by Riley Ashby
But she took the blanket.
*
I tapped my foot impatiently as I waited for the girls to come out. Ellery and Sophie were no help, whispering to each other and holding hands like besotted teenagers. I leaped to my feet the moment Vail and Tori reappeared. Vail had her head down and was hiding her face with her hair. Something must have gone wrong. I opened my mouth to demand the doctor’s verdict, but Tori sent me a look that made my balls shrink up inside my body. Whatever. I would get the full report from Vail later, or Ellery if she wouldn’t talk to me.
Tori sat between us while we waited for Sophie to finish her turn with the doctor. My fingers drummed against my leg. I hated the silence, but I didn’t want to talk to Vail with Tori here. Tori had come into Ellery’s employment long after I had left for Virginia, so I only knew her in passing. It wasn’t right that she was here. I was supposed to take care of Vail, not her.
We all jumped when my phone rang loudly in the otherwise empty waiting room. A quick glance at the caller ID showed it was my colleague Bryce Archer.
“I have to take this,” I muttered, but neither of the women seemed to pay attention to me. I ran out into the heat with the phone pressed to my ear.
“What’s going on?”
“Chase has already posted bail.”
I doubled over right there in the parking lot, my stomach twisting harder than it ever had after a heavy night of drinking.
“That’s not acceptable. He can’t be out. We need to get him in front of a judge yesterday.”
“I agree with you, but we need you here to help us with the case. You were the one closest to the action. If you can bring your friend or one of those women…”
“No. Absolutely not.” I huffed out a breath. No way was Vail going back to New York. Under no circumstances would she ever be in the same state as that monster again. “I’ll come. I can be there tonight.”
“Sounds good, Austen. We’ll get this fucker behind bars and keep him there. I promise.” He sighed. “How is she?” Archer had been one of the first people I told when Vail when missing; one of the few people who knew exactly how much she meant to me and how important it was that I finally had her back.
“She seems okay, but we haven’t been able to talk much. The biggest thing right now is weaning her off the drugs.”
“Well, let me know your ETA. Six weeks and we can have him wrapped up in something that will keep him locked up until the trial.”
My stomach dropped further. Six weeks. Six weeks I would have to be away from Vail while she recovered. I abandoned her once, and it led to this. Could I really leave her again right when she needed me the most?
I shook my head. This time was different because I had to do it for her. I would have to make this sacrifice in order to keep her safe. Surely, she would understand.
And then when I came back, I was never fucking leaving again.
I walked back inside, poking my head around the doorframe. “Vail, can we talk?” I glared at Tori. “Alone.”
Tori threw the look right back at me, but Vail came outside. It was early, the sky still purple with the dawn, yet sweat already dripped down my back underneath my suit jacket. Vail looked like she was freezing.
“I have to go back to New York. Six weeks.”
She huffed, not looking at me. “Now?”
I nodded. “Now. I need to make sure he stays in jail while we gather the full case.”
She thought this over. I could see her mind working, thinking through something, and not liking the conclusion it came to. “Shouldn’t I go? I need to give a statement.”
“You certainly fucking do not.” My voice was a growl, and when she jumped, I slapped myself mentally. The last thing she needed was for me, of all people, to go off on her. I tried to soften my tone. “I pulled some strings with my people, and I don’t think we’ll need you to give an official statement. You’ll never see him, hear him, or breathe the same air as him again. We have plenty of dirt on him to make sure he goes away for the rest of his life without you having to relive all that. You can stay here and heal.” I ran my hand through my hair. “I’m sorry I have to leave like this, but I need to make sure he stays put away. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
I thought she would argue with me, but she breathed out a small sigh of relief. She was used to trusting me, and maybe I abused that by hitting her with that faith when she was so vulnerable, but I wanted to do everything I could to keep her here. She could heal with Ellery and Tori. Maybe even Sophie. And once I was sure he was out of the way and would never hurt anyone again, I would be back. Then we could go back to the way things were. The three of us against the world.
She ran her hands up and down her arms, chasing away the goose bumps. I pulled my jacket off and tucked it around her shoulders.
“I won’t be gone that long, but I wanted to let you know.” I let my hands linger on her shoulders, then grabbed the lapels of my jacket and pulled her close.
And then I did the stupidest thing I’d ever done in my life.
I leaned over and kissed her.
I didn’t stop to think about how she would react to being touched like that, or what it would change between us. I was just finally giving in to the massive relief that she was here in front of me, and she was never going to be hurt again. I would personally guarantee that.
I should have pulled away, should have kept it short, but I lingered too long. Long enough for her to open her mouth and touch my lips with her tongue. Long enough for my own mouth to respond.
We jerked apart as a horn sounded, and my head flew up as my taxi pulled into the parking lot. Looking back at her, I thought she looked more at peace than she had since we rescued her.
Which was why her next words caught me so off guard.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, and my heart dropped out of my chest as she reached up to wipe fresh tears off her face. I jumped back, putting more space between us than I would have liked, but I needed to erase that hurt from her face.
“Don’t apologize,” I said, trying to keep my own shame out of my voice. “I shouldn’t have done that. It’s my fault.” Why couldn’t I have some fucking restraint?
