“Samuel?” I asked sharply. “What in heaven’s name are you doing here? Valerie is in immense pain. She’s probably not going to last much longer if you do not hurry and get back with those herbs.”
Both Samuel and Adam turned towards me in surprise. “Julia, how long were you standing there?” Adam asked.
I crossed my arms and shrugged. “You were supposed to be back a while ago. I went out to find you. Valerie’s in a lot of pain,” I repeated. “You should be ashamed of yourselves. If I’m interrupting something important at least give me the damn herbs so I can help her.”
Samuel looked at me and then away in guilt. He turned back to Adam. “We’ll finish this discussion another time,” he said quietly. He turned back to me. “Let’s go.”
Adam nodded and stood. He handed Samuel one pile of herbs, me another, and he took the last one. We hurried back to the house in silence.
Mary Anne met us at the door. Her eyes were cool as she regarded the men. “Thanks Julia. Took you two long enough,” she said curtly, letting us in. I shared a look with her as we stepped inside. She seemed to understand my meaning. “Keep your discussions for a time when you do not have another depending on you. Come on; show us what to do, Adam. We have wasted enough time.”
We followed her into the kitchen where we put down the plants. Adam gestured to one of the piles. “Could someone grind the chamomile leaves into a tea?” Mary Anne nodded and set to work. “The Lobelia needs to be ground into an ointment,” he continued.
“I can do that,” Samuel said, his eyes cool. Adam nodded without a word. Samuel began to work in silence. He was obviously angry at himself.
I turned to Adam. “What can I do?”
Adam had already turned to the last pile of herbs and the warm cloths. “I’ll show you,” he answered. He took a few of the plants and wrapped it in a cloth, weaving it in. He glanced at me out of the corner of his eye. “A comfrey poultice,” he supplied as he put it together. “It’s what I used for you when Crystal and Damien bought me there.”
I glanced at him and then began to make poultices as well, mimicking his movements. We were all working quickly. It was a moment before I answered. “Thank you for being there,” I said in gratitude. “It was – a wonderful sight to awaken and see you at my side.”
Adam’s eyes clouded momentarily. “If only your husband hadn’t made me leave the house an hour after you woke … I was afraid his actions were going to jeopardize your life further. The doctor was still busy.”
I shrugged. “Gregory did not like outsiders. Especially not someone who was supposed to be my former lover,” I answered, looking towards Valerie’s room.
Adam saw me look in the direction of her room. He glanced at Samuel and Mary Anne, noting their progress, then back at me. “You and Samuel can take the tea, ointment, and the two ready poultices in and care for Valerie. I’ll stay in here and finish the other poultices and the ointment. More tea can be made later. In all, we should have enough supplies to last us a week or so.”
I nodded, picking up the two ready poultices as well as the bowl of ointment. I looked over at Samuel and saw him carrying a mug of the tea. I silently led the way back to Valerie.
Jeffrey was still in with her. He was just readjusting her position when we entered. He smiled in relief when he saw us. “I am relieved you’re back. She’s unconscious again but she keeps moaning and making noise. She jerks sometimes too – me thinks the pain has become difficult to tolerate.”
I nodded as we laid down our supplies on the table in the room. I smiled at him gratefully. “Thank you, Jeffrey, for staying in here while I – found Samuel and Adam.”
Jeffrey looked at Samuel and nodded. He glanced back at me. “No problem,” he answered and left.
I sighed and dipped my hands into the ointment. I had no real experience with medicine but intuition told me what to do in what order. Deciding to trust my instincts, I pulled back the blankets and undid the bandages covering Valerie’s wound. Gently, I began to apply the ointment to the wound and the surrounding area. “Do you know what all this does? Because I do not,” I asked as I worked.
Samuel nodded. “A basic understanding. I was not into medicine either … except for what little I learned to deal with battle wounds. The Lobelia ointment you’re using soothes pain and stops the body from spasming. Comfrey helps wounds heal faster and Chamomile tea relaxes someone and helps them sleep.”
“Ah, I see,” I commented. Valerie moved slightly as I finished putting on the ointment. She didn’t cry out and I was relieved. Slowly, with extreme gentleness, I replaced the bandage and just draped the sheet lightly over her. “Try to wake her so you can give her a few sips of the tea, Samuel.”
