by S. K Munt
Besides, I thought, as I wriggled into a delicate, short pair of bloomers (no skimpy panties for me, I took off in flight too often!) and a matching balconette bra, Cairo likes me in lavender...
The dress had a plain A-line shape, with spaghetti straps and a simple bodice that showed the fullness of my bust without an excess of cleavage, a sash around the waist that allowed me to cinch it in, and lots of thin, almost transparent layers of soft lilac chiffon that fell in a swishy, handkerchief hemline around my knees and thighs. It was a delicate, girly garment, but it was soft, comfortable and very ‘spring’ and as soon as I felt those skirts swish around me, I knew that I wouldn’t have chosen differently even if I’d had a week to prepare- as I’d originally hoped to have.
Once I had it on, I slapped my silver cuff back over my shoulder to cover my brand, stepped back into my favourite ballet flats, and then began to run my heated hands through my hair, drying it with warm fingers and detangling it as I went. Cairo had brought me several pairs of fancier shoes back from his excursions, and Satan had included a different pair for every outfit that she’d given me, but I found it hard to maintain balance around Cairo as it was, without adding high heels into the mix! Besides, heels were harder for me to land in than they were to dance in!
Oh! I snapped upright and moved towards my countertop, fumbling around for my tiny pot of lip gloss with one hand while the other continued to work through my half-damp mane. Cairo’s birthday is next week, and I was going to throw him a surprise ball! But how can I make it a surprise if he’s-
I heard Inoborna howl then, and my knees went weak. The pot of lip gloss clattered to the bottom of my sink after I’d dabbed it on only the lower one, but I rubbed my lips together as I turned and rushed back to my bedroom window, half-kneeling on the manuscript on my bed as I leaned over my iron bed head and scanned the promenade. I saw my wolf loping along the cobbled road in front of the carts that had been loaded up in the harbour, and although my jaw dropped to see how many packages the Pirate Captain had brought us this time, (one was full of just banana trees!) my heart seized up when I realised that I couldn’t see the Pirate Captain himself. I recognised most of his crew, who were riding in on the carts or walking alongside them and beaming while they returned the waves of the townspeople that had come out to greet them as exuberantly as always, but none of the men were tall enough, broad enough or golden enough to be Cairo, and I started to fret that I’d offended him so much by turning tail instead of flying down to greet him, that he’d decided to stay on the ship and stew for awhile.
I have to go find him, and apologize! I decided immediately scooting back from the headboard and sending a handful of pages fluttering to the floor. I’ll just say that I looked a fright and-
‘You can’t just burst into her room!’ I heard Sam snap then, accompanied by the sounds of footsteps skidding on stone, and I whipped around just in time for the door to do exactly that: burst open so that two tall figures could barrel through. Cairo was panting after having run up the stairs and his arms were full of parcels wrapped in brown paper that were falling everywhere, and Sam was red-faced for having chased him and because he was clearly ticked off.
He’s not hiding from me! Joy bubbled up inside me, as warm and cathartic as immersing oneself in the hot springs was. He raced up five flights of steps to see me again!
Cairo was at least twice the other man’s width, but Sam snatched a fistful of the pirate captain’s cloak and used it to reel him back, eyes bright with indignation, and Cairo could not fight back without dropping what I assumed were his gifts for me so he allowed it. ‘You know how much she values her privacy, Kingslater! So if you value your neck at all, get back down to the throne room so that she can receive you accordingly!’
‘Who made you her private guard?’ Cairo demanded, trying to duck under Sam’s arm now that the smaller man had dragged him back onto the landing and was attempting to barricade the door with his outstretched limbs. The pirate could have easily barged through, of course, but fortunately for Sam, he’d retained enough of his senses to behave civilly. ‘I am well by the way. Thanks for asking- it is nice to see you again too, McIntyre.’
‘It’ll be nicer to see you in the throne room-’
‘I’ll receive him here!’ I cried then, and both men froze and twisted to look at me as I hobbled off the bed, straightening my skirts.
