“I know that. I guess I’ve had a rough go of it recently, and I took that out on you.”
“Dad, is this about Shelly?” Amara asked him, putting two and two together. “Did she cheat on you?”
He’d dated only a few women in recent years. One of them had been for about six months. Her name was Shelly, and they’d met at the grocery store where she worked. Their relationship had ended only two weeks ago.
“She told me the night she ended things, yes.”
“Oh, Dad… I’m sorry,” she said.
“It’s fine.” He chuckled. “It hurt, of course, but it’s fine. Anyway, when I heard that woman on the phone, I think I might have been speaking from my own experience than anything else.”
“Dad, Caroline’s call aside, we need to talk about the other thing,” Amara said.
“I know.” He nodded and swallowed. “I don’t want to, but I know.”
“Should I go for this part?” Hillary asked.
“No, honey,” he replied. “You’re family now.” He smiled at her. “You can stay.”
“I’m sorry you found out the way you did, Dad,” Amara said.
“I’m sorry I held onto it for so long that I yelled at you yesterday.”
“Why did you?” she asked.
“Well, I suppose – in the beginning – it was because I didn’t believe what I’d read. I couldn’t take the Bible home with me without you noticing, so I’d only caught some of what was in there. I returned to it the next time I was there when I had a moment to read the rest, and it felt like I was seeing into part of your mother I never knew.” He paused, and Amara saw him gulp. “I thought I knew everything about her.”
“So did I,” she said.
“It took me a long time to talk to the other Amara. Almost a year, I think. I had some starts and stops. I knew you had her address, but I didn’t want to ask you or snoop around your home. I looked her up and went there, sitting outside in the car for a few hours sometimes.”
“Dad…”
“I know. It’s pathetic,” he said with a laugh. “When I finally confronted her, she told me the beginning of the story. I didn’t believe her. I couldn’t believe that my wife could love a woman in the way that she’d loved me.”
“Dad, you know Hillary’s bisexual, right?”
“Yes, I do. And I mean no disrespect, Hillary. It wasn’t about sexuality. If the older Amara had been a man and my wife had hidden their relationship, I would have felt the same confusion.”
“It’s okay. I understand,” Hillary said.
“She and I argued. It was all my fault. I still feel terrible.”
“You said she told you the beginning of the story?”
“Well, I didn’t want to hear the middle.” He gulped again. “Or the end,”
“She chose you, Dad.”
“I know. And I’m grateful for that. I’m grateful for every day I had with her. But it doesn’t stop the questions in my mind. When I was leaving Amara’s place, I’d angered her so much, she told me what happened the night of your mom’s crash. She said she’d propositioned your mother, and your mother went home with me. That doesn’t actually answer anything though, does it? Did she choose me that night, when Amara propositioned her, because Amara was with another woman and she and I had you? Did she turn the woman down because of you; not because of me? Was it about me at all?”
“Dad, she loved you.”
“I know that. But it makes me wonder if she was in love with me. She struggled with that part of her in the same way I think you did before you met Hillary. She chose to push that part of herself down. She married me. I don’t know if she married me because she was pretending to be something she wasn’t or if she loved me in the way that I loved her. Maybe she was bisexual, too.”
“Maybe,” Amara said softly as she squeezed Hillary’s hand.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I shouldn’t have yelled at you.”
“It’s okay. I hate fighting with you,” Amara replied.
“I hate it, too, sweetheart.” He slid his hands up and down his khaki pants. “I guess I’ll have to wait until I get to heaven to ask your mother these questions, huh?”
“I guess so,” she said. “Did you ever go back to Amara?”
“No. I think she’s done talking to me. I wasn’t kind to her.”
“Maybe if you apologized to her, she’d be willing to tell you the rest of the story.”
“Apologize to the woman who tried to…” He stopped and cleared his throat. “I thought your mother just had a very close friend. I still held onto that, even when I met this woman. I tried to pretend like she was lying to me about your mother for some reason. I didn’t want to believe that…”
“They were in love?” she asked. “They were, though, Dad.”
“I know that now. I knew that yesterday. I shouldn’t have yelled at my daughter for trying to speak the truth. It’s been a rough few weeks, with Shelly leaving and then the call from this Caroline woman. I didn’t handle any of it well.”
“When we come back from our honeymoon, maybe you and I can go talk to Amara.”
“Do you see her often?” he asked and appeared to be genuinely curious.
Amara leaned back against the sofa when Hillary’s protective arm wrapped around her shoulders and said, “No. I haven’t spoken to her in years.” She shrugged. “I hadn’t planned on speaking with her again. She told me about what happened that night. When I found out she’d tried to talk Mom into being with her again, that was pretty much it for me.”