Samuel nodded. He still looked distressed and guilty. Obviously, he realized that he had jeopardized Valerie’s life by taking so long. “Val? Valerie?!” he asked louder. He reached out and stroked her cheek.
Valerie’s eyes fluttered weakly. Her complexion was more ashen than what it was when I left. Samuel repeated her name as I reached out again and gently massaged her shoulders. Valerie’s eyes finally opened. “Samuel? What took you so long?” she asked in a cracked voice.
“I’m sorry, Val. Adam needed to speak to me about something. Here, drink this. It should help you feel better,” he said gently. He held the mug with one hand and lifted her head tenderly. Valerie drank a little of the tea and then turned her head away. Samuel sighed and helped her lay back down. He turned to put the mug down.
I lifted the warm poultice and laid it gently on her chest over the wound. I walked to the head of the bed and continued to massage her shoulders, knowing the muscles had to be sore from spasming so much.
I looked up at Samuel. “What were you and Adam talking about out there?”
Samuel glanced at me and then continued stroking Valerie’s cheek. “We were trying to make peace, trying to resolve the issues between us,” he answered quietly. He paused, then shrugged. He glanced down at Valerie. “I should not have gotten caught up in the discussion and forgotten about why we had been out.”
“Any success?”
Samuel shrugged. “Perhaps,” he answered cryptically, giving me an odd look.
I shrugged myself, deciding it was best that they didn’t know I had overheard a part of their conversation. “Just wondering.”
“That feels good, Julia,” Valerie suddenly whispered. “You must have a healing touch.” Her voice was groggy.
I laughed. “I do not think vampires are healers … at least not by touch. I just have a mother’s touch I guess. My sister always liked my massages. She said they were warm and tingly. I always thought she was half dreaming.”
“Nay, she was right ….” Valerie murmured drowsily and then drifted into some kind of unawareness.
I looked back at Samuel. “The chamomile must have taken effect already.”
He nodded. “Julia, may I talk to you for a while?” he asked quietly.
I looked down at Valerie again and then nodded.
“All right,” I answered. I had a pretty good idea what he wanted to speak about. I backed away from Valerie and sat down. “Aye?”
Samuel continued to stand at Valerie’s side. “Before the fight you had said you had a vision of Gregory calling you a whore …?”
“Aye, if it was just a vision.” I glared at him, my anger finally resurfacing. “He told me I was a whore because I was ‘consorting’ with you. Why did you kiss me, Samuel?” I was both angry and confused.
Samuel stared at me steadily. “Almost a week ago you came to me after being triggered by a sudden movement Adam had made. It had been an accident but you admitted you do not know how to react to him in intimate situations,” he answered carefully. “You won’t tell Adam about what happened, so your actions are baffling to him. You do not trust him in intimate moments, but you need someone Julia. What better way to learn than to learn with me? Someone you trust? You do trust me, don’t you?”
I stared
at him for a long moment in silence, almost wishing I could say no, but I know I trust Samuel with my life. But what exactly did Samuel mean? What help was he proposing?
He suddenly left Valerie’s side and knelt in front of me. I glanced at him and saw pain deep in his blue eyes. “I did not mean any harm, Julia. I only wanted to help you.”
“Aye. I trust you, Samuel,” I answered quietly. “Of course I do … how could I not? I just wonder about your motives?”
Samuel’s eyes hardened. “I only want to help you, Julia. I do not want to cause you distress. I just thought I could help you with this.”
His eyes softened again and he took my hand. “You’re not a whore, Julia. I want to help you learn to trust a man again … even to relearn to love. But I need you to trust that I will not hurt you … not intentionally.” He squeezed my hand. “Can you do that?”
“I’ll try. It is hard, Samuel. You were right. I was very young when I was married. I did not learn to love, I only learned how to fear,” I said tiredly.
Samuel reached up and brushed back some of my hair. His expression was tender.
“Don’t worry,” he said simply. A mischievous glint suddenly entered his eyes. “Have you ever had a back massage?”
