I’m in shock over the fact that Charlie would keep something like that from me. He knows how I feel. What if Jackson is lying? I don’t understand this total turnabout. I mean I feel like I know Charlie now and I just don’t think he would do that. I’m so confused. Who the hell are my true friends? I mean if Charlie was keeping that from me…. besides my feelings for Jackson personally, having him on the inside would totally benefit the missions. I can’t imagine Charlie putting his personal feelings for me before our goal to take out my uncle.
“And Brooklyn?” Obviously, noticing he didn’t answer that question.
“I’m breaking it off as soon as I can.” I start to feel the pain lift from my heart, but…
“Wait, why not now?”
“Patience, I’m trying to not draw suspicion to me. But… I haven’t been with her in that way for a long time. She is actually starting to notice my withdrawal, but I find I don’t care anymore.” I don’t want to hear any more about Brooklyn, so I change the subject.
“Jackson, why would Charlie not tell me?” I ask. Jackson eyes start from my toes all the way up to my face. My body warms under his hot gaze.
“I’m pretty sure I know why.” He says with a wink. He turns to me and pulls me into his arms again. He gives me a searing kiss.
“I have to go.” He whispers, “Definitely buy that.” He says, quickly leaving the dressing room. I suddenly feel cold when before I was hot. That is the effect Jackson has on me. I feel a flash of guilt as thoughts of Charlie flood my mind. But I shake it off and replace it with anger. How could he keep it from me?
I quickly change into my clothes and pick up the lingerie off the ground. I decide I am going to buy it. Apparently, it works great on guys. I enter the main area and quickly purchase it. As I’m paying with cash, Julia walks up beside me. She has a multicolored pile of different sets of lingerie. I laugh at her as she shoves it all on the counter. She just smiles back.
“Special occasion?” The saleslady asks with a knowing smile.
“Honeymoon,” Julia says, giving me a wink. The saleslady congratulates her, and I can tell she is thinking about how young Julia is. I decide to play along with it and shock the lady.
“Oh baby, you are going to look amazing. I can’t wait to see you in them.” I say, seductively, placing my hand on top of Julia’s giving her an adoring look.
We laugh all the way back to the parking lot about the expression of shock on the saleslady’s face.
“Uh, congratulations to you… both.” Julia says, mimicking the stuttering saleslady to perfection. She sends me into another round of laughter, and I realize it feels good to laugh again. I haven’t found a lot of joy lately but being with my best friend was exactly what I needed.
Julia starts driving and I’m just waiting. I know she is about to bust.
“Sooo…” Awe here we go, “That was pretty hot in the dressing room.” She says, slyly.
“Yeah, it was.”
“So, I would say that Jackson is in the lead for your heart.”
“I don’t know, yet, Julia.” I proceed to tell her what Jackson said.
“Why would Charlie keep it from you?” She asks, puzzled, “It doesn’t sound like something he would do.”
“That is kind of what I thought, but it looks like we will be having quite the conversation when I get back.” I huff out. “Anyway, enough about my drama. We never talked about Logan and you. I take it from all the skimpy underwear, you two made up?” She gives me a big grin.
“Well, yes we did make up, but I also wanted to give him something to think about when he goes out in the club.” She says.
“So, you are going to turn him on and then send him into a club with a lot of skanky dressed women?” I say, jokingly. Her face falls and I can almost see the panic.
“I’m kidding!!!” I exclaim, not wanting to send her into depression again.
“Jules, he is going on a mission, he is not going to do anything with anyone and if he did, I’m there. I would never let him get in a situation that would make you uncomfortable.”
“I know, you’re right. I’m just being stupid.”
“Jules, he loves you. Have faith in it. He had his chance to be with other girls and he didn’t because he wanted you.” I think I’m convincing her; her face is softening.
“I’m just unsure of people in general. I’ve been let down too many times. My mother….” She trails off, but I can see the pain there. Her mother is a bitch, plain and simple. She never showed Julia any kind of affection or love. She was so hard on her. It is amazing how Julia turned out to be so sweet and loyal.
