Cat-Cat trembled and Kate held her closer to her chest to soothe the cat’s frayed nerves. She left the warehouse with Cat-Cat still cradled in her arms, eliciting a cheer from the kids. They threw their arms around Kate’s waist and pressed their faces against her. Kate relished the moment of closeness with her children.
“You did it,” Gavin said, and Kate saw the flash of pride in his eyes.
A pair of oncoming headlights startled Kate. It was too dark to see whether it was a police car. The car door flew open and Lucas emerged from behind the wheel.
“You found her?” His relief was palpable. He joined them at the warehouse door, encircling his family with both arms stretched as far around as they could go. “It’s a miracle.”
No, not a miracle. Magic.
Lucas offered to take Cat-Cat to the vet so Kate could go home to bed, but Kate insisted on being the one to take her. She and Lucas swapped vehicles so he could drive the kids home.
Two hours later, Kate and Cat-Cat arrived home from the vet. She wasn’t sure which one of them was more exhausted. The cat was fine, albeit traumatized.
Kate crawled into bed and noticed Lucas fast asleep on the other side. She settled Cat-Cat between them and felt the soft vibrations as the animal purred, content.
Kate curled into a ball facing her husband and the cat. If she could’ve purred, too, she would have.
Chapter Sixteen
Kate rested on the yoga mat after a grueling forty-minute workout. Leave it to Kate to make something as calm and restful as yoga challenging. She shifted to a cross-legged position and took a moment to express gratitude. She’d thrown out her gratitude list, deciding to try a more mindful approach. Kate was following her own advice and acting with intention. Her days of robotic reciting were over.
She was also letting go of the system she’d allowed to control her. It was one thing to be competent and organized, but Kate’s compulsion to take charge and do everything for everyone had sucked the marrow from her bones and left her a hollow shell. In reality, her control had been nothing more than an illusion, the mask she wore for others—until she lost her grip on it.
She finished on the mat and reached for her phone to call Mrs. Quincy. By cutting back on the tasks she only did for the sake of appearances, she’d have more time to devote to projects she truly cared about. She told Mrs. Quincy she’d love to volunteer her time to RISE and, even better, she’d like to make it a monthly event. Mrs. Quincy was thrilled with the development.
“What made you change your mind?” Mrs. Quincy asked.
“I realized I said no for the wrong reason and now I’m saying yes for the right one.”
Kate had become so entangled in goals and checklists that she’d forgotten why she’d traveled down the path of motivational speaking to begin with.
Her mother.
Her mother’s suicide had tilted Kate’s world on its axis. It had not only affected how Kate viewed herself, but how she viewed others as well. At some point, she’d started to avoid women in genuine need, as though their misfortune was a disease they might pass on to her. She’d avoided any reminders of her mother’s pain and suffering. Kate hadn’t been using her voice to help others, she’d been using her voice to help herself. To make Kate look better to others. To heal a wound that had been torn open all those years ago, the day an unsuspecting teenager had arrived home from the store with a carton of milk.
Her mother could’ve used an organization like RISE after her divorce. She’d been a housewife during her marriage and the divorce had thrown her into the deep end of the pool without a flotation device. As a child, Kate hadn’t been fully aware of the detrimental impact of the divorce on her mother, both financially and psychologically. Her mother must’ve spent years suffering in silence. While Kate recognized the divorce wasn’t solely responsible for her mother’s decision to take her own life, she also acknowledged that RISE could’ve helped her mother learn to navigate rough waters. It could’ve meant the difference between life and death.
“Whatever the reason, my dear, we’re thrilled to have you.”
“Are you sure you’re still interested?” Kate ventured. She had to ask.
“Why wouldn’t we be? Because of the Thanksgiving video?” Mrs. Quincy belted out a laugh. “Darling, don’t be absurd. You show the women that video and they’ll trust every word that comes out of your mouth. My only hesitation about inviting you initially was that you were a little too perfect. I worried the women might write you off as unrelatable. As far as I’m concerned, that video is pure gold. In fact, I hope you still have a copy. I couldn’t find it online the last time I looked.”
