by FJ Campbell
‘Just on the beach, there was a party. Where’re Livs and Mel?’
‘Asleep. They let us in earlier; they had no idea where you were. Who have you been with?’
‘Nobody, just some friends I met today.’
‘Then whose is that?’
Beth looked down at Joel’s sweatshirt and was glad her sunburn hid her blush. ‘Someone gave it to me because I was cold.’ She was tired and not as glad to see Zack as she’d thought she would be. All her mellow happiness from the day and evening on the beach was melting away. She wanted to crawl into her bed alone and drift off to sleep. ‘Look, I’m beat. I’m going to bed. See you in the morning, OK?’
She caught a look that Zack and Justin exchanged as she passed the sofa on her way towards the bedroom. When Zack came in later she didn’t even hear him; she was fast asleep.
*
The following morning, she woke early and made everyone breakfast: coffee, orange juice, bacon and fried egg sandwiches, whistling along to a tune on the radio. They sat around, Melanie and Livvy raving about the windsurfing, saying they had to go back and do it another day next week.
‘How was rugby camp, Justin?’
‘Shite. I spent the whole week dodging out of the way of a load of hairy ogres. Talk about the Missing Link. These guys are freakishly huge. Farmer West did well though, he’s made it into the squad for the South of England. Except for yesterday, he got knocked out cold.’
‘What?’ yelled Beth. ‘What happened?’
Justin glanced at Zack and shrugged. ‘He got kicked in the head by a chap about twice the size of him. He was out for about ten seconds and needed a few stitches. No big deal.’
‘Jesus, why didn’t you fucking tell me last night?’ She was frantic; Milo had already had concussion last year from falling off the ladder. What if this was more serious? She stood up from the table, looking for her keys. ‘I have to go and see him. Where is he?’
‘Truro hospital. Why bother? He’ll be on his way home by now.’
‘Beth, don’t be such an idiot,’ chipped in Zack. ‘I’ve just arrived, you can’t leave now.’
‘Wanna bet?’
*
She drove as fast as she could to Truro and followed the signs to the hospital. Furious and upset, she parked her car haphazardly and sprinted towards the revolving doors of the casualty entrance. As she did so, Milo stepped out into the sunshine. He was wearing a blood-spattered T-shirt and faded blue rugby shorts; had a black eye from earlier in the week, which was various shades of purple and yellow; was looking pale; and his whole head had been shaved. She ran up to him and put her arms around him. He gave her a bear hug and a puzzled smile.
‘You gave me such a shock. I would have come earlier. Are you OK? You look like a sheared sheep.’ She walked around him and saw a red, raw stitched-up scar about five centimetres long at the back of his head. His scalp was pale and he had a tan line where his hair used to be.
‘You should see the other guy. What are you doing here? How did you know?’
‘Justin told me. He and Zack arrived last night at St Emit. Can’t you stay out of trouble?’
‘I’ll try my best, Mum.’
Beth elbowed him in the ribs and he blanched.
They decided to get a cup of tea, after which Beth would take Milo to the station for his train home. As they turned to leave, they saw Edward Markham emerging from the hospital. He had a few bunches of flowers in his arms and a small suitcase. He looked bewildered to see them there.
‘Edward? Is everyone OK? Is Bonnie OK?’ asked Beth.
Edward had tears running down his face. ‘No, she’s not,’ he whispered. ‘She tried to k… k… kill herself.’
‘Oh my God. Why?’
Edward gazed at Beth as if he was trying to work out who she was. He turned to Milo, who was looking shocked. ‘She got a visit at home yesterday. From… from… Zack.’
‘Zack? Why?’ What was Edward going on about? Beth looked at Milo, who had a strange, sad expression on his face. ‘What’s this got to do with Zack?’ Her heart was thumping in her chest and there was silence. The truth dawned on her. ‘Do you mean to say that Zack… and Bonnie…?’
