by K. C. Lynn
A sadness I helped cause.
CHAPTER 3
Sam
The next morning I lie in bed and stare up at my ceiling, shame and humiliation burning inside of me as I think about the night before. Running into Grant was bad enough but having Jase witness what he did just added salt to the wound.
I didn’t expect you to be the type.
What type is that?
A doormat.
His comment really hurt but it wasn’t an unfair assessment. Once upon a time I was weak. A time where all I wanted was to belong to someone, to find my place like everyone else had in my family. It was time. Jesse and Sawyer had grown up and moved on well before my age. They didn’t rely on my parents to be their home forever and it was time I had done the same.
So when the charming Grant Fleming, the most eligible bachelor in Colorado, asked me out when he could have his pick of women, I was swept away. I’ve always been in the background, especially in my family. Sawyer and Jesse are the stars, their charismatic personalities and talent always shining bright. It’s one of the many things I love and admire about them but that’s never been me.
When Grant started showering me with romantic gestures, I fell hard and fast. I thought I had finally found my place. Did I need a person to find it? No, but ever since I was a little girl all I ever wanted was to grow up, fall madly in love, and have a family. It was my destiny. I felt it all the way down to my bones, still do. I thought Grant possibly could have been that person but I learned quickly that he wasn’t.
The first time he put his hands on me, I left him. I had locked myself in my room for three days straight and cried until there were no tears left. Then I gave him a second chance because I believed he was remorseful. He seemed so wrecked by it and promised it would never happen again. I didn’t think I would ever be that person but he was very persuasive. The hits were few and far between but he was really good at causing pain in other ways. He always knew what to say that would hurt the most. Always used my love for my family against me and told me I was immature for still living at home.
It didn’t help when I overheard my parents talking one night about wanting to move closer to Sawyer and Grace but they didn’t want to leave me behind. It was then I knew I had to move on. I refused to burden them any longer, even if they didn’t see it that way.
I really did want to go with them but I had to try it on my own first. It was hard to say good-bye. I’ve missed them so much but that’s all about to change. Soon, I will be reunited with them. If that makes me weak then so be it. Some people can live away from their family, and that’s great, but it’s not me. I want them in my life. I want to see my niece and nephew on a regular basis. I want to be able to watch my parents grow old together. If only I could convince Jesse to move down there too, but I know that won’t happen. She loves LA and is happy where she is but she makes a point to visit as much as possible so that helps.
Pulling myself from my thoughts, I reach for my phone off the nightstand and call my parents’ house, needing to hear their voices now more than ever.
My dad answers on the second ring. “Sammy! How’s my girl?”
His cheerful, husky voice brings a smile to my face but it dims at the dull pain in my cheek. A reminder of the disaster that ensued last night.
“Hey, Daddy. I’m good. Just waking up and missing you guys so thought I would check in.”
“We miss you too, honey. Won’t be long now until I get to see my girl’s pretty face.”
“I’m counting down the days,” I tell him honestly.
“The kids are real damn excited, too. Hope has lots of recipes planned for you and wait until you see our boy on skates this fall. I’m tellin’ ya, he’s a natural. Just like your brother. The kid is going places.”
Another smile graces my lips. “Like father, like son. I can’t wait to see him in action and give that little princess a hug.”
“And I can’t wait to hug mine,” he says, melting my heart. “I’ve missed you, Sammy.”
His gruff words are both soothing and painful. “Me too, Dad. So much,” I whisper, my throat thick with tears.
“You okay?”
“Yeah. Just tired is all. I helped Zoey out last night at the bar.”
“Oh yeah? How did that go?”
“Good.”
At least it started out that way…
“I ran into Cam, Jake, and Austin there. They asked about Sawyer.”
“They’ve always been good boys. Are they still playing?”
“I think so. I believe they have a team with the fire department. I think Jase Crawford started it. He was also with them last night,” I add, though I’m not sure why I feel compelled to mention him.
“I’ll bet he did.” The hostility in his words comes as no surprise.
“Dad, can I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
“Why don’t you get along with the Crawfords? I mean, I get why Sawyer and Jase don’t get along but what happened with you and Mr. Crawford?”
“Nothing happened per se,” he starts. “The guy has always just been a goddamn hothead. Thinks his shit don’t stink and no one is as good as his son.”
Sounds a lot like someone else I know.
It’s on the tip of my tongue to say that out loud but I bite it back, knowing he would deny having anything in common with a Crawford.
I love my dad and brother more than any man on this earth but it’s no secret they have egos that outweigh their good sense. However, their hearts are much bigger and that’s what’s most important.
“Why do you want to know?” he asks, suspicion thick in his tone. “He hasn’t been giving you problems has he?”
“No, no. Nothing like that.” The problems Jase gives me I can handle…most of the time. “I just wondered. Seeing him last night made me think of it.”
“Well, if he ever does, you just let me know. I’ll take care of it.”
Little does he know, the last person I need protection from is Jase Crawford. If not for him showing up who knows how far things would have escalated with Grant.
