by Jamie Begley
Before making love with her, Gavin told her that he believed they were soul mates. She now clung to the image of his face when he moved the sheet aside—when he confessed that he believed. Did saying it mean he truly believed it in his heart of hearts? Does he still love Taylor? Does he love me? She just didn’t know.
Was she the one chasing fool’s gold?
“Are you praying?”
Startled, Ginny dropped her hands before turning at the sound of his voice coming from the bedroom doorway. “No, I was just thinking,” she said truthfully.
“Seemed to me you were praying.”
Ginny pushed her hands into the overly large silk bathrobe she found in the bathroom. “I don’t pray anymore.”
She noticed a subtle shift in his attitude since he left to take a shower. His face was now impassive, and he had a standoffish attitude she could feel over short distance separating them.
“Because of what Killyama told you?”
“Kind of useless, isn’t it?” Ginny shrugged, removing her hands from her pockets to pick up the remote from the coffee table. Plopping down on the couch, she turned the television on.
Gavin moved to stand next to the coffee table, alternating between watching her and looking at the television as she switched channels. “Why is it useless?”
“Because I’m still working through some issues with Him.”
“Exactly how much did Killyama tell you?” He nodded as if her issue was understandable.
“Are you going to be angry at Killyama if I tell you?”
“Depends on what you’re going to tell me.”
Ginny decided on not telling him, since one of his eyelids was already beginning to twitch.
“You can pick something for us to watch. I’m going to take a shower and get dressed.” Placing the remote down, she started to rise when Gavin sat down next to her and pressed a hand to her thigh, stopping her.
“Were you particularly religious before?”
“Not like Willa—I can’t quote Bible verses—but I believed, if you prayed hard enough, that He would protect you.”
“You don’t believe that anymore?”
“No, I don’t. I thought you were dead, because I couldn’t feel you anymore. I thought He was taking care of you in heaven. He wasn’t. I know you prayed for His help, and He made you wait too long. I’m having a hard time forgiving Him for that.”
“How do you know I prayed to Him?”
“Who wouldn’t in the situation you were in? Even if you didn’t have a ton of faith, you would be desperate enough to pray. Didn’t you?” she asked.
“More times than I can count,” he revealed.
“See? That’s my issue with Him.”
“Ginny, your faith in God shouldn’t be decided on me.”
“Why not? What happens to you happens to me.”
Gavin studied her in silence, his remoteness easing. “Why do you have to make everything so fucking hard?” Giving an overly loud sigh of frustration, he stared at her intently. “Every time I make a fucking decision concerning you, you warp my brain with your cockamamie reasoning.”
The knife in her heart twisted. “What decision did you make about me?” Was he about to tell her that he regretted having sex with her or coming with her to Clindale Island?
“Nothing. It no longer matters.” Removing his hand from her thigh, Gavin reached for the remote. “Go have your shower. I’ll find us something to watch.”
“Okay.” Bending down, she pressed what she intended to be a quick kiss on his lips, only to find herself pulled down until she was straddling his lap.
Opening her mouth with his lips, Gavin boldly thrust his tongue inside. As a kisser, he had what it took to make her mind turn to mush. As the kissee, she didn’t want it to ever end.
Wrapping her arms around his neck, she gave into the demands his mouth made on hers. A rush of warmth repaired the damage her thoughts of Taylor and him together had caused. Ginny knew the relief would be short-lived before more doubt would slice a larger hole.
Easily rising with her weight, Gavin carried her into the bedroom before slamming the door closed with his foot.
“What about my shower?” she murmured against his jawline.
“We can take one together when I’m done.”
“You just had one.”
Laughing when he tumbled them to the bed, she sensually rubbed her palms down his sleek back.
“I’m about to get real dirty.” Reaching between them, he tried to pull her robe free. “Why isn’t it coming off?” he groused.
“It’s tied.”
“That would have been good to know.”
Ginny playfully took little nibbles on his collarbone as he maneuvered her out of the housecoat. Then, one second he was there, and the next, he was jackknifing himself off her and the bed.
“Wha …?”
“Take your shower.” He even sidestepped her when she tried to pull him back down.
Stopping midaction, she saw the pale pallor of his skin. “What’s wrong?” Sitting up, she placed her hands on the mattress where he could see them.
“Nothing. Just take your fucking shower and leave me alone,” he snarled, fumbling with the doorknob to get out of the room.
Ginny quickly bounded off the bed, reaching out to help him open the door. He winced away from her as if he was suddenly afraid of her. Trying not to be hurt by his reaction, she turned the knob and opened the door for him, stepping away to give him plenty of room.
Keeping his eyes on her, he fled through the door.
She wanted to go after him, but instead, she shut the door, giving him privacy. Whatever she had done must have set off a terrible memory.
Despising herself, she wanted nothing more than to go and comfort him, but she forced herself to take a shower to give him time to recover. As she did, Ginny played back what she had been doing before he had freaked out.
