“I had no idea,” I come back sarcastically, and his cheeks tint.
“I-I don’t know how to do this.”
“Do what,” I probe. “Talk?”
“No. I don’t know how to deal with confrontation. My brother’s fight, sure, but they resolve it almost immediately.”
“And you never argue with them?” I ask, trying to think back and remember if I’ve ever seen them at odds with each other.
He shrugs, nudging the edge of his glasses up a millimeter onto their usual place. He needs to tighten the frames, though I’m sure he has much bigger things on his mind than something like that. “Of course, we disagree at times, but they rarely fight with me on anything. And especially not resolve it quickly; they don’t have any reason too.” He taps his fingers on his leg in an anxious habit. I’ve noticed him do it many times before when he’s working through some sort of problem or equation in his head. He did it the night I found out the truth.
“Can I see your glasses?” I ask and his brow wrinkles.
“My, uh, glasses? Yeah, sure, they’re new.” He takes them right off, handing them over.
Setting them carefully into my lap, I dig through the little cubby until I find a small square kit.
“What are you doing?” he asks and I hold a finger up as I find the tiny screwdriver and start to twist. He watches me for a few moments until I hand the shiny frames back over and put everything back where I had it. Placing the glasses on, his jaw drops, “You just tightened my glasses, didn’t you?”
I nod, quiet. I’m not sure if I was overstepping or not, but I’ve been watching him for half a year push them up just a touch. Biting my lip, I meet his shocked gaze. “Just wanted to help you,” I disclose.
His seat belt unclicks as we hold our stare, and then he’s kissing me. Our lips lock, his tongue seeking mine, and it’s like we were never apart. I missed this boy so much; it felt like I couldn’t breathe at times. White chocolate raspberry explodes across my taste buds as our kiss grows hungry. It’s the flavor he’d ordered, and I’d never cared for raspberry before, but it tastes amazing on him.
Pulling back enough to get a word in between us, he leans his forehead against mine. He winces at the loss as he softly admits, “I missed kissing you.”
“I missed it too,” I whisper in response.
I have a unique connection with each of these guys. With Axel, it wasn’t only a fast love, it was what felt like a true, meaningful friendship. I didn’t just want to be around him because I have this crazy crush on him, but because he could make me smile easily and think about things I’d never given a thought to otherwise. Like how feet look the same but different and how a synopsis in the brain works, and then there was the random tickle fight when I’d tease him. This isn’t just about reconnecting with him romantically; this is about resolving so much hurt and anger and getting our friendship back as well.
The kiss between us was still magic, but he has to know the reality of the situation as far as I’m concerned. “I don’t know if I can trust you again,” I admit and feel his lip tremble, grazing mine we’re still so close. “I want to, I really do, but you hurt me badly.”
His intelligent eyes slam closed, a pained sound escaping his throat. “If I could go back and change it, I would. I know there’s nothing I can say to offer you that piece of mind. There’s nothing I can do to make you believe me or trust me again either. That’s all up to your heart, whether you want to offer me trust and forgiveness or not. I wish I could fix it, but that’s not how any of it works. The truth is, I’ve avoided you. I can’t stand the thought of me disappointing you any more than I previously have. I don’t deserve you or to even be around you. You’re too good for me, and the reality is, you always have been.”
“It’s not about what we deserve, Axel. It’s about being honest and being able to trust one another.”
“Exactly, and I don’t know what I can say to possibly convey just how sorry I am for hurting you. I’ve been tearing myself apart inside for an answer, and I can’t figure out anything. I’ve never felt so hopeless or idiotic in my life. I was just plain stupid when it came to your well-being and feelings.”
“You’re the smartest person I know,” I murmur and he clenches his fists, meeting my eyes as we trade breaths. This right here is real and raw. We’re broken down to nothing but truth and feelings; there’s no more hiding.
