“My friends that I told you about this morning.”
“The ones that are in town this week?”
Keira attempted to fix the buttons on her shirt while moving to the sofa. Emma sat next to her and opened the bag to start organizing the food. She hadn’t eaten lunch and was starving. Only a minute ago, she’d been willing to put that kind of starvation off because she’d been starving for more physical contact with Keira for days now.
“Yeah, Summer and Lena,” Emma said the name Summer and looked at Keira in an attempt to see if there was recognition there.
“I knew a Summer once.” There it was. “Oh, I knew two Summers, actually. I knew one in college. She lived down the floor from Michelle and I freshman year.”
“You knew two Summers?” Emma asked.
“Yeah, I actually knew Summer Taft. Well, I planned the convention for her company.” She leaned forward to help Emma with the food. “Did you get egg rolls by any chance?”
“Of course, I got egg rolls. What am I, an animal?” she joked. “Summer Taft?”
“I kind of flirted with her a lot, honestly. It’s kind of embarrassing.” Keira crinkled her nose at that announcement, and Emma found that to be cute too.
“Oh?”
“I asked her out, but she was with someone. I didn’t know about the girlfriend. I don’t do stuff like that.” She pulled an egg roll out of the white and red carton, instantly stuffing it into her mouth. “This is one of my favorite Chinese places in the city,” she said after a few bites.
“I have a confession to make,” Emma stated and her nervousness manifested in a very dry mouth. She had no reason to be nervous. She wasn’t sure why her mouth now felt like a desert. “Summer Taft is my friend, Summer. Her girlfriend is now her fiancée, Lena.”
“Your friend Summer is Summer Taft?” Keira exclaimed as she finished the egg roll. “How did I not know this? You never said anything.”
“I don’t know. I never really thought to mention who she was. It’s not really how I think of her.”
“She’s a billionaire and a mogul. You don’t think about her like that?”
“I think of her as my friend Summer,” she replied. “Also, as the woman I kind of slept with one time, after my ex-girlfriend broke my heart.”
Keira nearly choked on the remnants of her egg roll. Emma had yet to start eating, and her eyes were glued to Keira’s shocked and confused face.
“You had sex with Summer Taft? Summer Taft, the woman I flirted with pretty intensely there for a while and then proceeded to ask out?”
“It appears so.” Emma paused. “Wait. How intensely?”
Keira’s eyebrow lifted and then her lips turned up into a smirk.
“Why are you jealous? I flirted. You had sex with her.”
“It was a one-time thing. We were both single at the time,” Emma informed.
“And then you wanted more. I remember when you told me about her, you kind of mentioned that you wanted to date her.”
“She turned me down too. We have that in common.” Emma grabbed at a carton of shrimp.
“But you wanted to date her?”
“So did you,” Emma reminded.
“It’s different.”
“How?” Emma asked with chopsticks bouncing around the carton.
“Because I knew of her and she seemed nice. She’s hot, but that’s obvious to everyone. She was someone I thought I might want to get to know more, have a drink with, and see if it went anywhere.” She picked up a carton. “You actually really know her. You were friends, and you had sex with her, liked it enough to want to do it again, and also asked her out.”
“I was still trying to get past my ex. It wasn’t like that.”
“Did you enjoy the night you two had?” Keira asked.
“What am I supposed to say to that?”
“The truth.” Keira stuck her own chopsticks into the carton and leaned back against the sofa. “It’s not a trap, Em.” She chuckled lightly. “I’m slightly jealous, if I’m being honest, but it happened long before you and I met.”
“Also, we’re not technically exclusive, so even if it happened yesterday, it–” Emma stopped herself the moment she registered the intense change in Keira’s expression. It had gone from lighthearted to something that Emma could only describe as dejected. “I didn’t mean it–”
“Yeah, you did.” Keira sat the carton down and turned to face Emma. “What are we doing?”
“Keira, it’s–”
“We’re not technically exclusive? What does that even mean, Emma?”
