Her heart started to race. Sweat bubbled across her brow and Kate felt as though she couldn’t breathe. She called out before remembering no one was home. Lucas had taken the kids to walk around the lake because their mother was an embarrassment.
She reached for her phone and tried to hit Libbie’s name on her contact list, but her finger missed and she clicked on Julie instead. It would have to do.
“Hello? Kate, is that you?”
Kate tried to speak, but no sound came out.
“Kate, are you there?”
“Help,” she squeaked, and promptly passed out.
Chapter Fourteen
Kate’s eyes fluttered open to see Julie beside her. She glanced around in a panic when she realized she was in a hospital room.
“Hey, Sleeping Beauty,” Julie said with a reassuring smile. “Welcome back.”
“What happened? How did you get me here?”
“I tossed you over my shoulder and carried you. You’re not the only one with super powers, you know.”
Kate stared at her, unblinking.
“Okay, fine. I called an ambulance.” Julie squinted at her. “You don’t remember any of it? You were in and out of consciousness.”
Kate took a moment to think. Snippets of images flashed in her mind, including Julie holding her hand and telling her everything would be okay.
“Lucas should be here soon,” Julie said. “He’s waiting for Libbie to arrive to watch the kids. He didn’t want to leave them alone in case they got upset.”
Kate’s tongue felt thick and dry. “Did the kids see me?” The thought of her children watching as paramedics carried her out of the house...It was too painfully close to her own experience.
“No, they came home after we left.”
Relief flooded her. “Thank you.”
“Of course. What are friends for?” Julie patted her leg. “If it’s any consolation, you look amazing on a gurney. Not many women can pull that off.”
Kate laughed. “I’m more concerned with not dying than my appearance.”
“Good.” Julie held up a magazine. “Want to read about aliens abducting our pets?”
“Don’t tell Rebecca. She’ll end up in here with me.” Kate noticed her hospital gown. “Did I change into this?”
“I helped. You were pretty uncooperative, to be honest. You had a whole Weekend at Bernie’s vibe going on.”
Kate snorted.
“You have a bunch of text messages. I finally had to silence your phone. It was annoying the other patients, mostly because it reminded them they didn’t have that many friends.”
Kate spotted her phone on the chair, along with her neatly folded clothes. “I assume you know about the video.”
“I think the man on the moon knows about your video.”
“The publishing company cancelled our meeting. There won’t be a book deal.”
Julie pressed her lips together. “I’m sorry.”
“It was my white whale.”
“You’re forty-eight years young. There’ll be other amazing opportunities in your future.”
Kate grunted. “Not after last night.”
Julie cocked her head and looked at Kate. “Do you remember what Inga said the night she died?”
“You’re bringing up death now? Know your audience, Duncan.”
“I’m trying to make a point, if you’ll allow it, Your Honor.”
Fine. Kate would play along. “Breath is the spirit.” Those had been the older woman’s dying words.
“No, before that. Her toast. She quoted The Rolling Stones, remember?”
Kate did remember. She’d been the one to finish Inga’s sentence. “You can’t always get what you want.”
Julie covered Kate’s hand with hers. “You get what you need.”
Kate’s lips formed a wry smile. “Is this one of those blessing in disguise situations?” She’d never believed in those. If she had, she’d have to entertain the notion that other negative experiences in her life had also been blessings in disguise. Her parents’ divorce. Her mother. No. Kate refused to believe that. Some events were tragedies, plain and simple.
“No, but I wouldn’t be surprised to find it was a learning opportunity. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” She bobbed her head to an imaginary beat. “That’s a good song, too. We should make a Dread Pirate Witches Playlist.”
She was about to ask Julie to get the phone for her when a nurse scurried into the room. The nurse smiled when she noticed Kate was upright.
“You’re awake. Terrific. The doctor will be in shortly.”
“Thank you,” Kate said. “Is it possible to get a glass of water? I’m really thirsty.”
“That’s from sleeping with your mouth open,” Julie said. “I had no idea you snored.”
“I don’t snore,” Kate objected. “Lucas snores.”
The nurse returned a minute later with a cup of water. “I hope you don’t mind me saying, but I’ve seen your YouTube videos. Every time I watch one, my husband says I’m ten times more productive. They’re like a vitamin, though. I have to watch again and again to replenish my system.”
Kate had a feeling the nurse had missed her latest video. “Thank you. I appreciate that.”
“Dr. Gordon will be with you shortly.”
Kate waited until the nurse left the room to break down into sobs. She felt Julie’s hand rubbing her back but didn’t have the strength to brush it away. Instead, she allowed herself to be comforted until the tears subsided.
Julie handed her a wad of tissues from the box on the bedside table. “Might as well get your money’s worth since you know the bill will be outrageous.”
Kate managed a laugh. “I’m so embarrassed.”
“Honey, why would you be embarrassed?”
Kate looked at her friend with a deadpan expression. “Where should I start?”
Julie slid onto the exam table to sit beside her. “Life has thrown you a curveball. It happens.”
“Life didn’t throw me a curveball. I swung the bat and hit myself square in the face.”