Could it have been the love bites she had been placing on his neck? It was the only thing she did differently. Unless she was circling his neck with her arms, Ginny was careful when she touched him. Gavin preferred to do all the intimate touching, even moving her hands away when she tried to touch his dick. A couple of times, she had kissed his chest and tried to move lower to give the same pleasure he had given her, but Gavin would roll away from her or tug her up higher. Ginny received the silent message—he didn’t want oral sex from her. What had been done to him that a little nibble from her could have sent him into a tailspin?
Entering the shower, Ginny saw the towel tied over the nozzle. Leaving the intricate knot alone, she soaped her body before moving under the misty spray. Lifting her face, she let the water wash away any evidence of her telltale tears.
Drying off, she brushed her hair without the benefit of the mirror that was covered before leaving the bathroom, she noticed Gavin had placed her suitcase on the bed. She rummaged through the few belongings and found a pair of faded blue denim shorts and a matching green tank top. Casual and nonchalant were her objectives as she walked out of the bedroom and into the living room.
“Anything in particular you want for lunch?” she asked, opening the freezer.
“No, you choose. Just pick two of the same meal.”
“Can do,” she chirped, pretending normalcy between them. “How about a pizza?”
“That’s fine.”
“Righty ho ….” Taking the frozen pizza out, she set the temperature on the small oven.
“Stop, Ginny. You don’t have to act so fucking cheerful.”
She opened the box of pizza and tore the plastic covering off. “Would you rather I act like a gloomy Gus?”
Raising her eyes up to him, she saw Gavin fixated on the television set. “It was no big deal. Just act normal.”
She could either let it go and spare him further turmoil, or she could force him to confront the situation. Gavin had been tortured for years into complying with Slates demands. Did Killyama tell her everything she knew ab
out Gavin’s capture? Did the ones responsible for rescuing him know the full sickening details of what he suffered? Coming to the conclusion she wasn’t going to fix the damage done to him in three days of having sex with her, if ever, she now understood that they were Gavin’s scars to heal, and much as she loved him only he could be the one who gauge when they no longer hurt.
Putting the pizza in the oven, she sat down on the couch with him, broaching the delicate subject despite her misgivings. “You sure you don’t want to talk—”
“No,” Gavin said harshly, tugging on his ear.
“Oh … okay.” Dropping the subject, she started watching the movie Gavin picked.
Five minutes into it, she realized she was freezing. Had Gavin turned the air conditioner down? Three minutes later, when she started shivering, she didn’t have to assume he had; she could practically see her breath in the chilly air.
Biting her lip, she wondered if he would get upset if she snuggled up to him. It was a couples thing to do, but she was unsure if he considered them a couple or just sexual partners. Regardless of what Gavin had gone through, she didn’t want him shutting her out anytime she accidently hit a raw nerve.
Confusion swamped her, and Ginny found she didn’t like it one bit not knowing if she any rights with him. After all, they were supposed to be married, weren’t they? That should give her snuggling privileges. Was she supposed to meekly allow him to call the shots where their relationship was concerned because it made him uncomfortable?
Hell no!
Picking her moment when the hero on the scene was battling a droid, Ginny inched over. Nothing got past Gavin, as he took his eyes off the movie. “How much longer before the pizza is done?”
Ginny drew back. “Ten minutes.”
Nodding, he turned back to the television.
A minute later, she got her courage back, inching back toward him.
His eyes shot around again. “What are you doing?”
“I’m cold.”
His eyes flickered down to her clothes. “Go put on more clothes.”
Hurt almost had her gasping out loud as the knife plunged deeper inside her heart.
“You could raise the temperature of the air conditioner.” Biting her lip at the quiver in her voice, Ginny remained seated.
“I’m hot.”
“I’m cold.” Her bottom lip began trembling. She wasn’t going to let Gavin run over her needs, as much as she loved the wild man. He had told her once they were both on the same street, heading in opposite directions. It was time for him to choose which one of them was going to change directions—and it isn’t going to be me, she told herself—despite every bone in her body wanting to give in to him.
Lifting a heavy arm, Gavin placed it across her shoulders, pulling her toward him.
Burrowing into his heat, Ginny snuggled against him. “Thank-you,” she sighed in relief.
“Watch the movie.”
Laying her head on his shoulder, she felt him stiffen. Ginny froze, realizing her mouth was too close to his throat. Still, they sat stiffly, watching the movie. Thankfully, Ginny heard the buzzer go off in the kitchen.
“The pizza is done.” Ginny started to get up, but Gavin beat her to it.
“Stay still. I’ll bring you a slice.”
Her attention wasn’t on the television, but she let him have his way, pretending an interest she didn’t feel as she heard the sounds coming from the kitchen.
“What would you like to drink?”
“I’ll take a glass of water.”
Gavin carried her water and pizza over, setting them down on the coffee table.
“Do you want me to wait until after you eat?”
“Yes,” he said, sitting back down but this time farther away from her.
“Do you have to be so obvious?” she asked pointedly.
“What?” he asked, his pizza poised halfway to his mouth.
“That you don’t want me near you.”
Gavin lowered his pizza back to the plate. Then, jerking himself to his feet, he bent down, scooped her into his arms and carried her into the bedroom, using his shoulder to close the door. He dumped her onto the bed.
