Clearly he should care about you and the situation. And if you’ve done a good job with your tactics then he will. If, however, he still doesn’t seem overly enthused about helping, research indicates that when empathy is low we are more concerned with rewards and costs. Therefore, if in the end he simply doesn’t care, then you need to explain clearly what he will get in exchange for helping you. Now it’s a simple matter of illustrating how the benefits of helping exceed the trouble involved.
Strategy Review
• If you need something done in the near future, ask when he is not preoccupied with something else. If it is for something that does not need to be done right away, ask for the favor as soon as possible, farthest from the time that he will have to do it.
• Engage the law of reciprocity by doing something for him. Your “gift” can take the form of your time, your attention, or even a small gesture or compliment.
• Avoid apathy by increasing personal responsibility. This is done by letting him know that you have no one else to turn to.
• Your request should contain three components: (a) specifically what you want, (b) how he will in some way feel good about doing you the favor, and (c) the relative ease with which he can accomplish the task.
• If your situation is due to your incompetence, you will generate apathy, not sympathy. Focus on any elements of your predicament that were not your own doing.
• Reshape his self-concept to include the idea that helping you is something that is consistent with who he is.
• Knowing others “did the right thing” invokes an unconscious desire to do the same. Have him witness or simply tell him about those who have helped in similar situations.
• Studies conclude that if she feels threatened by your success you will not get her cooperation. Explain the situation as the two of you working toward a common objective where you both win.
• Most important is to keep asking. Many times people just say no because it’s easy and they’re used to it. Persistence in asking—in accordance with these laws—will give you every opportunity to gain cooperation.
• Finally, once he agrees to help, it’s important that he follow through. Therefore use the techniques in Chapter 15, Get Anyone to Follow Through on a Commitment to You, to make sure that you get the help that is promised to you.
•
18
The Greatest Psychological Secrets of Leadership
Get Anyone to Follow You
You’ve got great ideas, a clear vision, and you’re ready to change the world. One problem...you’re leading but nobody’s following. Leadership seems so easy to those who have mastered it, and so elusive to those who desire it. Effective leadership though is not so much an art as it is a science. In this chapter we explore the key essentials to turn anyone into a charismatic, passionate, and idealized leader.
Several factors make up the dynamics of effective leadership and they are divided into two main categories: The Personality of Leadership and The Mechanics of Leadership.
A: The Personality of Leadership: identification
Effective leadership means thinking in terms of the other person. You can motivate any action in anyone if you appeal to her desires, her needs, and her wants. But before you do, bear in mind that people do not care what you know until they know that you care. People can sense whether or not you’re walking your talk, and you cannot lead unless you truly believe. From the ancient classic Tao-te Ching by Lao-tzu comes this enlightening passage about leadership: “Evolved leaders win the trust and support of the people through their complete identification with them. The interests of the people are naturally promoted because they become the interests of the leader as well” (Wing, 1986). To accomplish identification you must not set yourself apart from the crowd, but remain one of the people in the crowd.
humility
It is not enough to be for the people; you must be of the people. An ego, contrary to what is often thought, is not what makes a leader great. We need look no farther than Mahatma Gandhi or Martin Luther King, Jr., to know that humility breeds followers. Again from the ancient classic Tao-te Ching: “When it is clear in their words and actions that leaders do not feel superior to those whom they lead, the people see themselves in their leaders and never tire of them” (Wing, 1986).
Those who rule with an ego rule with anger and fear and when those things are gone so too is their influence. History is full of these ego-oriented tyrants, dictators, and warriors. It has been said that the best person to lead is the one who has the role of leader thrust upon him, rather than one who seeks to rule because he desires power. Do not set yourself up as better than the rest, only as more willing than others to lead and as someone who is prepared to do what is necessary.
style
Still, the most effective tool for influencing and leading can be summed up in one word: simplicity. Nobody likes or is overly inclined to follow complex and disorganized strategies. More wisdom from Tao-te Ching: “Leaders who impose elaborate strategies on people cause social reactions that undermine the structure of the organization because clever strategies strike a resonant chord in people and trigger their own cunning responses. If leaders, instead, guide the organization with simplicity and directness, the inherent cleverness of the people will be disarmed” (Wing, 1986).
