by Cassie James
She throws a finger over her shoulder before calling back, “Kindly go fuck yourself, Alton!” It’s adorable how much they pretend to hate each other while simultaneously being the filthiest two people I know, even working in tandem sometimes to see who can say the most deviant shit at the lunch table to gross the rest of us out.
“What’s going on?” I ask, poking him hard in the side.
The glare slides from his face and is easily replaced with that devil-may-care smirk of his. “We’re hanging out.” He says it with so much confidence that I roll my eyes with a snort of disbelief—this motherfucker really thinks my world revolves around him.
“Did you stop to think that maybe I have plans that don’t include you, Jude?” I ask, nodding my head in Tyler’s and Brennan’s direction. I definitely don’t have plans. Macie was only going to give me a ride home.
“I guess I should’ve clarified,” he taunts easily as he tugs me into the circle of his arms. His lips work languidly over my own for a moment that’s probably too-long considering our audience. “You’re hanging out with all of us,” he clarifies once he lets me out of the circle of his arms, laughing the entire time at the dazed way I stumble through my haze. “You’re riding with Tyler. We’ll meet you there.”
Thanks for the whiplash, Jude.
He waves off my weak protests as he abandons me in the parking lot. Brennan’s already climbing in his Jeep as Jude settles into his SUV. Tyler’s shoulders slump as he heads in my direction. I twist my hands around the strap of my bag as a confusing mix of anxiety, guilt, and hope swirls inside of me.
His lips turn down more and more the closer he gets to me. I feel gutted by the sight. “This wasn’t your idea, was it?” I whisper. Dammit, Jude. His only response is a shrug, but the truth is written all over his miserable face. “I’ll just call Macie to come back and take me home.”
I fumble trying to find my phone in my bag. He lets out a humorless laugh. The locks on his car click open audibly. “What’s the point? He’d just come get you himself.”
I bite down on my lip, wondering if instead I should ask Macie to take me to the pier or something. That would keep me free from whatever Jude’s stupid plan here is. For a time, at least. If I’m being honest, I already know the truth. Jude will get what he wants either sooner or later, so it just makes sense to give in now and get it over with.
I heave a sigh and follow Tyler to his car like some kind of pathetic, lost puppy.
Jude knows exactly what he’s doing, forcing Tyler and I to have no choice but to talk and finally maybe work through the chasm I’d created in our group’s dynamic. I square my shoulders as I slide into the passenger seat of his car. I pledged to fix this when Brennan and Jude made it perfectly clear that I was being a goddamned fool, now I can’t let a golden opportunity like this pass me by.
“Where are we going?” I ask, trying to start easy but also fill the silence before he thinks to drown me out by turning the radio up.
“Beach house.” He answers curtly, and that same confusing blend of emotions rolls through me in crashing waves. Of all the places in the world… “Jude said he wants to check some stuff out before the prom after party, but I think he actually just wanted an excuse to get drunk on the beach all weekend.”
My eyes go wide with alarm. “I can’t be gone all weekend. Jackie will freak, and I don’t have anything with me!” It doesn’t matter that she can’t reset me anymore, I’m sure there’s a million other ways she could come up with to make my life absolute fucking misery for the foreseeable future.
Tyler laughs, the sound of it shocking the panic right out of me for a moment. “I have soccer in the morning, so I can’t stay, either. Jude’s going to send you back with me.” After a pause he adds, “You have to hand it to him, when he wants something, he gets it.”
“He wants us to work this out.” Tyler makes a noise in the back of his throat as his laughter dies, shrugging as his hands tighten around the steering wheel. It feels strange to say it—that Jude Alton, the king of being unimpressed and entirely indifferent, is the one person in our group that seems to want us all together as much as I do. I’m not sure what the hell changed in him or when, but he’s not taking no for an answer on this one, and as I sit here in stilted silence as we race along the freeway toward Malibu, I hope that Tyler will eventually stop saying no, too.
