by R L Medina
Her words pierced me. Mom. I saw her smiling green eyes and felt her warm embrace. She should have been here. To see me here, learning magic. The same magic she carried in her veins. If only I could talk to her. There were so many questions about our power only she could answer.
Aunt Cindra motioned a group of brownies forward. One of the little girl brownies looked familiar. Mag, I realized. I almost waved to her but stopped myself. I’d never forgive myself if I got her into trouble. They struggled up the platform with two ornately carved chairs. For us.
My lips twisted in distaste. The chairs were bigger than they were. After placing the seats where Aunt Cindra indicated, they bowed and scampered away. I followed Aunt Cindra’s lead and sat as fairies flew up, offering us food and wine. I slumped in my chair. Did I have to sit there for the whole thing?
Flames grew, morphing into living beings. They danced together in an orange and yellow blaze. The guests danced around them, cheering as the figures pranced and swirled.
My eyes watered, trying to stay open as the party wore on. I grew tired just watching them. Wasn’t it morning yet? I groaned. When would the dancing end?
“You may leave now. I’ll walk you back to your room.” Aunt Cindra’s voice startled me.
I yawned and nodded. Finally. Numbness spread through my legs as I stood. My body ached, ready for bed. Ready to get out of the dress and into my soft nightdress. I scrunched my nose up. When had I gotten used to the silky clothes? Was I already forgetting where I came from?
Aunt Cindra nodded to the courtiers and stepped down from the platform, me trailing after her. They bowed in unison. Her soldiers bowed too, opening the doors for us.
We stepped into a dark hall. I blinked, trying to find my way. Aunt Cindra paused and glanced at me. “What is it?”
“I can’t see.”
“Hmm. That is a problem. Hold on.”
Fire roared to life on her palms, casting a hellish glow on her face. Her yellow-gold eyes sparkled, and shadows grew behind her. I stepped back.
“I won’t burn you,” she said, amusement in her voice.
Cringing, I swallowed down my fear and stepped closer to her. Why didn’t Mom share their night vision? Had she somehow hid that as well? Altered my perception of her entirely? The thought rankled me.
“Did you enjoy the party?” Aunt Cindra’s voice snapped me back.
“Yes.” I hesitated.
“What is it?”
“Why do you have slaves?”
She blinked at me. “I am royalty. The slaves work hard in return for my protection.”
My nose scrunched up. “And if they don’t want to?”
Her voice hardened. “They are punished accordingly.”
Anger swirled up. “Shouldn’t they have the freedom to choose what they want?”
She scoffed. “Of course not. It might seem very barbaric to you, but this is the way we do things in Feylin. The elves are superior and made to rule. That’s just how it is.”
“My mom didn’t think so.”
Silence. I bit my lip. Had I angered her?
She sighed. “Her magic made her weak. Gave her sympathy for the lesser fae. She couldn’t see the world for what it was.”
I bristled. “Wanting equality isn’t weak. Compassion isn’t weak.”
Her voice softened. “Aubri would be very proud of you.”
The words sucked all my fight out. Mom. When would I get to see her again? I missed her. I needed her. A part of me wanted to confront her for all the lies, all the secrets she’d hid. But mostly I just wanted her to hug me and promise that everything would go back to normal. That I could walk away from all this. Not have to use my powers. Not become one of them.
“I know this must all be very strange and scary for you. But in time, you will understand.”
Time. The word sent shivers down my spine. What did an immortal consider ‘time’? Even if the worst happened, and I was stuck in Feylin, I was still mortal. Human. I wouldn’t live as long as they would.
“Des told me about your life in the Outer World. He said you were a bright child. Not like the ordinaires. You sensed things.”
My mouth dropped in surprise. A compliment from Des?
“And that you were lonely.”
Heat rushed across my face. Images of my younger self playing pretend with my invisible ‘shadow’ leapt to my mind. Des. In the beginning, he’d played along. A smile spread on my face. He’d probably never admit to it, but I remembered him joining more than one tea party. When and how had I forgotten him?
