“It’s respect, Angel. Stay right by me or by Axel’s side.” The noise level is growing loud as Harleys arrive in an awe-inspiring line. Looking down at the grave, which has already been dug, for a moment I want to run, hide even. Then maybe I won’t have to go through this.
“Prez, you ready?” Ryder walks up in dark dress pants, a dark shirt, and his cut. For a moment, I wonder if my imagination’s in overdrive.
“Hold on.” Jason tilts my face up and rubs away my hot tears. “You ready?”
I shake my head yes because if I talk it’s all over. The anger, the loss, all the shitty things that happened to me and my dad. All of that and more might come out.
“Let’s start, Ryder,” he announces without taking his eyes off me. “It’s getting too crowded and we can’t control things if it gets bigger.” Ryder nods and gets on his phone.
I look around, my eyes swimming with tears again. This is insane. There are bikers everywhere—at least over a hundred. The frazzled funeral director rushes over and I watch Blade take over. Then a gun goes off and I jump. The funeral director looks as though he might faint and wisely steps behind Jason and me as I watch in agony as Edge, Ox, Dewey, and three other Disciples carry my father’s dark silver casket by us and place it on the pedestal that will lower him to the ground.
“Breathe, Eve, I mean it.” Jason pulls me closer and a whoosh of air fills me as I obey him. The priest I picked walks up carrying a bible and starts talking.
“Why?” I ask Jason, not caring if anyone hears.
“Better to cover all the bases.” He pulls me into his arms and a strange giggle starts to escape. Am I losing it? I mean, what the hell was I thinking getting a priest? My father wasn’t religious or even a good person. I loved him, but he did a lot of bad things. I stare straight ahead and pretend to listen. The wind blows, reminding me that I do feel. I feel Jason. His strength radiates into me as his thumb caresses my palm. I stare at my feet. They’re aching and I feel that too.
“Angel?” I look up at him and gasp. He’s so magnificent, like a fierce, sleek lion.
A boy… My dad had said we are having a boy. Jason looks down at me and our eyes meet, and everything I will ever need is in his look. He’s mine. I don’t even worry about the club sluts anymore. Jason only has eyes for me. I lean back into him as he lays his large hands on my belly. Finally, the priest finishes. I have to give it to the bikers—they have way more patience than I do. Another two minutes and I was going to tell Jason to remove him. I roll my head to the side and freeze. Over in the parking lot, my brother stands, leaning against a car.
Benny!
The adrenaline spikes all the way up to my face. Even my ears are hot and burning.
What the fuck! Is he suicidal? There are at least a hundred Disciples here and God knows about the others. But he stands there, staring at me. He doesn’t move and bikers are walking around him. He’s dressed in black and my eyes dart around at the many blank faces around me. Maybe they think he’s here for another funeral?
Holy shit. What do I do? I should tell Jason, maybe even Axel… definitely not Ryder. Ryder is Blade’s enforcer.
As all this is spinning through my head, I stare back at him. He nods and I take a deep breath. This is where I need to say something. He’s a murderer, or at least that’s what they say. Instead I nod back. He slowly turns and disappears from my sight.
“You’re shaking. Are you okay?” I jump at Jason’s yummy breath at my ear.
“I… Jason.” I swallow and stare at him.
I need you to believe in your brother. I hear my father’s voice loud and clear. I’ll tell Jason tonight. I owe at least this to my father. I mean, how tacky would that be to have Jason’s guys kill my brother while they bury our dad. I shake off my guilt. After all, this isn’t the first time I’ve lied to him. But that stops today. I lean back into Jason’s secure warmth. I did what I had to survive and to get where I need to be. So I’ve told some white lies like the not being able to get pregnant bit. I might have stretched the truth on that one. My appendix did burst at age twelve and it did get infected. But the doctors never actually said I couldn’t get pregnant; they said it might be difficult. See, white lie and I needed this baby. How else was I ever going to make sure I didn’t lose him? He’s everything to me.
“You ready to say goodbye, Angel?”
For a split second I suspect he knows, but that’s me being paranoid. “Do you need me to go with you?” His green eyes search mine.