“Your imagery is very violent when you’re upset. One would think you grew up in New Jersey.”
More tears spilled down her cheeks and she attacked them with the tissue, wiping them away with the force of an exfoliator pad.
“I’ve had worse curveballs, you know.” Kate gulped down air in what was meant to be a calming breath. “I swore from that moment on that I’d make sure everything was within my control.” And then everything would be perfect.
She would be perfect.
Julie leaned a head on her shoulder. “Kate, you had to know that wasn’t possible. It would be like trying to catch snowflakes in your mouth. Sure, you might catch one or two, but the rest would melt right into your eyelashes or float up your nostril. Complete control is bullshit.”
Kate knew her friend was right, yet she’d been peddling the fantasy for years—to herself as well as to others. She’d believed it, too.
The door opened to reveal the doctor. “Hi there. I’m Dr. Gordon. You must be Katherine Golden.”
“Gee, how’d you guess? The fact that I’m holding a wad of tissues dense enough to make a softball?”
The doctor smiled. “And your hospital gown.”
“I’ll get out of your way.” Julie scooted to the side of the room to give the doctor room to work.
The doctor listened to Kate’s chest with the stethoscope, asking her to breathe deeply. “I understand from Nurse Shemansky that you’re some kind of internet sensation.”
“Hardly,” Kate said.
“She’s being modest,” Julie interjected. “She helps people all over the world, motivates them to be their best selves and achieve their goals.”
“Like a motivational speaker?”
“Exactly,” Kate said, although she wasn’t sure that would be feasible anymore. Who would want to be motivated by someone like Kate? She was in no position to advise anyone. She was a fra
ud.
The doctor checked Kate’s eyes and asked her to stick out her tongue.
“Lucas just texted,” Julie said. “He says Ava’s crying and doesn’t want him to leave. He wants to know whether he should still come.”
“Tell him to stay.” Kate wasn’t about to drag a father away from his distressed daughter. Ava needed him more than she did. Besides, she had Julie with her. She’d be fine.
“Poor Libbie. Ava’s going to hurt her feelings,” Julie remarked as she typed a response.
Kate smiled. “She’ll recover. Ava adores her. I’m sure she’s just out of sorts because she knows something’s going on but doesn’t know what.”
Kate remembered how that felt, to know something important was happening without knowing the details. She’d been helpless and left to fill in the blanks on her own. She refused to let that happen to Ava. When she got home, she would explain what had happened—assuming Kate found out the answer.
“What’s the verdict, Dr. Gordon?” Julie asked. “Cardiac arrest?”
“A lot of people come here thinking they’ve had a heart attack when they’ve actually suffered a more minor issue,” the doctor said. “It’s basically a diagnosis of exclusion.”
“You have to rule out everything else?” Julie asked.
Kate knew her friend was no stranger to the inner workings of a hospital. She’d spent enough time in one with her husband before he died.
“Everything significant,” Dr. Gordon said.
“What’s next?” Kate asked the doctor. It was a question she’d often ask herself and it seemed entirely appropriate now.
“We need to check your heart, gallbladder, pancreas, G.I. All of those can mimic a cardiac cause. We’ll do an EKG, get your labs drawn, of course. X-rays.”
“God bless insurance,” Kate mumbled.
“And a stress test, too,” the doctor added.
“What does that involve?” Kate asked.
“It takes about an hour. We’ll have you perform physical exercise like walking on a treadmill or riding a stationary bike.”
Kate’s eyebrows shot up. “Do you have a Peloton bike? Because I can ride that like a champ.”
The doctor frowned. “We don’t need you to be a champion rider, Mrs. Golden. We use it to measure your heart rate and blood pressure.”
“I exercise regularly.”
“I’m sure you do.” The doctor inclined her head toward the nurse, who’d returned to the room. “We’ll get you set up, but you might as well make yourself comfortable. You’re going to be here a few hours.”
“I can stay,” Julie said without prompting.
“What about your mom?”
“She knows I’m here with you. She’s been playing poker on a video call with her friends.”
Kate laughed. “That’ll be us in a few years.”
“A few years? Bite your tongue. Try a few decades.” Julie gave her a playful smack.
“Why don’t we get started?” the nurse asked.
Kate was eager to get the testing over with so she could go home and see her family. She didn’t want them to worry. She blocked everything else from her mind. The damage was done. She’d worry about the fallout later. One step at a time.
Kate submitted to the battery of tests. Julie was a great friend to sit patiently through each test. It couldn’t be easy for her spending time in a hospital again, Kate knew.
“Take a photo of me to send to the kids,” Kate said. If they saw her awake and smiling, that might put them at ease. “From the neck up. No hospital gown.”
“It’ll make your wart more prominent,” Julie said.
“So what?”
Julie took a photo and sent a text to Lucas.
While they waited for results, they played Scrabble on their phones and sent selfies to Libbie and Rebecca. For a short time, Kate even forgot about the reason she’d fallen apart in the first place.
To Kate’s relief, Dr. Gordon returned to the room with a smile. “Good news, Mrs. Golden.”
“Heartburn?” Julie asked.
“No, you had a panic attack,” the doctor said.