“Are you still lonely? Now?” my aunt’s voice interrupted my memories.
I glanced at her. Concern shown through her eyes. I rubbed at my unicorn charm. I did feel alone, but I couldn’t tell her that. Not when she was trying.
“I miss my mom.”
Pain pinched her features. “Yes. I do too. When she went to the Outer World, I… I couldn’t stop missing her. I went to visit once. With Maloret.”
My eyes widened. “What? When?”
She waved my questions away. “Long ago. You were just a little thing. She looked so happy with you. I couldn’t face her.”
I frowned. “Why?”
A sad smile spread on her face. “Too many painful memories we shared. I didn’t want to bring the past back to her. Seeing her… with you… it was enough. And now…”
Her voice trailed off and her eyes grew shiny. I blinked in surprise. Tears? Her sorrow radiated through the dark hall.
“We will get her back.” My voice bounced off the walls.
She turned to meet my eyes and lifted her chin. “Yes.”
Too tired to say anything more, I followed her silently to my room and said goodnight. Once inside, I undressed and pulled on my night gown and let my hair down. The soft pillows and blankets welcomed me as I threw myself down. My eyelids drooped as I scrambled under the covers. Warm and cozy. Music from the ballroom drifted to my room. Low and soft. I sighed and shut my eyes. Kind, hazel eyes popped into my mind as I drifted closer to sleep. Sacha. What would he say when he came for the next lesson? Would he be proud of how well I’d handled myself? I smiled. As if in agreement, my magic pulsed around me. Fear crept in. Already, I felt different. Using my magic tonight seemed harmless, but my instincts thrummed in warning.
No going back.
There was a perk to having gone through my first ball. I didn’t have to hide in my room anymore. I had free rein of the castle and grounds, though it came with my own personal guards. Neither of whom, found their babysitting duties honorable. They stood from a distance and glared at Grimera and I as we walked the gardens. So far, my favorite place in the Red Court.
“Why can’t Sacha be my guard?” I tried to make my question sound nonchalant.
Knowing me too well, Grimera paused. “He’s your tutor.”
“Yes, but he was a guard in my mom’s court. He told me.”
“You will have to ask Princess Cindra if you want him assigned to guard duty.”
I did want him assigned, but would he want the job? He didn’t seem to mind our interactions. A little part of me dared to hope that he looked forward to our time together as much as I did.
“Be careful, Renée.”
Her words echoed in my mind. My eyes bulged. She’d never spoken to me telepathically like that before.
I’m not the only one who’s seen how you look at him. He’s pesan and you are royal.
She fell silent after that and withdrew from my mind. I scowled at her warning. How could those stupid rules apply to us? I wasn’t even full elf. Scoffing at myself, I shook the thoughts away. I liked him because he was nice. Even if he did return my feelings, nothing would come of it. Feylin wouldn’t be my home forever.
A thought struck me. Would Grimera know who the mysterious elf girl was in his past? I hadn’t built the courage to ask Sacha, not wanting to scare away my only friend.
“Do you know his family?”
Grimera’s head turn
ed towards me. “No.”
My shoulders slumped. Des wouldn’t tell me either and I didn’t know anyone else to ask. We walked the path deeper into the gardens. I tried to focus on her as she explained every plant and tree we passed. My head spun, trying to remember it all. Before long, we’d reached the end of the path. A giant stone building came into view.
“What is that?”
“The bathhouse.”
I stared at the colorful mosaics along the exterior. “Why is it so far from the castle?”
She turned towards me. “Princess Cindra doesn’t like the smell.”
Smell? As we stepped closer, I realized what she meant. A potent scent of clashing perfumes assaulted my nose. Fruity, sugary, floral, and something else I couldn’t make out. How could anyone breathe inside?
“Do you wish to bathe?”
I cringed. “No thank you.”
Public bathing was not on the list of things I wanted to try. Not today. Not ever. I shuddered. Grimera glided back up the path and I followed. My elven guards brought up the rear. Though their thoughts were guarded from me, their annoyance and bitterness shrouded them. I sighed. No wonder princesses were always running away in all the books I’d read. Who wanted this kind of life?