‘Your highness!’ Sam turned to face me as I smoothed my dress and attempted to pull myself together. He bowed slightly, and I almost rolled my eyes when Cairo moved to do the same thing. I spoke to Sam at least five times a day and I could not remember the last time he’d bowed to me, so what the heck was going on? ‘I’m sorry for the intrusion. Captain Kingslater was rather excited to see you but I know how you feel about-’
‘I thank you for trying to protect my personal boundaries, Sam, you should know that I value you both too much to expect one of you to serve me like a butler, or the other to observe formal customs when it comes to paying me a visit.’ I wanted to rush to Cairo and throw my arms around him, but it felt awkward with Sam there, so I clasped my hands together in front of me and squeezed them together as tightly as I longed to squeeze him as I ventured forward another step. ‘I thought it went without saying that you are both welcome to call on me informally, but for future references, consider it said. And on that note, I’ll have none of this your highness business either- from either of you.’
‘Thank you, Larkin,’ Sam said respectfully, standing taller as he moved away from Cairo, and when he looked around my room then, it occurred to me for the first time that he’d never actually been in there before, not since we’d first explored the Chateau together anyway. ‘This is nice…’ he moved over and stroked the edge of a curved roll top desk while Cairo put his packages down on my dresser, and I cringed when he looked sideways at me. ‘Where did you get curved furniture from, though? I don’t remember this room having more than a bed and a bureau when she first created it?’
I wrinkled up my face again, embarrassed by the fact that I’d been so spoiled, but grateful that he didn’t know just how recently I’d been spoiled. Luckily for me, Inoborna chose that moment to dart through the door and start circling my feet, so I reached over onto my bedside table and pulled out a strip of jerky, which gave me something to do with my hands. ‘Uh, it’s a long story…’
‘You mean: ‘Once Upon a Time there was Satan… The End?’ my friend asked, smirking, and I tittered nervously, glancing at Cairo, who had not taken his eyes off me yet.
‘Okay,’ I smiled as I rubbed the thick, luxe fur on the back of wolf’s neck, ‘not so long then.’
‘I thought so.’
Something about that moment was beyond awkward, and I kept looking from Cairo to Sam, waiting for one of them to say something, but Cairo was too busy staring at me, and Sam was still looking around like he was appraising the craftsmanship, which made me feel bad. He and I had spent a lot of time on the terrace, yes- we’d passed hours and hours away up there, talking, but he’d never actually crossed my threshold and only now that he and Cairo were both standing on either side of it, did I realise how odd that was. I’d never ruled that my private chamber was off limits to anybody, but Sam must have picked up on my need for a safe space out of my thoughts at some point, so although he was every bit as dear to me as Martya and Bastien were, he never called on me the way that they did.
I might have noticed that sooner, but Sam had moved into a small cottage on the outskirts of town over a year ago in order to distance himself from unguarded thoughts, so when we spent time together now, we tended to pre-arrange rendezvous points in the throne room, my terrace, the lakeshore or his house. I felt safe having him in my bedroom because he was ‘my’ Sam, but it seemed as though I’d neglected to say so and had inevitably put up a bit of a wall between us- a wall that he seemed pretty eager to keep Cairo on the other side of now as well, because while I’d been thinking about how awkward everything was, he and Cairo had lo
cked gazes and were now engaged in a stare-off. I sighed, hating the fact that two of my favourite people had never found a way to get along.
But just when I thought I was going to have to clap my hands to snap them out of it, Inoborna went over and snuffed at Cairo’s boots, licking one in greeting before moving over to Sam for a head scratch, and as though the wolf’s acceptance of my guest had reassured Sam in some way, Sam blinked and said stiffly:
‘My apologies, Captain Kingslater,’ he patted the wolf’s snout and stood taller, while I thanked my furry friend for equalising the mood of the room. ‘Our kingdom is indeed indebted to you, so I hope you know that I meant no offence by following you up here.’
