by Elle Limpkin
They refused to take another step until Eda felt through the wall in search of the circuit breaker.
After Eda’s key landed on the tray, and they took a few steps in, a familiar voice spoke from outside the door.
“Hello.”
They both jumped in fright, but Eda was the only one who relaxed slightly at the sight of Joe standing at the door, an older, pale version of the man she’d seen a year before.
“No...” Polly mouthed. “No, no, no! What is he doing here?” she asked Eda.
Eda’s mouth remained open as if the answer could pour into it from the ceiling. While she’d expected Joe’s trip to New York, she didn’t think he knew her address and dared not look at her friend to capture her accusing scowl.
Polly ran to the bedroom, slamming the door behind her.
“You shouldn’t have come like this,” Eda told Joe before following Polly.
She hesitated to open the door for a moment. In Polly’s darkest times, she was the only one she could rely on. What a disappointing friend she was!
When she finally opened the door, she was met by a shout. “Go to hell!”
Polly was staring out the window, with her back at the door.
“It’s just me,” Eda said peacefully.
“You can go to hell too.”
“You don’t really mean that...”
Polly turned, revealing her reddish face. “I trusted you!” she shouted. “I came here when I had nowhere else to go, and you ratted me out to the one person I didn’t want to see.”
“I didn’t have a choice,” Eda protested. “He called me. I tried to hide it, but I couldn’t lie.”
“You could lie!” Polly exclaimed in a rugged voice. “You should’ve lied! That’s what friends do; they lie for each other. But no, you couldn’t put your puritan principles aside for a moment to protect your friend, could you?”
“How would my lying have protected you? Sooner or later, you would’ve had to face him.” Eda’s voice intensified beyond her control.
“It was supposed to be my choice if I wanted to see him, not yours. I definitely wouldn’t have chosen this night. After everything that happened...” Polly shook her head. “I can’t do this now.”
“You can’t do what exactly? You’ve been hiding here like a scared rabbit. That’s not who you are, Polly. You’re the one who rushes head-first into any difficult situation.”
“Maybe I’m not that person anymore.”
“You are exactly who you want to be.”
“That’s bull, especially coming from you!” Polly shouted. “You keep telling me how to fix my life, but what about yours?”
“My life is fine,” Eda protested.
“Is it? You’re head over heels for some guy but find every excuse in the books to make sure you two will never be together because you’re a tiny, frightened little chicken.”
Eda’s heart pumped faster. “I’m not a chicken. He’s not interested in me in that way.”
Polly huffed. “That’s absurd! Don’t tell me you actually believe that.”
“I do, because he told me so himself.”
“Sure... he probably said something you’ve extrapolated from because you’re afraid to take any chances. Instead, you behave like his trusted friend, even though that’s not what you want.”
“Our friendship is temporary,” Eda protested “He needs me now. He won’t need me for much longer.”
“Oh, and did you tell him that you plan to ditch him as soon as his son’s problems are over? Or are you making it a surprise?”
“This isn’t about me!” Eda shouted angrily. “Stop making this argument about me!”
“Fine, this is about me. I don’t want Joe here, so you’d better tell him to get the hell out. Maybe you can get the hell out too. This way I can finally clear my head!”
“You know what?” Eda said. “That is a great idea.”
She stormed out of the bedroom, almost bumping into Joe who moved from her path just in time.
“Maybe I should leave...” Joe said.
“You’re not leaving until I say so.”
With thunder-bolt precision, Eda jumped out the door, locking it behind, then stood in the pitch-black darkness wondering how long it would take them to realize they couldn’t get out of the apartment.
She shambled to the stairs and sat, supporting her forehead on her knees. While she knew she over-reacted, she refused to even think of going back to undo her mistake but remained there in silence, expecting them to bang the door, noisily attracting her neighbors’ attention or worse, to bring the police to her doorstep. The only explanation she could think of for the silence was that Polly strangled Joe.
Laughing at the absurdity of her thoughts, she used her cell phone for light and climbed down to the second floor. Half-way through, the staircase was inundated in a warm yellow light reaching from below. Eda sat on the staircase deciding how much time to leave them alone. She couldn’t sleep on the stairs and had no other place to go. The decision turned to be more difficult than she’d thought. One thing was clear, she wouldn’t return until her own anger would subside.
She throbbed when the phone vibrated in her hand. “What?” she asked nervously.
Johan’s voice reached her ear. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to bother you.”
Eda released softly all the air in her lungs before replying. “It’s okay. I’m a bit on edge.”
“Problems?”
“It depends if you think sitting in the staircase instead of going to your apartment a problem.”
“What happened?” Johan asked quickly.
Although reluctant to share, fearing he would call her crazy, she did it anyway, realizing the absurdity of her actions as she spoke. Her story generated a laughter so loud she had to move the receiver a few inches away from her ear.
“I never thought you were capable of doing that!”
“Me neither. But I was so angry!”
“Are they arguing?” he asked.
“No. That’s what weirds me out.”
