She got home and crashed onto her bed. Kevin hadn’t made things any better. He’d started his packing already, and empty boxes had been strewn across her living room and kitchen. It was then that she realized that most of the stuff in this place was either Michelle’s or Kevin’s. That included many of their dishes and some of the furniture. They hadn’t had that conversation yet. She’d be without a TV in the living room since that was his. She rarely watched it these days anyway and had the much smaller one in her room. Actually, that had been Michelle’s.
When Kevin moved in, he upgraded the TV in their bedroom, and Michelle had given Keira her old one. Would Kevin want that one too? Maybe he’ll get a bigger apartment, a two-bedroom to allow for a spare, or even a nursery if Tracy moved in and they got married and had kids. This was crazy. Kevin wouldn’t take her TV. She just couldn’t stop thinking about everything going wrong in her life. Then, she remembered that she had one right thing in her life, and that was Emma. Unfortunately, she’d been a terrible girlfriend to her and was likely to lose her too because of that.
She rolled over onto her back, deciding to give Emma a call and check in with her. Maybe just talking to her would make her feel better. When she picked up the phone and saw the screen, a text message notification from Emma along with two voicemails popped up. She smiled at first. Emma had reached out to her. Then, the smile faded. Her screen read, “Am I still your girlfriend or is this your not so subtle way of breaking up with me?”
“Damn it,” she muttered to herself.
“What?” Kevin stood in her doorway. “Did you say something?”
“I’m fucking it up, Kev.” She felt her cheeks grow warm and the tears build in her eyes. “She’s the best thing I’ve got, and I’m messing it up.”
“Hey, what happened?” He made his way into her room and sat on the edge of the bed.
“She thinks I’m trying to break up with her.” She wiped a tear from her cheek.
“You’re not, are you?”
“What? No! I just found her,” she returned.
“Why does she think that then?”
“Because I haven’t talked to her in a few days. She came over here to try to make me feel better, and left when I didn’t tell her what was going on.”
“What is going on, Key?” he asked.
Keira sat up in bed, wiped all the newly fallen tears from her cheeks, and turned to Kevin.
“No, I have to do it right this time, Kev,” she began. “She’s my girlfriend. I have to talk to her first.” He smiled at her. “Why are you smiling?”
“Because I’ve wanted you to have someone in your life like this for a long time. I’m just glad it’s finally happening.”
“I have my other friends,” she protested.
“You do, but you’ve told me just about everything big in your life first, and then you told them. Now, you want to tell Emma something important before me. It’s a big deal. It makes me happy you have someone like that.”
“Good thing I found her right when you’re about to leave me then.”
“I’ll never really leave you, Key,” he replied gently. “You’ll always be my closest friend. It doesn’t matter where I live. You know that, right?”
“Yeah, and I’m sorry I haven’t been happier for you. I should have been, but things have just not gone my way recently.”
“Go and talk to your girlfriend.” He patted her leg. “You and I are fine.” He stood.
He left the bedroom, closing the door behind him. Keira quickly changed clothes and gathered her things. She said goodbye to Kevin as she headed out and made one stop on the way into the city. She only hoped Emma would actually open up the door when she arrived.
◆◆◆
“I know, Hails,” Emma remarked. “My food is here. I’m going to eat and make you hang up. It’s after midnight there. Why are you even still awake and harassing me about my relationship?”
“Because I’m your best friend. It’s my job. I can’t believe you texted that to her. What if that makes it worse?” Hailey asked just as Emma opened her door.
“I don’t think it made it worse,” she said into the phone when she saw Keira standing on the other side of her door, holding a bouquet of white lilies. “I’ve got to go. I’ll call you later.” She clicked Hailey away and lowered her phone. “Hi.”
“Hi,” Keira replied.
“I’m sorry,” Emma stated.
“You’re sorry?”
“I shouldn’t have sent you that text. I didn’t mean for you to come over here. I just–”
“Emma, you have nothing to be sorry about. Can I come in?”
“Of course.” Emma stood back to allow Keira to enter and closed the door behind her. Keira turned and offered her the bouquet. “I don’t think I deserve these.”
“Yes, you do. You deserve more than those, actually. But it’s what I could get last minute. Can we sit?” Keira asked.
“Go ahead. Let me put these in water.”
It was as if they’d just met again and she was reverting to her previous form. She grabbed a vase she’d brought with her from Chicago simply because it fit properly into a box, allowing things to fit more snuggly and, therefore, more safely inside. She ran the water while she cut the plastic away from the bouquet, arranged the flowers and inserted them inside the vase. She carried it and placed it on the coffee table in front of where Keira now sat. She joined her and turned to face her. Keira hesitated before doing the same.
“I owe you an apology and an explanation,” she began. “I haven’t been totally honest with you. I hope you’ll let me get it all out before you break up with me.” She tried to laugh.
“I’m not breaking up with you,” Emma countered. “God, Keira, I just want to know what’s going on. I want to know where I stand.”
“I know. I know.” Keira placed a hand on Emma’s knee before withdrawing it and moving it to join the other one in her lap. “I am floundering. I think that’s the best word to define it. I’m drowning? Maybe that’s better.”