“Love, I’m an idiot. I had you there in front of me, in my arms, and I screwed it all up. Every day I wake up, and you are the first thing I think of. Before, it’d be me wondering what you’d do that day to make me laugh or to fall a little more for you. Now, it’s me reflecting on how much I screwed up, about how much pain I’ve caused the only girl I’ve ever loved.”
Tears form, filling my eyes and fall over, wetting my cheeks at his sad admission. Somehow, it’s exactly what I needed to hear from him. Sniffling, I finally admit aloud to him, “I fell so hard for you. I love you and your brothers; I don’t know if you really get that. I don’t understand what’s wrong with me, how I could so carelessly fall in love with four guys at once, but somehow, it’s happened.” I’m not sure how exactly to bring this up to the other guys, but with Axel, I know he doesn’t look at things traditionally like most people. He may understand my twisted-up feelings better than anyone else.
His jaw flexes with emotion before he offers a kind, patient smile. “That’s exactly the way it’s supposed to be with us. I think we all knew deep down that we’re so close, it’d have to be one girl for us to share. We’ve never had the courage in the past to admit it to ourselves, and you’ve caught us off guard. None of us were expecting to find you when we had to pack up and move our whole lives here. I know one thing is for certain...”
“What?” I ask, leaning in and pressing my lips to his. I should be angry, throwing things at him and cussing, but I’ve missed his touch so badly, I want to feel his mouth to mine. Our lips tremble together, both of us releasing so much passion it exposes our vulnerability to the other. I can never get enough of his closeness, no matter how much I fight it, no matter how hurt by them I am.
He groans, pulling back again. Keeping his eyes closed, he promises, “I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to show you how much you mean to me, and that you can trust me. I’ll be loyal to you until I take my last breath or you direct otherwise. I may be young, and some people would think me dumb for saying such things, but it’s something I can feel all the way in my soul. You’re mine Kresley, and I am yours...if you’ll allow it.”
“Of course,” I breathe against his silky lips, peppering kisses over them and then his jaw. It’s what I’ve wanted him to say all along. “I’ve felt pulled to you from the start of our friendship too. I thought it was just me,” I admit.
His hands move to each side of my throat where he weaves his fingers in my loose hair. “Thank you, and it wasn’t only you,” Axel murmurs, voice deep and full of desire. I’ve never heard him like this. He’s flirted and kissed me, but now he’s serious and determined.
He moves to kiss me with crazed fervor, his mouth telling me everything he isn’t saying. Our lips lock, and his tongue sways with mine. It’s different, and yet, still I know it’s Axel—my Axel. It’s like a long-overdue meeting, an embrace from someone missed badly; it felt like a piece of my soul was gone—taken away with him.
His hand moves between us, unclicking my seat belt and then I’m scrambling over the middle. The car’s tiny, even for me. We’re scrunched into leather seats low to the ground, already close to one another. Somehow I end up on his lap, and he moves the seat as far back as it will go, all doing it without breaking our kiss.
Our hands are everywhere, thin frames entwined in each other, as closely as possible in this position with hot breaths steaming up the windows with the heat still pumping at full blast. Our body temperatures rise, and the car turns into our own sauna. With Axel’s touch, I can’t seem to possibly get enough from him. I w
ant to be naked and filled by him; nothing sounds better at the moment.
His mouth leaves mine, and I want to protest straight away. However, he’s back on me in seconds, moving to my throat where he continues kissing me. His glasses go flying, and I pull away giggling at how crazy we’ve suddenly become. He takes one look at me and starts chuckling. The deep sound sends warm fuzzies and vibrations all over me. In the next blink, his hands are no longer caressing, but tickling my sides.
“Oh, God!” I cry, full-on giggling now. “No more tickling! St-stop!” I lose my breath from the kiss and then the laughing.
He’s so damn handsome like this. He’s smiling widely, his irises shining with love and happiness. Could fixing his glasses and hot chocolate be all it took to be able to open up and talk to him? I can’t believe I was freaking out so badly over it earlier. This is Axel, and while he may have lied to me about his original intentions, he clearly didn’t hide his true self from me like I’d worried.