“You have me, and you have Logan.” I say, but I see her holding back something.
“What’s wrong?” I ask.
“I don’t want you to take this the wrong way. But you let me down too.” I’m a little shocked, but she stops me from protesting.
“No, listen. What I mean is…you just left without telling me. I understand now that you were trying to protect us, but at the time I was so hurt. I thought you abandoned me too.” She says with tears in her eyes.
“I’m so sorry, Jules. I would never leave you intentionally. You are truly the greatest person I know and I’m very lucky you are my best friend. I love you like a sister, in fact, you are my sister.” I say, smiling at her. She finally grins back, and I feel much better.
“Same here.”
“Look, everything will be okay. Somehow. We just need to take it one day at a time and instead of waiting for the hatchet to fall, live today, cuz it may never fall, babe.” I can see her taking it in.
“You are right.” She says nodding.
“No regrets, lady!” I say, and we fist bump.
“No regrets.” She says back.
When we get back to the house, Julia takes two steps at a time to get upstairs to Logan. I’m not as enthusiastic about confronting Charlie. I just want to get it over with though. I drop my bags on the kitchen table and head into the office. I’m surprised to find it empty. I check out back and I don’t see him training. I grab my bags and head upstairs. I pass Logan and Julia’s room. From the sounds coming from there, they have made up. I smile, happy she is taking my advice and living in the moment.
I walk into my room and set down my bags. I’m shocked when I see Charlie lying on my bed. He is sound asleep. I walk over to the side of the bed and I can see the bruises on his cheek bone. His nose is slightly swelled. Without his hat on, his blond hair is tousled around his head. In one of my classes at the Organization, I saw a book that had pictures of the Greek gods. When I look at Charlie, I’m reminded of the Greek God Adonis. Charlie looks so peaceful with his relaxed features. My heart swells with a sweet sensation. My anger disappears when I see he is snuggled with one of my pillows. I don’t dare wake him up. He looks to be in a deep sleep, and he needs it. I know he keeps late hours looking for clues on my uncle and running legitimate missions. I caress his cheek, trying to ignore the guilt gnawing on my stomach and leave my room. Why does someone have to get hurt?
I settle myself in the living room in front of the television with a bowl of chocolate ice cream. I’m watching the news and I’m surprised when the news lady pops on and is sticking a mic in my uncle’s face as he leaves a restaurant. I turn it up.
“Your niece, Carter Drazen, claims that she was never missing and that you knew where she was the whole time. Is this true? Did you know where she was?”
My uncle starts to walk away, but stops and turns around, smiling into the camera. I feel like he is smiling at me directly.
“My niece has gone through a very difficult time. She isn’t thinking clearly, and we are seeking help for her.”
“Are you saying she is mentally ill?”
“I’m saying that she is extremely stressed and disturbed. So please excuse any comments she may make at the moment and understand her position. She just lost both parents recently. With that said, I truly do not understand why she would say that about me. I’m do
ing everything I can to continue to support and help her at this time. Thank you and have a good evening.”
The reporters continue to badger him with questions about me and the investigation on my parent’s murder, but he continues to walk away from them with a dismissal wave. I throw a pillow at the wall beside the tv.
“LIAR!” I yell my frustration. I cannot believe he is going this far. I have to give it to him. He turned the tables. By claiming, I’m mentally disturbed, he is discrediting me. I mean, with all I have gone through, it would be easy to assume a nineteen-year-old girl couldn’t handle it. I need to get things back on track. I finish my ice cream with cold determination, slamming it in the sink with a clatter. I head to the office and start making new plans.
Chapter Twenty-Five
I’ve been at it for a few hours, but I think I have a solid plan for tomorrow night’s mission. I’m running through it again, looking for any holes, when Charlie walks in yawning. My stomach clenches at the thought of confronting him about Jackson, but I need to pull up my big girl britches.