Edward nodded. He looked down at the ground but caught sight of Beth’s watch and grabbed her wrist. ‘He gave you this? You walk in beauty? Is that the inscription? Typical of Zack to misquote Byron. I told you, he’s bad news. He fucked my sister’ – Milo and Beth winced; they had never heard Edward swear before – ‘and now he’s fucking you. He’s made her ill, she’s anorexic and yesterday he secretly arranged to visit her, and when we found them together, my father chucked him out and called the police. Bonnie took some pills. She’s had her stomach pumped. He’s evil. I told you this already. You didn’t listen to me. It’s too late.’
‘I… I’m… there must be some mistake. Zack?’ Beth couldn’t think clearly. ‘How did you know the inscription on the watch?’ But before he replied, she already knew what he was going to say. Her heart froze.
‘He gave it to her last year. I found it and gave it back to him, in January. He passed it on to you. You fell for that one, didn’t you?’ Edward’s voice was harsh and cruel, and Beth felt like he’d taken her legs away from under her. ‘I hope you’ve been using protection. Unlike Bonnie.’
‘OK, that’ll do for now, thanks, Edward,’ Milo said quickly, taking Edward’s arm and leading him away to his car. Milo helped him put the flowers and the case in the boot, spoke to him through the window and watched him drive away. He came back to Beth and put his arm around her shoulders.
‘You knew?’
Milo nodded.
‘Why didn’t you tell me?’
‘I couldn’t tell you about Bonnie; she loved him and wanted us to protect him. We promised her.’
Milo pointed to a patch of grass and they walked over and sat down opposite each other. Beth leant her head forwards onto his shoulder and cried as he tried to soothe her, rubbing her back and stroking her hair. She looked up at him, her eyes stinging and snot running from her nose. She wiped it off with the back of her hand and rubbed her hand on the grass.
‘I’m sorry, Beth.’
‘Don’t be. I’m the idiot who doesn’t listen to anyone. I thought I could handle him. I thought I was going to be the one, you know, the one to calm him down. All along it was Bonnie.’
Milo was tearing out clumps of the grass beside him. ‘I’m not sure that’s true. I don’t think anyone will ever calm him down. He only wants what he can’t get. He can have you,’ Milo looked away from her, embarrassed, ‘but he can’t have Bonnie. So he wants her. It’s that simple with him. He’s a bastard. I hate his fucking guts.’
Beth looked up, alarmed at his bleak voice. ‘Because of me?’
‘Because of you and Bonnie and all the other ones.’ He paused and looked at her. ‘What are you going to do now?’
‘I don’t know. I feel so stupid.’
‘Listen,’ sighed Milo, ‘I’m going to give you a pep talk now.’
‘A pep talk?’
‘Yep. Ready? You are the bravest, most adventurous person I know. The way you live your life, it’s amazing. Don’t let this stuff with Zack change that. It’s a setback. He’s not worth it.’ He raised her chin with his hand and she could see in his eyes that he was strong and that he believed in her.
She gulped and wiped her face again, smiling a wobbly smile. ‘Yeah, you’re right, Milo. Fuck him.’
‘Fuck him,’ he shouted.
‘I did!’ she shouted back, and there was a moment’s silence before both of them roared with laughter.
‘So, tell me, what are you going to do now?’
‘Back to the beach, dump Zack, have a lovely holiday with my friends, go back to school, ignore him and get on with my life.’
‘Good girl. Do you want me to come with you?’
‘No.’ She put her sunglasses on, lit a cigarette and stood up. She brushed herself off and took a deep drag and exhaled. �
��Come on, or you’ll miss your train. I’m going to need to buy a new watch, too.’ She held out her hand to him to help him up, and looked at him, smelly, crumpled, tired, beat up and bald. ‘Thanks, Milo.’
‘No problem. I’m not just a pretty face, you know.’
When she’d dropped him off at the station, promising to call him later, she felt less brave than she’d made out. While she drove, she thought about Zack. She’d been so crazy about him, but why? He was seriously attractive and the way he made her feel when he was with her was unlike anything else. She recalled her conversation with Joel and couldn’t really find anything else about Zack that she liked. He wasn’t easy to talk to, was always sarcastic and dismissive. He couldn’t hack it when she tried to speak about books; just said it bored him. One of his favourite sayings was Ignorance is bliss. Some of his opinions on school, parents and life in general, which she’d found so amusing at first, were starting to grate – he was one of those people who didn’t have much to say, just kept repeating the same things over and over. She got the feeling he was always trying out for some part with her, like he had to prove how good an actor he was. Close-ups, raised eyebrows, penetrating looks – it was like he was in a soap opera, and not a very good one. Also, he had a very loose relationship with personal hygiene.