“Yes… I always need you,” I breathe out.
“Then we’ll say goodbye together.” He walks me to the casket where I lay my hands on the cool metal and I know I made the right decision. I’m in love with the leader of one of the most notorious motorcycle clubs. I close my eyes so I can tell my dad what needs to be said. Today I have to say goodbye to you, Daddy. You will live on, through me, my baby, and even Benny.
I sigh and open my eyes to stare into the greenest, most magnificent eyes. They narrow as if he knows everything I am. Yet he can’t. Some secrets are mine. He holds out his hand for me. I take it and move to his side as everyone else lines up to pay their respects. I look around at the numerous men and smile up at Jason. “I love you.”
BLADE/JASON
I reach for her chin and gaze at her. She’s glowing. Even the death of her father can’t take that away. Her eyes meet mine as she blinks away her guilt. I gently lower my head and brush her glossed lips to mine. “I love you,” I murmur into them.
Her eyes narrow as she pulls back to look at me. “Jason.” Her voice is soft, almost breathless. In my peripheral vision, I see Axel. I want to smirk at how clean-cut he looks. The guy could pass for a model. When he shaves and puts on a suit, he’s a whole new man.
He nods and the sun catches his mirrored aviators. I move behind Eve and slip my hands around her, bringing her back hard against my chest. As I lean down, my nose goes straight for her neck and I inhale her scent. Her breath catches and her hands tighten around mine and we both feel our baby kick as if he’s happy we’re both touching.
“I know about Benny, Eve.” She stiffens slightly but does not turn to face me and simply stares straight ahead. I have to fight my smile. She’s such a badass. I caress her hair before I say, “I saw him, babe.” Her nails are clawing into my forearm. That’s the only sign that it even bothers her.
“I let him go and thought you should know.”
This time she does turn her head toward me. Her big blue eyes stare up at me. The conflicting emotions she so desperately wants to hide are all over her face. “Thank you.” It’s honest and I almost forget that she chose not to say anything about her junkie, murdering brother to me.
Knowing she needs to hear this, I sigh. “You don’t have to thank me—you’re my life.”
Some of the Demons clan walk by to pay their respects to the man in the casket and both of us nod. I glance around at the green grounds and over to the parking lot where Benny was. The sky darkens as a cloud covers the sun. Benny’s got some balls on him. Either that or he’s an arrogant ass. Maybe both. I should have had Axel put a bullet in his head, but then again, he knew I wouldn’t. See, I’m beginning to think that much like his sister, there’s way more to Benny than I once thought. Never underestimate a man who’s willing to sacrifice his own blood to survive. I look down at my gypsy. Yeah, he’s not stupid. He knows what my weakness is.
Eve turns and stares straight at me. The clouds part and the sun kisses her face making her truly look like an angel.
“I’m a bad guy, but even I can’t kill your brother today.”
“Jason… my father wants me to be open-minded, so that’s why I didn’t say anything,” she whispers, her eyes darting around, her cheeks growing pink.
“I don’t care.” I stare at her, almost wanting to shake her because she needs to understand this. “I love you no matter what. Do you honestly think I don’t get you?”
Her breaths are coming short and fast as her eyes g
o to her stomach. “You don’t… I well… I’m not what you—”
“You are exactly what I think.” That makes her jerk her eyes to mine again. She’s so beautiful and I want her. Fuck, I want her forever.
“None of it matters, Angel. You’re my queen and I love every single thing about you. I want you to know you can tell me everything, but if it makes you feel good to think you have secrets, then that’s okay too.” She’s startled, almost as if she didn’t hear me. I glance around. My mom lifts her eyebrow at me reminding me that we are standing next to her father’s casket and it’s hardly the time and place to have this conversation. But then again, maybe it’s perfect. She can’t run and hide. I nod at everyone as they pass by murmuring their condolences.
“What are you even saying, Jason?” she hisses. My little badass wants to run. I can feel it like I can feel all her thoughts.