‘I know that you meant well and I am grateful to you for safeguarding her in my absence,’ Cairo straightened up and took a step towards me, his smoky eyes scorching trails over me before they burned into mine. ‘But I would very much like a moment alone with the queen now, if that’s all right with her, for I have matters to discuss with her that are explicitly confidential.’
I felt Sam’s eyes on me, but I couldn’t speak past the lump of anxiety in my throat or tear my eyes off Cairo, so I swallowed hard and nodded and with a sigh, Sam began to retreat- no mind-reading necessary- with Inoborna trailing behind. I often thought of Inoborna as being ‘my’ dog because he spent his winters curled up in my tower room with me, but the truth was that he belonged to nobody but himself, came and went where and when he pleased when weather permitted and never came when he was called. In fact, Lady Lucida always jokingly referred to the lone wolf as the palace’s cat, because it had the indifferent nature of one along with a penchant for all things comfortable.
‘I’ll wait downstairs,’ Sam agreed, his tone as chilled now as it had been panicked before, and I wondered how long it would take for him and Cairo both to realise that what had made their father’s dislike one another had nothing to do with either of them. ‘But I won’t go far, so if you need me …’
‘Thank you Sam,’ I managed, and it wasn’t until Cairo turned to close the door behind my friend that I broke into a hot sweat. Having Cairo in my bedroom was very different to having Sam in there, especially now that we were alone, but it was a privilege that he’d earned after two years of having conducted himself like a perfect gentleman in my company, so I refused to let the fact that he was closing the door cause a claustrophobic meltdown in my central nervous system. I was still anxious though, and because the moment to throw myself into his arms for a welcoming hug had already bypassed us, I wrung my hands instead, at a loss for anything else to do with them.
This is all wrong! I thought, as Cairo turned and leaned his weight against the door, eyeing me frankly while I twisted the amber ring on my finger that Sam had carved for me. I feared him being too forward, but at least I know how to handle him when he’s like that! This stiff and formal Cairo feels like a stranger!
‘I have to tell you something,’ he began, crossing his arms and appraising me openly instead of reaching for me as he usually did, and just like that, the fear that he would level me with his passion was replaced by the fear that he never would, and I found it hard to breathe, ‘about our arrangement, and about how circumstances have changed for me.’
‘Oh Heaven’s grief…’ I hugged myself, feeling my eyes sting with tears. ‘You’ve met someone else, haven’t you?’
Cairo frowned at me. ‘You jump to that conclusion so swiftly, your highness. Should I assume that you long for the day when I would make such a declaration?’
‘No!’ I exploded, and his eyebrows shot up. ‘I mean, no I don’t think… I just know that… you meet a lot of people.’ God damn it, I was shaking! ‘You pledged to be true to me until it became an impossible mission, and because you can have anyone that you so desire… well… you must be growing weary of my hesitation yes? And eager to be repaid for all that you have done for me-’
‘You think I return here every spring in anticipation of payment for services rendered?’ Cairo practically growled, pushing off the door and stalking towards me. ‘Is that what you think I desire from you, my queen? Is that the kind of man that you think I am- one that forces his men to serve a queen, to help her build up a kingdom- just so that he might one day have carnal knowledge of her?’
I wrapped my hands around my bedpost, pressing my flushed face to the cool wood and closing my eyes against the sight of his angry face. ‘N-no I don’t think that’s what this is about- I know that you are good and kind and heroic!’ I opened my eyes just as he was about to reach me, and I confess that I shrivelled up a little, clasping the pole like a lifeline. ‘But you said yourself that the only reason that you have gone on living is because Satan promised you a soul mate-’
‘Actually, that’s no longer the case, and that was what I was about to clarify before you wounded me so.’ Cairo grasped the pole, one above one of my hands, one below the other, and stared down into my eyes with indignant ones. ‘Yes, I still long for a soul mate, and I am certain that you are her. But by serving you and your people, I have tapped into something inside myself that I had thought had died with Iana- the will to live. The desire to create, and most shocking of- the need to settle down and belong to an actual society, after years of shunning all of them but the ones under my command on the ocean.’ He dropped his hand to my cheek, and I hummed at his touch, breathing in the jasmine deeply. ‘I am happy, again, Larkin. My life has purpose, and that is because of you- because you have inspired me to look beyond the horizon and into the future.’
