by Cassie James
“It’s gonna be fine, Pi,” Brennan tries to reassure me. “She loves you, and deep down, she’s just hurt by the idea of someone she loves hurting another person she loves, but she is understanding most of the time. We just need to take the time to really explain this to her. And trust me, I get it—she’s pissed now, but it’s not like she has any room to judge. Her own dating life is a disaster.”
“Brennan, what the hell are we even going to tell her?”
“The truth,” he answers immediately. “As complicated as it is, I think we should tell the truth.”
I blow out a long breath. He’s right, of course. The best thing for us to do is to be as honest as possible—I just didn’t expect to feel this damn scared about it. “I love you so much,” I tell him. I study him closely, trying to memorize every detail of his face as if this might be our last moment together. For all I know, Ms. Diaz will send him off to Antarctica or something to get him away from me after she finds out the truth. I wish I could believe Bren’s reassurances that she’s going to accept things as they are, but I just can’t. I don’t want to get my hopes up.
“I love you too, Pi, and goddammit, maybe what we’re doing isn’t conventional, but it’s fine. We’ll always figure out how to make it work because I care about you, and so do Jude and Tyler. There’s nothing wrong with that, not really.” Just when I thought my heart couldn’t swell any bigger for him, he had to go and say the absolute perfect thing to make it grow a couple more sizes. I lean into his touch, closing my eyes as our breath mingles for a moment before he kisses me softly.
My heart stays full even when we leave the safety of his Jeep and head toward the house. As much as my stomach is churning over the battle we’re walking into, I can’t help feeling like everything will be okay. No matter what happens, Brennan’s right, we care about each other. I love him, he loves me, and no one can take that from us no matter how much they might disapprove. But god, I really hope she doesn’t disapprove.
All the bravado I started to feel fails me the second we walk through the front door. It’s eerily quiet inside. Izzy’s the loudest, most chaotic kid I know. I can’t even being to imagine what Ms. Diaz could have said to shut her up right now. She was going a million words per minute in the Jeep on the way here.
My nervous energy isn’t the least bit soothed when we find Brennan’s mom. A glass of red wine rests in her hand as she leans against the kitchen counter, and a half-empty bottle sits on the counter beside her. She’s yet to change out of her work clothes, and I’m seriously freaked by the way her lips press into a thin line as she watches us approach hand-in-hand. We each take a seat on a bar stool across from her, Brennan squeezing my hand tighter when I second-guess myself and start to pull away.
“Explain.”
My heart stutters over the one word command. There’s ice in her voice unlike I’ve ever heard before. Her anger is still firmly directed at me, and I’m certain I’m going to die from shame on the spot. I glance down at the countertop, suddenly angry at myself all over again for feeling ashamed at all. I swallow thickly around a hard lump in my throat as my anger shifts to disappointment in myself. I’ve known what I wanted for months, and now that I’ve finally gotten it, I’m not ready to stand up for it? Pathetic.
“Piper’s not cheating on me—” Brennan starts, but Ms. Diaz scoffs, and I can feel the heat of an angry flush rushing up my neck. The lump in my throat disappears as I chance a glance in her direction. She still looks mad, and I’m finally starting to remember that she really has no right to be.
Brennan lets go of my hand so he can drop it on my knee instead, giving me a reassuring squeeze as he tries again. “She’s dating both of us.” It’s short and to the point, and apparently the wrong fucking thing to say. Her eyes go wide, and she takes a deep breath, nostrils flaring as she glares at me. Brennan hastily adds, “With my permission.”
I jerk my head in his direction, eyes narrowing as he groans. “No, no, no… Shit! Sorry.” He glances at his mom, then me. “That’s not what I meant.” He slams a fist down on the countertop in frustration, making me jump. My eyes dart over to Ms. Diaz, and she looks just as surprised as I am by the sudden outburst. “It’s not about having my permission. It’s just how things are. Piper is dating me, and she’s dating Tyler, and both of us know and are fine with it.”
