"I threw them to the bottom of the Tiber River." I scowled. "Why don't you go dive for them? Don't come up for air until you've found them."
With that, Brutus's whip hit, cutting like a blade into my back. I cried out and my legs crumpled, but the Praetors holding my arms on the other side of the tree refused to let me fall.
With the second lashing, I collapsed against the tree. My face scraped against the bark, though that was nothing compared to the sting on my back.
The next lash struck behind my knees, which hurt far worse, and forced a cry of pain from me that surely even the gods could hear. Why would they leave me to this fate? Was I not protecting their amulets from Brutus, from a goddess who had declared war against them? Were my crimes awful enough to deserve their abandonment?
Or had I been abandoned since the moment I escaped the mines? Maybe the gods had not forgiven me for taking the bulla, regardless of what I had tried to do for Rome since then.
"Where are the amulets?" Brutus said, accompanying his question with another strike to my back. It was a reminder that this was only about getting the amulets. The greater punishment for my crimes was still to come and would no doubt be worse, if that was possible.
"He won't tell you anything!" Crispus yelled. "Don't you see this is useless? He'll never tell."
No, I wouldn't. I couldn't tell, no matter what they did. Nor did I intend to die this way, with Brutus taking my life one lash at a time. But it was becoming easier to believe that no matter what I intended, this whipping would continue until he had succeeded.
Brutus struck again, cutting deeper into the wound already behind my knees. This time, I collapsed with so much force that the Praetors could not keep me up. For the briefest of moments, they let go of me, and the magic in my shoulder attempted to give me a spark. I felt it, and then Praetors had my hands once more. The spark disappeared, leaving me more hopeless than ever.
"Tell me where the amulets are, and this will end," Brutus said. "Tell me what I want to know, and it will go better for you at trial tomorrow. You might even hope to earn a little mercy."
"I won't beg mercy from you!" My teeth were clenched so tightly together that he might not have heard me.
The snap of his whip said otherwise. "You were too weak to kill me when you had the chance, but I am not so weak in dealing with you. Tell me where those amulets are, or I will end your life."
"Do it!" I shouted. "The amulets will disappear forever, as will the only person who can make them work. I dare you to do it!"
And a growing part of me wished he would. Without magic to sustain me and heal me, I would not last much longer anyway.
I clenched my fists as the whip snapped again.
This time, the whip didn't touch me, but I felt Brutus's anger just as if it had. He knew I was right in the threat I had made. Without me, even if he found the amulets, they would be useless.
"Fire!" someone yelled. "On Aventine Hill!"
I leaned sideways just enough to see smoke rising over the temples and basilicas.
Crispus ran up the rostra steps, where he could have a better look. He called back to the crowd, "The fire is near Laverna's gate." Then he faced the emperor directly. "Laverna, goddess of thieves. This is a sign, no doubt. She demands that Nicolas be allowed a fair trial before anything else is done to him."
Brutus didn't strike me again, so maybe the emperor had gestured for him to stop while he considered Crispus's warning. All I could do was remain on my knees, clinging to the familiarity of Crispus's voice and reminding myself to keep breathing.
Since he already had the rostra from which to speak, Crispus continued, still addressing the emperor. "Caesar must know that to offend even a minor god like Laverna can have serious consequences for Rome. I propose we use the rest of the evening to give proper worship to the gods, then conduct Nicolas's trial tomorrow morning."
"If you let me continue, I will get the boy to talk," Brutus said. "Perhaps Nicolas cannot be persuaded when it's his own pain. But if Caesar will allow me to put the senator's son beside him, Nicolas will tell us what we want to know."
I looked over at Crispus with panic in my eyes. Surely they wouldn't do that. His eyes had widened too, and I could almost see his heart beating from here. He had just witnessed my lashing, so it must be far worse for him, wondering if he would be next and if he could endure it. Which forced me to ask myself how long I could let it happen before telling them about the amulets.
I couldn't tell, not even for Crispus. I hoped he would understand that and forgive me.