“Hey, where did you go?” He asks, pulling up a chair.
“Shopping.” I say, not meaning to be short with him. He just pops open an energy drink that was on the desk. I look at him, ready for him to explain what happened between Jackson and him, but he just starts sorting through papers.
“Charlie.” I say, catching his attention with my serious tone.
“What’s wrong?” He asks, his green eyes reflecting the lights from the computer screens.
“Is Jackson our inside guy?” I see the guilt pass by his face, and I know Jackson was telling the truth.
“Why would you keep that from me? Do you realize how important that is for our mission?”
“Let me explain.” He says. I wait while he sets down the papers and turns to me, grabbing my hands.
“Look, I think it is obvious that I care about you. When Jackson had a sudden change of heart, it shot up some red flags. Do I think he is working for your uncle? I don’t know for sure. I know that you have strong feelings for him and with your history with him; I knew you would welcome him with open arms. I’m not that trusting. Your safety is my priority. I don’t want to see you get hurt. Jackson has the capabilities to really hurt you.”
“I don’t believe he would hurt me.” I say with conviction. Charlie shakes his head.
“That is why I didn’t tell you.”
“That is not your place.”
“Damn it Carter, what hold does he have over you? He is not a boy scout. Look at the pain he has already caused you. What if he is just playing with you? Your uncle will use any weakness you have against you. Jackson is your weakness.” I ignore that statement, but I can’t help but agree that he is right. I would never admit that to him though.
“He is not the issue. The issue is that you did not let me make that decision for myself. He gave you a message for me and you deliberately didn’t tell me. Quit being a jealous ass.”
“Jealous!” He yells, standing up, pissed. “I’m risking my life. Julia and Logan are risking their lives to help you. You would risk us over a stupid crush. I am trying to protect us all. You would throw all this hard work and us under the bus because of him.”
“That is not true!” I yell, standing up. “If you truly feel that way, then leave, I don’t need you. This is my fight. You don’t have to risk your life; I didn’t ask you too.”
“Fine, see how far you get without me.” He yells, slamming the office door behind him. Immediately, I want to rush out after him. I know I made a mistake. I shouldn’t have said I didn’t need him. He is right. What is wrong with me? Is he right about Jackson? Am I letting my personal feelings judge Jackson? He is right when he said I would immediately trust Jackson. I always have. But maybe I should question Jackson’s sudden loyalty change. But I’m such a stubborn ass, that I let my anger lash out at him. I’m not even angry at him, I’m angry at myself.
The door opens and I’m hoping that Charlie has come back, but Julia stands in the doorway.
“What happened?” She asks, stunned.
“I’m an idiot.” I say, slumping in the chair.
“Well, don’t just sit there, go after him.”
“I don’t know where he went. Do you?”
“No, I heard the car squeal out of the driveway. That’s when I knew something was wrong.”
Tears start to pool in my eyes, I look up at her. “Jules, I’m so sorry.”
“What for?”
“For getting you guys involved. Charlie said I was risking all your lives and he was right. This is my fight and I’m dragging you into it.”
“Hey, this isn’t just your fight anymore. The organization is not what it was. We chose to be here. We are fighting for what is right. What your uncle is doing is wrong. He is the traitor, not us. We are sticking to our mission, our oath. If we take out your uncle, we are protecting this nation.”
I give her a hug. “Thank you.”
“He will come back. He just needs to cool off.” She says, patting me on the back.
“I hope your right.”
As I was getting ready for bed that night, I strained my ears for any indication that Charlie returned, but he didn’t. I stayed up, waiting to apologize. I called his phone and he didn’t answer. I didn’t want to risk texting or leaving a message. I finally fell into a fitful sleep where nightmares of my uncle killing my friends one by one woke me in a blind panic. It was the middle of the night when I got up and checked Charlie’s room. His bed was made. He still hadn’t come home. Where was he? Was he okay? There was nagging feeling that something bad had happened to him.