Most of the anger is gone from her face, but now there’s serious confusion swimming in her eyes. “Like polyamory? She’s dating the both of you but the two of you aren’t…” She glances at Brennan, as if checking to see if he’s going to admit to anything else.
He makes a face. “Just Tyler and Piper.” As an afterthought, he adds, “And Jude.”
“The three of you?” Her eyebrows shoot up her face as she looks at me with wide-eyes. Brennan is really mangling this explanation.
“Ms. Diaz.” I wait for her to calm down to the point where I think she’s actually paying attention. “I love your son. He’s really important to me. But so are Jude and Tyler. I’m dating the three of them, but all separately.” Minus that thing in the pool, but you probably don’t want to hear about that. “We have our own relationships, and we also have a great friendship between all of us. When there are issues, we talk about it. It’s like any other relationship, right? We communicate, and everyone is happy.”
Okay, I’m probably laying it on a little thick there by the end, but we’ve been doing a psych unit about communication in relationships, so surely that part of my explanation has to hit home. Sure enough, I can see from her face that she’s quietly contemplating everything I’ve said.
Brennan steps in now that I’ve cleared some shit up. “Pi’s not cheating on me, okay? It’s unconventional, for sure, and we’re not necessarily flaunting it around school, but we work. We’re figuring it out, Mom.”
“What about sex?” she asks with a frown as I go beet red in a fucking instant.
“Mom!”
“Sorry,” she hisses, her own face going red as she realizes how not cool that question is right now. She grabs the wine bottle on the counter, her glass now empty and abandoned, and tips it up, taking a long pull straight from the bottle. Just when I think she’s done, she looks between the two of us and then lifts the bottle again.
Holy shit, we broke her.
I shoot Brennan a side-eye glance as she chugs, and all he can do is shrug with a look of complete disbelief on his face, apparently at as much of a loss as I am. Ms. Diaz polishes the bottle off neatly and sets it with a clatter back on the counter before dropping her head in her hands and breathing deeply. Uh-oh. I scoot to the front of the barstool, placing one of my feet solidly on the ground, ready to just fucking make a break for it if necessary. We tried to be mature about this, and she’s still not going to give us her approval.
But then she’s taking a long, deep breath, and she drops her hands to her side. “Okay,” she says with a long sigh. “I can handle this. I’m a progressive woman. Love is love, and all that.” She looks at Brennan, her eyes soft. “This is really what you want?”
“I’m really happy, Mom. That’s what matters, right?”
Her lips turn up slowly at the corners until she’s really and truly smiling. She walks around the island and gathers her son up in a forced hug. When he tries to pull away, she seems to grip him tighter. “Yeah, Bren, that’s what matters,” she agrees quietly.
And even though I’m trying to enjoy this moment, to be happy for the two of them, I can’t help but think about how I’ll never have a moment like this for myself. Because the only mother I have—well, she’s already proven that she can’t accept me. She never will.
10
Piper
“I just don’t understand the point of this!” I whine from the passenger seat of Jude’s SUV.
When he told me the guys wanted to teach me to drive, I thought he was joking. I figured it was some kind of weird euphemism or something. I’m not legally allowed to drive, so there’s no real point in me learning, as
far as I’m concerned. But he wouldn’t take no for an answer.
Now, we’ve been out here driving and arguing for the last thirty minutes. Neither of us is ready to budge, and Brennan and Tyler have wisely stayed out of it after they made their initial point that they were standing with Jude on this one.
“Seriously?” I ask, crossing my arms over my chest as Jude pulls into a big, empty parking lot. In the distance, Dodger Stadium stretches across the skyline. A quick search tells me there’s no game tonight, which explains why the parking lot is empty. At least if I give in—though god, I really don’t want to give in—there won’t be anyone here to witness my shame.
I’ve Googled the shit out of driving manuals and pointers, but apparently driving is a lot like sex. Sometimes the technical knowledge just isn’t enough; you have to get out there and practice. Somehow, I don’t think I’m going to enjoy driving nearly as much as sex.