The thought crashes back down on me, souring my mood. “I promise, Dad. It’s all good. Anyway, I better get in the shower. Tell Mom I said hi and give her a kiss for me.”
“Will do. I love you, Sammy. Call again soon.”
“I love you, too. Bye.” Hanging up, I climb out of bed and head to the bathroom, my heart heavy once again. I avoid looking in the mirror, not wanting to see the mark I know will be there.
The shame and pain that lingers is reminder enough.
CHAPTER 4
Jase
Today was supposed to be my day off. Yesterday was the end of my rotation but I traded with Declan to stay on one more day because I knew she would be coming here—the girl who has stolen my every thought.
Sam is bringing her preschool class in today for a field trip, and I have to see her. I haven’t been able to get her grief-stricken eyes out of my head. I have to know she’s okay. I hate that I care, I don’t want to but it seems the organ in my chest has a mind of its own when it comes to her.
Once they arrive, Cam is the one to greet them at the door and lead them into the back room where the demonstration is set up. A pile of kids all cram their little bodies through the entryway, excited smiles on their faces. Austin and Jake stand at the front of the room while I stand off in the back corner.
Sam walks in next, her smile radiant, giving me a chance to take in my first full breath since leaving her devastated almost a week ago. However, all that air is stolen once again as I take her in from head to toe. From her peach colored shoes, to her conservative white knee-length skirt and matching peach tank top that’s tucked in, showing every one of her perfect, slender curves in the classiest way possible.
Seriously, what is with this chick and fucking peaches? She smells like them, dresses in the color. Hell, even the natural tone of her perfect full lips is fucking peach. I’ll bet she tastes as good
as one, too…
Don’t go there, Crawford. You don’t need to be sporting a hard-on around a bunch of kids.
The pep talk proves pointless the moment her sparkling green eyes meet mine. The connection strikes me to my fucking core, shooting straight to my dick.
Shit.
It’s short lived when her smile dims along with her gaze. Her eyes widen, surprised that I’m here. I’m not sure why she would be. She knows I work at this station. Unless, she checked to see if I was going to be here. If that’s the case then I’m busted.
I hold her stare and try to ignore the way my chest tightens along with my jeans. How the hell I can have so many conflicted feelings about one chick, I have no idea, but it drives me fucking crazy. I just need closure from the other night. Once I know she’s okay and that guy hasn’t bothered her again, I can move the hell on.
Eventually, she dismisses me and turns her attention to the class, slapping on that perfected smile of hers. “All right, boys and girls. Pick a spot on the floor.” She gestures to the space in front of her, lining up all the little rug rats so they can see over one another. One of them laughs as she tickles them, to make more space in front. “Good. Now, crisscross applesauce.”
The entire place becomes silent as they all cross their legs and fold their hands on their laps.
“Wow, you guys are good listeners,” Cam praises.
“I have the best students,” Sam says, her genuine smile lighting up the whole damn station. It’s clear to see this is her element and she enjoys her job.
“I can see that. Thanks for coming in, guys. I’m Firefighter Cam. This ugly dude to my left is Firefighter Austin.”
They all giggle at his introduction.
“The other next to him is Firefighter Jake, and the one in the back is Firefighter Jase.”
I give a brief wave as every single head cranes back to me.
“Today, we’re going to teach you about fire safety and prevention while also showing you some cool equipment. You ready?”
They cheer enthusiastically.
Austin grabs Sam and the other lady she came in with a chair so they have somewhere to sit. As Jake and Cam begin the safety instruction, my thoughts and attention are on Sam, wondering how I’m going to get her alone for a few minutes to talk to her.
Every once in a while she glances in my direction then quickly skirts her eyes away when her gaze collides with mine. It gives me satisfaction to know she’s not completely oblivious to me.
Next, Cam goes through the equipment we wear, kneeling next to the gear. “Do any of you know why we have our uniform set up like this?” he asks, pointing to the pants that are inside out with the boots in them ready to go.
All the kids shake their heads, their attention riveted on him.
“Because it’s the fastest way for us to put them on when we have to leave in a hurry,” he explains. “You see, when that bell rings we have to stop whatever we’re doing and be super-fast. We can’t waste even a second struggling with our gear and equipment. People are depending on us.”
“Because dey need you to save deir life,” a little girl says.
“That’s right.” Cam nods. “Or their house or whatever we can help with. Like I said earlier, we are first responders too, so sometimes it can be a car accident or something else we’re needed for. It’s not always a fire. Do you want to see how the equipment works?”
They all nod excitedly.
“Do you guys want to see Ms. Evans in it?”
“Yeah!” They cheer.
“Oh no.” Sam laughs, shaking her head. “I’m good. You go ahead and put it on,” she tells him.
He gives her a smirk that makes me want to punch him in the face. “Come on. Do it for the kids.”
“Pleease, Ms. Evans.” A bunch of them plead.
“Oh, all right.” She stands from her chair and walks over to Cam, giving him a playful elbow for volunteering her.
He chuckles then directs her to step into the boots and begins suiting her up. A foreign feeling brews inside of me, hating that he gets to stand next to her and touch her…
Jesus, what the fuck is wrong with me? Since when do I get jealous of anyone?