However, Probus said, "Crispus is a respected citizen of Rome, accused of nothing more than being a loyal friend." His tone became angry. "How dare you suggest such a thing, Brutus? This is finished. You have disappointed me with your failure and your cruelty. Crispus is right. Tonight we shall pay proper respect to the gods in their temples, and tomorrow the boy will receive a fair trial. And someone put out the fire on that hill! I will not sit by as Nero did and allow this empire to burn! Everyone go back to your homes, now!"
The crowd that had surrounded me immediately began to disperse, and Probus disappeared with his soldiers too. But Brutus walked forward and crouched beside me. I suspected he would have liked to touch my shoulder and inflict whatever last bit of pain he could, but with the blood on my back, he only stared at me, red-faced and sputtering with anger.
"How did you start the fire on that hill, so close to Laverna's gate?" he asked. "You should not have any magic."
"I didn't start it," I mumbled. Nor did I know how the fire had started, whether it was a warning from the gods or merely a natural coincidence that benefited me.
He continued staring until he decided either I was telling the truth or that he'd get no confession. Then he motioned toward someone on the other side of the tree, who began replacing the ropes that had bound me with chains. When that was finished, the Praetor pulled at my right arm. Whatever he was doing, I didn't resist. I couldn't, but I did wonder what was happening.
Brutus answered my unspoken question. "It's the same armband all Praetors wear, though there's a lock on yours to keep it from coming apart. With that on your arm, it'll be no different than our touch. You won't feel any magic."
That didn't matter. The only thing I felt was the pain on my back and behind my knees. I doubted there was room within me to feel anything else.
Now Brutus leaned forward and said, "You may feel proud for refusing to answer me today, but this only puts you in a worse situation for the trial. If you had cooperated and told me where the amulets are, I could've saved your life. But when the emperor finds you guilty, your execution will follow. You will have fought for nothing, protected nothing, and given your family nothing but memories of your failure. The pain you're in is nothing compared to your fate tomorrow. I am offering you one last chance. If you give me the amulets and promise to help me use them, you will not die tomorrow. That is your only chance."
"I have no intention of dying tomorrow," I mumbled. "Nor of giving you those amulets."
"You think this stubbornness is a strength, but it is a weakness that will destroy you in the end." Brutus frowned. "Think on my words tonight. You may feel differently when the sun rises again."
Then he patted my head until I pulled it away. He stood and gave me a light kick before leaving. As soon as he was gone, Crispus rushed forward. He braced me with his arm and said, "I'll call for someone to tend to those wounds."
"For what purpose?" I asked. "We both know how my trial will end. Let them be."
"You shouldn't be here right now. Back in the amphitheater, they gave me a bow and ordered me to shoot Radulf. I know you came to the arena to protect him, but I never would've done it."
"Then they'd have killed you too. Your mother ..." I had to swallow before I could finish. "I promised her ..."
"If you kept the amulets, you could've gotten all of us out alive."
"Until they come again." A brush of cool air flowed over my back, and I c
lenched my teeth until it passed. "Fighting always makes things worse, with more people paying for my crimes. The war has to end, with either my defeat or theirs." This time I paused to consider my own words. "I think it'll end with mine."
"If I could break the lock on your armband --"
"Someone would see what you're doing and report you, and you'd end up here in chains beside me." I barely had the strength to shake my head, so maybe it didn't move at all. "Besides, the Divine Star isn't strong enough to heal me now. I'd need the bulla."
"It's worth trying. If you saw your back, if you knew how bad it looks --"
"I can feel it; I have some idea." I forced out something close to a smile. "I'd rather you just ... stay with me. Please just stay here."
He nodded and sat against the tree trunk near me. I remained on my knees, which were beginning to ache, but the idea of moving to a new position seemed worse, so I stayed as I was. Everywhere the whip had touched stung like lines of fire burned there, but at least the worst was over.