*
By the time she reached the coast, the low sunshine was shimmering on the sea, blindingly bright. She checked the flat first, but it was empty. Maybe she should walk down to her beach from yesterday; see if Joel and the others were there before she had what was going to be a very unpleasant encounter with Zack. But in the garden at the front of the first pub she passed, she saw Livvy waving at her, sitting at a table with Melanie, Justin and Zack.
‘Milo OK?’
‘Yep, fine, I dropped him off for the train home.’ Beth made a grim face at Livvy and startled her. ‘Zack, I need a word.’
‘Sounds serious.’ He took a long drag on his cigarette, blew a smoke ring into the air and waited. ‘Well, what is it then? What’s the story?’
‘Alone.’
He made a bored face, took a sip of his drink and pushed himself up from the table. He picked up his packet of cigarettes and looked at her. Eyebrows raised. ‘I’m all yours, babe.’
Beth turned away from him and walked towards the sea, sitting on the beach wall about fifty metres from the pub and staring in front of her, trying to stop her hands from shaking, until he sat down beside her.
‘We’re finished. You need to leave the flat tonight, go back to London.’
‘You’re not making much sense. Why exactly are we finished?’ He drank from his bottle again.
‘At the hospital, Milo and I bumped into none other than Edward Markham. He was visiting his sister.’ She let this sink in. ‘Edward had some interesting things to tell me about you and Bonnie. He also told me that this,’ she took off her watch and dropped it in his lap, ‘was originally a present from you to her. So basically, you can fuck off if you think I’m going out with you, since you’ve lied to me from the moment you met me.’ She swung her legs around and jumped down from the wall onto the road.
He turned to face her and said in a strangled voice, ‘Beth…’
Be strong, she thought to herself, but when she turned around, there was such an anguished look on his face, her heart melted.
She took a step back to him and he said, ‘What’s… wrong… with Bonnie?’
Beth totally lost it. She screamed at him, anything she could think of, about how he was a miserable, lying fuckwit with no brain and a tiny dick and smelly feet, and a philistine and a Neanderthal, and how she hated him and never wanted to see him ever again and hoped he’d die.
In the pub garden, everyone had stopped talking to listen to the ranting girl. When Zack, shoulders hunched, finally got up and walked away from her, Justin turned to the group on the table next to theirs and said, ‘She’s such a sweet, quiet girl, don’t you think?’
*
Beth sat alone on the beach wall until she couldn’t see Zack any longer. She was still shaking and felt like crying. But she fought it back and walked over to the table. There was silence as Livvy, Justin and Melanie stared at her.
‘Right, so who wants a drink? My round.’
‘I’ll help you.’ Livvy stood up and they went into the pub. Beth ordered four beers and five tequilas, slamming one and leaving the empty glass on the bar before she carried the tray back outside. Their table was empty. Melanie and Justin had legged it.
‘Oh well, all the more for us, then,’ said Beth, and she and Livvy sat down, with the feeling that most of the other people sat at the tables were looking at them, and started drinking everything as quickly as they could. While they drank, Beth filled Livvy in about what had happened with Milo and Edward at the hospital and what had made her fly off the handle at Zack.
‘So it’s over?’
‘Of course it is. It was all bullshit anyway. Everyone – including you – warned me what a cocksucker he is.’ She blinked back the tears. ‘Let’s not talk about him; let’s get smashed and go down to the beach, see if Joel and everyone are there.’
‘Who’s Joel?’
‘Oh, you’re going to love him. So cute. Really gorgeous surfer dude.’
They bought some cans and another bottle of tequila from the supermarket, and staggered down the deserted path to the beach. They could already hear the music and smell the smoke from the fire. Everyone welcomed them, and Beth sat on a log over the other side of the fire from Joel, next to whom she had positioned Livvy. But only half an hour later, Joel crouched down behind Beth, put his hand on her shoulder and asked her if she was OK.