Eda used the moment of silence to focus her hearing back at her apartment—the noises she expected were missing.
“Well, you can’t stay there,” Johan said. “I have a couch.”
She bit her lip to stop her urge to agree instantly. Sleeping in Johan’s house wouldn’t help her long-term cause.
“I will behave, I promise,” he said when she didn’t answer.
“I don’t know... What if they start knocking on the door or making noise?”
“You can send them a text saying that you left.”
Eda climbed back up and glued her ear to the door—no sounds still. Johan’s house was fifteen minutes away; she could go there and come back quickly if something happened. She didn’t even have to stay the entire night.
“I’ll come if you order a pizza. Pepperoni, no cheese.”
After the call had ended, she realized Johan hadn’t shared his reason for calling so late.
∞∞∞
When she decided to accept his invitation, she didn’t consider the effect his cozy appearance would have on her. Her mind was determined to keep the distance, but her gaze refused to shift from his unbuttoned shirt.
“Pizza,” she mouthed.
“On its way,” Johan answered just as concisely.
When she’d picked up Clara’s laptop the other day, she refused to step inside his house, so she was admiring the warmth of his living room for the first time. A nod formed in her stomach at the thought that all the décor resulted from Clara’s genius and taste.
As she walked around the room, she inspected everything, purposely ignoring Johan, who followed in her footsteps. The sight of the pictures of Johan and JP together put a smile on her face. The room was full of them, either at the cabin, on the beach, or in what seemed to be their backyard. Her smile vanished instantly when her gaze rested on an older picture of the entire family.
The presence of that photo shouldn’t have both
ered her. It meant that Johan wanted his son to know his mother. And yet, it pierced her heart, and at that moment, Eda realized how deep her feelings for Johan were. She tried to blame her reaction on how attractive Clara was, or how happy Johan and JP seemed in that photo. But the reason for her pain was that Johan didn’t reciprocate her feelings.
“She was beautiful,” she said out loud, desperately trying to reveal none of her inner struggles.
“We took JP to the beach for the first time that day. He loved it so much!” Johan’s face brightened at the memory. “We couldn’t get him out of the water.”
“How old was he?”
“One year old. He could barely walk, especially in the sand. Took a couple of steps, fell, then rose again, took more steps, and so on.”
Eda forced her legs to move farther away, studying every photo, especially the ones of the entire family. Johan had said that their marriage had had its fair share of problems, but none of those showed. She lingered over the last photo until Johan returned with the pizza.
Most women she knew preferred chocolate or ice cream when upset or hurting, but Eda’s remedy had been pizza since her teens. Seizing the box from Johan’s hands, she sat on the floor with her back at the couch.
She was about to take her first bite when she noticed Johan standing there with a raised brow and a smirk.
“Want some?”
Johan’s smile deepened as he sat next to her. “This is an interesting use of a couch.”
Eda didn’t answer, too busy to take in the taste of pepperoni and spicy sauce, with her eyes closed and a long moan.
“Do you and the pizza need some privacy?”
Eda opened her eyes and swallowed quickly. “I’m sorry. Pizza is my go-to cure when I’m upset. It always makes me feel better.”
“That’s interesting. My go-to cure is boxing.”
“You box?”
“Sometimes. When’s the last time you had to use pizza to feel better? Besides today, I mean.”
Eda fixed her gaze at the chandelier, trying to remember. As soon as she did, a frown covered her face, and she bit from the pizza to calm down.
“Last summer.”
“What happened?” Johan asked, turning to her.
She could feel his gaze on her cheek but refused to turn and meet his eyes. “I ran into a guy I used to date when I first got to New York,” she explained.
“That was a few years ago, wasn’t it?”
“Yes.”
“Why would seeing him still upset you?”
“I guess it was because it was the first time I’ve seen him since we ended it.”
“Bad break-up?”
“You can say that.”
She feared an avalanche of questions would follow, at the end of which he would know the most pathetic moment in her life. It was best to get it over fast, like ripping a bandage.
“Fine,” she said, turning to him to gauge his reaction better. “I met him at a job interview, in the elevator. We started talking. He was nice and helpful, offered to show me around the city and give me points about the best dry cleaner and so on. We kept seeing each other and the relationship...progressed. Rather quickly.”
She took another bite, Johan waiting impatiently for her to continue.
“We’ve seen each other for a couple of months. He used to come from time to time to my apartment. It was an awful little place, but it was all I could afford at the time. One morning, I was cleaning up my apartment. He’d just left when I heard a knock on the door.”
“Well? Who was it?” Johan asked when she took another eating break.
“It was this sweet woman. His wife.”
Johan’s eyes grew big. “Wife?”
“I know,” Eda confirmed with a nod. “I had no idea he was married, of course. The thought had never crossed my mind. I guess it’s because I’d lived in a small town where everybody knew everybody. No man could’ve tricked me saying he’s not married because I already knew the truth.”
“I wish I was there to see the discussion with the wife.”
