She at least appreciated his honesty, if not his message.
“If there’s someone you want to talk to me about, though, Amara, we can–”
“No, Dad. There’s no one.” She stood.
She made her way outside to the pool house and readied herself for bed before looking at her phone. She’d heard it buzz a few times and ring once while she was in the shower. She knew who it was and felt no hurry to return the call. She didn’t have good news to reveal. She finally slid under the blanket and knew she needed to make the call to end the confusion on Mark’s face. She knew it would hurt him now, but she hoped he’d be able to find a woman that could love him the way he deserved.
“Hey,” she greeted him sadly. “We need to talk.”
CHAPTER 8
“So, I’m on a date with a real-life doctor?” Lucy asked as she dipped her spoon into the frozen yogurt before taking a bite.
“I’m not that kind of a doctor,” Hillary replied.
“Still counts.” Lucy gave her a smile as they walked down the street. “I’m glad we decided to get dessert first. Sometimes, it’s nice to act like a kid when you can.”
“They close early this time of year. If we didn’t get it before dinner, we would have missed out,” Hillary explained.
She’d met Lucy at the coffee shop instead of having Lucy pick her up or vice versa. She usually did that on first dates. They’d shared a cup of coffee in the place before going for a walk to get frozen yogurt and then head to dinner. It seemed wrong to Hillary to share coffee with a date in the café; it felt like her and Amara’s place. She’d had to shake herself out of it. She wasn’t on a date with Amara.
“If you’d rather we can skip dinner and go back to my place... It’s just over there.” Lucy pointed at an apartment building up on the right. “And before you think I’m just trying to get into your pants, I was thinking we could order in and watch a movie or something; easier to get to know each other in private than at a stuffy restaurant.”
“Oh, I made reservations.” Hillary dropped her empty frozen yogurt container into a trash can as they walked.
“They can be canceled, right?” The woman asked and turned slightly to Hillary. “If you don’t want to, you can just say so, though. It’s totally fine.”
“No, I can cancel the reservation.”
Hillary called the restaurant as they walked the remainder of the way toward Lucy’s apartment building. She didn’t exactly have a rule of no sex on a first date, but she hadn’t planned on doing anything besides maybe sharing a first kiss if the night went well. Going to Lucy’s place would be more comfortable, but it would also mean they’d be alone. Things happened when two people were alone together that wouldn’t happen in a crowded San Francisco restaurant on a Friday night.
They made their way into her apartment, with Lucy leading and Hillary admiring the building and then the apartment inside. Lucy lived on the top floor of the structure. It was more than evident by the space and its decorations that she had money. Hillary wasn’t sure she’d ever been in an apartment this large or this nice in the city; definitely not with someone she was on a date with.
“Wine?” Lucy asked as she hung up her jacket and took Hillary’s to do the same.
“Sure. Your place is very nice,” she commented, thinking it was a little too modern for her taste but very clean and well put together.
“Thanks. I got it in the divorce,” Lucy announced before making her way to the kitchen. “And I realize I shouldn’t have led with that.” She turned back around and made her way back to Hillary. “So, I was married until a few months ago. I planned on easing you into that, but I just blurted it all out, didn’t I?” Her face was a light shade of red.
“It’s okay. It’s a first date; we’re supposed to get to know one another, right?”
“Let me get you that wine. I think I need about two glasses before we get into anything deep.” Lucy smiled and moved back toward the kitchen.
When the woman returned, she sat two glasses of red down next to them on a glass coffee table, along with the open bottle, and used her voice to turn on the smart TV. Back at her apartment, Hillary had a hard time finding the remote to her television. The battery compartment cover had broken off a long time ago, so she’d always just covered it with tape. They settled on a movie, while Lucy ordered them dinner online, and then sipped their wine until it arrived. Once dinner had commenced, Lucy had paused the movie in order to have a conversation without missing anything.
“I guess I should fill you in now, huh?”
“You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to,” Hillary offered. “Really, I’m fine with just covering the basic first date stuff, like favorite movie or something.” She smiled at her date.
“This might not make you want another date with me, though.”
“How so?”
“The person I was married to was a man.” Lucy bit her lower lip.
“Oh.” Hillary had imagined something worse. “So, you’re newly out, then?”
“Not exactly.” Lucy took a long drink to finish her wine. “I’m bi.”
Hillary laughed and finished her own glass.
“And that’s the big secret?”
“It had caused problems in my past, when I was dating a woman. In college, they’d just assumed that I was experimenting. Even after college, I dated a woman for over a year who always kind of had a problem with it.” She paused. “It’s one of the reasons I stopped dating women for a while: every woman I was interested in seemed to have an issue with the fact that I was also attracted to men. I met my husband when I was twenty-eight. We were married for five years.”
“Why did it end?”
“Here’s the other thing that might make you not want to go on another date with me… Do I recover any points for being so revealing up front?” Lucy smiled.
“Sure,” Hillary agreed with a chuckle.
“I cheated on him with a woman I was interested in,” she confessed. “We were already on our way to divorce; we’d grown so far apart. But I met someone and made a mistake with her. I admitted it to him. He didn’t take it well. He said some things.” She lowered her head.