“Seriously, what? Get your ass out of the car, you’re learning how to drive.” I hear Jude’s words, but I don’t move, not even to face him. I glare out at the stadium, instead. “Piper, this is Los Angeles. Everyone drives, you can’t be the one exception.”
“I can always call a car. Or… L.A. has buses, right? I can take one of those if I need to.” I shrug, but the guys all collectively groan.
“We do not ride the bus, Pipe,” Tyler says.
“Piper, have you ever seen a bus stop in West Ex?” Ah shit, he’s got me there. “And even if there was, you’d be stupid to think we’d ever let you be caught dead on one of those germ traps,” Jude says in that self-assured, I’m never fucking wrong kind of way he has. He drops his hand to my thigh, touching the bare skin below where my shorts end. I seriously consider trying to seduce him rather than go through with this lesson, but then he moves his hand and gives me a hard look. “Now, get your pretty ass out of the car. We’re doing this.”
Theoretically, I know I shouldn’t give in to him, but there’s something about the way he offers me a secret, reassuring smile that has me pushing the door open with one last low curse. I’m gonna be so pissed if I accidentally kill them all in a freak driving accident.
We both walk around the front of the car, but Jude stops me. He wraps an arm around my waist and drags me in for a quick kiss. “Stop worrying. I promise you’ll be fine. We’ve got you.”
He pulls away all too soon, but that’s probably for the best, even that quick kiss is enough to have my legs wobbling as I finish my trek over to the driver’s side. I probably shouldn’t even be operating a motor vehicle if I’m this unsteady on my feet, though I doubt that argument would go over well with the three gatekeepers in the car. I make myself climb behind the wheel, hands shaking as I buckle my seat belt.
“Okay,” Brennan says as he leans forward from the seat behind me. His warm breath tickles my neck and ear, and I shiver as he continues, “The first thing you want to do is make adjustments to your seat. There’s no way you’ll be able to comfortably reach the pedals from this far back.”
“Okay,” I murmur, but I don’t immediately move. Moving the seat wasn’t intensely covered in the online driving manuals. Probably because the controls are different in different cars, duh. Use your brain, Piper.
Jude chuckles as he leans over the console. He leans over me, too, as he reaches between the door and my seat. The seat jolts, a soft buzzing sound filling the air as Jude moves the automatic dial until my seat is in a more comfortable position. “Better?” he asks. I nod, blinking rapidly at how close his face suddenly is to mine. Please, let’s forget the driving and do something else. I could think of so many other things I’d rather be doing with these three, right now. I shake off the thought. I’m nervous enough without adding some serious sexual tension to the mix.
“You could’ve just told me how to do it,” I point out breathlessly.
“What’s the fun in that?” he asks with a wink as he returns to his side of the car.
When I adjust the rearview mirror, I notice that Tyler’s watching my every move and smirking at my shaking hands and jerky movements. Asshole.
I turn my gaze back toward the windshield as I latch my hands onto the steering wheel. I coach myself through a series of deep breaths, but I’m pretty sure I’m seconds away from a panic attack. What if I hit a light pole? Or a tree? Or what if another car comes out of nowhere, and I can’t avoid a head-on collision?
“Piper, you need to relax. You’ve been amazing at everything we’ve taught you so far, why do you think this is going to be any different?” Jude asks.
Oh, I don’t know… because putting on a condom and operating a motor vehicle are two completely different things? Plus, only one of them has the potential to kill you, and I’d much rather be doing the other right now. I clench my jaw, teeth grinding uncomfortably, to keep from actually saying the words aloud. I try to focus, tentatively placing my foot on the brake pedal.
“Okay,” I say, my voice surprisingly steady considering how anxious I am. “What do I do first?”