“It wasn’t as you’d expect. I mean, she didn’t shout or call me names. She cried, begging me to leave her husband alone.”
“Oh no!”
“I know!” Eda exclaimed. “There she was in the middle of the tiny apartment, a couple of feet away from the bed her husband and I had slept in, crying like all hell, and all I wanted to do was shake her thoroughly and tell her to cut her losses and kick the jerk out. I mean, I ended it with him right away, but I’m hardly the only woman in New York. I’m sure he kept doing the same thing.”
Johan studied her closely, forgetting about the pizza slice he still held in his hand. “You know that not all men are like that, right?”
“Duh! I know there are good men out there, but my question is, how do you tell them apart?”
“What do you mean?”
“Let’s assume I go on a date with a guy I just met. Now, if he’s a good man, he’ll behave on our date like he is, a good man.”
“Correct,” Johan agreed.
“But if he’s a jerk, he’ll also behave like a good man. Cause that’s what jerks do in the beginning. By the time I find out the truth, I’m already in too deep. So, my question remains. How do I know if the guy is a jerk or a nice guy from the first date?”
To her satisfaction, Johan remained still with his mouth open, unable to come up with an answer.
“I know what you are going to say,” she mouthed. “You have to take chances in love. Well, I’m sick of taking chances.”
Johan hesitated, but eventually, he said, “You can be friends before you start dating.”
“I suppose,” she half-agreed.
Was that why he was keeping her close even though he didn’t pursue a relationship? Up until now, she’d convinced herself that the reason he wanted her around was JP. But what if it wasn’t true? Could Polly be right about him?
“Why did you call me earlier?” she asked, doing her best to keep that idea from growing roots in her mind.
“I was wondering how we’ll find Michael again if the test result is positive.”
“Polly got his full name and address.”
His eyes grew wide. “I have to say I’m impressed.”
“Will the DNA test show if he’s compatible as a bone marrow donor?”
Johan shook his head. “He’d have to take another test after that.”
“He didn’t seem willing,” Eda pointed out. “Did you think of a way to convince him?”
“I did think about it,” he answered, running a hand through his thick hair. “But I didn’t come up with a solution yet.”
“I’m sure we will when the time comes.”
“We need to come up with something in two days because that’s when the test results come in.”
In Too Deep
Her lungs gasped for more air while the noose pressed against her neck’s soft skin. It seemed unreal, caressing her while taking her breath away. Eda’s panic increased with every moment, hoping that it was a dream. That her eyelids were well, and the reason why she couldn’t lift them was that she was sleeping.
As time passed, the discomfort increased to the point of haziness. Wake up! Wake up! She screamed inside her mind and forced her eyes open.
The gray dresser that occupied her field of view was wildly unfamiliar. Her efforts to place it in context led her, in her memories, to the previous night when she’d said goodnight to Johan after his insistence that he slept on the couch, leaving the bed full of his scent to her.
Shifting in bed, Eda removed the shirt trying to strangle her and opened her mouth wide to take in all the air she could, releasing it slowly afterward. In her experience, that annoying pain centered in her forehead would dissipate in moments.
She was already sitting on the edge of the bed, dangling her legs in the air, when she saw him standing in the doorway, pressing against his chest a brown teddy bear that seemed to have rabbit ears.
“Where’s my Daddy?”
“Let’s look for him, sweetie,” Eda answered, scrutinizing the room for her cell or any clocks but finding none.
JP seized three of her fingers, filling his tiny hand, and pulled her slowly down the stairs.
“Did you sleep well?” she asked.
“I dreamed.”
“What did you dream?”
“I can’t remember,” he said, looking at her with big amber eyes. “Why can’t I remember?”
“We don’t always remember our dreams.”
“But I want to. I think it was important.”
They let the pancake smell guide them to the kitchen, finding Johan setting milk and jam in the middle of the table. Even his presence faded at the sight of a wall clock filled with cutlery.
“Six? What are you doing up so early?”
“Six isn’t early when you have a kid,” he explained.
“I should go,” Eda said.
“Don’t you want a pancake? I make great pancakes.”
“They are the best,” JP confirmed, sliding into his chair.
“I’m sure they are. Are pancakes your favorite breakfast?” Eda asked.
“Yes. And Froot Loops. And eggs. I don’t like oatmeal.”
Johan placed a pancake in front of the boy. “He’s very vocal about his hatred for oatmeal.”
While she would’ve loved to dwell in the cozy smell and desirable company, the worry for Polly and Joe forced her to say her goodbyes with a coffee to keep her company.
The short drive home intensified her dread as she tried to find an explanation for the lack of any missed calls or texts from Polly. She’d known that leaving them locked in her apartment was ridiculous; the reality of her actions hit her now like cold water on her face.
With her heart pounding and countless disastrous images flashing through her mind, Eda inserted the key slowly and pushed the door open, wishing it hadn’t made that loud squeaky noise. Joe was the only one in the living room, sleeping peacefully on the couch, wearing the same jeans and jacket as before.