Because you’ve had impeccable self-control for ten years, and you almost lost her.
The taxi driver gestured at me impatiently, but I held up a hand to stave him off.
“I’m coming back this time,” I told her, holding out my hands. I held my breath as she considered them, then reached out to place her palms in mine. I brought her fingers to my lips and kissed them gently. “I’m going to be here for you through it all. I’m not letting us lose another decade.”
She worried her lower lip with her teeth, and I noticed—not for the first time—her ragged appearance. The sallow complexion of her cheeks, the chapped skin of her lips, and the dark bags under her eyes. She had been through hell, and it showed.
Perhaps most clearly, though, I saw the accusation in her eyes. The sad way she looked at me, and the resignation carved into every premature line on her face.
It’s too late, her eyes said. It’s been too long.
I shook my head at her unspoken statement. “I’ll be back. We’ll be all right. You’ll see.”
She paused for a heartbeat, then nodded and stepped back as the taxi driver revved his engine. I glared at him as our hands fell through the empty space between us.
“Stay in touch,” she whispered as I got into the car.
I nodded at her through the window. “Stay out of the pool,” I mouthed.
Finally, in the last moment before the cab turned out of the parking lot, she smiled.
I studied myself in the bathroom mirror for the first time in several weeks. There were no mirrors where I was kept, and I avoided the one in Castel’s bathroom this morning in our hurry to get out of the house.
My normally silky jet-black hair had transformed to a matte slate gray with an almost bluish tint. Though they had let me keep it long, it had grown thi
n and scraggly after so much time being used as a leash to drag me from place to place. My skin was sallow and sunken. I could count my ribs around my caved-in stomach.
And my eyes—always green like Ellery’s. It marked us as siblings more than any other physical feature. But while his were still the bright moss I remembered, mine looked like dried out seaweed.
I bent over the sink as another cramp rocked my stomach. Fuck, it hurt. Sweat beaded at my hairline as I gripped the countertop, barely able to stay on my feet. This was only the beginning.
Where the hell are you, Tori?
Someone was supposed to be with me, but Tori had texted to say she was stuck in traffic. She had run out to follow up on something for Ellery as I took the second pill, promising to be back before the cramps started. But I’d been in pain for over an hour, and I was still alone.
Finally, I heard a knock on my bedroom door. “Come in,” I yelled from my bathroom, not bothering to look up. There was another knock on the doorway to the bathroom.
“Are you all right?”
My head snapped up to see Sophie’s reflection in the mirror.
“Yes, I’m fine. What do you want?”
She frowned and started to take a step back but then reversed course and rushed forward as I doubled over again.
“Tori texted me and asked me to check on you. You look like you’re in a lot of pain. Here, sit down.” She put the lid down on the toilet and helped me over to sit on it.
“I don’t want you here,” I choked out. She flinched, and guilt flooded me because she just wanted to help. It wasn’t her fault we were near strangers. And she did save my life, after all. Maybe I should be a little more grateful.
“I’ll leave when Tori gets here if that’s what you want, but you’re clearly not well. I don’t think you should be alone.”
As if confirming her concern, a keening groan escaped my lips as I doubled over again. Sophie caught my hand in hers, and I squeezed it.
“Vail, you’re worrying me. Should I get—?”
“No!” I nearly rose to my feet, holding her arm for support. “I just have to ride it out.”
She didn’t say anything for a long moment. When I looked up again, she was peering sideways behind me. I turned to see the box for my second pill sitting on top of the trash can.
“Dammit,” I muttered, rushing to cover it better. When I turned back, she was biting her lip and staring at me. “Don’t,” I warned her. “I don’t want any pity from you.”
I bent at the waist once more.
“Is this what labor is like?” I gasped, suppressing the urge to vomit.
“I really hope not.” Something was strange about her voice, but I couldn’t think clearly enough to follow up on it. “Are you bleeding?”
“Just started.”
She stood and turned on the shower, then pulled me up off the toilet. “I’ve read this can help you feel better.”
At first, I stifled my embarrassment as she helped me peel off my clothes, but for the first time, I found that I wasn’t afraid to undress with someone else in the room. She wasn’t a threat. I took hold of that feeling and tried to memorize it. Sophie helped me sit on the floor of the shower and then she sat outside while I let the water pour over me.
“I don’t want you to know me like this,” I whispered. She turned her head. I was surprised she could hear me over the water.
“It’s not fair that you have to go through this. It’s even less fair that you do it alone.”
I gritted my teeth. That sounded suspiciously like pity, but I didn’t want her to leave. She was right. I couldn’t be alone. I needed someone with me.
“Are you okay around blood?” I asked, watching it swirl down the drain in the middle of the shower.
“Not really,” she said with a laugh, “but I’ll manage. What about you?”
“I’m a nurse,” I said with a shrug. “It comes with the territory.”
We sat in silence for a bit, the pain hurting me too badly to speak. The water soothed a gentle massage across my scalp and shoulders. When I was tired of sitting, Sophie helped me into some old shorts and the largest pads we could find so I could get in bed. I sat against the headboard with my eyes closed.
