Viola stayed committed and supportive to June and me, always checking in to see how we were. Simply said, V was the most amazing woman to walk this earth.
Before classes began again, I got a pleasant call. “Yo, dumbass,” a voice called out over my receiver. It was Diesel. “Get your ass home and fix el shito or some shit like that. V says your sister needs you. Comprende-o?”
“You know you’re not Mexican, right? And sticking an O on the end of words will never make you one.”
His deep, smoker’s voice rumbled. “Do you know I pack’n el gun-o?”
I think that summed shit up. “Comprende.”
“Love when we can work shit out like this. You’re doin’ as you’re told, and I’m a happy bastard. See ya in the morning.”
I drove into town, and June begged for me to come straight to her. Pacing in her aunt’s bathroom, with my cell phone to my ear, I told Viola, “I can’t leave her, V.”
“Tucky Ducky, bring June with! It’s a card game, not a mosh pit with meth being passed around, for God’s sake. Besides, it may be good for the poor girl to be around peeps her own age. No one poking her for details about her horrendous past, for a change.”
Again, my V was right. June was ecstatic at Bryce’s house and proudly sat on my knee as though I were her personal throne. Me? I was crabby as hell. Viola was near Bryce, which pissed me off, and my sister was completely avoiding life. The only thing that was keeping me from exploding with silent rage was June needing me. I felt I had been put in charge of making her happy, and I had to continue to do so while I figured out a way to save my sister.
It had been five months since Kenny had passed, and my light, my Lilah, had faded into a darkness that was breaking my heart because I hadn’t been there for her. That had been a terrible mistake, one I would not repeat. Ever.
Fear struck me hard when I saw her reaction to a new kid; she didn’t give him a second glance. My sister went back to her book, the pastime V said Lilah had immersed herself in again. Meanwhile, other girls in the room were practically holding up judge tallies for the new guy. Ten! I give this contestant a ten! Not my V, though. She was already nicknaming old hazel eyes, calling him Goat-Boy or some shit like that. I happened to think brown eyes rocked, personally.
Maverick probably thought I hated Atlanta, not knowing of the court trial to come and the investigations into my girlfriend’s private life. It wasn’t Atlanta’s fault that the mention of the city left a sour taste in my mouth.
The new kid—I say kid, but in truth, Maverick had some impressive guns—was tenderly holding onto a tiny girl he obviously treasured. Hazel eyes too big for her pixie face inspected everyone as she held on to her big brother. Blond curls floated about—she was so incredibly adorable that I would’ve understood if Maverick never put her down again. Goat-Boy’s actions instantly reminded me of myself and how I felt about Lilah.
When Lilah showed interest in precious Bailey, Maverick showed interest in Lilah. For a second, I could have sworn I saw a glimpse of interest on Lilah’s end, but then my heart cracked as I saw pain cross her face. I witnessed Lilah shut down… again.
The refusing to fail my sister one more time had me removing June from my lap. I eyeballed V, asking her to watch over the girl. V immediately got up to stay by June. V’s badass side, mixed with her tender, loving side, was making her even more desirable to me.
When Lilah saw me coming, she turned away. “Tuck, I need space.”
I continued to cross Bryce’s front yard. “I don’t think so, baby.”
Lilah spun to me with anger. “How would you know?”
I deserved that. I deserved everything she had to throw at me, so I manned up and took every strike.
“I’m mad as hell,” she spewed. “Stay away from me.”
“I can’t do that.” I calmly put my hands behind my back, standing firm in the grass.
“Why not, Tuck? You already did. You should know the way.”
My mom’s promise… I broke that promise. My shoulders fell, heavy with guilt. “Lilah, I fucked up, girl, but I won’t again. Do your best to remember all I have done for you in the past. I got lost. Losing him… with such questionable circumstances… I got lost.”
