by Hanley, Don;
“I’m kinda out of the loop myself but I think they still use it, but not as much.”
“Anyway, I had several rather racy dreams after that young woman left.”
“Night dreams or day dreams?”
Father Augustine chuckled. “Some day dreams, I think. I didn’t dwell on them but I did kind of enjoy them for a few days. You know, Father Jerry, back in the early days here at the abbey, I would fight myself whenever I would have what you call ‘sexy thoughts,’ but then I just realized that was part of being human and let them be. So I quit being bothered by what some priests still call ‘impure’ thoughts. Of course, when I stopped fighting myself, those thoughts were less frequent and less, ah, forceful, I guess would be a good word.”
In only a little over one hour, he had received more spiritual direction than he could have imagined. He glanced at his watch and realized it was time for the chanting of None. “One last question, Father. Please tell me, what did you do out in the secular world?”
Father Augustine grinned as he said, “I was a stockbroker.”
* * *
On Saturday morning as Jerry was pulling out of the abbey parking lot, he saw several families walking toward the monastery. They were all smiling and waving as they approached the guesthouse. He saw Father Augustine smiling and waving as he walked toward them in his white-and-black habit. Jerry stopped the car and watched the group encircle the old priest. Tears formed in Jerry’s eyes as he turned down the road leading to the highway.
CHAPTER 19
Happy you who weep now; you shall laugh.
Gospel of Luke 6:2
Jerry looked out of the window at St. Claire’s parking area. It was ten fifty-five and Wayne Cameron still had not arrived. The rain had turned to sleet and he was sure the roads were treacherous on this February morning. He and Wayne were to concelebrate the funeral Mass for Angela Kurtz. She had not been well since November and went rapidly downhill when she contracted pneumonia just after Christmas.
Wearing his black cassock, he stepped out of the closet-sized sacristy attached to the little chapel at St. Claire’s. Sister Claire was standing near the back, he approached her and whispered, “Father Cameron hasn’t arrived yet. Okay if we wait another fifteen minutes? If he isn’t here by then, I’ll begin the Mass.” She nodded and he went up to the front and standing between the coffin and the small altar, he announced the need for a few minutes’ delay. The chapel held about forty people in two rows of three-person pews that had been resurrected from some old church. All of St. Claire’s staff and residents were present. In the right front pew were Kathy and Rebecca with Julie Kurtz nestled in between them, her head resting on Rebecca’s shoulder.
Rebecca had called him on Thursday to tell him that Angela had been taken to the hospital. Julie, she said, was so distraught that Rebecca had brought her back to the condo with her. Jerry had promised to drive to St. Louis on Sunday, right after the Masses were over. Early Sunday, Rebecca called again to let him know that Angela had died during the night. He called Kathy to tell her the news; after all, she had known Angela, Melanie and Julie for nearly five years at St. Gabriel’s. Kathy came to Paris only once a month since Christmas and he missed her. She wanted to go with him to St. Louis and arrived in Paris just as he was planning to leave. They had an okay visit as they drove to St. Louis, but there was some kind of distance between them that he did not want to ask about. He hadn’t taken time to call Rebecca and immediately regretted it when he saw the cold look on her face when Kathy arrived at the condo with him. He was puzzled because they had seemed so friendly when they were in Paris together after he came home from the hospital in November. They seemed polite and cordial toward one another then.
Something had changed between himself and Rebecca since around Christmas. She called at least once a week until his visit in late January. She was always warm and friendly but he attempted to stay aloof by joking and being impersonal. When he visited Julie and Angela in January, she seemed to be miffed at him for staying in the rectory of a priest-friend rather than with her. He didn’t know how to tell her that he was fearful of getting too close to her and that he continually had difficulty keeping her out of his mind. He knew he had not reached the level of detachment and enlightenment that Father Augustine had talked about. He didn’t want to tempt himself too much.