“It means what it means. It means that we said we were dating but that we weren’t exclusive. It was just a passing comment, Keira. I’m not still into Summer. She’s engaged to Lena. They’re two of my best friends. I have no romantic feelings for her at all.”
“But you could have slept with someone yesterday because we’re not exclusive?”
“I didn’t mean it like that. Why are we talking about this? I’m sorry I made a stupid comment.” Emma sat her own food carton back on the table and turned to face her. “Keira, I told you I don’t want anyone else.”
“But you said you weren’t ready for a commitment.”
“Because I don’t want to rush into anything. I’ve been burned before when I’ve done that. I wanted us to take our time. I thought that’s what you wanted too.”
“I did. I do,” Keira tried. “But the thought of you being with someone else kind of makes me want to vomit. I mean, I just had you pinned up against a wall, and I want that. I want you. I was fine with the non-exclusivity thing when it was abstract, but the idea of you being with Summer or–”
“I’m not–”
“Or anyone, Emma,” Keira finished her own sentence. “God, the thought of you even kissing another woman makes me want to puke or punch the woman you’re kissing. Actually – both. It makes me want to do both.”
“So, you’re the one that’s jealous?” Emma tried to lighten the mood and tilted her head to the side.
“I guess I am,” Keira stated seriously. “Emma, I’m crazy about you.” She stood up and wiped her hands down, trying to straighten her shirt and skirt. “I’m totally crazy about you. I don’t want you to see anyone else.”
“Why are you standing right now?” Emma asked.
“Because I’m leaving.”
“What? Why? Keira, just sit down and eat dinner with me.”
“I shouldn’t have just come by like this. I’m not your girlfriend. You could have been with someone else. I shouldn’t have assumed you’d be alone and–”
Emma stood and reached for Keira’s hand, but she was rebuffed.
“Keira, I was alone. And I’m not seeing anyone else.”
“You could though.”
“What?”
“You could. You met women at speed dating. Angela likes you and wants to go out with you. Once you start really hitting the bars in this city, women will be all over you.”
“I don’t want to go out with Angela. I told you that. Keira, I want–” Emma argued.
“I checked your box,” Keira interrupted.
“What?”
“At speed dating, I checked your box. You checked mine. I saw your form. I wanted to ask you out that night, Emma.”
“Keira, it doesn’t matter what happened that night. We’re here now.”
“I think I’m just having a moment right now.” Keira held out her hands defensively.
“Why? What did I do?”
“I’m going to go.” Keira lowered her hands.
“You show up here, tell me you want me, plaster me against the door, and we were about to have sex. Now, you’re leaving and you can’t bother to talk to me about what’s going on? What the hell, Keira? If the delivery guy had been late, we’d be in bed right now. None of this would have happened.”
“I think it would have happened the moment you mentioned we’re not technically together for the second time in like three days, Emma.
At least this way, we didn’t get too far to put a pause on this.”
“Pause on what? Us?”
“I know what it’s like, Emma. I’ve been on the other side of this, remember? I’m usually the one that pushes women away or doesn’t want to commit because there might be someone else out there. It feels like that’s what’s happening here. Even if you tell me it’s not, I’m not in a place right now to believe you.”
“Keira…” Emma said but had nothing to follow it with.
“I’ll see you,” Keira offered an ambiguous reply, opened the door, walked out and closed it behind her.
CHAPTER 20
“What did you do?” Greene asked her after Keira ran through the entire conversation with Emma from the night before. “You do like this girl, right? Why’d you freak out on her like that?”
“I didn’t freak out,” Keira defended and picked up her shot of tequila.
“Hitting it hard tonight?” Greene pointed at the second, still full shot in front of Keira.
“Well, the girl I’m totally into isn’t likely to show up to meet my friends as planned, because I freaked out on her last night for no reason.”
“I thought you didn’t freak out,” Greene said.
