“Dad? What are you doing here?” she asked.
“I was invited,” he said with an awkward smile. “Hello, Hillary. It’s nice to see you again.”
“You too, Mr. Simmons.” Hillary gave him a smile.
“You invited him?” Amara asked.
“Yes, I did.” Hillary turned to face her girlfriend. “Under one condition. He can tell you about it.” She leaned in and kissed Amara on the cheek. “I love you,” she said softly into her ear.
CHAPTER 46
“What was the condition?” Amara asked him immediately following Hillary’s move into the kitchen.
“Can we talk somewhere in private?” he asked.
She turned her head to the people in the apartment. The only place they’d be able to speak privately would be the bedroom, which could possibly smell like the sex they’d just had… The idea of her father going into Hillary’s bedroom, a room that they shared their most intimate experiences in, was too much to process.
“The hallway.” She pointed behind him.
He nodded, turned to open the door, and walked into the hall. Amara followed and closed the door behind them.
“This is where you’ve been living?” he asked.
“I have my own place,” she replied, folding her arms over her chest. “But I stay here about half the time. She stays with me pretty much the other half.”
“Right.” He nodded solemnly.
“Dad, why are you here? This seems like the last place on earth you’d want to be. Most of Hillary’s friends…” She stopped to think for a moment. “Most of my friends are lesbians. In that room, there are eight of them; plus Hillary and her friend Lucy: they’re bisexual. Trish, my new boss, and Mark are the only straight people in there. Did you come to tell us we’re all going to hell or to try to save us?”
“Neither,” he replied and cleared his throat. “I came here for your birthday.” He held up the gift bag. “This is for you.”
“Dad, I don’t want anything from you,” she said but took the bag all the same, holding it at her side. “I don’t know why Hill invited you to this.”
“Because of her condition,” he said, interrupting her thoughts. “She told me I was invited, but I could only come if I was willing to accept this part of you and support you in it.” He nodded slowly. “I thought about it.”
“You thought about accepting me?” she asked.
“I thought about whether or not I could support you,” he answered sincerely. “Not financially; you’ve made it clear that you don’t want anything like that from me, and I understand. I liked taking care of my only daughter for as long as I could, but I can see that it wasn’t good for you. You needed this.” He paused. “You needed to get out on your own.”
“I did, Dad. It was never about you.”
“I know that now.” The man nodded again. “I’ve been praying a lot. I went to your mom’s grave to talk to her. I told her about how you were starting to flourish in your life and that she would be proud of you.”
“You told her that?”
Amara had a hard time believing that her father would tell her mother that he was proud of her, given what had happened when he’d discovered she was gay.
“I did. Mark had mentioned the new job you found for yourself, and that you’re thinking about going to school full-time.”
“I am going to go full-time,” she said and crossed her arms again. “Dad, I don’t want you to support me getting a job, or an apartment, or going back to school, but not support a big piece of who I am. I am gay. I’m gay, and I’m in love with Hillary. I’m going back to school because I want to counsel teens and other people who struggle with being gay and what happens when your family doesn’t support you in it or you get bullied because of it. That will be my career one day, and I will have a wife one day. She and I will hopefully have children together.”
“I understand.” He held up his hand to stop her. “I think you can understand that this is a lot for any father to take in, Amara.”
“I do.” She slowly uncrossed her arms and held the gift bag at her side. “I get that, Dad. I’m sorry you had to find out the way you did.”
“Did you ever plan on telling me?” he asked.
She saw hurt in his eyes then.
“I hadn’t decided.”
“What would have happened if you did get married?”
“I don’t know,” she said. “I thought about it. Now that I’m with Hillary, I’ve been thinking about it a lot. I can see a future with her. That makes me think about a wedding and who’s walking me down the aisle; who’s sitting on my side of the aisle; if the ceremony is in my dad’s church or if he’s so ashamed of me, he couldn’t even show up.” She felt the tears well in her eyes.
“Honey, I’m not ashamed of you.” His hand raised to attempt to cup her cheek but lowered it down instead. “I’m trying to understand this new part of you.”
“But it’s not new, Dad. It’s always been there.”
“Amara, it’s new to me. It’s new to me, sweetheart. You’ve known about this part of yourself for a long time. I just found out. I need some time to adjust.”
“Adjust?”
“Honey, I want to be a part of your life.” He sighed. “I actually like Hillary. She seems like a smart, strong woman. Yes, if I had my way, I suppose I’d prefer you and she were friends and that you were still with Mark. But I understand that won’t happen. I just need time to adjust my way of thinking.”
“And you’re willing to do that?” Amara asked with a little hope in her voice.
“I’m willing to try. But you need to be patient with me.”
“Okay. I can do that.”
“I will, likely, say the wrong thing or do something that’s not right.”
“I understand.”
“Mark actually told me there’s a group that meets at the rec center.”
“A group?” she asked.
“A support group for parents who have…” He didn’t finish.
“Gay children?”