I was terrified that the lies meant I never really knew him at all, but that isn’t the case. He’s still the same; he just messed up. I fully believe in forgiveness. Now, I won’t tolerate him ever hurting me like this again, but I’m willing to give him another chance. It wouldn’t be true love if I just gave up on him so easily. I’m learning firsthand that love is messy.
“I love hearing that sound,” Axel croons against my chest, wearing a pleased grin.
“Wh-what sound?” I ask, catching my breath.
“You laughing loudly. There’s no sweeter sound...except maybe when you gasp or moan.”
My body flushes even more, content to be tangled up with him and enjoying his praise. With a soft sigh, I repeat myself from earlier, whispering the meaningful words, “I missed my Clark Kent.”
“I missed my Lois Lane,” he admits just as softly. “I’m going to take a page from their book and realize early on that I’m stronger, happier, and so much more as long as I have you by my side.”
My lip trembles a touch at his admission. “I love you, Axel.” I finally voice the words aloud and plant a heartfelt kiss on his cheek.
He pulls me tighter, if that’s even possible, his lips caressing over mine as he promises, “I love you…more than you’ll ever know, beautiful.” And then he’s kissing me again, and I’m drowning in his taste once more. Yet, it’ll never be enough.
T
aking a page from Sam’s idea with Axel, I hit the drive-thru. This time I wait until it’s nighttime and I pull on my fluffy pajama onesie. Grabbing a few brownie explosion milk shakes, I swing into the mansions’ driveway and demand for Cole to come out and get in the car like he did to me awhile back. I figure fair is fair where the demands are concerned, and besides, I want to have a relaxed setting, if possible, when we talk things over.
Each of my guys is completely different. Brent holds strong, so he has to have time to open up little by little. Tristan is all about appearances and extremely headstrong. It takes arguing and loyalty to get him to see you really care. Axel is the analytical one out of the bunch and tends to break things down. Surprisingly, all it took was showing my vulnerability to him, and he did the same in return. Cole is an entirely different ball of confusion. Boys can never do things the easy way like females and just cry and shout until we’ve said our piece. Guys have to be angry or ignore it, and in Cole’s case, he seems to be ignoring the entire issue at hand. I wish I could do that much as well, but I need my guys back. All of them.
Cole opens the door, sending in a rush of icy air as he slides his lithe body over the buttery rich leather. “I prefer to drive,” he announces, not closing his door. I get a chill and shiver. The car’s heater isn’t a match for the briskly Northern winter.
I already know his preferences, but I’m not giving in just yet. “Not tonight,” I argue, and he bristles a moment before finally closing the door. Almost immediately, the small space warms back up, and I release a tense breath. I was expecting him to fight me on it more.
He glances in my direction once he’s settled, raking his gaze over my snuggly outfit. “You had more than one of those?”
Flashing him a friendly smile, I say, “Brent ordered me a few.”
He snorts and mumbles, “Of course he did. Tristan’s the smart one.”
“What’s that? Why is Tristan smarter?” Pulling out of the driveway, I make a turn to follow the road a ways. There’s nothing out here; Mr. de Lacharriere bought a huge section of land. He and the quads enjoy their privacy. After being around their crazy lifestyle, I can’t say I blame them.
“Because he orders you sexy lingerie versus a full-on cover-up.” I snort, and a laugh bubbles up. “So that makes him smarter?”
He nods, fully convinced. “Yep.”
“I got you a shake,” I gesture to the two, oversized cups filling the holders in the middle.
He lazily reaches for it. “Thanks beba.”
“I uh...I thought we could talk.” Slowing the Porsche, we roll to a stop on the side of the road. There’s nothing out here but trees and frozen brush. With it being so late, I don’t want to go far from the house and risk being stranded in the cold.
“Mm.” Cole sucks down a big gulp of the delicious treat. “Or we could do other things.” He shrugs.
“It’s been weird between us,” I begin, and his Carolina blue irises meet mine.