The minutes tick by. We’re pulling off of the freeway and onto the Pacific Coast Highway before either of us speaks again. “I want us to work this out, too,” he admits quietly. “But it doesn’t… It doesn’t seem like you’re really all that sure about this.”
My head falls forward heavily, and I close my eyes against the wave of emotion that threatens to spill over at the clear note of hurt in his tone. He sighs heavily, a wholly defeated sort of sound, and my heart fucking breaks all over again. I did this to him even after I told him I never wanted to leave him heartbroken the way Piper had.
“I just want what’s best for you guys,” I tell him, but he scoffs. Yeah, that hasn’t gone over well with any of them. “For what it’s worth, I do realize how selfish it was of me to try to make that decision for everyone.”
He grunts but doesn’t offer a response. My mouth falls open to continue, but he reaches forward and basically punches the freaking radio to life, effectively ending the conversation before it could ever really start. I slump back in the seat and turn my gaze out the window. This is such bullshit. But then I remind myself that it’s bullshit that I started—and let my irritation fizzle away.
Jude’s dressed down in board shorts and a t-shirt, standing impatiently in the door, when we finally pull up to the beach house. He quirks an eyebrow in my direction as I climb from the car, and I shake my head no as I circle behind Tyler’s Mercedes to approach the house. Jude rolls his eyes as he shoves a bag in my hand. “Go get dressed,” he commands. I peak into the bag to see an impossibly tiny bikini and what might be considered a swimsuit cover-up… if you were going swimming at the Playboy Mansion.
“How long have you been planning this?” I ask when I glance back up, horrified at the thought that I might not actually be able to cover any of my bits with the tiny pieces of material sitting at the bottom of the bag. How did he even know what size to get? I take a deep breath and remember how fucking small the bikini looks. Oh, that’s right, he didn’t.
His voice is a low growl when he responds, but not quite to the question I actually asked. “I thought I did a pretty damn good job planning everything, but apparently not if you and Hamilton still couldn’t work your shit out on the hour long fucking drive over here.” He makes to move past me, but I wrap my fingers around his wrist and he stops for me.
“It’s not that easy, Jude.” Everything can’t always move at Jude Alton’s pace. He actually has the audacity to shoot a sneer in Tyler’s direction. “And it’s not his fault. Don’t be a dick.”
Jude rolls his eyes as he gives me a light shove through the door. I turn to voice another protest, but he slams it closed in my face.
I meander through the house, heading for the bathroom so I can change. I pause when I catch sight of the ocean glittering in the distance. I stand at the window for a few uninterrupted minutes as I envy the pulse of the water. I catch myself thinking of Piper for a moment. The original Piper. I’ve always figured I got my obsession with the water from her. All her posts and messages about it. The pictures at the beach. She clearly loved the water the same way I do.
Piper Hawthorne’s downfall was the one thing she loved most. I can only hope that I won’t live to share that fate.
None of them seem surprised to find me on the beach instead of by the pool. I’m standing knee deep in the somewhat chilly water, sinking deeper and deeper in the mire of sand beneath my feet with every wave that laps against my skin. My arms are spread wide and I’ve got my head resting back against my neck. The sun and wind caress my body with the gentleness of a well-known lover, and the peace is only broken by the sound of
Jude shouting at me to come to the fire pit. I pretend not to hear him, lost in the feeling of the water lapping gently against my legs as I sink another inch deeper in the wet sand.
“You know he’s not going to rest until you go up there.”
I jump at the sound of an unexpected voice, my heart kick-starting and beating against my chest with hard thumps. I twist around to see Tyler standing several paces behind me, just beyond the reach of the water, feet digging into the sand as he stares over my shoulder at the horizon. I sigh and turn back toward the ocean, wishing that a random wave would crest in the distance, crash toward the shore, and pull me out with it. Things would be much simpler if I weren’t constantly questioning my place.
The sound of splashing tells me Tyler hasn’t given up on me. He’s finally choosing to come to me. The second he stops next to me, the back of his hand brushing mine, I turn to him with everything I have and say, “I know you don’t understand it—that none of you do—but I am really fucking sorry for what I did.”