‘Never better.’
‘Livvy told me about your man. Sorry.’
‘Ah, him. Don’t be sorry, he was a fuckingloser.’
‘But good in bed?’
‘Yeh. Plenty more fiss in the shea, though. Fiss in the shea? S… oops, I may be a bit hammered.’
Joel sat down beside her.
‘Nonono, you should stay with Livvy, she likesh you.’
Joel grinned and pointed towards Livvy. ‘She’s got a funny way of showing it.’
She was getting off with another boy. They giggled.
‘She told me that you think I’m cute.’ Joel looked into Beth’s eyes.
She looked back, tempted for a moment, but looked away. ‘I do. But… I don’t know. You remind me of someone else. Someone… a friend. I think it would be weird. I wouldn’t want to mess that up. I know I’m notmaking mushsense.’
‘No big deal.’
He was still cheerful and sweet. Beth was so relieved she hadn’t hurt his feelings that she smiled and tried to put her arm around him, but ended up falling backwards off the log. She and Joel collapsed into giggles and he lay back on the sand with her, looking up at the stars.
The rest of the evening passed in a blur. There may have been some skinny-dipping, and she and Livvy eventually made their way up the road to the flat. It was empty and dark, and they collapsed into bed.
They slept through until midday the next day, and when both had swallowed many Alka-Seltzers and drunk some strong black coffee, they ventured out towards the village to buy Cokes and chocolate. Beth felt tired and sick but knew that she had done the right thing, chucking Zack. They had another day at the beach, hired some boards and wetsuits from Jimmy, and Beth tried to teach Livvy how to surf. They ate fish and chips for dinner and met the group from the beach at the pub.
From then on, they had a fantastic holiday. The sun shone and they surfed every day, finishing in the evening with beers and barbecues, their skin glowing from the sun and the salt. Livvy was a great hit with the locals, but Beth held back, relieved to be Livvy’s sidekick for once, and nobody made a move on her. It was clear that Joel was crazy about her, but he took her lack of interest in good grace, and all the other boys kept their distance out of a sense of friendship to him.
On Thursday morning, Livvy and Beth, relaxed an
d freckled, wandered down to the village shop for their morning sugar fix, picking flowers from the hedges on the way and putting them in each other’s hair. They saw some friends clustered around the shop door, holding and reading a newspaper. Livvy went inside while Beth tapped someone on the shoulder to see what the big story was. Many pairs of eyes stared at her as one of them turned The Sun towards her and she found herself staring at her own photo with a screaming headline: Tragic ’70s Car-Crash Supermodel Daughter ALIVE!
Beth felt sick. She grabbed the paper and, ignoring the shouted questions, ran back to the flat and slammed the door behind her. The phone was ringing. She ignored it. She skimmed the story but she knew what it would say anyway – and as she read it a second time, she knew with absolute certainty that this story had come from Zack. The photo on the front page was the one she had given him in the winter and there were quotes from close friends or school friends that could only have come from him. James’ book, Ten Lives, was quoted, and they had found other photos of Beth’s mum. Everything was laid out there on the pages, her whole life: Anne and James, Melchester, Weatherbury Hall. This was the day she had been dreading for so long. It was happening.
Livvy came rushing in and found Beth staring straight ahead, tears coursing down her cheeks. Livvy was so confused and concerned about her that Beth felt it was only fair to explain the whole story and why she’d hidden it from her best friend. The phone kept ringing and Beth told Livvy to ignore it.
‘But it could be Anne, or James.’
Beth knew that Anne was in Sydney at a friend’s wedding – she wouldn’t have seen the story yet. James didn’t have the number here and in LA it was the middle of the night. Nobody had the number except…
‘Milo,’ she whispered.
She grabbed the phone and heard his voice. Thank God. He offered to get the train or hitch-hike down, but she knew how much he needed to work and told him that Livvy was there with her. He told her it would be OK, but to stay where she was and not go back to Melchester; they would work out where she lived, and there had already been an interview on the local news with some bloke called Steven Dean or Dean Stevens from her old school. She was best off staying in Cornwall where nobody could find her for now.