“Your mom chose us, Amara,” he said more to comfort her than himself.
“I know that. The rest just kind of falls away with time,” Amara encouraged him. “I’ll never know those answers about Mom. That has to be okay. It has to be okay knowing that she would have gone home with you that night. She would have checked on me and probably tucked me in again, since I used to kick off my blankets.”
“You still do,” Hillary said, providing some levity.
Amara smiled at her and corrected, “Only sometimes.”
“That’s true,” Hillary agreed with a soft smile in her direction.
“It makes you look back,” he said as he looked at them fondly. “It makes you rethink every special moment you had with the person you loved when you find out something like this.”
“Dad…”
“I look at you two now, and I can see how much you love one another. I’m so happy you found each other. I’m so happy Hillary helped bring you out of your shell, and that you two challenge each other to be better people. I just wanted you to know that.”
“Thank you,” she said, placing her hand on Hillary’s thigh.
She couldn’t believe how far her father had come. He’d seen them kissing before she’d had a chance to come out to him and reacted how she’d anticipated a devout man of God would react to his only daughter kissing another woman. It took them a long time to get to the place where Hillary could kiss her in front of him, wrap her arm around her, and for Amara to have a hand on her wife’s thigh. Her wife. Hillary was her wife. Just the fact that he’d been at their ceremony, had thrown them a brunch afterward, and was now staring at them lovingly had her loving her father even more.
“I have to run,” he said. “I only came home to pick up some food for the church potluck. I was on my way back out when you two showed up.” He stood, signaling to them that he was probably done talking about this; at least for today.
“I guess we’ll see you when we get back, then,” Amara said, standing with Hillary.
“You two have fun, relax, and don’t think about this or worry about me at all.”
“Well, we’ll worry, but that’s just because we love you,” Hillary said.
Amara looked over at her and felt her heart burst with happiness and pride at how her wife had changed with time, too. When they’d met officially, Hillary was having her own self-esteem issues. Caroline had done a number on her, and it showed. The relations
hip between Hillary and her father hadn’t always been great. Initially, his rejection of them as a couple had hurt Hillary, despite how she’d tried to be so strong for Amara. They’d built more of a friendship over time, but this moment might just be the first time Amara had heard Hillary say that she loved her father.
“I expect to see some pictures of this island you’re going to when you return,” the man said with a smile as he ushered them in the direction of the front door. “And will you join me at church when you get back? Just for the PFLAG meeting? It’s helpful for me as the leader to have my daughter and her new wife show up. It makes it seem a lot easier for my parishioners to find ways to support their friends and family.”
“Sure,” Hillary answered for them. “Happy to help at show and tell,” she teased.
They’d been to the meetings a few times. Sometimes, they just sat there next to Amara’s father as he spoke or listened to the other participants. Sometimes, Amara spoke as a counselor of young people struggling with their sexuality or dealing with a family that didn’t support them. They’d go again whenever they could for as long as he wanted. Hillary had actually taken over Mark’s old job as a facilitator of the Al-Anon meetings at the church. Mark had taken a more active role in the church and didn’t have enough time left over in the day to facilitate them. She’d been proud of her wife then, too.
◆◆◆
Hillary and Amara hadn’t ever taken a real vacation together. When they’d first met, neither of them was well-off. Amara was still living with her father. He paid all the bills while she worked in the church office as a receptionist, assistant, and an office manager in one. It had been so important to her that she live on her own before she and Hillary moved in together; and she’d done that. Later, when they’d gotten engaged, they moved in together. They started saving for their dream house shortly after they met. It took them years of working hard to save up enough for a nice‑sized down payment. The rest of the money was for this vacation. Two weeks in Hawaii – bouncing from island to island if they chose, or staying just on Oahu and Maui if they wanted. They’d booked one week on each island at a five-star resort. They planned on pampering themselves, enjoying the best food the islands had to offer. They’d also have couple’s massages, swim in the clear ocean, and make love in their honeymoon suite.
“Babe, do you want to go to the big island?” Amara asked her.
“I thought we decided we might do a day trip, but maybe not.”
“I want to go to the Volcanoes National Park,” Amara explained with an excited smile.
Hillary glanced over at the brochure Amara had opened about halfway through the flight. Her wife had packed several brochures in her carry-on. Instead of just sleeping or watching the in-flight movie like most people, Amara was still planning the trip they were on their way to.
“Amara, we’re literally on a plane to Oahu right now,” she said through some laughter.
“You know I’m not exactly a world traveler. I’m excited, Hill. We’re sitting in these amazing first-class seats. We’re going to stay in this perfect resort. It’s finally happening, and I’m kind of freaking out about missing stuff.”
“We’ll just come back again.”