“Yes. I would consider going to a meeting one day. I just need some more time to reconcile this with what I was taught by my father and what my faith teaches me.”
Amara allowed herself to take a deep breath before responding. This wasn’t the perfect, happy ending with her father she’d been secretly hoping for. She’d had this vision of her father holding her hand, telling her that he loved her for exactly who she was and that he wanted to be in her life all the way. That was unlikely to happen, but she was willing to entertain the fact that her father was here, that he had heard Hillary’s one condition and had taken it seriously.
“If it would help, maybe we can sit down and talk about it,” she offered. “I’ve had the same problem reconciling how I felt with what the church teaches.”
“That would be nice.” Her father smiled at her.
“Can I open this?” Amara held up the gift bag.
“Of course.”
She shuffled around the tissue paper until she revealed a small box and a book. She worried for a moment that he’d given her a book about how homosexuality could be cured or something, but when she slid it out, she noticed it was a Bible.
“Is this Mom’s?”
“It’s the one I promised you.”
She stared down at her mother’s second Bible. The first, she had neatly stored in her new bedside table. She’d sometimes pull it out and read her mother’s notes or attempt to pull a scent from the now papery and brittle red rose. This one was made of brown leather. When Amara opened it, she saw her mother’s name written on the inside cover.
“Thank you,” she said softly.
She held the book to her chest. She knew in that moment, as he smiled at her, that she would never tell him about her mother’s past love. She would never hurt him like that or force him to question her mother’s love for him.
“It’s always belonged to you.”
She then picked the small box out of the bag with he
r free hand and lifted the lid. She burst out laughing when she saw what he’d bought for her.
“Dad… Really?”
He laughed as well.
“I didn’t know what to get you. I thought about money, but I knew you wouldn’t accept it.” He kept laughing. “Have I already done something wrong?”
She slid the lid back on, tucked both the box and the book back into the bag, and reached her arms around her father’s neck to hug him.
“No, Dad.”
Her father had bought her a ridiculous pair of earrings that were shaped like two colorful rainbows.
◆◆◆
Hillary stared nervously at the door. Amara and her father had been out there for a while now. She gnawed on a carrot stick to try to distract herself from thinking that the sex she’d just shared with her girlfriend might be the last if Amara was angry with her for inviting her father.
“You okay?” Kellan asked.
“I’m worried about her.”
“I can see that. I think you’re about to eat your own finger there, Hill.” Kellan motioned to the carrot stick.
“Oh.” She tossed it into the trash. “It’s been a long time, right?”
“Want me to take your mind off it?” Kellan questioned. “I’ve got something to talk to you about.”
“By all means.”
Kellan glanced around the room, apparently found what she was looking for, smiled, and turned back to Hillary.
“I’m going to propose to Reese,” she said.
“Really? Now?” Hillary smiled at her friend.
“Not tonight. We’re actually staying here for the week. Her sister and I have planned it all out. She doesn’t know anything. Remy’s driving in on Monday with her boyfriend. I wanted to propose to Reese at Golden Gate Park. She’s never been. I thought we’d spend the day together, exploring the city. You guys could join us after the proposal at sunset. Of course, I’m just assuming she’s going to say yes…”
“Kell, that’s amazing. She’ll definitely say yes. She’s in love with you.”
“Can you and Amara be there? I’m planning on doing it Wednesday night. It’s our anniversary.”
“Of course. I’ll tell her later.”
Hillary’s eyes shifted with the sound of the door opening. Amara had a smile on her face. That was a good thing. Her father had a smile on his face as well. Both of those facts meant Hillary wasn’t in trouble, right? She waited by the table as Kellan moved away and Amara approached. Her father had made his way over to Mark, who was talking to the other Amara and her wife. Hillary watched as Mark re-introduced Amara to the man after all these years, and then she introduced him to Marissa.
“On a scale from one to ten, how much trouble am I in?” Hillary asked with what she hoped was an apologetic expression.
“Zero.” Amara smiled at her, wrapped her arms around Hillary’s neck, and pulled her in. “I love you.”
“I love you.” Hillary finally allowed herself to smile.
“I’ll fill you in on everything later, but it’s okay,” Amara said and pulled back to meet Hillary’s eyes. “If it’s alright with you, I’d like to enjoy the rest of my birthday party.”
“More than alright.”
Hillary moved to lean in but stopped herself; Amara’s father was looking right at them. Amara caught onto her girlfriend’s expression and turned to see her father staring at them with a soft expression on his face.
“Hey,” Amara said.
“What?”
“It’s okay,” Amara told her, then leaned in, pressed her lips to Hillary’s, and they shared a slow, rebellious kiss. When they pulled back, Amara said, “I’m not afraid anymore.”
“Then, I won’t be either.” Hillary leaned back in and kissed her again.
EPILOGUE
“I think that’s good for tonight,” Hillary said.
The group of nine people stood and started milling about the room, saying their goodbyes until next time, while Hillary began stacking the chairs against the wall.
“How did it feel?” Mark asked when he approached.
“I was nervous. Could you tell?” she asked.