Or maybe it wasn't. Brutus wanted those amulets. He would do whatever it took to force me to use them. I didn't want to think about what was coming for me tomorrow.
So rather than keep my thoughts there, I said to Crispus, "Aurelia wants me to ask about your ... feelings."
He looked up. "My what?"
"Feelings. I don't understand the point of it either, but she thought it was important."
"My feelings about what?"
I would've shrugged, except that simple act would've left me gasping in pain, so instead I sighed and said, "About Aurelia, I suppose. Do you love her? Do you still want to marry her?"
"I never wanted to marry her." He quickly followed that up with "At first I offered because my father suggested I should. Then I offered because someone had to protect her inheritance. Then I offered because it was the only way to protect her from the Mistress." He was silent for a few beats. "I never offered because I loved her."
"Your father is gone," I said. "And so is Aurelia's inheritance. And the Mistress is trapped far beneath Lake Nemi. Will you still marry her?"
"I'm an honorable person. So I will keep my promise, for as long as she asks it, but I will not ask that she keeps her promise." Crispus looked sideways at me. "Not if she wishes to promise herself to someone else." He paused, as if waiting for me to say something, and when I didn't, he added, "Nic, why haven't you told her how you feel?"
I snorted. "Looking at my situation now, is that really such a hard thing to understand?"
"No." Something tugged at the corner of his mouth. In any other situation, it would've been a smile. "I've always understood your reluctance to offer marriage. But I wish you would. Because although I'm not in love with Aurelia, there is a girl I want to talk to you about."
A glimmer sparked in his eyes, one I should've noticed before whenever he was with me and Livia.
Livia.
I thought back to shortly after his father's death. While I had stared dumbly at him, completely unsure of what to do next, Livia had embraced him, attempting to share his pain and, in that way, ease it a bit. She was beautiful and kind and more of the proper sort of girl who would be a fine match for him. She had seemed genuinely interested in hearing more about what he hoped to do with his life, and believed those dreams were possible.
Of course he loved her.
And though in my opinion she was still too young for marriage, there were others who had married at her age. It wasn't impossible to consider giving her permission to do the same.
"Does my sister know how you feel?" I asked.
He shrugged. "I've said nothing to her, and I won't say anything, ever, if necessary. But I must confess that when I offered to take your family to our home in Britannia, I did have a dream of settling there with Livia eventually becoming my wife, and seeing you and Aurelia together as well."
I chuckled lightly. "It's a good dream, Crispus. I wish I'd be alive to see it happen."
"So the question is, how long you will remain alive." He drew in a deep breath. "When I was in the imperial box, Brutus kept arguing for your arrest. Probus didn't see the point of it. He's afraid of your powers and wants you killed as soon as possible."
"Thanks, Crispus." I cocked my head. "That's really good to hear."
"I'm not saying anything you don't already know," he said. "But you do need to know how serious things are."
"That's been made perfectly clear." Tired of this conversation, I said, "Perhaps you can find me some water?"
He got to his feet. "Will you be here when I get back?"
My answer came with a jangle of my chains, gaining a sheepish nod from him. Once he had left, I leaned forward, resting my head against the fig tree.
If Crispus did remove the armband, how long would it take to gather enough magic to heal my wounds? Hours, probably. After that, with only the Divine Star, it would take all night before I was strong enough to defend myself. Radulf had earned much of his magic by taking it from others. I'd never done that, and thus, my Divine Star was weaker. Still, it was a mistake not to have practiced with what I did have.
One of many mistakes. It was a miracle that I had lasted this long. At least Livia would not have to see me now, or Aurelia.
I didn't want Aurelia to see me this way, that was definite. But I did want her to see me, especially now that I had spoken to Crispus and understood his feelings. I wished I had spoken to him sooner. I wished I had let her know my feelings, even if my situation had not changed.
I wished she were here.
I must have fallen asleep at some point or passed out. It was impossible to be sure. Either way, I awoke with a start when a woman said, "This might be your last chance to save me."