“Of course, I freaked out,” Keira exclaimed. “She had sex with Summer freaking Taft.”
“Like forever ago, Keira,” Greene pointed out.
“And she said we weren’t exclusive.”
“You’re not exclusive,” she reminded. “I thought you told me you both agreed to see where it goes.”
“We did. We did,” she repeated. “And I was fine with it, I swear.” Keira downed the second shot and followed it with half the glass of water she’d ordered alongside them. “God, I hate tequila.”
“Why did you order it?” Greene asked and took a drink of her beer.
“Hi, Greene.” An attractive, college-age girl waved at Greene and offered a lifted eyebrow.
“She’s like twenty, Greene,” Keira admonished.
“I’m not sleeping with her,” Greene said. “She flirts with me all the time, but I haven’t done anything about it.”
“Why not? She’s hot,” Keira commented.
“Because she’s like twenty, Keira. I’m not that bad,” Greene offered.
“Fair enough.”
“Now, back to your weird problem. You have a hot woman that you’re crazy about, and she’s into you, but you blew up at her last night because she had sex with someone long before you met and she’s not ready to be an item yet? Oh, and I forgot. You told her you weren’t ready yet, too.”
“I’m the worst.” Keira slammed her head down on the dark wood of the table at their favorite bar.
Hillary and Kellan would be arriving soon. Apparently, Kellan had been given the all-clear from Hillary; and Keira trusted her judgment.
“You’re not the worst. You’re one of the best,” Greene supplied. “Or else I wouldn’t be hanging out with you.”
“Well, yeah, you do have the twenty-year-old crowd you could hang out with.”
“Stop deflecting,” Greene warned. “Tell me what really happened.”
“Make, I don’t know what to do.” Keira reserved her nickname for Macon Greene for times of pure desperation. “I told her I wanted to pause because I was afraid she’d want to pause on me. But I don’t want to pause. It’s taking everything in me not to fast-forward.”
“You want to fast-forward now?”
“I want her,” Keira said. “I just want her. I don’t want to date anyone else. I sure as hell don’t want her dating anyone else. I’m crazy into her, Make. You haven’t met her yet, but when you do, you’ll get it. Actually, I don’t think I want you to meet her now.” She pointed at Greene.
“Why not? I’m not Kell. I’ll behave,” Greene remarked.
“You have that thing about you that no one can describe, but it makes every woman fall for you. I don’t want to risk it.”
“I do not. You didn’t fall for me.”
“I’m immune,” Keira reminded.
“Why?”
“Because I’ve seen you with the flu. Watching a woman you just met like five days earlier vomit into a toilet and fill Kleenex with green mucus was enough to turn me off forever.”
“You did meet me at just the right time then.” Greene lifted her beer to her lips again. “But I wouldn’t do anything to make your girl fall for me, Keira. You know that.”
“That’s the thing though. She’s not my girl. I thought she was on the way to being my girl one day, but I went crazy bitch on her, and now it’s over. She hasn’t called or texted. I doubt she’s planning on it anytime soon.”
“Why don’t you just call her?”
“What am I supposed to say to her? ‘Emma, I’m sorry I went nuts on you yesterday. Things haven’t been great for me in a while. Then, you showed up and things got better. I want us to be together. I don’t want to see anyone else. I don’t want you to either. I’m sorry I freaked out on you. Please be my girlfriend?’ ” Keira said in Greene’s direction.
“Okay,” came a voice from behind her.
◆◆◆
Emma had entered at just the right time. She’d been unsure if she should make an appearance at drinks night with Keira’s friends. But after Emma got off work and walked back to her apartment, she stared in the bathroom mirror for a good five minutes, arguing with herself about whether or not to go. She thought it might be rude. Keira might not be happy about it. She had asked for that pause on their relationship, if relationship was even the right word. She might just ask her to go, and Emma would leave if she did because the last thing she wanted to do was make things worse between them. She’d made a mistake when she made that comment. She’d said it without thought. It wasn’t meant to be a commentary on their relationship status. Keira’s reaction, though, had been concerning because they’d both been on the same page. They were waiting and not officially a couple. After Keira left, Emma sat on the sofa looking over the remnants of their Chinese food. She no longer cared about the technicalities. She wanted Keira. She wanted Keira to be her girlfriend. She’d picked up her phone to call at least ten times but wanted to respect Keira’s wishes as well. She hadn’t slept well, and that morning, she considered calling again, but it just didn’t seem right to her.