Kate blinked. “A panic attack?”
Dr. Gordon nodded. “I would suggest rest. It’s that time of year when stress starts to build. I see this a lot in female patients, especially those in a certain segment.”
Kate’s eyebrows shot up. “Old?”
“No, Mrs. Golden. Important. Women like you who are clearly the bedrock of their household.” She consulted Kate’s chart. “I would also suggest you avoid caffeine and alcohol.”
Julie and Kate exchanged looks.
“When you say no alcohol,” Kate began.
“Avoiding substances like caffeine and alcohol can help reduce fear and anxiety, which can contribute to panic attacks,” the doctor said.
“What about one drink a week?” Julie pressed. “We’re in a cocktail club together...”
“I’m not forcing you on the wagon,” the doctor said. “I’m offering my recommendations based on my medical expertise.”
Kate thought scaling back wasn’t such a bad idea. Tequila had taught her a valuable a lesson.
“Continue to get regular sleep and exercise,” the doctor continued. “I can’t recommend yoga enough. I’m a big fan.”
“You’d be great at yoga,” Julie chimed in.
Kate stiffened at the suggestion. “I prefer my Peloton bike.”
The doctor regarded her. “You might want to consider mixing up your routine a little. Don’t give up the bike necessarily, but try to rotate in less intense workouts.”
Less intense. Kate wasn’t sure she knew how to be less intense. “Thank you.”
“I’ll let you get changed.”
“I’m free to go?”
Dr. Gordon smiled. “It’s not a prison, Mrs. Golden.”
Kate waited until the doctor left the room to get changed. She felt better once she was back in her own clothes. A text from Lucas appeared on the screen to say he was on his way. Kate typed a quick reply that she was about to be discharged and to sit tight.
“I bet your kids will be thrilled to see you,” Julie said.
“I’ll be thrilled to see them.” It seemed like days had passed.
Julie slung her handbag over her shoulder. “Your chariot awaits and, by chariot, I mean an Uber.” She peered at Kate. “What’s the matter? You’re not having another panic attack, are you?”
Kate shook her head. “No, I’m just thinking about the messes I need to clean up. I’m never going to recover from this, Jules. I’m finished.”
“You’re not finished.” Julie clasped Kate’s hands in hers. “From where I stand, Kate Golden, you’re only just beginning.”
Chapter Fifteen
Kate squinted as morning sunlight streaked through the room. She’d forgotten to close the blinds again, another sign of her newfound incompetence. She stared at the ceiling and ran through recent events in her mind. If only the wart had been the worst of it. No, there had to be a video that memorialized her ultimate moment of weakness. No wonder she’d had a panic attack. She was a bonafide mess.
Her entire world was crumbling around her and all she could do was watch in abject misery. There was no way of controlling the fallout. No damage control. Her YouTube channel was finished. She’d lose clients. She’d lost the book deal and she’d certainly lose the radio show. No speaking engagements. Kate Golden was yesterday’s news. She was about to become one of those invisible women she’d read about.
She heard the faint sound of a knock on the bedroom door. “Come in,” she croaked, not that she wanted anyone to see her in this state. She wanted to dig a hole in the mattress and bury herself among the springs.
The door creaked open and Lucas appeared carrying a tray of food. Kate sniffed the air as the rich aroma of coffee reached her. “Smells delicious.”
“It’s decaf,” he said.
A small gasp escaped her when she noticed the mug. “Where did you f
ind this? I thought I’d lost it ages ago.” She’d used that mug every day for years until it disappeared. It was decorated with a quote by Deepak Chopra. Happiness is a continuation of happenings which are not resisted.
“I don’t know. Gavin got it out of the cabinet. He wanted to help.” Lucas set the tray on the empty side of the bed. Cat-Cat was nowhere in sight, although Kate knew the cat had slept in the room most of the night. “Thought you might like to have something to eat. Hospital food sucks.”
“Thank you. That’s very kind.”
Lucas gave her a funny look. “I’m your husband, Kate. Acts of kindness are part of the package.”
Not lately. Somewhere along the way kindness had fallen by the wayside. They’d taken each other for granted with little appreciation shown by either party.
Lucas backed away slowly. “I’ll leave you to eat in peace. Let me know if you need anything.”
“I won’t bother you,” she said distractedly. Her gaze drifted to the toast and the ramekins of butter and jam on the side. He knew better than to add them to the toast.
“It’s no bother.”
“You don’t have work to do today?” It wasn’t as though weekends were an exception when it came to his job.
He smiled. “I always have work to do, but I won’t be doing any today.”
She frowned. “Why not?”
His expression softened. “Because you need me, Kate. My priority is to take care of you.”
She didn’t know how to respond. The idea that someone would take care of her—it wasn’t something she’d come to expect from anyone, including her husband. Kate had always, always taken care of herself.
“Thank you.”
“The new mattress and box spring are being delivered for the guest room today, but I’ll handle it. You just stay here and rest.” He hesitated. “The kids want to see you. I told them maybe you’d come down for lunch later.”
“I don’t mind if they come in,” she said.
“Are you sure? I don’t want them to stress you out.”
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