After the call, Kate sat at her desk and turned her attention to the computer. Her eyes popped when she noticed the number of emails in her inbox. She’d stopped checking multiple times a day to make time for more worthwhile projects.
She scrolled down and started with the oldest message first, scanning each one through narrowed eyes in case she wanted to quickly close them again. She could tell from the subject line that some of them were in response to the infamous video and they weren’t complimentary.
“What do I care what some stranger in Nebraska thinks of me? This is ridiculous.” She didn’t click those emails and dragged them all directly to the trash icon. It felt satisfying to hear the crinkling sound when she emptied the trash. Next she moved to the emails from senders she recognized.
Her phone vibrated on the desk and Libbie’s name appeared. Kate clicked the speaker button.
“Hey, there. How are you?” Libbie’s voice rang out in the room.
“Fine.” Kate paused. “Scratch that. I’m great.”
“Glad to hear it. I guess you’ve seen all the latest comments on your channel.”
Kate leaned back against her chair, bracing herself. “As a matter of fact, I haven’t.”
“You might want to look, just for fun. They’re pretty amazing.”
Kate frowned at the phone. “Amazing as in amazingly rude?”
“No, amazing as in they seem to love you more than ever. Check your subscriber numbers. I think your popularity has exploded.”
Kate shifted her gaze from the phone to the computer screen. “How many?”
“A lot. I don’t know, Kate. You may have lost your original advertisers, but I have a feeling this is going to work in your favor, not that I had any doubt.”
Kate dared to click on her YouTube page and her breath caught in her throat. Sure enough, her numbers had grown exponentially and there were more comments than she’d ever have time to answer. People had gone to her last video to comment—the one she’d uploaded prior to Thanksgiving. That’s how motivated they were to share their feedback.
“I mean, we already knew you were an inspiration, but the world seems to be waking up to it, too,” Libbie said.
“Thanks for letting me know.”
“I’ve got a luncheon to prepare for, but we’ll talk later, okay.”
“Love you, Libbie.”
Her friend paused, likely thrown off by Kate’s words of affection. “Love you, too.”
Tears gathered in the corners of her eyes as Kate scanned the comments. She’d screwed up—big time—but they didn’t leave. Instead, they were cheering her on and thanking her for her vulnerability and authenticity. She’d inadvertently let them peek behind the curtain and they hadn’t found her wanting.
You remind me of me, Alba from New Mexico wrote. I thought I had my shit together until I broke my leg skiing. It was the wake-up call I needed.
That took so much courage, Deena from New Jersey wrote. I cried watching it and then I watched it again and cried some more. I learn something from you every time you speak.
Please don’t ever stop posting, Mitch from Michigan wrote. You’re like the best friend I’ve never met. P.S. - I love tequila too.
There were hundreds more like those. Kate was floored by the positive responses. Although the messages were reassuring, she didn’t want to p
lace too much importance on them. Kate smiled to herself as she clicked the link to ‘hide comments.’
A new topic took shape and she laughed at the title that flashed in her mind—F@ck It, I’m Over 40.
Kate reopened the window to her emails and continued to review them in case there was something important. She scowled at the sight of Timothy Turnbull’s name. She didn’t even bother to read it. It didn’t matter if he offered her double what she would’ve accepted before, she had no interest in working with them. She deleted the email and moved on to the next one.
She leaned forward and squinted at one from a Fortune 500 company. The contents of the email took her by surprise.
“Cat-Cat, do you see that?” She turned toward the scratching post where the cat was currently exercising her claws. “This executive wants me to speak to their employees at a corporate retreat. Isn’t that amazing?”
She moved on to the next email and the next. People either wanted to advertise on her channel or hire her for a speaking engagement. One company even wanted her as a spokesperson for a new perfume.