In the left front pew were Ralph Kurtz’s sister, Marie, and adult niece, Sandra. They easily filled up the pew by themselves. The two had arrived that morning from Dallas and Jerry had just met them briefly before they waddled into the chapel. Why they were present at all was puzzling in itself, they were not blood relatives of either Angela or Julie. Ralph Kurtz had been Melanie and Julie’s stepfather. The sister and niece sat with their arms crossed in front of their well-padded bosoms and appeared to be bored nearly to death. To Jerry they had the same detached and smug look that Ralph Kurtz had at Melanie’s funeral.
Julie said that she had met them only once in her life and that was several years ago. Before they went into the chapel, Julie nervously said, “Father Jerry, they are the only relatives I have, I think. I don’t have to live with them, do I?” He was quite sure that they could make other arrangements for her even though she was only fourteen and he told her so.
Jerry announced to the small group that they would have to wait a few minutes, because Father Cameron had not yet arrived. He heard one of the over-stuffed women in the front pew murmur to her partner, “Well, if that doesn’t beat all. Here, we fly all this way and then have to wait on some preacher.”
Sister Claire ushered Wayne into the sacristy from the outside door, just as Jerry entered from the chapel. They gave each other a hug as Wayne apologized for being late. “The roads were terrible.” As they were putting on their vestments, Wayne stunned Jerry by saying. “I heard on the radio, driving over here, that Bishop Mazurski has been appointed Archbishop of New Orleans.”
Jerry almost dropped the chasuble he was about to put over his head. He quickly closed the door to the chapel. “You’ve got to be kidding!”
“Nope, it was repeated twice as I was driving. You should be happy!”
“Depends on who replaces him in Aberdeen. Any rumors?”
“Too early, I’d say. There’s an Auxiliary Bishop here in St. Louis who, I hear, is a real, authentic human being. Name’s David Scalleti. I hope he’s our man.”
“Poor New Orleans, our gain is their loss. I didn’t think even our current Pope would do something like that.”
“Life is full of surprises, huh?”
Wayne and Jerry each gave part of the eulogy. Wayne compared Angela’s life to that of many valiant women who had suffered much but managed to continue to love others. Jerry heard a distinct ‘hmmmph’ from the front pew and saw Julie glare at her aunt. Jerry emphasized Angela’s courage, patience, stamina, and love for Julie the night they left Aberdeen. In deference to the Kurtz women, he did not emphasize Ralph Kurtz’s abuse, but focused instead on Angela’s virtue.
At the end of the funeral Mass, Jerry announced that Angela would be buried in the same cemetery as her grandparents and eldest daughter, Melanie, in Lawrence, Kansas. Wayne followed the mortuary attendants as they rolled the coffin out of the chapel. Jerry, following Wayne, put his hand out to Julie. She took it and he put his arm around her from one side as Rebecca did from the other. In the hallway outside the chapel, the residents and staff gave Julie their condolences.
The Kurtz women stood several feet away. When only Julie, Kathy, Rebecca, Jerry, and Wayne were left near the chapel door, Julie’s Aunt Marie came up to them. She rudely asked Rebecca, “And who are you?”
Rebecca kept her right arm around Julie. “I’m Rebecca Brady.”
Marie evidently assumed Rebecca was somehow responsible for Julie as she said, “Well, Ms. Brady, I hope you have made arrangements for my niece, here.”
Fearful that they might have some ideas about taking Julie with them, Jerry jumped in, “Arrangements have been made
for her.”
Julie looked visibly relieved.
Marie glared at Jerry and said, “I wouldn’t think that you, Reverend Haloran, would have anything to say about it, being you’re the one who killed my brother!”
Julie jumped out in front of the woman, spread her feet, and put her hands on her hips. “He most certainly did not! Your stupid brother killed himself.”
Marie’s daughter, chucked Julie under the chin, and said in a mock-sweet voice, “Were you there, sweetie?”
Kathy moved between Julie and the two plump women. Jerry had never seen her so angry. “I was there! And what Julie says is true. Your brother would probably have killed dozens of people if Father Haloran had not tried to get the gun from him. He was drunk and shot himself with his own gun!”
Marie again glared at Jerry. “I talked to the sheriff and he says the same thing. I suppose you’re in cahoots with the sheriff.”