“Tell me about you,” I whispered, clutching one of her hands as she rubbed my shoulder with the other. “What do you do for work?”
“I guess I’m a housewife now,” she said with a small smile. “I worked a couple of minimum wage jobs before I met Ellery.”
“How did you guys meet? Do your parents work with him?”
“My dad … my dad owed some money, and I ended up here instead.”
I grimaced. “That’s rather medieval.”
“You have no idea. I might go to college eventually. Ellery keeps talking about it.”
I tried to laugh, but it hurt my stomach. “He doesn’t want you barefoot and pregnant? Maybe he’s more progressive than I thought.”
She had a strange look on her face as she glanced at her bare feet, then touched her stomach.
“What?” I sat up halfway, and she pushed me back down.
“Nothing. How is the pain? Do you want to try to eat something?”
“Why did you touch your stomach like that?” I pushed against her hand, sitting up completely.
“I didn’t.”
“You did. Don’t lie to me. I always know when patients are lying to me.”
She bit her lip. “We didn’t want to tell anyone yet.”
“Oh, my God. You’re pregnant.”
She sighed and took both my hands. “Lie down. You’re getting all worked up.”
“I can’t fucking believe this. This is perfect. My brother’s new girlfriend is knocked up and holding my hand while I have an abortion the day after being rescued from the sex trade. Life keeps getting better and better.” I flopped back on the pillows, resisting the urge to smother myself. “You should go. I’ll be fine until Tori gets here.”
“No, you won’t. But I will. This situation is the opposite of normal, Vail. I want to be here with you. You need someone, and there’s no reason it shouldn’t be me.”
I wanted to argue, but the door burst open, and Tori flew into the room. She had heavily laden canvas shopping bags hanging from her arms and was panting as if she had run all the way here from the garage.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, and now the ice cream has melted.” She climbed onto the bed on the other side of me, taking care not to jostle the mattress. I still winced at the motion.
“Apologize to Sophie. She’s the one who’s traumatized.”
“I’m not traumatized,” she insisted, her face going red.
“Why would she be traumatized?” Tori turned toward the bathroom. “Are you bad with blood?”
“It’s not a big deal,” Sophie insisted.
“It’s a huge fucking deal. Tori, she’s pregnant!”
Tori’s jaw dropped, and the ice cream she was holding fell to the mattress. “Are you fucking kidding me?”
Sophie was beet red. The poor girl was going to pass out. I was still clutching her hand. “We found out today. And it’s fine. I’m on my path; Vail’s on hers. I want to support you.” She frowned down at me. “Like I said, I’ll go if you want, but I feel like I should be here with you if it’s okay.”
I squeezed her hand harder. “I guess … maybe you can stick around so I can alternate whose hand I crush,” I muttered. I screwed my eyes shut, wanting to block out the pain and the people around me. Having them so close was making me itchy, but I needed people nearby. It was funny how after all the time I craved to be left alone, now I just wanted to be surrounded. At least I was with people I trusted.
“Have some ice cream soup,” Tori said, and I opened my eyes to see a spoon of melted chocolate moving toward my face.
“I’ll throw up.”
“You’re really warm,” Sophie interjected. “It’ll help cool you down.”
I opened my mouth reluctantly, and I couldn’
t help but admit that the ice cream soothed my tongue.
So that was how I spent my first day at home. I was kissed by the boy I’d loved since I was fourteen, was spoon-fed ice cream by my brother’s bodyguard, and held the hand of the woman pregnant with my niece or nephew while I shed the contents of my uterus in bed. When it was over, the three of us fell asleep lying in bed together as Monty Python played on the TV. In the end, it was almost like a normal Sunday night.
When I convinced them to leave me, I fished out Castel’s jacket from where I had hidden it in my closet and curled up beneath it.
It had been reckless to let him kiss me today. This was the closest I could allow myself to come to him, sleeping beneath his jacket while he stepped off a plane on the other side of the country. If he found out the truth about what happened while I was gone, he would be dragged into that secret too. Worse, he might not forgive me.
I had to find a way to live with what I had done. I would build a new life with what little of my humanity remained.
But that new life wouldn’t involve him.
She would slip into bed with me each time her anxiety became too much to bear. My blanket was regularly exchanged with whatever she happened to have, and for the longest time, I couldn’t figure out why. I was more concerned with Ellery wondering why she had my blanket, but he didn’t notice.
I came home late one night. I had been at an event for first-year students who were getting ready to declare the political science major before finals. Classes would be ending in a few weeks for the summer. I was going to intern for my dad over the holiday; Ellery managed to find some low-income housing he could pay for with his job pushing papers for a law firm. Vail would be living with him, still undocumented since she was still supposed to be with a foster family that hadn’t bothered to report her missing, and taking online classes to help her graduate early. We hadn’t made any plans to see each other for the entire three months.
As I entered the room, she turned her head toward me but didn’t wake up. She was sleeping not with my blanket over her, as she usually did, but folded into a bundle that she clutched to her chest. Her nose pressed against the fabric, breathing in the smell of the fabric every time she inhaled.