“You’ll want to put your foot on the brake pedal. That’s the left one, okay?” Tyler quips from the back, and I offer a short nod instead of the eye roll I’m tempted to give. I don’t tell him I got this because I sure as hell don’t feel like I do. “And when you do finally put your foot on the accelerator, don’t push it all the way to the floor. Be easy.”
“Yeah, okay.” This time I do roll my eyes. “So, gearshift?” I ask, turning my attention to Jude, not the overbearing Dad in the back. Jude nods at the handle between us. My eyes trace the length of it, eyes catching on the letters lining the side of it. I take a deep breath and drop my hand to it, thumb brushing over the button on the side as I steel my nerves. I close my eyes for a brief second and push the button, switching gears and hoping for the best.
“Turn the wheel, turn the wheel!” I grit my teeth, and try not to glare in Brennan’s direction, but I can’t help it. My eyes narrow as I do glare in his direction, only to see his own narrowed eyes staring back at me. “Eyes on the road, Pi!” he commands, and my nose scrunches in displeasure before I turn my attention away from him and his hand gripping my knee tightly.
I’d barely graduated from Dodger Stadium and parking spaces, and Brennan suggested taking me to Elysian Park, where the driving would be slightly more challenging. He’d insisted it was his turn in the teacher’s seat, and Jude had easily agreed, telling me I’d done a good job so far. Brennan had put me back in the driver’s seat as soon as we got to the park, confident that I could handle the narrower lanes and occasional turns. But it’s late March, and the weather’s amazing, and there are families just fucking everywhere. I’m focusing so much on not accidentally veering off the road and causing an unintentional massacre that I’m struggling to focus on the driving part of the whole thing.
I slam my foot on the brakes, and the force jerks us forward. Brennan’s free hand slams on the dash as I let go of the wheel like it’s burned me. “I can’t do this,” I whine, and for a second the panic on his face says that he agrees with me. But then Brennan’s offering me a wide smile, and Jude’s hands are massaging my shoulders, and Tyler’s leaning forward to gently stroke my arm in reassurance. Okay, I definitely can’t do it if they’re all touching me like this. Holy shit.
“Pipe, you’re doing fine,” Tyler says, but then a car honks from behind us, the driver laying on the horn a few times in quick succession, and I jump. My cheeks burns when I realize I’ve stopped in the middle of the road. “But maybe find a parking space. I’ve got another place in mind that might be a little easier and a lot less crowded.”
I park the car and switch Tyler spots, perfectly happy to be out of the driver’s seat for as long as they’ll allow. I wish we could just stop already, but apparently that’s not going to happen. It’s only a short drive later that Tyler announces, “Here we are.”
I lean forward to look out the front window. “You’re kidding right?” Headstones stretch around us as far as the eye can see, and e
xtra-narrow roads wind and twist through the gently sloping hills of the cemetery. “What do I do if another car comes from the other way? There’s barely enough room for Jude’s SUV as it is.”
Jude chuckles from the backseat. “Look at it this way, Piper, if you mess up too badly, they won’t have to take us far.”
“You’re a fucking asshole, Jude Alton, you know that?” I ask with a groan as the boys all break out into laughter. They’re going to be the death of me, I swear.
“Tyler, Piper, get out.” Jude commands, and it’s in that no-nonsense sort of way he has that brokers no questions. I immediately comply, circling around toward the driver’s side, but Jude’s there, too, and I can feel the confusion on my face when he reaches into the car and slides the seat all the way back. “We’re going to try something different. The seat’s big enough, you can sit between my legs so I can help you.”
I gape at him. “That seems like a horrible idea.”
He shoots me a look that tells me this isn’t the least bit optional as he slides into the seat and pats the space between his legs. Oh, fucking hell. I feel a little vindicated when I slide into the open space and he tenses. I have no choice but to slide my ass back, pressing firmly into his crotch so that I’m safely in the seat. He sucks in a sharp breath as I wiggle to get comfortable.
Tyler snorts. When I glance back, I see him and Brennan exchanging an amused look. They have to know this is a bad idea as much as I do.