“Why didn’t you talk things out with us? Any of us?” There’s no hint of anger left in his words, but it still feels like someone’s just stabbed me in the chest. He deserves to be angry—hell, they all still deserve to be angry, but instead he just sounds tired and defeated.
“And say what?” I ask with a humorless laugh. I cast my eyes back out at the water. “That I was freaking out over people thinking something’s wrong with me? That I overheard your Dad talking about how weird it was that the Hawthornes wanted me in the first place? That I’m so fucking sick of worrying that I’ll ruin your guys’ futures by not being able to promise any of you mine? I don’t want you to ever resent me for what I can’t give you.”
“So the alternative was just giving up on us?” Tyler and I both startle at the sound of Brennan’s voice carrying past the waves.
Brennan and Jude are both standing at the edge of the water. I feel betrayed by the beach for the very first time in that minute, cursing the sand for muting the sounds of their arrival. I have no idea how much they’ve heard, not that I care that they hear it, but because Tyler deserved his own personal apology just like they got.
“Admittedly not my most logical decision.” I offer a sheepish grin as they all shake their heads at me. “I can never apologize enough to you guys. It was stupid, and I was being insecure.”
Jude and Brennan exchange a look that I can’t read from this distance, and then all of a sudden they’re wading into the water and making their way toward us. I turn back toward the horizon as they splash their way to us, and reach out to brush my fingers along Tyler’s arm. This next part is just for him.
“Ty,” I whisper, “I’m so fucking sorry.”
“You know you’re perfect, right?” he asks loudly, for the benefit of the others as much as for me. Olive toned hands drop on my shoulders, and I lean my head back to smile up at Brennan’s towering form. Jude stops right next to me, catching my hand in his as Tyler continues, “You have to be able to see that, Pipe. You. Are. Perfect.” He surprises me by scooping up my free hand, squeezing it gently as Jude’s hand tightens almost painfully around my other.
“You can spend your life getting caught up in what other people think about you, Piper.” I lean against Brennan’s chest as Jude chastises me, seeping as much comfort from his warm skin as I can. “You’ll never make it that way, though.”
“It’s your opinion that matters,” Tyler adds, and I close my eyes against the rush of emotions threatening to pour out of every part of me. “And ours too, especially in times like this. You’re seriously delusional if you think we give any shits at all about whether other people approve of you or of us and what we’re doing. And if you’d bothered to fucking stick around last week, we could’ve told you that and saved all of us one hell of a fucking headache.”
“I’m—”
“Sorry, yeah, I know,” he says as he squeezes my hand again. “But you’ve forgiven us for a hell of a lot worse, and I’m more than ready to do the same for you. I love you, Pipe.”
“I love you, too,” I say as I take what feels like my first real breath in a long time. These boys, they’ve made my heart whole again.
21
Piper
“I can literally feel you staring at me. Stop being creepy, Mace.” I don’t turn from where I’m browsing through the line of dresses on the opposite side of the boutique as her. My fingers stop over a short yellow dress, fingers catching over the eyelet lace of the bodice before shaking my head and moving on. I’m not trying to look like my front door at prom.
“I just don’t understand why you won’t tell me about what happened with the guys.” I sigh, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath. Because you’re still on my side right now, I answer silently, but I keep the thought to myself and let her keep talking. “I mean, whatever it was couldn’t have been that bad—you forgave them in like three seconds.”
Objectively, I know she’s probably always going to have my back, but I don’t like the idea that she might think less of me somehow when she realizes that I’d put myself into a stupid situation for no reason. She still doesn’t know any real details of my mental breakdown and the ensuing damage. I pull a purple dress from the rack before turning to face her, my lips pursed as I swivel around. She’s walking my way, passing a tufted settee that sits in the center of the main showroom with several dresses hanging over her arms. “Are you trying all those on?” I ask, and she cocks an eyebrow at me.