Lilah turned away from me, tilted her sweet face to the dark sky, and began to moan—or possibly groan—in pain. Her hands were to her sides and fisted in blood-stopping balls, her whole body went rigid, and it looked as if she was trying not to physically explode. “It’s not your fault I’m mad at you.”
“It is. I should’ve stayed here for you. I ran like a pussy.”
Not moving, she growled, “It was him. He got to run first.”
Him. Her uncontained rage wasn’t directed at me on purpose. I slowly walked around Lilah, eyeing the damaged wreck Kenny had left behind. I could barely swallow as it became clear that someone needed to tell me what the fuck Kenny had done to my baby girl. “Lilah… you’re scaring the shit out of me.”
Her eyes opened. The once-perfect golden-brown eyes, now hollow, glared at me. “Welcome to my world.”
It was like being punched. The wind was knocked right out of me. I stood there, understanding my gentle sister had been robbed of something, and I wasn’t sure if I’d ever find it again. Kindly, I forced my arms around my sister. No matter what part of her had been lost, I needed her to know I loved her just the same, if not more.
I knew I made the right move when she molded to me… in tears. Sometimes, there are no words to fix a broken heart, so I said none. Through June, I had learned how complex a woman could truly be. I knew I couldn’t make Lilah open up to me and tell me what the fuck had gone down the night Kenny died. I sent a silent prayer as I held what I treasured most. Please, Lord, send Lilah what she needs.
Just then, Bryce’s front door opened, and the new guy, Maverick, walked out, holding on to his angel as I stood there, holding mine. Really, God? A kid from Atlanta?
But watching Maverick was like looking in a mirror. Because of my size—and not-always-pleasant attitude—people thought I was a hard-ass. This cornbread-fed kid was my size and probably up against the same judgment, yet he was tenderly buckling his tiny sister into her car seat as if she were so delicate she would break if he weren’t careful enough. He clearly had his priorities straight, putting his family first.
When he turned and saw me staring, I was presently bitching to God. This is crazy, but, okay, I hear ya, and I will do my best to guide this soul I cradle tonight to the new kid.
After collecting June and returning her safely to her aunt’s house, I turned my focus back to my sister. Lilah had already moved to the front seat of my car when I got behind the steering wheel again. She looked out the passenger window. “I missed you.”
I grabbed her hand. “Can you ever forgive me?”
Her other palm joined our united hands. “Running from immeasurable pain is forgivable.”
“Even when you didn’t have the same option?”
She placed my palm to her cheek, closing her eyes. “Some things are inescapable.”
After a moment of silence, I asked, “Someday, Lilah… someday, will you talk to me?”
My sister looked at me and nodded. I inhaled deeply. That had been the farthest I had gotten with her and that secret of hers. I chose not to push the subject, wanting to discuss something else instead. Hearing Maverick in my head, I figured God knew best.
“That new kid seemed good with his little sister.”
Lilah looked deep in thought. “Yeah, she’s adorable.”
“Shows good character, huh? Maverick might end up being a good friend.”
Delilah nodded as if convincing herself of something. “Yeah. A good friend. Friends are good.”
A seed had been planted…
Don’t fuck it up, Maverick.
The next day at the lake, Maverick fucked it up. Really, God? My work was cut out for me with that dumbass.
Watching Delilah sit and talk with Maverick on the lakesho
re, hope had entered my heart that she might let him in. That was until her posture changed dramatically. Lilah stood up, looking pissed! When she stormed off, I stormed in. I was going to kill the fucker, and I didn’t even know what he’d just done. I wasn’t looking forward to the return punch I knew the kid had in him, but I was too angry to care enough to stop.
Luckily for us both, Cole stopped me and explained the idiocy Maverick was proving to have by thinking I was Delilah’s ex-boyfriend. After a long talk with Maverick, I realized the kid was solid. Sound. He was also hurting, but he’d definitely be good for my Lilah. I was on board with God’s plan, willing to meddle for my sister’s sake.
On the way home from the lake, Delilah was still seething. “Just drop it, Tuck.”