“About your bisexuality, I assume?”
“Yes.” She looked up at Hillary. “He actually said he thought he’d fixed that part of me, and I lost it. I couldn’t believe he would say something like that to me. I told him it was over. We started the divorce proceedings right after. How did you guess that?”
“Because I’m bi, too,” she revealed. “I’ve had issues with lesbians and men I’ve dated.”
“You’re bi?” Lucy’s spirits lifted.
“Do I give off the strictly lesbian vibe?” she joked.
“I guess I just hadn’t considered any alternatives,” Lucy explained. “So, you don’t have a problem with me being bi, I take it?”
“I don’t.” Hillary smiled at her. “And I do understand what it’s like to deal with everyone else being so confused about what it means.”
“Yes. It’s like, when I married a man, I’m suddenly straight.”
“Or, you’re dating a woman, so that makes you gay.”
“Exactly!” Lucy laughed.
Hillary enjoyed the remainder of her date with Lucy and found that they had more than just their bisexuality in common. Lucy was kind and funny. She seemed to enjoy the same kinds of movies as Hillary. They finished the one they’d started and then another before she’d finally left Lucy’s apartment sans a goodnight kiss. It had been Lucy that suggested Hillary go on her date with Nathaniel to see how that goes before they committed to another date or even to that kiss. Hillary thought that was kind of adorable. They left one another with a long hug before Hillary made her way home for the night.
As much fun as she’d had with Lucy, though, she could not get Amara out of her mind. She couldn’t stop thinking about a woman she knew nothing about – outside of her name, that she was a student at the university, showed up
to an Al-Anon meeting after it was over, and knew Mark in some capacity. She knew so much more about Lucy, and liked the woman, yet when she fell asleep that night, she could only think of what auburn hair might look like when framed around a face with bright green eyes.
◆◆◆
“I had a great time tonight,” Nathaniel told Hillary as he walked her to her front door.
“Me too.” She smiled at him as she moved to pull out her keys.
Hillary and Nathaniel had met at a restaurant. She’d planned to take a solo ride home on the train, but he’d insisted on accompanying her to her front door. It always amazed her how things changed from a date with a woman to a date with a man. Women seemed to appreciate the desire for their date to get home themselves, or at least understood it, while the men she’d dated had always insisted on getting her to her door. It was a statement on gender roles she’d included in a lecture every semester.
“Maybe I could come in for a drink,” he suggested.
“I think it’s better if we call it a night out here.”
“Is this because of my comment earlier?” he asked with an expression that showed he was apologetic. “I didn’t mean it.”
“You did. But that’s okay; I’ve heard it all before.” She unlocked the door.
“I just don’t understand it. I would love to talk to you about it further. I think I let my fragile male ego get in the way.”
“I had a nice time, Nathaniel, but I think tonight will be our last date.”
“Did you even want to go on this one?” he asked, and she could see he was slightly frustrated now. “I had to ask you three times. Just seems like maybe you went out with me but didn’t give it a chance.”
“I did give it a chance.” She opened her door. “I don’t see a connection here, Nathaniel. Have a good night, okay?”
“Fine. I’ll see you at the next meeting.” He motioned with his hand toward her door, which he pushed opened for her. “Have a good night.”
He nodded and walked back toward the elevator that would take him downstairs and then outside. Hillary closed the door behind him. She thought of texting Lucy that the conversation they’d had the night before, regarding dates and their misconception of bisexuality, had been a deal breaker again tonight. Nathaniel first told her that he was uncomfortable dating a woman who dated women. He’d followed that up with the fact that he might be comfortable with it if there was potential. Hillary had taken that to mean a potential threesome; she’d gotten that comment before. His final comment had been a question. He’d asked her if she’d still consider herself bisexual if she married a man. She’d nearly rolled her eyes at him.
It wasn’t always like that with the men she’d dated early in college. Many had expressed no problem with it and demonstrated that with their words and actions. It just hadn’t worked out with any of them. Instead of texting Lucy, though, she decided to get some work done and call it an early night. Tomorrow was Sunday. She would be meeting her friends for lunch, and they’d want all the details of her dates. She needed to store up some energy to be able to get through their interrogations.
CHAPTER 9
Amara met her father for lunch sans Mark. Mark had been at the service, as usual, and had sat in the front row – also as usual, but instead of sitting next to her, he sat on the other side of the aisle. They’d exchanged a few glances. She’d offered him an apologetic smile, but he’d left immediately after the service. Her father had been the one to tell her that Mark preferred to skip lunch with them today. That was how their relationship had always been: the two men had more conversations about their relationship than she and Mark had ever had. It was one of her many frustrations with her life.
“Mark told me that you ended things with him,” her dad told her as he sipped his water with light ice at one of their favorite restaurants near the church. “He still plans on starting work tomorrow. Will that be a problem?”
“It won’t for me. I don’t know about him, though.”
She turned her eyes to the front door when she noticed Hillary Robins, of all people, walking in with four women. How was it they continued to end up at the same places at the exact same times? Was it fate telling her she should pay attention, or was someone trying to torture her?