Jerry attempted to be diplomatic, “I can understand your grief at your brother’s death, Mrs. Cowell. I have to admit that I’m puzzled as to why you are here at Angela’s funeral.”
She puffed herself up importantly. “I felt it was the Christian thing to do, bein’ my brother was married to her for twelve years. I also understand that he left a sizable estate. I want to make sure it has been properly settled. I might add, that my brother had twelve miserable years with that woman you…,” She motioned toward Wayne and Jerry. “…raved about in there,” She leaned her head in the direction of the chapel. “He worked his butt off to support that lazy woman and her two brats.”
Julie again jumped in front of the women. “She wasn’t lazy and your brother didn’t have to do anything. He was an asshole and raped my sister and tried to rape me.”
The two women recoiled at the girl’s angry outburst. Marie responded. “Well, I’m glad that we came and to be certain that we don’t have to take care of you, you ungrateful, lying little brat!” They turned and began to walk down the hall.
Jerry called out cheerily, “And God bless you! By the way, his sizable estate amounted to a little over eighteen hundred dollars.” The two women didn’t look back but he thought he heard a “humph” from one of them. He was sure the ‘estate’ was the reason they came to the funeral and to make sure they did not have to take care of Julie.
* * *
Jerry, Wayne and the others joined Sister Claire and the hospital staff and residents at the luncheon following the funeral. Although Helene could not make it to the funeral, she did arrive soon after they began eating. After lunch, Sister Claire asked to see Rebecca, Helene and Jerry privately. She told them that Julie could stay at the home for another few days but then other arrangements would have to be made. Helene said that her own home for adolescent girls was already full and had a waiting list. She added that it would be very difficult for her to keep Julie with her and Melissa at their apartment.
Rebecca looked at Jerry and then, very hesitantly, said, “I guess she could stay with me for a while.” She really liked Julie and enjoyed her company the past few days, but being responsible for her for an indeterminate amount of time? She looked over at Jerry who was studying her. She wondered what he was thinking. He had complicated her life more than she could ever have imagined possible. It wasn’t just caring for Julie, it was her relationship with the priest that bothered her. She desperately wanted to know what he felt about her. She wanted him to tell her that he loved her in some special way even though he knew he would remain a priest. She knew wanting his love was stupid but she couldn’t help it. She didn’t think she was taking Julie in just to win his love.
Jerry seemed to want to give her a chance to change her mind as he said, “I’m sure I could find a foster home for her in Aberdeen, but you know how she hates everything about Aberdeen. What about the foster-home system here in St. Louis, Helene?”
“It’s a crapshoot. It can be very good or it can be horrible, especially for teens. I would hate to see Julie in that system, to be honest.”
Rebecca put a stop to the speculation. “I said I’d take her for now. Let’s see how it works out, okay?” She didn’t know why she sounded so defensive.
The four of them rejoined Wayne, Kathy, and Julie in the dining room. Rebecca sat down next to Julie and said, “Julie, if it’s okay with you, you can stay with me. How’s that?”
Julie looked down at the table and then turned to Rebecca. She looked both sad and pleading. There were tears in her eyes as she said, “Do you really want me, Rebecca?”
The girl looked so forlorn, Rebecca’s eyes moistened and she put her arms around her. “Yes, Julie, I want you to stay with me.” She didn’t have the heart to say, “but only for a little while.” The girl had been through too much already.
Julie squeezed her so hard Rebecca found it hard to breathe. “I won’t be too much trouble, Rebecca, I promise.”
They talked a little while longer and then Wayne informed them that he had to get back to his parish that evening. He would take Kathy back to Kansas with him as Jerry planned to stay another day to help Julie get settled at Rebecca’s. Rebecca did not let on how relieved she was that Kathy was leaving so soon. Maybe she would get some alone time with Jerry after all. Julie sounded so adult when she thanked Wayne and Kathy for being present at her mother’s funeral. Kathy seemed to give Rebecca a “be careful what you do” kind of look as she left. It seemed that the look she gave Jerry was the same.