As he suits her up he explains how the uniform is made of two-layer fabric designed to repel heat and wick away any moisture that gets inside.
“What happens if you have to pee?” one girl asks.
Cam looks down at the kid, clearly not expecting the question. “Well, we have to hold it. There are no bathroom breaks when you’re fighting a fire.”
“Have you ever peed your pants?” another one asks, all the kids snickering at the question.
“Yeah, have you, Firefighter Cam?” Sam asks, biting back a smile.
“Nope, but Firefighter Jase has,” he lies with a smug grin.
My eyes narrow at him while all the kids burst into laughter.
Asshole.
Once everyone gets it out of their system he moves on, putting the air tank on Sam’s back.
“Holy smokes this is heavy,” she grunts.
All the kids snicker as she stumbles but Cam is there to catch her. It jacks up my annoyance another notch.
Feeling like I’m completely losing it, I step out of the room and head down the hall to the kitchen. I pour myself a cup of coffee and take some time to screw my head back on straight.
This is not how it’s supposed to be. We thrive on pissing each other off. I like to press her buttons as much as she likes to press mine, that’s how it’s always been. But since the night I saw that bastard hit her, my perception of her turned into something else. Maybe because the girl I always saw as another spoiled Evans, the sister of my enemy, isn’t who I thought she was. There’s more to her than I realized. But no matter what, nothing will ever change that she’s an Evans and always will be. I need to remember that. Just the thought of that smug brother of hers heats my fucking blood.
The sound of clicking heels down the silent hallway breaks into my thoughts. Sam enters into the kitchen with a smile on her face that fades the moment she sees me. She comes to a hard stop just inside the room.
“Sorry,” she says quietly, looking around. “I thought this was where the bathroom is.”
“Next door down.” My chest constricts with panic as she steps out of the room to continue on. “Sam, wait.”
She stops but keeps her back to me, her shoulders tense. I move to stand in front of her but she refuses to look at me.
“Please, don’t do this to me, Jase,” she whispers. “Not here. Not when I have my kids with me.”
I blow out a breath, the pain in her voice making me feel like shit. “I don’t want to fight. I just…I want to make sure you’re okay.”
“I’m fine. This doormat can take care of herself.”
Guilt flares in my gut, knowing I deserve that. “I didn’t mean it, Sam.”
“Yes, you did, but I don’t care what you think of me. I never have.” The lie flows seamlessly from her lips. We both know she cares as much as I do.
She makes an effort to leave again but I grab her wrist to stop her. That same jolt of electricity I always get when our skin meets sears me from the inside out. She looks down at my hand before bringing her eyes up to mine, a million emotions reflecting back at me.
Releasing her, I take a step back. “Listen, before you go I need to tell you something and you’re probably not going to like it.”
“What?” she asks nervously.
“I spoke to a friend of mine at the police department.”
Her eyes flash with fury. “You did what?”
I hold a hand up. “Just hear me out. He’s a good guy. I trust him. I don’t know what happened when you reported it before. It’s not my business but—”
“Exactly, Jase. This isn’t your business.”
“The hell it isn’t,” I snap. “The past might not be but what happened the other night is, and I’m not going to let that bastard walk away like it never happened.”
>
She looks away from me, her teeth grinding.
I collect a breath, not wanting this to end the way it did the other night. “Look. My friend paid him a visit and warned him to stay away from you. Hopefully, he listens, but if not, Sam, if you need help or even change your mind about reporting him, you can trust Denver. He’s one of the good guys. He won’t turn his back on you.” I hold out his card to her. “Just think about it.”
She takes it, her eyes finally meeting mine again. “Why are you doing this?” she asks softly. “Why do you care? It’s no secret you hate me.”
I step forward, backing her against the wall. My hands pin on either side of her head, the sweet scent of peaches invading my senses and wreaking havoc on my self-control.
Her eyes are wide as she stares up at me.
“We love to hate each other, Sam.” Actually, I don’t hate her at all but it’s better for the both of us if I don’t shred that façade. “Believe it or not, despite what your brother has filled your head with about me, I’m not a complete asshole.”
I dip my head in closer, trailing my nose along her satin cheek. She inhales sharply as I torture us both, bringing my lips to her ear. Why do I do this? I have no idea. Maybe because I know it will be the last time I’m ever this close to her.
“I’d never hurt you,” I whisper, my lips grazing her earlobe. “But if someone ever does again and I hear about it…I’ll fucking kill them.”
Feeling her quick breaths skim across my jaw, I push from the wall and walk away before I end up doing something stupid, like taste those tempting lips of her.
I’ve spoken my piece. Said what I had to say, the rest is up to her. Now I can move on and not give her a second thought.
At least I’m going to damn well try.
CHAPTER 5
Sam
A few days later, I pull up to the fire station with a plate of homemade chocolate chip cookies and a thank you card my class made for the station. My heart beats erratically in my chest, knowing whom I will encounter on this visit. I don’t know if I’m excited at the prospect of seeing Jase again or terrified.