I pulled up to a red light. “Can I just say one more thing?”
“That Maverick is an insensitive prick?”
The light went green. “Uh, no, actually, I was gonna say he truly thought you and I were an item.”
“And he’s stupid? Note taken. Thank you.”
“Lilah—”
“No. You already got to say your one more thing.”
I shut up but smiled. She likes him.
That night, I called my human asshole radar.
“Tucky Ducky. Why am I not surprised to see your number on my cell?”
“Because you have the insight of an oracle?” I smirked at V’s sarcasm. “You seem to be in an exceptional mood.”
“Yes, this is true. Knowing you’re with someone tends to eat at me more than I like to admit.” I was picturing her lifting her chin defiantly. “But when I saw how you are with June… I knew.”
“You knew what?”
“That I won’t lose you to her. You care for her in a very different way. Someday, Tucker Ward, someday.”
“Such a tease. Such a damn tease.”
“Isn’t that part of what makes me interesting?” Her words dripped with sex appeal.
“Done stirring me up?”
“For now,” she purred. “Back to business. The answer you called for is yes.”
“And what would my question be?”
“If I like Maverick.”
“I thought you liked me.”
Her laugh—along with her sultry voice—called to me. “Tucker, you are far from slow, which happens to be a quality I find very attractive. We both know how I feel about you—and always have, for that matter.”
You can’t help whom you’re attracted to, but you can help what you do about it. “I know. Bryce loves you, blah, blah, blah.”
“As does June with you, and I know you wouldn’t hurt her for anything but your sister’s life. Bryce only loves me because of what I have done for him, showing him he’s worthy. It’s not the kind of love you marry for. He thinks he needs me; therefore, I will never cheat on him or leave him until he is ready to be set free. This is also something you know well, which allows us to flirt unmercifully until our time comes.”
“Viola, you’re the only one who can read me like a book.”
“You find it hot, don’t you?”
I growled into the receiver. “So fucking hot.”
That got her to laugh out loud even more. “Maverick is great for your sister. So, I take it we’re going undercover to make these two see it our way?”
“Exactly.”
My next call went like this: “Jazy’bell.”
“Ward Junior, what up?” she happily sang out.
“I’m in need of your assistance.”
“Of course. I’m at your service.” Then she grumbled off the phone, “Stop it.”
Fucking twins. “Not alone?”
“Umm, yes, just my cat.”
“You don’t have cats. Only poor excuses for dogs.”
“I meant dogs.”
The plural status did not go unnoticed by me. “I’m liking on the new kid, but lil’ sis is not. Talk with her. K? It’s what I’m doing on this end.”
“Don’t you think it is exciting he looks just like her dream guy?”
I faked being girly. “So spectacular! Jaz, focus.”
“I’m on it, Tuck sir. I will begin first thing in the morn’ when I pick her up.”
“Good girl. Tell Nash and Nelson I said hey.”
“What—”
I hung up.
The next day, I was getting ready to head back to Atlanta and start school when Jaz dropped Lilah off after the first day of their senior year. Delilah was beaming while walking toward our house. I stood in our driveway against my loaded trunk, thrilled with the view. Delilah’s head was shyly hanging, and she had a bea-u-ti-ful, shameless smile. God is good. “Well? First day of school went…?”
“Okaaaayyy, maybe you were right, and maybe Maverick is not that bad.”
“Thank you for giving him a chance.”
Lilah looked down, again, still smiling. “Didn’t really have a choice. He was kinda… funny.”
Ah, to breathe deep again. Thank you, new guy.
I didn’t want Lilah to hide old feelings in a new relationship, avoiding what needed to be dealt with, but when the man upstairs said It shall be, I had to let go of any other plan.
“Funny is good,” I said. “I’m headed out to be a college boy. Do I look smarter yet?”
She suddenly hugged me. “I love you.”
“I love you, too, my light.”