“Tell me,” Emma encouraged in a soft tone.
“Ever since Michelle died, I’ve barely held the business together. I told you that.”
“Yeah.”
“I didn’t exactly tell you everything, though,” she admitted. “I have next to nothing in the bank, Em. I don’t even have enough money to make next month’s rent. Kevin’s been helping out more than I care to admit. Once he’s gone, I won’t have that help anymore. I’ve lost two clients this week. And I picked up one, but she’s going to work me to the bone for the next five days. I won’t have time for my other clients unless I don’t sleep. I’m just drowning.” Her head flopped back against the sofa.
“Oh, baby,” Emma expressed.
“It’s really bad, Em.” Keira’s tears began to fall.
Emma moved closer and placed an arm over the back of the sofa and around her shoulders.
“What can I do?” Emma asked, wanting to help.
“There’s nothing.” Keira wiped her eyes. “I have to move. I probably have to find a part-time job to make ends meet. Then, I’ll have to give up the business,” she shared. “I’ve run all the numbers, and that’s really my only option. I’ll close up shop.” She paused. “I’ll have to give up on the dream Michelle and I had.”
“No, you don’t. There’s something you–”
“There’s not,” Keira interjected. “There’s not, Em. I went to the bank on Friday. They told me the options. It’s better to cut my losses now and get another job.”
“Okay, but that doesn’t mean you have to give up,” Emma posited.
Keira laughed and said, “How does that work?”
“Keira, you do what you have to do and get a job, get your finances in order, and you build back up. You can come back to the business, start over and make it even better.”
“I can’t make it better. Michelle is–”
“Gone,” Emma stated. “She’s gone, and I’m sorry, babe. I am so
sorry you had to go through losing someone that meant so much to you, but just because she’s gone doesn’t mean you can’t find a way to make the business your own now or even later.” She paused. “You can figure it out.”
“I don’t know, Em. I don’t know if I even want to do it without her.”
“Yes, you do.” Emma placed a soft hand on Keira’s thigh. “Babe, you love what you do. I’ve seen you doing it. You’re amazing. It’s hard now, so you’re questioning that. I get it. But you will find your way back.”
Keira turned her face toward Emma and stared at her with watery blue eyes.
“I don’t deserve you.”
“Of course, you do.” Emma moved her hand from a thigh to Keira’s cheek. “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. I missed you. I wanted you to talk to me.”
“I didn’t want to tell you how bad it was.”
“Why not?”
“It’s embarrassing.”
“Why?”
“Emma, I want to be with you.” Keira sat up to explain. “I want to take you to dinner, and go out drinking with our friends, and–”
“I don’t care about any of that, Keira.” Emma leaned in and pressed her forehead to Keira’s “I just need you.” She exhaled. “I don’t need you to take me out. We can stay in every night and just be together. I don’t need more than that, okay?”
“But–”
“But it’s not about me, Keira,” Emma continued. She kissed Keira’s forehead and pulled back to look into her eyes. “What do you need? What can I do?”
“There’s nothing,” she replied. “I just had to accept it. I’ll wrap up my current clients and look for something part-time. I used to bartend at events. Maybe Indy can find me something.”
“Indy?” Emma lifted an inquisitive eyebrow.
“She’s connected. She can help me find a job.”
“And all you’ll have to do is sleep with her,” Emma countered.
“Em, I’m not interested in Indy, and she’s not really interested in me. She just wants a hook up. She knows I’m with you now. She won’t try anything.”
“I guess I’ll take your word for it.”
“Oh, there is something else,” Keira added.
“What?” Emma wondered what else Keira had to tell her right now.
“Kellan talked to me.”
“Okay?” Emma waited for more but was met only with eyes staring back at her. “Oh.”
“Yeah, oh.”
“She’s still in love with you.” Emma sat back against the sofa.
“That’s what she said, yeah,” Keira replied. “Em, I don’t feel the same way about her. She said she’s going to disappear for a while.”
“What does that mean?” Emma turned to glance at Keira.
Keira’s expression changed. It was as if she had planned on saying something and changed her mind, deciding to say something else instead.
“She told me she was in love with me and asked me to tell her that I didn’t feel the same way. So, I did.”
“And?”
“And then she asked me if I was in love with you,” Keira revealed.
“What did you say?” Emma gulped after asking.
“I told her that I thought I should tell you that first.” Keira shrugged.
“Oh.”
Emma wasn’t sure exactly what that meant. Did it mean she was in love with her or just that she’d tell her first when she got there?
“Em, I am,” Keira offered after a moment of shared silence. “I am in love with you.”
“You are?” She asked.
“I am,” she answered. “And it’s fast, and crazy; I know all that. And I still am.”
“I am too,” Emma shared.
Keira’s eyes lit up immediately, and she shifted to face Emma. A hand was placed in Emma’s lap, and now those bright blue eyes gave her that look again; that look that said Keira really did love her.
“You are?” she asked Emma.
“I am. Why do you think I’ve been trying to find out what’s wrong with you? I tried, and then I gave you space. That didn’t work. I tried again, and I freaked out and thought you were breaking up with me, and–”
“I wasn’t going to break up with you. Emma, I’m crazy about you.”