I frowned. “Once or twice … when Gregory was in a nice enough mood. Why?”
Samuel made a face. “That is a pathetic attempt at a massage. You’re tired and tense. A massage would relax you.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Only if you put on a suitable shirt!” I said, throwing the newly made shirt at him. Samuel grabbed the garment and slipped it on.
“Is this acceptable, Sunshine?” he asked in quiet amusement.
A smile touched my lips. “All right,” I said and walked to the bedroll. I laid down on my stomach, turning my head to the right.
Samuel walked over and knelt down beside me. He reached over and began to knead my shoulders and lower back. I moaned in surprised pleasure. It felt nothing like the massages Gregory had given. I realized that even my husband’s ‘massages’ had a touch of cruelty to them.
“That feels wonderful, Samuel.”
Samuel smiled. “Good. Everything’s going to be all right now, Julia.”
I closed my eyes as he kneaded the knots out of my back. “You give great massages, Samuel,” I whispered.
He pushed some of my hair back away from my face. I knew he was probably still smiling. I turned slightly and felt his lips against my cheek. “Samuel …” I whispered.
His hands came to rest on my shoulders. I re–opened my eyes and saw his face was startlingly close. “Feel better?” he asked.
I yawned. “Aye, if only I was not so damned tired. Fighting two nights ago, taking care of you and Valerie, and then feeding you … I think it sapped my strength even though I’ve fed.”
I slowly sat up again. At the same time, Samuel’s hands trailed down my back. I was painfully aware of how close he was and hated myself for it. I loved Adam … and finally admitted I was indeed attracted to Samuel. Just as he had told me a few days ago.
Samuel trailed a finger down my bare neck. “Are you really that tired, Juliana?”
My breathing quickened. “Not sure. And please, Samuel, just call me Julia. Juliana was the way Gregory usually addressed me while angry.”
Samuel paused. “I’m sorry, Julia. I did not know,” he said regretfully.
“It’s all right. I just thought you knew, you seem to know everything else about me.”
After a moment he asked, “Am I making you nervous?” He was stroking my bare skin and had noticed how quick my breathing had become. My skin suddenly seemed extremely sensitive. The first threads of unease stirred in my stomach.
“Aye,” I admitted breathlessly. Samuel climbed to his knees. He circled around to face me. His eyes met mine intently.
I looked away. “I should get to bed.”
Samuel turned my head back to him. “What is the hurry?” he asked in a quiet voice. His eyes sparkled with a new glimmering, one I did not recognize and didn’t understand.
I glanced about nervously. “Samuel ….” I said softly, my eyes coming to rest on Valerie. “I do not think –” I started.
Samuel followed my gaze. He shrugged. “Oh. This isn’t the best place, Julia, I agree. Not with Valerie here, not to mention one of the other beds will be more comfortable than a blanket and a pillow.”
I barely registered the comment. All I knew was the idea of a bed seemed better than the floor where I had slept the night before. Slowly, I nodded and got up. Samuel led me out of the room. Matthew was the only one in sight in the hall. “What do you need?” he asked quietly.
“You to stay in with Valerie,” Samuel answered and continued down the hall. I followed him, leaving Matthew staring after us in bewilderment.
Samuel led me down the hall and opened a door to another bedroom. I walked in and he followed me inside. There was only one candle in this room, which Samuel lit.
I walked to the bed and collapsed on it. “Oh, soft bed. I became too used to sleeping on the hard floor,” I muttered, looking up at Samuel as he closed the door. I knew I trusted him more than any other man I’ve known, even Damien and Adam. If he thought he could help me be more comfortable with Adam …. “I accept your help, Samuel,” I whispered.
He walked over and sat down on the bed beside me. He leaned over me and kissed me. He pulled back and I lifted up onto one elbow to look at him. My breath caught, the moment seemed frozen in time.
Samuel murmured something softly in another language. “Cara mia.” It sounded like his native Italian. His arm slid around my waist and he smiled. “Do not be afraid, Julia,” he said softly in English. He lifted me up and trailed kisses down my jaw.
I stiffened as I felt a small stab of alarm, but it faded as I felt the gentleness. “You are going to kill me doing this, Samuel,” I groaned. My body relaxed and my head tilted back without my willing it.