“You really want to do this, now, mon cher?”
I bite my lip and try again with the words I’d said to the other boys. “You hurt me.”
He nods. “Yeah, and I’ll own it. You know I care for you, though, mon cher.”
“I had hoped that much of it was true. I can’t help but feel like it could’ve all been a lie though. That maybe you were pretending about everything, even the kisses.”
His head falls back, blond hair resting on the head rest as he continues to stare at me. I almost feel stupid for bringing him out here like this, but I wanted to remind him of when he’d done the same. He’d cheered me up when I’d needed it. At the same time, he’d helped his brothers deceive me, and that knowledge wants to erase any of those good times unless I can hear him admit it wasn’t all fake.
“What do you want from me?” he demands suddenly, not beating around the bush. I shouldn’t be surprised; it’s not Cole’s style. He’s brash, especially when he wants something.
Taking a drink of my thick, chocolaty shake, I use the sugar to give me the guts I need to say my feelings aloud. “I need to know what was real between us and what part was a lie.”
“I can do that.” He nods, conceding easily enough at my request. “You’ve spoken to my podnas and overheard us in the library, so you get the gist of it. My role wasn’t that big in this, no matter what you may believe. My father doesn’t count on me much; I usually end up doing my own thing. With you, though, it was different for me...I saw you first, and for some reason, I knew from the second I saw your sweaty, messed-up hair that you weren’t what we were expecting. You wouldn’t be an easy mark or a quick bank.”
“I wasn’t? How did you expect me to be?”
He smirks, thinking who knows what. Reaching across, he tucks a stray lock behind my ear. My hair’s twisted into a messy topknot. I can never pull them off like other girls do. Mine ends up falling all over the place. “I wasn’t expecting you to be so fucking perfect, mon belle.”
I scoff in disagreement. “I’m far from perfect.”
“Non.” His Cajun French comes out as a raspy purr. The Southern boy charm makes my stomach flip, my heart sputtering. “You are. You just don’t see it like we do.”
“If you say so.”
He nods. “I was looking forward to tormenting an uppity bitch like the other chicks we’ve played around with in the past. Figured you’d be the typical spoiled daddy’s girl, but you surprised us all. You even have Axel wrapped around your little finger. Trust me, beba, it’s a hard feat to accomplish.”
A pleased feeling overtakes me,
hearing him confess that they’re basically just as smitten with me as I was from the start. They’ve acknowledged their feelings individually, but when it comes from someone else, it seems a bit more real like I’m not dreaming this whole thing up. “Through this entire charade, have I managed to wrap you up as well?”
“More than you know,” he admits, running his palm over his face. “Enough so, that I stepped in and played a part of it. For the first time, I found myself wanting to help my podnas make you ours. If I tell you the truth, you may hate me even more, though.”
“I-I thought I knew the truth,” I stammer, worry clawing at my throat. My head tilts, waiting for him to reassure me that I’m distressed for nothing. Didn’t they already hurt me enough? What else could he possibly have left to say, besides to apologize for what he helped put me through?
“Non, beba, not all of it.”
I want to puke. This isn’t what I was expecting. What could I have missed? These guys have completely turned me inside out, and now I find out that there’s more. Swallowing, I silently beg my stomach to stop churning. I really don’t want to puke up the delicious shake I was just sucking down. I needed the sugar to give me a confidence boost, but it may have backfired.
Swallowing down the emotions, I sit straighter, attempting to be confident, as I say, “Tell me what I’m missing.”
“Fuck,” Cole curses. He grabs my hand, his long fingers swallowing mine up. He looks to his lap before pleading, “Just remember, it happened a while back before I knew how your father treated you. If I’d have known about his shitty temper, I’d have never put you in a position to catch his wrath.”
Exhaling a tense breath, my head falls to the seat as I try to figure out what he’s talking about. I still have no clue, and the anticipation is churning my insides. “Just tell me...please. I deserve to know the truth.”
Harvard Academy Elite Page 26