Be clear and organized with your plan when you seek to inspire people to align themselves with your way of thinking. If your ideas are muddled with countless exceptions and are multi-focused you will undoubtedly lose a person’s interest and then his support. Be clear, be simple, and be direct. Please note that nowhere in here do I say to be rigid. If you are seen as unyielding you will be perceived as unreasonable and irrational. Maintain a degree of flexibility, but only when it makes sense, not when it’s just easy.
personal power
So now you know the effective strategy for leadership, but as every good leader knows sometimes you need to be able to influence individual members to gain cooperation. So let’s go a step farther and talk about how to present yourself as a person and as a leader.
Here are some crucial personal do’s and don’ts to act the part of a responsible and authoritative leader. First, never confuse passion with authority. Don’t be overly emotional. Emotion conveys passion, which is fine, but that doesn’t give you an air of confidence or of authority. Overly passionate leaders are believable but no one wants to follow them. Second, never yell or raise your voice to anybody. This will cause you to lose respect. And if you cannot lead yourself then you cannot lead others. And if you cannot control others, then they have no reason to listen to you. Third, be respectful of everyone. By ignoring a person you do not show how big and important you are, but how small you are. By giving everyone respect and attention you gain the one incredible ingredient that is essential to every great leader: charisma! This elusive trait is gained by showing people how great they are, not by showing them how wonderful you are. People will follow someone who makes them feel good and valuable, not someone who makes them feel unimportant. Great leaders do not try to get the people to believe in them; rather they show the people how to believe in themselves.
Finally, numerous studies point out that when two people or teams work together toward a common goal the tension lessens. If there is infighting or lack of cohesion, they turn their attention to a common outside force. For further elaboration of this idea see Chapter 21, How to Get Any Group of People to Get Along.
B. The Mechanics of Leadership
Once you have the passion and the support of the people, you still need to gain unwavering commitment by applying psychological techniques. The most crucial ingredient in the leadership mix is knowing how and when to ask for input. Leaders are often made and broken depending on how they handle this issue.
The question is, What level of participation is ideal for leadership? Should you be running things like a democracy or a monarchy? The following study illustrates how a leader should conduct himself regarding parti
cipation of the group. Leaders who permit a fair amount of participation by followers will generally be more effective than leaders who permit either too much or too little participation (Vroom and Yetton, 1973). Other research shows that if the leader doesn’t need his followers’ support and can make decisions with his own expertise, he should not ask for help. If, however, he does need the people’s support, then he should ask for it. A person’s leadership style needs to be flexible so as to allow for the differences in these situations.
Strategy Review
© Leaders win the trust and support of the people through their identification with them. Do not set yourself apart from the crowd, but remain one of the people in the crowd.
© Humility is one of the most powerful character traits for effective leadership. A strong ego creates a barrier between the leader and the people.
• Your vision must be clear, simple, and organized. Nobody likes or is overly inclined to follow complex and disorganized strategies.
• Don’t confuse passion with authority. Overly passionate leaders are believable but few people want to follow them.
• Never yell or publicly chastise anybody. This will cause you to lose respect.
• Instantly generate the often-elusive and ever-important quality of charisma by making others feel important and special.
• People follow those who make them feel good about themselves.
• Understand the mechanics of leadership and when it is best to ask for input and when it is best to dictate.
19
Get Anyone to Understand Anything
The Two Greatest Secrets to Explaining Anything Complex
http://getanyonetodoanything.us/vid00052.html
If you want someone to agree to something or to take action, the first rule is that he should understand exactly what it is that you’re talking about, and precisely what you are asking of him. It can be quite frustrating explaining something over and over again. But by incorporating these two tactics you can pretty much explain anything to anyone.
First, the person should know the context of the information. To explain easily a hard-to-understand point, you need to offer perspective by first explaining the entire picture.
Give him an overview so that he understands the context of the situation. For instance, you can listen to and memorize a sentence because you know and understand what the words mean. But ten random words such as bat, go, fly, how, to, starter, never, hot, tremendous, and hen are difficult to keep in your head. A cogent sentence, however, with ten words in it is infinitely easier. The four boys were reading Shakespeare in the corner room. You can repeat this back and memorize it with great ease. But how long might it take you to memorize those ten random words above? The sentence is easier because you understand the order and context of the words and how they relate to one another.
Explaining details and specifics without first making sure that someone understands the concept, the larger picture, is like putting a puzzle together without knowing what the picture is. Those who don’t have a strong understanding of something usually don’t have a concept of the larger picture.
The second factor in making sure that you are understood has to do with expectation. Numerous studies show the powerful role that expectation plays in understanding and include such findings as (a) girls who were told that they would perform poorly on a math test did so; (b) assembly line workers who were told that the job was complex and difficult performed less efficiently at the same task than those who were told that it was easy and simple; and (c) adults who were given fairly complex mazes solved them faster when told that they were based on a grade-school level.