Rebecca, Jerry and Julie spent most of the afternoon taking Julie and her mother’s meager belongings out of St. Claire’s home and putting them away in Rebecca’s spare room. They decided to eat dinner out.
While Julie was taking a shower and changing her clothes, Rebecca had her first moment alone with Jerry. She had been concerned about Julie all afternoon. The girl had been laughing and giggling and it seemed to Rebecca to be so inappropriate on the day of her mother’s funeral. “Jerry, I’m worried about Julie. Have you noticed how jovial she’s been since the funeral? That isn’t normal, is it?”
“Yes it is, Rebecca. The giggling and all is in itself a release of some of the grief and tension she’s feeling. I wouldn’t worry about it. I’ve seen it many times. I remember being scolded before my dad’s funeral when I was laughing and carrying on at the mortuary. I pretended to climb into the coffins on display and talking about which ones were the most comfortable and all. The scolding made me ashamed of myself and I carried that shame for years until I learned it was a normal response. Enjoy it, in a few days, she’ll be terribly depressed, I’m sure.”
Rebecca chose a nice restaurant not too far from her home and was surprised when Julie ordered a cheeseburger and fries. She had a lot to learn about kids. Halfway through the meal, Julie, with a big smile and mischievous eyes, said, “Rebecca! Jerry! I’ve got a wonderful idea!”
They both looked at her questioningly and asked, simultaneously, “What’s your wonderful idea?” They looked at each other and laughed.
Julie put her cheeseburger on her plate and solemnly said, “I think you two should get married and adopt me!”
Jerry had just taken a sip of his beer. He coughed it up and turned scarlet. He put his napkin to his mouth and swallowed hard. He took a sip of water.
Rebecca also choked up a bit but her reaction wasn’t quite as severe as his. She glanced at the priest who had the look of someone who had just been told he was going to be on the first flight to Mars, but had not been in training as an astronaut. “Well, Jerry Haloran, that does sound like a wonderful idea. What do you think?” How will he react to that? She wondered. What if he said it was a good idea, how would she respond to that? Somehow the idea seemed more serious than the time when the little girl said something similar on the riverboat.
He did the seemingly impossible. He turned even redder. “I, uh ... well ... I ... uh... thank you, Julie, for thinking I would be a good dad but, well, I doubt if I would be, even if I were available. And besides that, Rebecca wouldn’t even think of marrying me. She was
just teasing.” He turned from Julie to glance at Rebecca and quickly looked back at Julie. “Isn’t that right, Rebecca?”
She grinned and winked at Julie. “Oh, I don’t know. It sounds like a very interesting idea.”
By this time, Julie was laughing almost hysterically. She stopped long enough to say, “Father Jerry, you sure look funny when you’re embarrassed!”
When they got back to Rebecca’s place, they talked about the funeral and made fun of Ralph Kurtz’ Dallas relatives. Julie went to bed before nine. As she ascended the stairs, Rebecca whispered, “She’s a precious child.”
“I think she’s one of those miracle survivor children. From all that has happened to her, she should be a basket case, but I’m amazed at how well she’s doing.”
Rebecca got up from the chair. “I’m going to have a brandy. I’ll offer you one if you promise to stop at one.”
“I promise! No repeat of last time I stayed here.”
When Rebecca returned with their drinks, she handed one to Jerry and sat down on the end of the couch. “Who says you are going to stay here?” She wasn’t smiling as she looked at her brandy snifter. “I thought you’d go back to your friend’s rectory just as you have the last three nights.” There was no invitation in her voice to indicate she thought otherwise.
“Well, sure, I can do that. I just thought that now that Kathy has left, well…”
“You know something, Jerry Haloran, you’ve assumed a helluva lot. You assumed that I would welcome Kathy Olson with open arms and I’m sure you assumed I would take Julie in. Do you ever stop and think that I might have other ideas?” She was angrier than she realized, now that she was saying what was really on her mind. “Did you call me and ask if it was okay if Kathy could stay with me? No! Back in November, you practically demanded that I look after Angela and Julie.”