“Is this what you want?” he snarled at her, throwing himself down on the bed after ripping his jeans off and using a foot to throw them halfway across the room. “Go ahead. Have at it.”
Thunderstruck, Ginny slowly rose to a sitting position, then slid off the bed. Bile was rising up her throat; she was afraid she was going to throw up.
“What? Isn’t this good enough for you? What in the fuck do you want?”
Ginny fell to her knees, bursting into tears. Unable to look at him, she covered her face with her hands. The sound of Gavin getting off the bed had her dropping her hands to crawl to the bathroom.
“Stop crying.”
Ginny found herself sitting on Gavin’s lap on the floor, sobbing into his shoulder, unable to stop crying.
“You humiliated both of us. Why did you do that?”
“Stop crying,” he slowly crooned, rocking her.
“Loving you should never feel like this,” she sobbed. “Why did you do that?”
“I was hurting, and I took it out on you. I’m sorry.”
Lowering her hands, she was given a brief glimpse of Gavin’s suffering before he managed to erase it from his features. In hindsight, she had a better understanding why Trudy and Sex Piston doubted her staying power with Gavin.
She lovingly stroked down the side of his jaw just as she had the first day at the club. He’d been hurt and had struck out. That was what they had been trying to warn her about. They didn’t believe she was strong enough to deserve Gavin. She had to prove them wrong. Prove she was woman enough to deserve the gift of Gavin’s love.
“I’m okay. See? I’ve stopped crying.” She gently traced his bottom lip with her fingertip.
“It’s not fucking okay … I hurt you.”
“Gavin, being your soul mate doesn’t mean we’re only going to share in the joy. There’s pain too.”
Catching her hand, he held it still but didn’t move it away. “I’m so fucking sorry.”
“I’m the one who’s sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed you. I knew you were still upset. I should have put on some warmer clothes.”
“You don’t have anything to be sorry for. I was the one being an ass. Ginny, there are things I don’t want to talk about that happened to me, not to you or anyone.”
“I shouldn’t have pushed … I was just trying to find out if ….”
“Find out what?” he asked patiently, stroking her back.
“If you consider us a couple? Or sex buddies? Do you even like me as a friend? Couples snuggle; friends don’t. I was just trying to find out which we are. I should have waited until you weren’t so upset about what happened earlier.”
Gavin buried his face in her hair. “You’re so fucking naïve. You turn me inside out. I was the biggest dick in the world to you, and you still want to go on a fishing expedition?”
“Yes, please. A woman needs to know if she’s allowed to snuggle.” Flashing him a humorous smile, she tried to make light of her question while, inside, she was filled with dread, waiting for his answer.
“Woman, I married you. We’ve gone past the snuggling stage.”
“We’re no—”
Gavin kissed her, breaking off what she was about to say.
Playfully, Ginny slid her lips out from under his. “We may be legally married,” she said with a raised voice, showing Gavin she knew why he cut her off, “but we won’t truly be married in the eyes of my church until Pastor Dean gives his blessing. To do that, you have to ask Pastor Dean for permission.”
Gavin narrowed his eyes at her. “You’re kidding, right?”
“No, I’m serious. Razer and Shade both had to ask his permission.”
Gavin burst out into laughter. “Now I know you’re joking. Razer maybe—”
He wasn’t even giving her the benefit of
the doubt.
Despite his words, Ginny shook her head at his misapprehension, trying to wordlessly show him that she was serious.
“—but there is no way, and I mean no way, Shade asked for Lucky’s blessing and permission to marry Lily.”
“Lily told me herself.” Ginny playfully punched him on shoulder when Gavin burst into another round of laughter at his friend’s expense. “What’s so funny about Shade being romantic?”
“I wanted proof. I just didn’t expect Shade to be the one to give it to me.”
Ginny frowned at him at confusion. “What are you talking about?”
Gavin had to wipe a tear of laughter away. “There is a God.”
Chapter Sixteen
Ginny placed their lunch containers in the microwave before going to the patio door; she hesitated calling out to Gavin that it was ready. He was staring out at the ocean as if he were a million miles away.
Being alone with Gavin for the last eight days with no one else to keep them company had given her insights into the trauma he continued to suffer through on a daily basis. His air of isolation right now had her aching to go to him, yet she knew he needed this moment outside alone to reaffirm he wasn’t locked inside.
She despised herself for letting him come with her. The mental turmoil of being under someone’s else control, even though Allerton had yet to show himself, was taking a toll on Gavin. He was increasingly more silent and constantly pacing around the bungalow as if it were a jail cell.
While the lack of freedom was getting to Gavin, Ginny wasn’t above using the opportunity to better understand him and to grow closer to the solitary man. She wished she knew what he had been like before his kidnapping. Occasionally, he would make a joke like he had about Shade, and Ginny could see a glimmer of something, or someone, behind his eyes, begging to be let out.
Unable to bear watching him in his isolation any longer, she started forward, then halted at the sound of the phone ringing. It was only the second time it had rung since they arrived.