Back in my room, I slid into my chair and helped myself to a tray of fruit. Grimera floated toward the closet. A large wooden trunk sat outside of it. When had that been put there?
“What are you doing?”
“We’re going to the Gray Court.”
I gaped at her, stunned. What? Why hadn’t anyone told me? Anger churned inside. When would they stop making decisions without me?
Jumping to my feet, I approached her. “Why?”
“For your birthday,” she replied without facing me.
My heart leapt into my throat. A month? Impossible. I couldn’t have been gone that long.
“Today is my birthday?”
She glanced at me. “It would have been in the Outer World. Here… time runs faster.”
Thoughts raced in my mind. So, I’d not only jumped into a new world, but also forward into time? It couldn’t have been a whole month since I’d arrived here. The realization made my blood run cold. How could I have lost track of the time so easily?
“Your court is throwing a birthday celebration for you.”
“But why?”
She continued throwing dresses and undergarments into the large trunk. “To honor you.”
I sighed. I didn’t want to be honored. I didn’t want a party. How could I celebrate without Mom? Pain twisted my gut. Sixteen. Mom had promised to let me get a cat this year. I wanted to bring home King Louis. I scoffed. Most kids were getting cars, and I was excited about having my first pet. Now, I knew why she’d forbidden it before.
Didn’t work, Mom. Still got my powers.
Rubbing my unicorn charm, I tried to forget the memories.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
She flinched. Good. She deserved to feel guilty about leaving me in the dark.
“Princess Cindra only just now decided we should tell you.”
My nostrils flared. “I see. Is there anything else she’s decided to fill me in on?”
Reaching a hand, she tried to touch me. I stepped out of her grasp. Anger churned up inside of me. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew Grimera wasn’t to blame, but my emotions held me captive. My birthday had come, and Mom was still missing.
“I miss her too, Renée.” The sadness in her voice shattered me.
A memory of her, mom and I exploring the woods by her cabin struck me. Though her face had changed, she was still my Grandmere, wasn’t she?
She embraced me, making me shiver at her cool touch. This. I had missed her treating me normally, not as royalty.
“Wouldn’t you like to see your mother’s court? The fae are eager to meet you.”
“But I thought I did meet them.”
“Not all of them.”
I sighed and nodded. “Do you think they will like me?”
Her shimmering hand touched my face. “Once they get to know you.”
My lips flattened. That didn’t reassure me. I pushed the dark thoughts away and helped her pack up the rest of my belongings.
“Will I get to wear what I want in Mom’s court?”
She pushed her hands toward the lid and snapped it shut. “Within reason.”
I huffed. “What does that mean?”
Ignoring my question, she glided over to my side table and packed up my hairbrush. She held up the makeshift toothbrush Mag had helped me make out of wood and flower bristles.
“I need that.”
She placed both items in the trunk and glanced around. Excitement stirred inside me. I wouldn’t miss the fancy room. Maybe the silky bed, but I was eager to explore the Gray Court. A knock sounded and Grimera opened it. Mag hobbled in, carrying her own pack.
I smiled. “Are you coming too, Mag?”
Bowing, she shuffled closer. “Yes, Princess. Princess Cindra told me I am to accompany you as your personal slave.”
Slave. My jaw hardened. “You are not my slave, Mag.”
Her eyes widened, and she glanced at Grimera.
“Renée,” Grimera warned.
I turned to her. “I am not owning any slaves. It isn’t right, Grimera.”
She shut the door and glided toward me, her form wavering. “Be careful, Princess.” She held up a hand before I could respond. “Consider her your servant then, but be careful of your words around the others.”
My fist clenched, but I bit back the words I wanted to say. Like many things, it was another aspect of their culture I’d never accept. No matter how they painted it. Mom hadn’t gone along with it so neither would I. Without another word, Grimera left.