It wasn't just any woman's voice. Atroxia was inside my head again. Her crying had ended, but her voice was more desperate than before. She knew time was running out for me and, thus, for her.
"I owe you nothing," I mumbled. There was a bitter edge to my voice. "Go beg help from Diana and leave me alone!"
"Diana serves only her own interests, and the Mistress serves only Diana." Atroxia went quiet for a moment before adding, "I was wrong before, wrong about everything, including my loyalties. I was arrogant in my situation, believing that no harm could come to a vestalis. But I have to believe there is forgiveness for my crimes."
"Get your forgiveness somewhere else."
"You must ask the empire to forgive me, please!"
I snorted. "If the empire listened to me, do you think I'd be here right now?"
"Who are you talking to?" someone asked with a touch to my shoulder. Expecting Praetors, I jerked my arms toward me, but they were still bound in chains around the tree, so all I felt instead were the bruises that had settled into the muscles of my back. I cringed from the movement, and then in the darkness a face emerged.
Aurelia knelt beside me. "It's all right. It's only us."
Crispus was with her and had a large pitcher in his hands. When I had asked him for water, a cup would've been enough. He must have been gone for at least a couple of hours. I really was thirsty now.
"Atroxia?" That was all Aurelia needed to ask, and she didn't need my nod to know she was right. Even before she spoke, she had already begun digging into the same satchel that had once held her father's inheritance. I didn't know what was in it now.
"You shouldn't have come," I mumbled. Though I was glad she had.
"Hush." Crispus took the sliced edges of my tunic and ripped a larger hole into it, fully exposing my back.
Aurelia stifled a small cry when she saw the worst of my injuries, though she immediately began working with whatever items she had pulled from her satchel. I smelled something sweet, but that was as far as my curiosity went.
Beside her, Crispus poured me a cup of water. "I hope this takes care of your thirst. The rest of the pitcher is to get you washed." He helped me to drink, which cooled the burn in my throat that still remained from my screams during the lashing.
&n
bsp; "Eat this." Aurelia handed me a cracker sprinkled with some powder over some honey. The sweetness I'd smelled. "It's willow. It'll help with the pain."
I took it, as glad for something to eat as I was for the medicine.
"I'm sorry not to have anything better," she continued. "It's all we could get in a hurry."
"Where's Livia?" I asked. "Is she safe?"
"I used to have some hiding places for children trying to stay out of slavery. I hid her in one of those places. Both she and the amulets are safe."
"Thank you." I wanted to apologize for giving her the amulets in the first place, for putting her in so much danger. But an apology wasn't enough. Not unless it could include apologizing for our friendship, for my broken promises, and for all the heartbreak I'd caused her. She didn't deserve this. Nor did Crispus, whose mother had asked me not to be his friend any longer.
But before I could say anything, Aurelia hushed me and told me to lean forward.
I let my weight fall against the tree, keeping my back as straight as possible. Aurelia started by washing away the blood. Although I knew she was being gentle, it still hurt. I tried not to let it show, but finally, I could hold my breath no longer and I released a gasp.
"I'm sorry," she said. "It's so bad, Nic."
"It could've been worse." I turned my head a little so that I could almost see her. I caught only a wisp of her hair, which was folded over one shoulder and hanging in soft waves from an undone braid. "You lit the fire on Aventine Hill, the one at Laverna's gate."
She sighed. "I can take credit for the act, but not the idea. That was Radulf's."
"Radulf?"
"Caela brought him from the arena to find me and Livia. Setting that fire was the first thing he asked me to do."
I closed my eyes and whispered a thanks to him, though I knew he'd never hear it. He also couldn't have known that at the point the fire had been spotted, I had almost given up entirely. He'd saved me.
"Where is Radulf?"
"Livia is caring for his injuries, but Crispus arranged for them to leave Rome at dawn tomorrow. Under the terms of his banishment, he must leave as soon as possible." She drew a breath. "Crispus thought it'd be best if Livia left too ... before your trial."
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