She smiled and leaned in. She moved so that her feet were under her body. Then, she turned that body all the way toward Emma and leaned down. Emma had no choice but to lean down too. She ended up below Keira. Keira’s arms went to either side of Emma’s head, and Emma’s hands went to Keira’s back under her shirt.
“I guess I know that now.” Emma rubbed hands up and down a warm back.
“I was stupid. I am so sorry. I still have a lot to figure out. I don’t exactly know what I’m going to do, but I do love you, Emma Colton. I want us to be together.”
“I want that too,” Emma agreed. “I’ll help however I can.”
“Just be you, okay?” Keira asked and leaned down to kiss her.
“That, I can do,” Emma pronounced and was promptly kissed.
◆◆◆
An hour later, they’d readied for sleep with Keira deciding to stay over. They were lying next to each other in Emma’s bed. Emma was happy. She was still worried, but she was happy. Keira was pressed against her chest. They were about to fall asleep. She’d missed having her there every night, and as Keira’s fingers did that thing where they danced across her skin, she recalled that time again where Keira had drawn those shapes there and how much she enjoyed their nightly routines and new morning rituals.
“Hey, I have a proposition for you,” she said.
“I’d love to get you naked, babe, but I am exhausted, and–”
“No.” Emma laughed. “Not that.”
“Now, I’m kind of disappointed.”
“I was just thinking.”
“About?”
“What if you finished your current lease and then moved in here?” Emma questioned with a hard swallow after the words came out. “I’ll have a few months left on the lease after that. We can see how it goes. If all goes well, we can maybe find a place together. And if not, then you can–”
“No,” Keira stated plainly.
“Just no? You don’t want to hear me out?”
“Emma, I can’t just move in with you.” Keira lifted her head and moved away from Emma’s body, avoiding her eyes.
“You stay here a lot anyway, and it would give you a chance to save–”
“If I wasn’t having money problems, would you be asking me this?” Keira asked, now meeting Emma’s eye. But the look she was giving made Emma wish that maybe she’d stop.
“I don’t know. Probably not.”
“I don’t want to be my girlfriend’s charity case.”
“It’s not like that, Keira. Come on.” Emma tried to slide closer to her, but Keira slid back again.
“It is, though. If we ever move in together, I want it to be because it’s a step we’re both ready to take and that we both want to take. I don’t want it to be because you feel sorry for me or want to help me.”
“I don’t feel sorry for you, for the record, but I do want to help you. I love you, Keira. I want to help. What’s wrong with that?”
“There’s nothing wrong with it, but I’m not moving in with you in two months because you want to help me.”
“What if in two months we’re both ready for it?”
“Then, I will hopefully have signed a lease somewhere, and we can talk about you moving in with me when your lease is up,” she suggested. “But I won’t live here because you want to help.”
“Keira–”
“Emma, can we not talk about this anymore? We had a nice night together after a long few days. I just want to go to sleep and forget about this part, okay?” Keira turned her body away from Emma and pulled the blanket up to her neck.
“Okay. I guess good night then.”
“Good night,” Keira replied in a tone of discontent.
Emma rolled o
ver the other way, turned off the table lamp, and closed her eyes.
CHAPTER 28
“Emma?”
This was the second time Emma had heard her name while walking down the street, which was odd because she could count on one hand the number of people she knew in this city that would even acknowledge her if they saw her.
“Oh, hi,” she replied when she turned to the side and noticed Kellan had been about to pass her.
“Hi,” Kellan replied awkwardly. Then, she bit her lower lip and looked down the street as if to best calculate how to get away. “I saw you. I figured I should say hi.”
“In case I saw you too and you didn’t?” Emma guessed.
“Yeah.” Kellan again looked toward the street. “Did you talk to Keira?” she asked and flitted her eyes in Emma’s direction before returning them to the street.
“She came over last night.”
“Good,” Kellan said. “I guess she told you.”
“She did, yeah,” Emma replied.
“And I should probably apologize to you.”
“That’s not necessary.”
“It probably is, because I didn’t have to tell her.” Her lips went into a straight line. “I could have just kept it to myself, but then Hill was giving me the third degree about being a jerk to you. I’d lied to Keira about it because I thought that made it better for her; not knowing and not making things awkward.” She glanced at Emma. “And then it seemed like she knew anyway. You two got serious, so I told her. At least then, she knew, and I wasn’t lying to my friend anymore. I’d have to deal with the disappointment of her not feeling the same way about me, but I did it once. I guess I can do it again.”
“I’m sorry.”
“You’re apologizing?” Kellan laughed. “Why?”
“Honestly, I don’t know.” Emma laughed.
“Hey, Emma’s joining us?” Greene had approached from behind Emma. “I thought it was just us. Is Keira coming too?”
“We just ran into each other,” Kellan offered when she noticed Emma seemed confused. “It’s just us,” she told Greene. Then, she looked at Emma. “I’m going to talk to her. I already spoke to Hill. I’m heading to Tahoe for a few weeks or so, to try to clear my head.”
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