Mag stared wide-eyed at me, her round face and red cheeks reminding me of a doll. She shuffled her feet underneath her red dress. When Grimera returned with a group of imps, she skittered closer to me. We watched as they carried my trunk out. With a final glance back, I shut my door and followed them. Would I be coming back?
The Gray Forest was eerily quiet. I followed the others, careful not to step on the mushrooms and flowers cropping up. Trees and ferns shifted, branches moving silently. Eyes fell on me. Chills crawled along my skin. The fog swirled against my legs, cold and dark. Above, the sun streamed in from the tree tops, but the surrounding dampness made me shiver. That and all the invisible eyes that watched us. A pressure built in my head. From the thoughts and emotions trying to get in? My mental blocker trembled under the weight. Taking a deeper breath, I drew in more magic to strengthen my shield.
Pain fell away, and I sighed in relief. When had I grown so comfortable using magic? My lips pursed. I didn’t want to admit it, but it had become so natural. So much a part of me. Would it change me? Make me cruel like the others? Mom wasn’t like them so maybe there was hope for me too.
“Where are we going?” My voice echoed.
Birds chirped, flying from branch to branch. Their colorful feathers stood out stark against the dark green.
“To Liberté,” Aunt Cindra answered.
Liberty. A name I could picture Mom choosing. My lips curled up as I envisioned her walking this very trail.
Sacha turned to me. “My home, Princess.” A smile lit his face.
Excitement bubbled from him, making my grin widen. He’d told me about his home and his family before and my curiosity grew. The face of the elf girl popped into my head. Would Sacha tell me now?
“We should have brought a carriage,” Des murmured to my Aunt.
She raised her brow. “I thought carriages were too ostentatious?”
“Horses then,” He grunted.
Guilt trickled in. They had sent the carriage ahead with our belongings and though they didn’t say it, I knew we were walking because of my weak stomach. Special treatment, again.
Aunt Cindra shrugged a shoulder. “Horses would have been the wiser choice, perhaps.”
&n
bsp; Des smirked. “So, you’re admitting I’m right?”
She rolled her eyes, but a smile played on her lips. My eyes widened, watching their exchange. Something was definitely going on between them. Even if they didn’t want to admit it. Was it their castes that kept them from being together?
I glanced at Sacha. No longer in the Red Court, he’d been allowed to wear his own clothes. Which apparently only amounted to brown pants and a quiver of arrows strapped across his bare, muscular back. So different from the other courtiers. Were all the elves in my mom’s court lower caste? Would they all be dressed like him? I looked down at my velvety, crimson dress. Not as flashy as the others I’d been given, but it still screamed ‘princess.’
“Are we far?” I turned to Sacha.
“No. Just past those trees.”
I followed his arm to the thinning forest. A winding dirt path appeared, not wide enough for us all to walk side by side. Wheel tracks showed evidence of someone passing by not too long ago, but no sign of anyone now.
My eyes traveled up the large trunks and twisted branches, catching on something glittery between the leaves. Wings. More and more appeared until we were surrounded by fairies and pixies. They hovered closer, large eyes boring into me. Curiosity, disgust, and anger radiated in the air around them.
They bowed. Other creatures crept and flew from their hiding places. I jumped. So many. But where were the elves? A giant gray wolf padded towards me. Stumbling back in alarm, I bumped into Sacha.
He smiled. “It’s Levana. The alpha. She wants to sniff you.”
I blinked, wondering if I’d heard him right. Realizing I couldn’t hear the alpha’s thoughts, I swept away the mental block. Big mistake.
Thoughts rushed through all at one. I winced at the torrent.
Look. Human. Halfling. Aubri’s daughter. She cannot rule us.
Sacha’s eyes widened in concern. “Concentrate on Levana and tune out all the others.”
I barely heard him over the mental onslaught. My breath quickened as I pushed against the noise. With a wave of my hand, I rebuilt the walls. Silence returned. Sweet, glorious silence. The others stared, concern written on their faces. Instead of lowering all my shields at once, I focused on the wolf. Her haunted dark eyes stared back at me. Slowly, I reached out to search her thoughts. Sweat trickled down my neck.