wade and Kadan. We got a pizza in Thornford, and we all ate ourselves silly and had a great time. Kadan was cheerful, and I knew that his mother would be glad to see that he was happy and safe. I felt good, like I’d actually done a nice thing for someone for once.
I liked that feeling. It was becoming a little addicting, I had to admit. Before, I hadn’t believed that I’d ever enjoy this curse I had, to see spirits, but as time went on, I was becoming more and more happy that I could help people. It was a good feeling.
After dinner, I said my goodbyes to Wade. I was going to sleep in the Airstream tonight and then take off tomorrow morning. I wasn’t really sure where I was heading. I’d go out on the road and see where it took me. My mother had sent me a few possible cases that I could check out. Other people that I could hopefully help.
Wade told me not to be a stranger. I told him to keep in touch. We both knew I’d be back at some point soon, though. Wade was more than my best friend. He was as close to me as family.
When I got back to the Airstream, Mads was hovering at the door, waiting for me. She had her hands laced together in front of her, and she kept twisting her fingers.
“Hey,” I said. “You all right? You look nervous.” I shut the door of the Airstream and stepped inside.
Mads followed me, hovering off the ground and floating.
I twisted to look at her over my shoulder. “Don’t do that. You know it freaks me out when you’re all floaty like that.” Usually she stayed close enough to the ground that it could be reasonably assumed she was standing up like a normal person.
“Well, I am a ghost, Deacon,” she said, sounding irritated. But she lowered herself closer to the ground.
I sat down on the bed and started to unlace my boots. “So, we’re going to head out in the morning, and I’m thinking we might want to head back south. You know that house that my mother was talking about in Georgia?”
“Deacon, I think we should try it.”
I raised my eyebrows. “Going to Georgia? Yeah, okay, because that’s why I was—”
“The possession thing,” she said. “You said I could try to possess you.”
“Oh,” I said. “Right.” My heart started to pick up speed. Whether in anxiety or anticipation or both, I couldn’t quite be sure.
“Unless you don’t want to,” she said. “Because if you’d changed your mind, that would totally make sense, and I would—”
“I haven’t changed my mind.” But my tone had changed. It was lower. Softer. I wanted to reach out and take her hand to try to calm her down. I couldn’t do that, of course. “I want to try it. That’s why I suggested it.”
“Okay,” she said. “Well, I don’t even know how to do it, right? I don’t think I’ve ever possessed someone before, and if I have, I can’t remember doing it. So, it might not even work at all. Maybe I’m not even capable of it. Maybe it’s only things like Negus that can do that.”
“Well, we’re not going to know until we try,” I said. I patted the space next to me on the bed.
She hesitated, and then she dissipated in front of me in a whiff of black smoke and reappeared next to me on the bed. We were close. I could feel the coolness of her form against my skin.
We looked at each other.
“I don’t even know how to start,” she whispered.
“Well, you have to go into me,” I said. I was whispering too, for some reason.
She shook herself. Squared her shoulders. And then dissipated again.
I felt a strange jolt, as if something had rammed itself against my insides from behind. I gasped and choked.
She reformed in the air in front of me, but not all of her, just her face. It was surrounded by wisps of black smoke instead of her usual brown hair. “You have to relax and let me do this,” she said.
I arched an eyebrow. “How about a reach around or some lube?”
“What?” She looked thoroughly confused.
“Nothing.” I chuckled softly. “I really… I don’t know how to relax. Relax what?”
“Do you want to let me in?”
“I do,” I said. “I want to.”
“Then let me,” she said. “Don’t fight.”
“I don’t mean to fight,” I said.
She disappeared again.
The jolt again, this time from the front.
I tensed, and then forced my muscles to relax, as if that mattered.
The force came at me again, but it wasn’t a jolt this time, more of a constant pressure. It was heavy, and I felt as though I couldn
’t breathe. But I didn’t struggle for breath or try to fight it, even though it was extremely uncomfortable.
I surrendered to it.
My entire body started to spasm. My arms twitched. Muscles in my face did too. My legs kicked out of their own volition.
And then there was another jolt and my whole body flailed. I collapsed on the bed, spread eagle.
I breathed again.
My mouth moved, and it wasn’t me moving it.
“I think I did it,” I said.
Except it was Mads, making me say that.
Mads? I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t control my body. Do you hear me?
“Yes,” said my mouth. “I’m trying to make you sit up. I can’t. Don’t fight me.”
I’m not fighting anything. It’s hard to master the controls at first.
“That’s right,” said Mads. “I remember that now.”
We just lay there for a bit, breathing.
Mads lifted up my hand in front of my face and slowly turned it around, inspecting my fingers. She clenched it into a fist and then released it.
“Does, um, does that feel weird to you?” she said.
No, I responded. It doesn’t. I feel like it should, but it’s you, and I trust you.
“Your body is so… heavy,” she said. “How do you stand that?”
You saying I need to lose weight?
Abruptly, I lurched into a sitting position.
“Oh,” said Mads, “so it’s like that. Huh.” She made my hand explore my own face. She touched my chin and my cheekbone and my lips. Her fingers lingered there for a second.
It made me want to touch her back, but I couldn’t do anything. I felt overwhelmed by the sensation of it, though. It was a very strange sort of intimacy, but it was sweetness. We were inside the same skin together. I’d never been this close to another being in my whole life.
Her fingers crawled upward.
My body shivered.
Mads made a breathy noise. “Touch,” she murmured. “It’s so…” She ran her hand through my hair.
The sensation was concentrated, as if it was something I never felt either. It seemed incredibly pleasant, and the goodness of it seemed to wash through my whole body.
Mads fingers went back to my lips, to my chin, my neck.