“In, like, a decade? That’s how long it’s going to take for us to be able to afford a trip like this again.” She laughed.
“You’re really adorable right now,” Hillary said as she smiled at her wife.
“How did you get that from–”
Hillary leaned over the separator between their lush seats and kissed her wife. The moment their lips connected, she knew she wouldn’t ever want to stop kissing this woman. Amara’s tongue slid between Hillary’s lips. Hillary moaned slightly and was glad for the sound of the plane’s engines covering up the sound.
“I’m pulling the thing,” Hillary said between kisses.
“What thing?” Amara asked as Hillary moved to pull the curtain that gave them a modicum of privacy from the rest of the passengers. “Oh.” She met Hillary’s eyes as Hillary moved to kneel in front of her. “Babe, no. We can’t.” Amara’s eyes went wide.
“Do you remember that first time in my office?” Hillary asked as she pulled at the comfortable sweats Amara had worn for the flight. “I was on the floor in front of you, like this.”
“Hill, what if someone sees?” Amara asked, covering Hillary’s hands on the waistband over pants.
“They won’t. The engines will cover your sounds.” She winked up at her. “And literally everyone in first class is either asleep or wearing noise-canceling headphones. The curtain says we want privacy. If someone wants to risk that, that’s on them.” Hillary’s eyes lowered to Amara’s hands covering her own. “Join the mile-high club with me, babe?”
“Never in a million years would I have thought…” Amara didn’t finish. She just watched as Hillary tugged at her pants. She lifted her hips to allow Hillary to pull them down to her ankles and then watched with now hooded eyelids as her sexy wife removed her underwear to join the pants. “You’re really hot right now,” she said when Hillary’s lips met the inside of her right thigh.
“So are you,” Hillary replied, pressing her hands to the inside of Amara’s thighs to encourage her to spread her legs. “I want you, and it can’t wait until after we land, drive to the resort, get checked in, and finally have some time alone.”
“Then, take me,” Amara said.
Hillary marveled at her wife from her position on the floor. She thanked the stars above that they’d splurged for first-class seats because she planned on taking full advantage of this extra legroom. She used her fingers to spread Amara, leaned in, and licked her center hard. Amara gasped at the first touch. Then, she seemed to sink further into her seat. Hillary pressed in further, loving the taste of her wife as she licked and sucked her harder and faster as she went. Amara’s hand covered the back of her head, pushing her in more. A moment later, Hillary heard the sound of the flight attendants moving their cart down the aisle. She stopped her movements. Then, she felt Amara move around a little. Suddenly, the airline blanket was placed over Hillary, as if that would stop someone from noticing a human body on the floor in front of Amara.
“Don’t stop,” Amara said just above a whisper.
This woman had come from being so shy, it had taken them more than a year to actually talk for the first time. Hillary had played a part in that, sure, but Amara had been in the closet, dating Mark and working for her father. When they’d made love for the first time, it had been this perfect experience for both of them. The next day, Hillary had gone down on her knees in her office on campus to pleasure Amara, and that had been a stretch. She hadn’t been sure Amara would want to go that far, that soon. Anyone could have interrupted the moment, but she’d let Hillary take her. Over the years, Amara had gotten even more adventurous. Now, Hillary was sucking her clit hard as her tongue attempted to flick it side to side. Amara came silently, pressing Hillary into her as hard as she could before she finally let go of Hillary’s head to signal she was done. Hillary lifted her head out of the blanket and smirked up at her.
“How was it?” Hillary asked her.
“You can tell me when we switch places,” Amara replied as she reached for her underwear and pants, shifting Hillary back to her own seat in the process. “You. Here. Now.” She pointed to her window seat.
“I love when you’re demanding like that,” Hillary said, switching seats with her wife once Amara had her pants back on.
Amara moved into Hillary’s aisle seat first. She opened the curtain just barely and said something to someone just outside it. Then, she pulled it back to cover them.
“They’re coming around with drinks. I told them you were sleeping and that we’re good. I asked them to leave us alone until we’re landing.” Her eyes got big. “But politely,” she added.
“I love you.” Hillary laughed at her wife.
“Good. Undo your belt buckle,” she commanded.
◆◆◆
“Dad, if you don’t want to do this, we don’t have to. I can call her and cancel,” Amara said as she took her father’s hand.
“I can turn the car around,” Hillary offered as they drove.
A week after they’d returned, she’d spoken with her father about the possibility of meeting with the older Amara; in a way, to get him whatever kind of closure he could get. He hadn’t been sure at first, but then he’d made the decision. Amara had called her namesake for him. She’d thought about warning the woman to give him the information he wanted, but to do so carefully. She didn’t, though. Her father wanted the full truth; whatever that truth may be. She would allow him to get it.
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