Our own expectations and the expectations of others play a powerful role in how we digest information and consequently on our performance. If you want someone to understand something, explain the context in which the information fits in and communicate the fact that you expect him to understand it, and that it is simple to learn. Additionally, offering positive encouragement along the way will help to maintain his enthusiasm for learning and understanding. If you follow this approach you will greatly increase anyone’s ability to understand, use, and retain any information.
Strategy Review
• Give an overview before going into the details. This puts the new information into an understandable context.
• Use the law of expectation. Simply stating that you expect this information will be understood quickly and easily greatly increases comprehension and retention.
•
20
Minority Rule
How to Get Your Way When Everyone’s Going the Other Way
History is full of examples of those whose thinking shaped the future. Unyielding as they were unconventional, these visionaries helped shape a world not yet born. And these free thinkers were not part of the collective thought of mediocrity but were men and women who flew in the face of tradition and in doing so paved the way for change, for progress, and for liberty. Men and women who fervently believed in a good and righteous cause, never yielding to fold into the middle, rose against insurmountable odds to speak their passion and stir a society of conscience.
But what if you just want sushi and everyone else wants Italian food? No problem, you can get your way. When you’re outnumbered and outvoted, this tactic will sway the majority to your way of thinking. Whether you want your ideas implemented at the office or you want to see the movie no one else wants to, you’ll find this method very useful. And whether you’ve got one ally, ten, or none, these rules of human nature are strategized to help you influence forces greater than your own. (Techniques in Chapters 14 and 16 to get anyone to take your advice and changing a person’s mind certainly can be used to round out your overall strategy.)
There are six main elements that determine how effective you will be in swaying the majority to your way of thinking. They are outlined and explained below.
1. Consistency
First, you and/or members of your group must be consistent in the opposition to majority opinions. Studies show that if you waffle or show signs of giving in to the majority view your impact is reduced. In other words, a statement such as, “Based upon all of the information, we stand one hundred percent behind our position,” is in accordance with this law. The statement, “Hmmm, I don’t know...no, it’s just better this way...yeah,” is not suggested.
2. Flexibility
Studies show that the members must avoid appearing rigid and dogmatic. A minority that holds to the same position regardless of new information and a changed situation is not as effective as one that demonstrates some flexibility. This does not contradict the previous law. Within a single position you should remain unified and unyielding, but when presented with new evidence or a unique situation, you should take the time (or at least appear to do so) to consider this and weigh it, without casual disregard. A statement consistent with this rule would be, “That’s an interesting thought that has not yet been considered. Why don’t we take a short time to determine its merit?” An ineffective statement would be something such as, “No, no, no...I don’t care! That’s where we stand and that’s that.”
3. Divide and Conquer
Many studies conclusively prove that when we have an ally we are much more likely to stick to our guns. That means that if Jim knows that Bob is against your idea too, he’ll be much harder to sway. Yet, if Jim thinks he’s alone in his thinking, then not only is he more likely to change his view but he will agree to things more easily if he thinks that the whole group is for that way too. Don’t let them gain confidence in their numbers. Speak and sway individually whenever possible.
4. Likability
As a function of discord, when you disagree with the majority you are often perceived as less friendly and may be disliked. Being liked is more times than not an essential component of influencing people. So the secret is to point out how your view is in the best interests of others, not just yourself. Applying the tactics in Chapter 1, Get Anyon
e to Like You...Every Time, will also stem the tide of losing popularity.
5. New Angles
Whenever you want someone to reevaluate his thinking, remember to introduce new information into the equation. In this way he’s making a new decision based on additional information. This is easier for him to do than for him to “change his mind.” A good way to use this phrase is, “I understand why you thought this way, but we just found out that [new information]. In light of this new information, maybe we could approach this in another way.”
6. Outside Support
Now, what do you do if nobody’s budging? When you’ve got nothing, enact the law of social proof by finding other people, outside your group, who share your view. This will make your group more inclined to reevaluate their thinking. You’re having trouble finding anyone to support you? No problem, just find an expert or others to agree with you that don’t have a personal stake in the situation.
When college students received a compelling message supporting a departmental exam before graduation they found strong arguments more convincing than weak arguments. No surprise here. But when the same message would have no effect on the students—advocating that the exam policy begin in ten years—the quality of the argument made little difference. The expertise and credibility of the source, however, did matter (Petty, Cacioppo, and Goldman, 1981).
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