Chapter Twenty-Four
Weeks flew by, and all was going well for Lilah. Maverick was getting caught up in my sister’s magical wind but, according to V, was strong enough to withstand her storm. Viola kept me in the loop when I wasn’t able to make it home to see my sister because June had a preliminary hearing or appointments with her appointed attorney. When in Atlanta, June liked staying with me in my apartment. June also felt she was ready for another step: she wanted me to make love to her.
June said she wanted to know what it felt like to not be forced or tricked. I couldn’t help but take a long look in the mirror and wonder how many girls I had tricked into having sex with me. I knew it wasn’t the same, but looking into June’s eyes made me learn to respect all women. You never knew what lay in the wake of a woman’s haunted road. One-night stands would never be the same for me. I would never lead a female to believe that there would be more or that there would be a phone call I never intended to make.
Then I had another thought. Viola. I hadn’t been with anyone since Viola had found me in my apartment and pulled me back together. I shook my head to clear it when I thought of her lying with Bryce. V and I weren’t a couple. I was June’s boyfriend, and I needed to be a good one.
Our first attempt at sex was tough. Every bit of June’s confusion on what should be done next had me thinking of what that asshole had done to her. That god-awful thought had my erection faltering, frequently. It was very challenging to stay excited while my mind kept trying to take me to her dark places. When I thought of June actually living and surviving that dark place, I pulled my shit together and insisted on giving her a better place to refer to.
June and I did eventually make love. It was slow. It was cautious for both of us. Old memories disappeared as new ones were made. Soon, June and I found our way and began to have a very healthy sex life. June had many misconceptions about what was dirty and what was pleasurable. She was very misguided on my needs and hers. In the dark, I would tell her with kindness, “No, baby, I won’t bite you there like that, but I will kiss you there like this.”
Her eyes would close as I kissed her breast. “That—that’s so much better.” June would sigh as her body relaxed, realizing I would not bring her pain, only elation.
Lying with June and being patient with her every discovery, I learned about what a selfish lover I had been in the past. Not even sure how I had earned hang-alongs, I realized most guys must suck in bed, and therefore, girls don’t know any better. Literally.
Letting June lead so she felt in control over her body, I made discoveries of my own: women’s bodies reacted d
ifferently than men’s. Men were just so in and out. We had a “Get ’er done” mentality that had made me miss out on some of the longest orgasms I’d never experienced, until June.
Taking my time, stopping and making sure that June’s body was just as excited as mine, led to over-the-top sexual experiences for both of us. I wished someone had told me how much sexual activities were connected to a woman’s heart. Pushing a woman for sex when she wasn’t ready was violating her inner self. As my body joined with a woman’s, I was going deep into her in more ways than just the physical one. When I took my time to witness it, I was able to see one of God’s most beautiful creations: women.
I was somewhat surprised when V sent me a text: Mission Maverick is moving slow. Needs a push.
I replied: What’s the plan?
I hear you’re coming home for a tat?
What happened to client privacy?
Shut the fuck up. Pizza Parlor Friday night. Get pushing.
When done on the phone, a brilliant idea popped in my head. I bet that son of a bitch will tattoo his sister’s name, like I’m gonna. Maverick needed ink.
Telling June about my tattoo didn’t go as planned, at all. We were doing so well together, but there were certain things that couldn’t be overlooked or forgiven. I was at my dad’s home for the “push” weekend, as V put it. June came over. Of course, in my old bedroom, one thing led to another, and June and I found our way to my bed. “Why Delilah’s name?” June asked with disdain.
Putting my shirt back on, I half smirked because I was in disbelief. “You’re kidding, right?”
Sitting in my bed, she held my sheet to her chest. “Well, do you want to get my name, too?”
After just having sex with the poor girl, I felt bad saying, “I’m sorry, June, but no. She’s my sister. Please, tell me you understand that.”
June was out of bed in a flash and getting dressed. “What I understand is that’s—that’s—wrong!”
Suspecting what she was implying, I asked, “What did you just say to me?”
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