I take her elbow and bring her a few feet away, then force her to look at me. “Everything. I know everything, and if you think I don’t, you’re kidding yourself.”
I grin at the wide-eyed, stunned look on her face and reach down to stroke her cheek. “I. Don’t. Care.”
She sighs and shakes her head, her hands coming to rest on my chest. “You know how you always say you’re a bad guy? Well, I’m a bad girl.” She licks her lips as she looks at me. “I am. I steal and I lie to get what I need.” She goes to turn, but I grab her wrist and hold her still.
“Are you hearing me? I’m not what you think.” She huffs, her eyes darting around.
I grab her chin. “Eve. I know all of it, and I love all of you, especially those parts.”
She frowns as her eyes slowly change and the truth of my words finally sinks in.
“Why?” She looks confused.
“Why do you love me? Why do you accept me? Because you truly love me. It doesn’t matter.” I lean into her lips stealing her breath.
She looks back at the people who are starting to thin out. The rumble of bikes starting up makes her cock her head. “How did you know?” Her voice is low.
“Which one? The one that you lied about not being able to get pregnant?” She blinks those long, sooty lashes spiked with tears. “I’m not stupid, Angel.”
She looks up at the sky, her eyes closed in pain; her tresses slide like golden honey down her back. “So, you’re saying that you like everything about me, even that I’m a bad girl?”
I have to bite back my laugh. After all, we’re in the middle of her father’s funeral. But it’s almost like he’s giving me his approval because the weight I’ve been holding is draining into the very ground I’m standing on.
I pull her close, not giving a shit what anyone thinks. “I’m saying I love that you’re my bad girl.”
When I take in her stunning face, her eyes are sad but hopeful. This time, I can’t help but laugh as I whisper in her ear, “You want the ring, don’t you, Eve? You honestly believe that people like us can have a happily ever after?”
She pulls back and holds my face tightly. “I know we can have the happily ever after.”
I lift her up so that she’s eye level. “You’re my life. If I make you my queen legally, will that make you happy?”
Her eyes, the first thing that drew me to her, are pooling with tears.
“Yes.” She sniffs, then before she can respond, I kiss her and all the world melts away. She’s all I need… she’s all I’ll ever need.
BLADE/JASON
“Oh God,” Eve moans, or whimpers, maybe both. Wisps of her golden hair wet with sweat stick to her forehead and cheeks.
“You’re doing great, Angel.” I caress her damp forehead and her eyes blink blue fire at me.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” She moans again. “I’m dying.”
My heart literally drops to the pit of my stomach and darts to the nurse who stands to the other side looking at the monitor. They have some belt wrapped around Eve’s stomach alerting us if our baby’s heart goes into distress.
“She’s not dying,” the older woman replies. “She’s in labor.” A small twitch ghosts her wrinkled mouth. Her clothes have a faint smell of smoke and I would give a thousand dollars for a cigarette. But that would require me to leave Eve, which is not an option. Instead I inhale the smoke that clings to her.
“You’re not dying,” I repeat her words. My voice doesn’t even sound like mine. What the fuck? I stare at the room we’re in. It’s bright with a large window showing the Hollywood hills perfectly. The white walls are typical hospital. One picture of flowers and butterflies is bolted to the wall, a huge flat screen on the other. My head is about to burst. Lack of sleep, nicotine withdrawal, and true mental agony at having to witness Eve’s pain make my head pound.
“Listen to me.” She pants, not from exertion because we haven’t even gotten to the push part yet. Eve’s late, like over a week past her due date. She’s swollen, uncomfortable, and nervous. After taking her to her last doctor’s appointment. I suggested it might be time to do something. Wisely her ob-gyn agreed, and she started getting induced at five this morning.
Another moan then, “I need Blade.” It’s clipped and strong. “Do you get me?” Her blue eyes blink at me like I’m not right in the head.
“O-kay,” I say, not getting her.
“No, you don’t.” She grits her teeth as more sweat forms on her upper lip. “No Jason right now. I need you to be Blade and get me some fucking drugs.”