Her stomach clenched when she spotted the name of one of the big publishing houses. They wanted to discuss her book proposal. She whooped so loudly that Ava came thundering up the stairs.
“What’s going on?” Ava looked like a mismatched princess, wearing Ariel’s fin with Jasmine’s top and Rapunzel’s wig. Kate didn’t say a word about it. She simply opened her arms for a hug.
“Wonderful things,” Kate said. She smacked her lips on her daughter’s smooth cheek. “Things that I never thought would happen, but I’m so glad they did.”
“Like me?” Ava asked.
Kate squeezed her daughter tightly. “Not quite. You’re pretty hard to beat.”
“Can I still live here when I go to college?”
Kate laughed. “Why would you ask that?”
“Because I don’t want to go if I have to live with someone else. I always want to live with you.”
Kate rubbed her daughter’s arm. “You probably won’t feel that way when you’re eighteen, but we can talk about it then.”
“I like your sweater,” Ava said. “It sparkles.”
Kate glanced down at her soft pink cardigan with its sparkly trim. “I guess it does.”
“I want to learn to knit so I can make sweaters.”
Kate hugged her again. “Sure.”
Ava looked gobsmacked. “Really? You’d let me?”
“I don’t see why not.”
Kate smiled as Ava wiggled out of the office. Once she was gone, Kate crossed the office and opened the closet door. She stood on her tiptoes to reach an item on the shelf. The box was black with a hot pink lid. Her mother hadn’t liked to wrap presents. Even in the years before gift bags became popular, her mother had found ways to avoid wrapping. This particular box had housed a perfume bottle once upon a time, before it became the final resting place of the chunky knit scarf Kate’s mother had knitted for her. It was the scarf she’d been wearing on that fateful day. She’d kept it hidden away in a box all these years because she’d viewed it as a sad reminder of what she’d lost, but she’d been loath to give it up. It was only recently that she realized the scarf had more to offer than sadness—it was a tangible reminder of her mother’s love.
Kate opened the desk drawer that contained all her wrapping necessities. Scissors, tape, a variety of paper, ribbons, gift bags, labels, and markers. She chose a sparkly red label and wrote—
For my sweet Ava. Merry Christmas.
She smiled as she placed the box in the closet with her stockpile of wrapped presents. Christmas was going to be different this year.
Kate was going to be different this year.
Kate relaxed on the boat in a warm parka as Lucas steered them to the widest part of the lake. The surface of the lake was as smooth as glass and theirs was the only boat on the water. Perfect.
“You’re sure there’s a full tank of gas?” she teased.
He laughed. “You’ll never make that mistake again.”
“Even if I do, it’s okay.” She sighed contentedly. “Autumn is the best time of year to live here.” The crowds had dispersed months ago and the locals had become too caught up in daily life to enjoy the water, leaving Kate and Lucas to enjoy it by themselves.
“I’m partial to summer, but I know what you mean.”
Kate rested her hands behind her head. “I have an idea for a name.”
Lucas looked at her sideways. “A name?”
“For the boat.” She paused. “Wayfarer Witch.”
“It’s got my vote.” He slowed their speed. “I can’t remember the last time it was only the two of us on the boat.”
“After Gavin was born. Your parents offered to babysit so we could have a day to ourselves.”
His mouth twisted into a wry grin. “Oh, yeah. It’s coming back to me now. That was the last time they were allowed to babysit unsupervised.”
“They gave him whiskey.” Kate was still outraged by the memory. Her mother-in-law couldn’t understand their objection. She’d insisted that Gavin was teething, but Kate was convinced the woman simply wanted an excuse to tote around a flask of whiskey at all hours.
“Not their finest hour, I admit.”
Kate didn’t pursue it. In light of recent events, she didn’t think she was in a position to criticize anyone. “I’m glad your parents are still around.”
He blinked, seemingly surprised by the remark. “Really?”
“It’s nice for the kids to have a set of grandparents.” It wasn’t something Kate could offer them.
“It’s nice for them to have two parents around as well.”