She’d changed her clothes and put on a pair of jeans with a t-shirt and a light button-up jacket she’d worn in Chicago springtime, but it worked fine in San Francisco year-round. She’d headed to the bar and peered through the window before entering after seeing Keira’s back at a table, sitting across from a woman that must be one of the friends she was supposed to meet.
“Hey.” Keira turned in surprise.
“You must be Emma,” the other woman greeted.
“Yeah,” Emma stated but kept her eyes on Keira. “Is this okay? That I’m here?”
“You said okay,” Keira stated, still a little in shock, apparently.
“Hey, sorry we’re late. Kell’s train had to divert to another station, and it was a whole thing,” another woman stated as she walked around Emma to the other side of the table with Kellan. “Hi, I’m Hillary. This is Kellan.”
“Emma.” Emma nodded at both of them.
“Nice to finally meet you.” Hillary sat next to the woman across from Keira.
“I’m Greene,” she introduced herself.
“I’m sorry.” Keira snapped out of it. “That’s Macon Greene, but don’t call her Macon. That’s Hillary. And you know Kell already.” She pointed to each of her friends in turn. “Guys, we’ll be right back.” She stood abruptly and reached for Emma’s hand.
“Where are we going?”
“Just…” She pulled Emma back outside and around the corner of the building. “You said okay.”
“Were you asking me the question for real?” Emma asked, standing back against the solid cool and rugged surface of the brick wall.
“I didn’t know you were listening,” Keira replied.
“But I was,” Emma reminded.
“Then, I was too,” Keira said with a shy smile.
“Then, okay,” Emma repeated. “You left yesterday, Keira. You didn’t give me a chance to tell you that I only want you.” Emma reached for Keira’s hand, and this time, Keira let her take it. “I was scared before, I think. I didn’t expect to move here and find a girlfriend. I’ve had such bad luck in the past with falling for a woman who belonged to someone else or who didn’t want to be in a committed relationship. I prepared myself for the worst. I found the best instead.” She took in some air to complete her speech, which she’d been practicing the whole walk over to the bar. “I want to be your girlfriend. I want to go inside and meet your friends and then go back to my place. I want you to spend the night,” she stated more confidently after watching Keira’s expression soften at her words. “I want you to stay the night, Keira.”
“Okay,” Keira said after a moment.
“No, I mean I really want you to stay the night.”
“Really?” Keira got it.
Her eyebrows both lifted. She stepped into Emma. Emma’s legs actually parted on instinct to allow Keira to stand between them, pressing her body against Emma’s and placing her arms around Emma’s waist, connecting at the small of her back.
“Yes, really.” Emma’s eyes got big and darkened with arousal when she noticed the same happening in Keira’s gorgeous eyes.
“We should wrap this up and get inside then.” Keira’s lips pressed against Emma’s ever so briefly before pulling away, and their eyes met again. “I am sorry, you know?”
“I know.” Emma placed her arms around Keira’s shoulders and pulled her in closer. “Don’t do it again, okay?”
“I won’t,” Keira replied. “Should we talk about it more though? I don’t want to push past it and ignore it if we still need to address something. I’ve done that before. It never works.”
“Are you still worried about me and another woman? Summer or Angela, or anyone else?” Emma asked and squinted as if to pull the truth from Keira’s eyes that way.
“I wasn’t actually worried. It was really scary in that moment when you said that thing about how you could’ve been with someone. It made me realize I didn’t want that.”
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