I was feeling dizzy from the sight of all of the emotions swirling through his eyes coupled with the intense aroma of the flowers. ‘What are you saying?’
‘I love the ocean, and the freedom that comes with it, and I will continue to procure everything that you and your kingdom needs so long as there is wind in my sails…’ he swallowed hard and brushed some of my hair out of my face. ‘But the seas no longer call to me in my dreams, my darling- you do. I will not ask you to marry me again, and I will not even ask that you kiss me again… but I must know, does our annual separation pain you as it does me?’ He rested his head against my hands and stared into my eyes. ‘When the waters glaciate in November… will you consider asking me to stay, rather than sending me off in search of warmer ones?’
I could scarcely breathe. ‘Is that really something that you and The Iana’s crew would consider doing? Settling down here in a permanent way?’
Cairo smiled warmly. ‘My crew love you and the Utopia that you have built here almost as faithfully as I do. They have families that they want to ship here- children that they want raised in a land of hope, especially now that Callielian ships have started besieging the coasts that they used to avoid-’
‘What?’ I demanded, stricken. ‘Why are they doing that?’
‘We have much to discuss, that is certain but for now, just let me get this off my chest, all right?’ I closed my eyes and nodded and he went on. ‘The bottom line is that the Godless need my help even more than you do now, and that there are hard times ahead for all of us until I have done so. I will have to undertake several voyages in order to bring those seeking refuge here because they are scattered all over the world, and I anticipate that getting them to co-exist peacefully here will be challenging and will put quite the strain on all of our resources...’ He brushed his pinkie against mine. ‘But I am willing to put in the hard work to bring the people that God has forgotten here if you are willing to receive them as warmly as you have, me, and if you will allow me to linger here through the winter after in order to help build them houses and settle in.’
I did not feel intimidated by the prospect of inviting Cairo’s people to live with us in Raphael, because he’d already brought a few boatloads of people with him that we had integrated into our society, and I was not even slightly worried about the matter of procuring food and supplies for them all, because we’d overcome larger challenges before.
But I was a nervous wreck all the same, so I lower
ed my eyes. ‘I don’t want to ask you to stay for the winter…’ I whispered, and he sagged dispiritedly, ‘not if that means that I will see less of you between then and now.’ I looked up into Cairo’s suddenly exuberant face. ‘Can’t another ship in your fleet fetch some of your crew’s families, so that you might stay by my side during the spring as well?’
‘Heaven’s grief Larkin, you damn near stopped my heart!’ Cairo pried my hands off the pole and clenched them tightly in his, holding my knuckles up to his lips as his eyes sought mine over the top of them. ‘Mean you to say that you missed me as I have missed you?’
I kissed his knuckles tentatively. ‘I miss you yet,’ I confessed, trembling, and he sucked in a breath. ‘I am still frightened by you, Cairo, and afraid that I will never be able to give you all that you want from me…’ I extracted one hand and ran my fingertips along his scruffy jaw, ‘but I fear you telling me that you want it from someone else more now.’
Cairo’s expression was pained as he kissed my knuckles again. ‘I have not even looked at another woman, Larkin. You are my queen and I your humble servant- in every way. If I could afford the timber, I’d build a harbour big enough for all of my ships to dock in and call this my home!’ He kissed the back of my hand now, and my heart fluttered. ‘I love you, that you already know, and I want you to feel the same way for me.’ His expression clouded over and he drew back. ‘However, I’ve been thinking over the matter these past few months, and it has occurred to me that you cannot love me, not in any real way, because I have not been completely honest with you about who I am, and how I came to be that way… or about why I turned my back on God.’