“Mm,” Kate replied absently. She lifted her chin toward the sun and closed her eyes, letting the warmth permeate her skin. She felt revitalized.
“Listen, there’s something I’ve been meaning to say,” Lucas began. “I don’t want to kill the nice vibe we’ve got going, but this seems like the right time to bring it up.”
Kate opened her eyes and looked at Lucas, trying to maintain a neutral expression despite the tendrils of fear uncurling in her stomach.
“Oh?” The only word she could muster.
“I’ve been an ass of epic proportions,” Lucas said.
She swallowed hard. “You’ll need to expand on that.”
“Do I have to? I think it’s pretty obvious.” His grip tightened on the wheel. “I stopped paying attention. I became one of those guys I can’t stand.”
“The kind in plaid shorts and a polo shirt in fifty-degree weather?”
He chuckled. “No, the kind who lets his wife do everything because he convinces himself that she’s better at it.”
“Well, I am better at it.”
“Even so.” He held out an arm, inviting her closer. “The only way to get better is to practice. I stopped practicing.”
Kate leaned into him. “We both did.”
She understood the reason, too. It had bothered her that she couldn’t find her voice with Lucas when it came to their uneven distribution of duties. It was only after her stint in the hospital that she realized why. It was because she loved him the most. Deep down, she’d worried that if he viewed her as less than perfect, he’d stop loving her and eventually leave. If she handled everything without complaint, she’d prove she was worthy of his love. Of course, because she wasn’t aware of her reason, her resentment had built up over time.
“How do we fix it?” His eyes widened slightly as another thought occurred to him. “We can fix it, can’t we?”
“I think if we’re both willing participants we can.” She swallowed the lump in her throat. “But I’m giving you an out, Lucas. I won’t hold you hostage because of the kids. If you don’t want to be with me anymore, this is your chance to say so.”
His brow furrowed. “Not want you anymore? How can you think that?”
“I’m not the woman you thought you married.”
Lucas curled his fingers around
her arm. “Kate, you have to know I love you, literal warts and all. It was never about you being perfect. You’re not an object to me. You’re a person. An incredible woman with a generous nature and an indomitable spirit. You encourage and inspire everyone around you, including me.”
“Even after all my screw-ups?”
“Even then. Even if you have spinach in your teeth...”
She recoiled. “But you’d tell me if I did, wouldn’t you?” There were some standards she refused to lower.
“Of course.” He pressed his forehead against hers. “I’m so sorry we let our marriage get away from us. I don’t want to be roommates. I want to be husband and wife again. I keep thinking about the future, that one day the kids will be gone and it will be just us again.”
“And it terrifies you?” she asked.
He kissed her softly on the lips. “Not anymore.”
The next few days were filled with family activities and a surprise from Lucas, who’d sold his Audi and bought a family-friendly SUV instead, just in time to strap a Christmas tree to the roof and drive it home. Kate usually chose the tree without input, but they went as a family this year and everyone got a vote. Ava was pleased to be the tie-breaker. It wasn’t the tree Kate voted for, but she didn’t mind. It was a beautiful tree nonetheless.
Beauty and the Beast went off without a hitch. Kate sat through the entire performance with her hands gripping the arms of the chair, afraid at any moment something would go wrong and it would be all her fault. To her relief, nothing went wrong except a few microphones cutting out, which happened during every play. The costumes she’d sourced looked great and Brett was wonderful in his role as Gaston’s friend, LeFou. He seemed like a different person onstage.
“I think we have a budding actor in our midst,” Lucas said, after the final curtain call.
“He was awesome,” Ava declared. “Can I go up and tell him?”
“No, you need to wait,” Kate said. “Let him celebrate with his friends. He’ll find us shortly.”
Kate sighed inwardly as she watched Brett mingle with the other actors. Her kids were gaining independence and forming their own identities. It was heartening to witness but also a little sad. One day they’d move out and live their own lives. Kate was committed to enjoying the time she had with them.
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