We both know I’m deflecting, but she surprises me by playing along for the time being. “Yes,” she answers breezily, “and probably that purple one you’re holding, too.” Macie infuses a false sort of cheerfulness into her tone—one that I know is as fake as the smile stretching over her face. She’s annoyed with me, and I know that, but I’m trying to maintain as much of my fledgling dignity as I can.
I feel like an asshole as she closes the distance between us. Out of everyone, she’s had my back since day one—if anyone knows me, it’s her. If anyone has a chance of understanding my craziness, it’s her. I heave a sigh and start to respond, but my mouth snaps shut when she plucks the dress from my hands and motions for me to follow her toward the changing area at the back of the store.
I follow obediently, rolling my eyes and huffing the entire time. I didn’t actually expect her to take my dress, too. It’s been like that at every shop—Macie finds armfuls of dresses that she thinks she likes and then still takes the ones I pick out, too. This is the third boutique we’ve been to today, and I’m starting to actually consider just wearing the dress from the premiere. Because at this point, I’m not sure how the hell I’m ever going to find a dress for prom when she keeps taking every single one that I pick up.
She moves toward one of the changing rooms, nodding her head at an attendant that’s helping another girl a few feet away from us. Macie turns her head over her shoulder to shoot me a dark look as she steps through the curtain. “And stop deflecting. We’re talking through this one way or another.” I worry the inside of my cheek as she stares me down, her eyes narrowing at the conflicted look I’m sure is crossing my face.
“Just start trying dresses on, Macie.” I command, and when she flounces into the room and hangs the dresses on the hooks along the back wall, I think I’ve finally won. But she turns her ass around and comes right back out of the changing room, pulling me toward the loveseat in front of the dressing room.
She forces me to sit before dropping like a sack of rocks next to me. She crosses her arms over her chest as her eyes narrow. “Piper, I swear I’m not trying to be a massive pain in your ass, but I just don’t understand why you feel like you can’t talk to me about what happened. Like, I understood your motivations last fall when the Thorns were all being outright douchebags to you. But this felt like it came out of nowhere, and I’m worried about you.”
“Mace, I—”
“No, let me finish, Piper,” she says, her tone serious even though her posture does soften for
the first time all day. “Is something happening with them that you’re not comfortable talking about—did one of them do something really bad? After what happened at the beginning of the year, I would understand if maybe you wanted to drop them because they did something that wasn’t okay… And, well, I’d definitely reserve the right to start kicking asses. Except maybe Jude—that motherfucker looks like he packs a mean punch, but then I guess I could always get Rhys—”
“Oh, Macie. Holy shit, stop!” I let out an ill-timed laugh as I picture her trying to fight any of The Thorns. It’s one hell of a mental image she’s painted.
“Seriously?” She scoffs as she stands up. “Leave it to you to crack up in my face when I’m trying to have a super serious best friend talk with you. You’re freaking hopeless, Piper.”
“Hey, I’m sorry,” I call after her retreating form. I might as well be wearing a flashing sign over my head that reads Piper Hawthorne, asshole of the century. “I promise I’ll tell you everything if you get your ass in there and start trying that insane stack of dresses on. I don’t want to be here all night.”
“Fine, you asshole,” she takes one last swipe at me. She disappears into the fitting room, dragging the curtain closed behind her.
“None of them did anything,” I finally admit after a few quiet minutes. The curtain jerks back to reveal Macie in a pink number that’s only half zipped. “Did you need help with that?” I ask, already pushing to my feet, but she shakes her head no. “Listen, you have to promise not to think less of me.”
“Wait, you did something shitty to them?” There’s hesitance in the nod I offer her, and her eyes go wide. She stumbles her way back toward the sofa, apparently giving zero fucks that she’s wearing a half undone prom dress that’s gaping indecently around her boobs. I motion toward the neckline of the dress, and she yanks it up with barely a second thought as she shoves herself and the fluffy gown down next to me. “Okay, so you’re telling me that you did something shitty to them, staged that massive break-up that you made me an unknowing accomplice in, and then still got them to take you back all within a few days?”