I woke up the next morning after finally succumbing to a restless sleep. I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was very wrong. I checked in Charlie’s room and the bed was still made. The feeling grew stronger. I hurried down and checked the office. Empty. My gut drops. Did my uncle get a hold of him? I start panicking. Oh my god, what am I going to do? I need to call Jackson. Maybe he knows where Charlie is. I pick up the phone to call when I hear the front door slam open. I rush out and I gasp at what I see. Charlie. Charlie is bruised and bloody. I pause with my hand over my chest in shock. He starts to stumble, and it breaks me out of my stupor. I run towards him, grabbing him around the waist, holding him up. I steer him to the couch. He collapses, holding onto his side. I start fussing over him, but he just swipes my hands away. I give up and settle next to him.
“What happened?” I say in a whisper, unable to form anything more.
“Your uncle.” He says, groaning.
“My uncle did this to you?” I say, outrage pouring through me then… major guilt. He was right. I’m so to blame for all of this.
“His lackeys did.” I choke back a sob and that catches his attention. He tries to sit up but can’t. He slumps back down in obvious pain.
“I’m so sorry, Charlie. You were right. This is my entire fault.” I say. I can’t stop the tears from flowing. He reaches a hand up and grabs mine.
“No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said those things to you.”
“No, I’m wrong. I am so wrong. I don’t know what to do!” He squeezes my hand, but I can tell he is exhausted. He tries to say something, but with a gasp he stops.
“It’s okay, just rest.” He nods and closes his eyes. I caress his hair, his face repeatedly. I let the tears flow. I’m so absorbed in my thoughts that I don’t realize I’m no longer alone.
“You care about him.” A deep voice asks. It’s a voice that I would know anywhere. I slowly withdraw my hand from Charlie’s sleeping face. I exhale softly then reply, “yes.” I can’t bring myself to look at Jackson.
“Do you love him?” He asks softly.
“No, but I care very much for him.” I decide I need to be honest with him and myself.
“Do you love me?” He asks, with a hint of desperation.
“Yes.” I say without hesitation because it is true. I care about Charlie and maybe if
Jackson had never been in my life, I could love him. I turn from looking at my hands turning my head so I can see him. He has come to stand right behind the couch. He is looking down at Charlie.
He looks at me and I see the turmoil in his eyes.
“I thought I had lost you to him.” He says, holding my gaze. I let out a short laugh.
“Against my better judgment.” He gives me a questioning look.
“Jackson, you and I…. we are so very complicated. With him…” I look back at Charlie, “It wouldn’t be. It would be easy and good.” I look back into Jackson’s sad eyes.
“I love you, I probably always will, but we…. we just can’t.” I say. I watch as he takes it in. My heart breaks even more as I study his strong handsome features. “I just can’t.”
He swallows hard and I get up from the couch. I bend over and place a blanket over Charlie. I gesture for Jackson to follow me to the kitchen. He sits down at the bar stool and I head for the coffee machine. I busy myself with making the coffee, sneaking a few glances at Jackson. He places his head on his hands.
“I just came by to see how he is doing.” He says and I glance up in surprise.
“Do you know what happened to him?” I ask as I pour the coffee into two cups. I hand him one.
“He didn’t tell you?”
“No, I didn’t push it, he needed rest more.” He nods and takes a deep breath. My traitorous heart skips a beat looking at him. He is so beautiful. I just told him it was over, but I can’t stop from admiring him and remembering his lips on mine and his hands….
“Your uncle called him into the office. When Charlie got there, they attacked him. He was interrogated harshly. He never broke. They asked him if he was working for you, why he couldn’t catch you, question after question. They beat him, trying to get him to confess. He never budged. He denied everything.” Jackson gives me a detailed account of the abuse, Charlie sustained. My hands clench around the coffee mug. Kilson will die.
“You were there?” I ask, knowing the answer. Jackson ducks his head in shame.
“You let them do this to him?” I ask my voice raising. He snaps up.
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