“No. You did great,” he offered and gave her shoulder a squeeze. “I thought Amara might be here for your first solo.”
“She’s with her dad,” Hillary began. “They’re having dinner at the house tonight. I didn’t want her here; I would’ve been even more nervous.”
“I’ll see you next week, then. Same time?”
“I’ll be here.”
Mark walked off, and the room emptied. Hillary continued to stack chairs. Then, she tossed out the old food containers and cleaned the coffee pot. Tonight, she’d led her first Al-Anon meeting as the facilitator. She’d been working on it with Mark for the past several months and had partnered with him a few times, but tonight was her first meeting on her own. He’d been there for moral support, of course, but she’d led the session of sharing and discussion on her own, and it felt good.
She made her way to Amara’s apartment and let herself in with her key. Amara would be back from dinner with her father soon. It was their six-month anniversary. Well, it was one of their anniversaries. Technically, it was their six-month anniversary of the first time they’d made love. Hillary planned on making it count. She’d brought candles with her and made quick work of providing Amara’s studio with mood lighting. She also put the flowers she’d bought into the only vase under Amara’s sink, placed them on her coffee table, and then went to change into something a lot less comfortable than the jeans she’d had on.
Amara’s father had assisted with her surprise by inviting Amara to dinner. Hillary planned to spend the entire night making love to her beautiful girlfriend. She also planned on asking Amara to move in together when her lease on the studio was up. Technically, she had several months left, but if Amara said yes, Hillary wanted them to start trying to find a place that they both wanted together. Her apartment was fine; Amara’s was okay. Hillary wanted a real home with Amara, though. She wanted them to go through the whole experience together where they look at the listings, narrow things down, and find their perfect first place together.
She sat on the edge of the bed but worried that wasn’t the sexiest of positions. So, she moved to lie down and looked at the door with her head on her elbow. But that didn’t feel right either. She stood up then, placed her hand on her hip, and tried to do something with her legs that looked sexy, feeling anything but. As she tried to find a suitable position that suggested that Amara should take her then and there, the door unlocked, and her girlfriend stood in the doorway.
“Oh.” Amara closed the door quickly. “This is a nice surprise.” She smirked at Hillary.
“That’s what I was going for,” Hillary said.
Amara dropped her laptop bag off on the sofa and hurriedly made her way to Hillary. Her arms went around Hillary’s waist and she looked her up and down.
“God, babe. You’re so sexy. I think I need to start working out with you so I can keep up.” Amara slid a hand up and down Hillary’s skin, and Hillary felt her fingertips against the flat of her stomach. “What brought this on?”
“It’s been six months since the first time we made love.” Hillary wrapped her arms around Amara’s neck. “I thought we could spend all night replaying that morning and adding in some of the new experiences we’ve shared,” she said suggestively.
Amara moved them backward until Hillary’s legs were against the side of the bed. She then pushed Hillary down gently and stared at her: desire was clear in her girlfriend’s expression. Amara removed her cardigan first. Her white button-down came next, but she removed it slowly and seemed to enjoy Hillary watching as she teased. She undid the clasp of her bra and the button on her jeans, lowered the bra and the jeans to the floor, and took her panties with them. She slid on top of Hillary and lowered herself into her right after. She met Hillary’s eyes, and Hillary ran her hands up and down Amara’s naked back.
“I want to grow old with you, Hillary Robins.” Amara kissed her nose.
“What brought that statement on?” Hillary asked while running her fingers through Amara’s hair.
“I was just thinking about things today. I knew it was our anniversary. I guess it had me reminiscing and thinking about the future.”
“Anything specific I should know about?” Hillary asked as she kissed Amara’s forehead.
“I have two more years before I finish school,” the woman replied as she moved her hips not so subtly into Hillary’s.
“Yes. And then, you’re going for your graduate degree, right?” Hillary asked. “Also, do we have to talk about this now? I’ve been ready for you all day.” She grasped Amara’s ass, encouraging her to rock harder.
“I want to start saving for a house, Hill. I want that house in the suburbs with you. And I want to try to put money away to get there as soon as we can.”
“Really?” Hillary asked as she began to lose all train of thought from the kisses Amara was applying to her neck. “Are you sure you will have had enough time on your own by then? My goal is that once you and I are living together, neither of us is ever living alone again,” Hillary said.
“I like that.” Amara smiled down at her. “And yes, I know what I want, Hillary. I’m sure.”
“Then, so am I,” Hillary replied.
◆◆◆
The next day, Amara hung her apron on the hook and made her way around the counter to where Hillary was sitting at her usual table, drinking her usual coffee. Amara took a sip of it, pulled her laptop out of the bag she’d stowed near Hillary’s foot, and began her work on a paper for school. Every so often, she’d raise her eyes and find a beautiful woman staring back at her. Before, those eyes belonged to a woman she didn’t know at all. Now, they belonged to her girlfriend, the woman she knew she’d spend the rest of her life with.
San Francisco Series- Complete Edition Page 93