“Nay, Julia. You won’t die … at least not yet,” Samuel replied with a small laugh. Before I could answer, he kissed me again hard, his other hand wrapping into my hair. He gently pushed me back onto the bed.
I was shocked by own reactions to him, even as I instinctively wrapped my arms around his waist. He somehow freed one arm and began to caress me tenderly. His touch awoke desire, feelings I swore I had never felt before. It was utter pleasure. I figured the reason the sensation was so alien to me was because I had never felt pleasure while in bed with a man before. I had felt terror and pain with my husband, uncertainty with Adam, and a sense of safety when Samuel and I shared a room after I was rescued. But never this.
Some time passed, how much time, I didn’t know. But suddenly the old fear was back, terrifying and overwhelming. And I could credit it all to Gregory. Instead of embracing Samuel I began to push him away in desperation. “Samuel, stop!” I gasped, opening my eyes.
I saw confusion enter those light blue eyes, darkening them, repressing the other emotion. That emotion was not Gregory’s hungry look of total possession and dominance, but something similar yet gentler. However, I didn’t know what the emotion was.
“What’s the matter, Julia?” he asked, breathing heavily. I noticed that the shirt I had made him put on was off again.
I pushed him away and sat up. “I cannot. I can’t do this,” I answered in a frightened voice, looking around for my own shirt which had also come off. I grabbed the shirt and slipped it on quickly. “I’m sorry, please, just stop,” I pleaded, putting a little distance between us. I drew up my legs and stared at him in wide–eyed terror.
“Julia, what is wrong? Did I hurt you? I thought you were good...?” Samuel said in confusion, his voice trailing off.
“I’m sorry! I’m not ready to do this yet – not with you, not with Adam, not with anyone!” I hid my face, my hair streaming down to provide a curtain between us. I didn’t want to see his disgust at this foolish young woman who couldn’t appreciate his help, couldn’t even appreciate love at al
l.
“I thought you were good with this. If you were not why didn’t you tell –?” Samuel sounded bewildered, angry even. But if he was angry at me or himself I couldn’t tell.
I closed my eyes against burning tears that threatened to fall. “Nay, it’s not that … oh, just go away, Samuel, you wouldn’t understand!”
How could he even begin to understand my irrational fear; caused only by the last times I had been in a remotely similar situation with my husband, and that I had been hurt – quite badly – and now feared the situation, no matter who I was with?
I heard Samuel pull away. “I’m not going away, Julia. You were fine and then you got upset. Something must have upset you. Was it something I did? Did I hurt you?” he asked, sounding worried.
“It is not you, Samuel. It is reflex. I have always been scared … Scared of this ….” I said, my voice trailing off as I struggled to explain but I couldn’t.
Samuel leaned over again and lifted my head gently to make me look at him. “Is it because of something Gregory had done to you?”
I smiled bitterly. “I guess you could say that. He –” I muttered and broke off again. I couldn’t even say what had happened out loud. Samuel sighed.
“I’m not going to hurt you,” he said softly. “For God’s sake, Julia, I thought you would have known that by now!”
“I’m sorry,” I said again miserably. “I know I ruined everything. Honestly, I do not know why I agreed to let you do this. I do not even know why I agreed to let you make me a vampire even; I’m a worthless woman no man will ever want!”
I frowned, scowling at myself in self–loathing. I think he tried to say something, but I did not hear him. “What man will ever want someone who won’t even let him love her?!”
I was about to go on when Samuel leaned over and put his finger cautiously on my lips. “Shh. You are coming down too hard on yourself. A man would be a fool not waiting until you’re comfortable, Sunshine. You are extremely beautiful.”
He gently took his finger off my mouth and looked at me with kind eyes. Whatever other emotions had been in his eyes earlier had faded. “Now, relax. Calm down. You’re safe here, Julia.” He swore at himself softly. “I pushed you too far. I’m sorry. There is about an hour or so until dawn. Why don’t you get to sleep early?” he suggested, backing away and glancing down at the floor. Locating his shirt on the floor he turned to get up. “You did fine, Julia. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Lost Soul Page 24