I stare at this woman who has aged me in the last few hours. The nurse informed us that the hospital had only one anesthesiologist on right now. C-sections come first, so Eve has to wait. This is not my forte. Watching my very reason for breathing endure so much pain that she’s not even screaming makes me want to punch the wall. Christ, this isn’t like the movies or TV at all. A nerve-racking, heart-pounding amount of excitement courses down my neck. Blade gets shit done. I look up slowly at the nurse who freezes and slightly and frowns at me then takes a step back.
“I assure you she and the baby are doing great.” She sniffs and moves around me to pull up the ugly blue robe Eve is in so that she can make sure the heart monitor belt is still in place. “Yep. stil—” I cock my head and my hands fist.
Her eyes travel to my face, then my hands, and back to my face. “I’ll go see how much longer for the anesthesiologist,” she says, a disapproving frown on her face.
“Thank you,” Eve moans into the crappy plastic pillow. I don’t know who she’s thanking, maybe both of us. Even being incredibly nervous and in agony, she’s been remarkably nice to all the nurses.
“I want this over with. All I want is a healthy baby.” Her beautiful blue eyes focus on me. They shine with pain, and again my heart beats so hard my temples throb.
“He’s coming and he’s healthy.” She blinks as she hisses a moan but a small smile twists her lips.
“Sometimes I really love Blade.”
I grin and lean down to kiss her when the door swings open and a young Asian woman in a white doctor jacket bursts in with the old nurse behind her.
“Okay,” she says. “Let’s do this.”
Suddenly it’s as if I’m not in the room. I’m still next to her, still holding her hand, yet that’s all I can process. My brain seems unable to digest that I’m watching the love of my life take a needle. A fucking long needle injected into her back.
“You okay?” The anesthesiologist looks at me. “You’re pale. If you’re going to pass out, sit first. Or do I need to have a nurse get you some orange juice?”
I grumble something. It must work because she nods and goes back to Eve and announces, “She’s dilated. I’ll get her doctor.” I almost grab the woman and shake her to tell me what the fuck that means? But Eve has my hand as she starts to lift up and push. That old feeling of time stopping caresses my numb body and I stare mesmerized.
“You’re my everything.” It comes out harsh, causing her doctor to smile encouragingly at me. I blink because when did her ob-gyn come in? I don’t even kno
w if Eve hears me since she is fucking busy doing exactly what the doctor says like the badass she is. The hypnotizing beeps and sounds of the hospital are all mingling together. What I’m witnessing is nothing short of a miracle or fucking mayhem. Either way, it’s calming me. I’m used to chaos.
For the rest of my life, I know I will remember the moment my son took his first breath. And it’s not because someone says, “It’s a boy,” or by his angry wail, announcing himself. It’s because the moment he takes his first breath, I feel it inside me.
“Jason? Are you okay?” My vision clears enough for me to see my Angel.
“Taking a bullet for you is nothing compared to how I feel right now with you.”
She nods, her eyes red with tears. “I know.”
Both my arms grab ahold of the bed railing. “I don’t know if you do.” I brush her swollen red lips.
“Mr. McCormick?” The doctor clears her throat and for the first time in hours the room comes back into focus. She’s younger than I thought. Her smile is genuine. “Would you like to hold your baby?”
I look around at the room. I take in everything as if I’m reborn. Snickering, in a way I am. “Yes.”
She nods and moves aside allowing the nurse to place the fierce red-faced baby in my arms. Badass just like his mother! My eyes blur at this child and one lone tear lands on his cheek startling him to stop his angry rant. He blinks and our eyes meet. Time, the universe stops as my son bonds with me. A bond that will never be broken. I know this like I knew his mother was my mate. He’s the most incredible thing I’ve ever seen. I almost throw my head back and laugh. Guns, knives, drugs, torture—none of those things can bring me to my knees. This… this child, my woman, this very moment has taken away the biker, stripped the king, and allowed the man to be let out.
I’m a mere mortal who’s in love with his family—a family that is more than a gang of brothers and bikes. This is who I am. I breathe in and out. I will move heaven and earth to make sure they are protected and loved until the day I die.
Lethal Page 29