“Good. I’m glad. He’ll make a fine pastor one day. The church needs him.”
“Right, Dad,” she agreed but wasn’t at all confident she’d heard what he’d said.
“I’m still thinking about building that house, Amara.”
“What?” She looked at him and away from Hillary and her friends, who were sitting at a table for six near the front of the restaurant. She wondered if they were waiting for someone else. Maybe that woman from the café would join them as Hillary’s date. “The house?” she asked.
“You don’t have to live there with Mark, but you’re twenty-six. I know how much we can afford to pay you at the church, and I know how expensive everything is here. The pool house is nice, but we have the land and your grandfather’s money. We could knock down those trees, build a better house for you, and make it your own property.”
“So, it would be my house and my land?”
“Yes. I don’t want you to feel like I’m trapping you, Amara. I know it can sometimes feel that way, with how you grew up. We lost your mother when you were so young. I probably didn’t do everything I could to help you get through that. I kept you to myself more than I should. I should have let you go to college when the other kids your age were, but you seemed to enjoy your work in the church office back then.”
“I did.”
“And now?” he asked and removed his glasses as he tended to do when he was extra concerned. “Do you still enjoy your work?”
“I like it enough.”
“That’s not the answer a father wants to hear.”
“Dad, it’s fine. I’m needed at the office. Who else would help you maintain your calendar or make sure the coffee and sugar are stocked in the kitchen?”
Her job could be done by literally anyone with a brain and some minor organization skills. Amara had been doing it officially since she’d turned sixteen, but she had done some of the smaller tasks since she’d started spending so much time with her father at the church after her mother’s death.
“You’ll be finished with school next year, right? Is there something else you want to pursue with your degree?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t thought that far ahead. I went to school to get skills that would help the church.”
“And you’ve done that,” he replied. “You helped us more than you know, sweetheart. But I also want you to be happy.”
“I know, Dad,” she said instantly, but then thought better of it. “Wait... Do you mean that?”
“Mean what?” He’d gotten distracted with his grilled chicken.
“Mean that you want me to be happy?”
“Of course, honey. Have I ever given you the impression otherwise?”
“No.”
He hadn’t. He’d never made her feel like she couldn’t be happy or that he didn’t want that for her. But she’d also never been completely honest with him. She wasn’t sure if she revealed her thoughts not yet brought to voice to him if he’d back up his words with actions or choose his faith and beliefs over his daughter’s happiness. Their church was against homosexuality. She’d been taught as a child in Sunday school that it was wrong. It wasn’t something they beat into them or anything... She’d only heard her father speak of homosexuality in negative terms on a few occasions, but she wasn’t ready to test her father today at lunch either. Instead, her eyes moved to Hillary and her friends, who had ordered and received their food, which made Amara believe Hillary wasn’t waiting on a date to join her after all. That gave her a slight smile as she finished her own meal.
◆◆◆
“So, no more Nathan, but maybe more with Lucy?” Emma asked Hillary.
“Nathaniel. He told me more than once he doesn’t like Nathan,” Hi
llary remarked.
“Really? It’s such a mouthful,” Joanna added.
“I doubt he is,” Greene teased.
Everyone burst into laughter at that, including Hillary, but Hillary’s eyes were drawn elsewhere in that moment. Her laughter ceased as she noticed Amara Simmons sitting at a table with an older looking man she couldn’t see.
“Hill?” Keira tried to bring her back to attention, and when Hillary didn’t respond, Keira followed her gaze. “Are you kidding me?”
“What? I had no idea she’d be here. You chose this place,” she told Keira.
“I don’t mean that. I mean that you’re staring at her. You just need to either ask the woman out officially and be turned down, or move the hell on, Hillary.”
“She’s here, too?” Greene leaned around to see Amara. “She’s either stalking you and doing a very bad job at it, or there’s something else at work.”
“Fate?” Joanna questioned her girlfriend.
“I don’t know. Maybe,” Greene replied.
“She didn’t actually turn you down, did she?” Emma asked her.
“Not technically, no. But, basically.”
“I think Keira’s right,” Joanna said and took a drink of her mimosa. “You won’t know until you ask and either get turned down, or she accepts, and you guys go out.”
“So, you’re ganging up on me, too.” Hillary gave her newest friend a glare.
“Who are you more interested in right now?” Greene chimed in.
“What do you mean?”
“She means when you wrapped up your multitude of dates this weekend, who were you thinking about? Not Nathaniel, apparently. Were you thinking about Lucy or Amara?” Emma questioned.
Hillary lowered her head to her plate and swiped at her steamed broccoli.
“I knew it!” Keira exclaimed.
◆◆◆
Amara sat at her usual table and enjoyed her usual cup of coffee. She’d arrived even earlier than normal and started her work. She noticed the woman who’d flirted with Hillary wasn’t there. She hoped she wouldn’t arrive. She didn’t want to have to watch them flirt with one another again. Amara knew it wasn’t fair, because Hillary could flirt with whomever she wanted, but she couldn’t help how she felt.
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